Bang Theory
by GigliwasCool
Summary: What happens when Jude’s world is shaken, not stirred, one too many times? Will she crack? Or will she be Darius’ favorite Instant Star?
1. Curbside Prophet

Ok here is my lastest fic, but it's not a oneshot. I have a plot vaguely mapped out and I'm having a lot of fun writing this! It's different from my others since I wrote it from Jude's POV. Don't worry I wrote it with a serious Tommy/Jude factor in mind, but I just don't see them getting together really quickly. Much like the show lol! This is also riddled with pop-culture references and if I couldn't tell if Jude would like something, like _The Lord of the Rings_, I just sorta went off what I think. This is post _Problem Child, _I have an idea of how I'll factor in the house ordeal with Victoria and Stuart and Don. ((Is it just me or does he seem like a real douche?)) Ok this is all, I promise. But I have always wondered you guys read any Author's Notes? Before I never did, but since I write fanfictions I read them all the time lol!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Instant Star or any thing else you might recognize.

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**Chapter 1:** Curbside Prophet

Can I just say one thing? On Fridays, math can suck harder than Wilmer Valderrama. I can't even tell a logarithm from… a matrix, which I was supposedly tested on two days ago. I bet I failed… And don't get me wrong, I would marry _Fez_ in a heartbeat and I am the _last_ person to sympathize with Lindsay Lohan. (That oh-so-precious comment she made on _Regis and Kelly _about my hair reminding her of a Crayola was so bitchy that I can't even process thought when I think about it.)

But I mean, _really,_ he's **annoying**. _Yo Momma_ is the worst show on Earth and when he breaks out in broken Spanish… yea, I can hear the entire Hispanic community huddle together and mutually cringe. And that five o'clock shadow is less than attractive. It looks like a raccoon died on his head and the fur from the tail seeped down and stuck to his chin. Don't even get me started on his fake-ass accent; we all know he can speak perfectly well without that whole _listen-to-my-gorgeous-Latin-inflection-and-look-into-my-gorgeuosly-passionate-_

"Miss Harrison, would you care to the class how to simplify this logarithm."

I felt my face going beet red, was this a nightmare? I reached down under my desk, touching the torn fabric of my jeans. Pants… check. So it's definitely not one of those naked-in-front-of-the-class nightmares.

"When did I join a perverse-Molly Ringwald-Melissa Joan Hart-twisted reality?" I looked back at my teacher hoping he hadn't heard me. Something makes me think he would not appreciate _Sabrina the Teenage Witch_ like the rest of us.

I saw my teacher's enormous second head _thing_ stare back at me … and _pulsate_!

"What was that?" He asked dryly.

Like I'm actually going to tell him. We all watched him circle his ear with his vein-y old man fingers like some makeshift hearing aid; like _that'll _help your hearing _old man._

I opened my mouth to say something when I felt a foot dig into my back. That's **great** Spied. Like kicking butt is a really smart thing to be doing right now, you ass. I looked up to my teacher, who just smiled back with a grin that made me think he was channeling Darius. Or James Dean, or whatever bad ass of his hay-day. That grin can only me the demise of my grade in this class, either that or… death.

"I was just saying that _logarithmic _sounds like… some one I know…"

That maybe would have been more believable if I hadn't trailed off like I was asking a question.

"And please, enlighten who that might be, _Jude_." That smarmy grin was starting to piss me off.

"Oh a good friend of mine." I said, trying to brush off the question and stay vague.

"Is _a good friend of mine_ the name on this person's birth certificate, or do I get to guess." So much for brushing it off. I couldn't help but grit my teeth in general frustration.

"No. His name is **kiss my ass**." I grumbled through my clenched teeth. I felt a sharp tug on the back of my head, making me spin around in my seat despite Mr. Sagle's stare. But whatever, he was shooting daggers like he was some Lord of the Rings freak and I was Gollum or whatever.

"What the hell is you damage, _Thunder Cat_?" I snapped a little too meanly, but he had been grating on my nerves since the birthday-incident.

"Dude, chill." He suggested in his Zen-tone that he knows makes me feel like some irate heathen.

I was about to turn around again when his voice stopped me, "I would look into getting that huge Tommy-stick outta your butt." He told me, losing his cool slightly.

My eyes bugged at his horrifyingly graphic remark. I was all ready to inform him of his eminent castration but an incredibly phlegm-y cough distracted me.

"Well Ms. Harrison II, would you like to share what you and Mr. Vincent were discussing with the rest of the class?" Mr. Sagle asked me in a husky voice, inevitably weighed down by his clogged sinuses.

Sinking deeper in my seat and turning more red than my teacher's throbbing sore, I knew there was no way I was going to "share". But I couldn't say as much for Spied. If _hell hath no fury like a woman scorned_, then maybe Spied's a woman.

"Well Mr. Sagle, Sadie's younger sister and I were just conferring about her unhealthy and growing obsession with-"

"OhmyGawd! LittleTommyQ!"

I spun my head fiercely in the direction of the little witch who said that. Her car and my keys were going to have a little play date after class.

I opened my mouth to protest profusely when I saw a perfectly French-manicured dagger pointed towards the door.

"Hmmm, Cupid's a bastard." Spiederman muttered behind me, while his feet shoved my desk forward as he dropped deeper in his chair with his eyes glued to the door.

Before I could look over, I heard Tommy clear his throat. "Hi. I was uh, wondering if I could see uh, Jude, for a minute." I smiled at his nervousness.

I heard Spied's throaty and indignant sigh behind me, Mr. Sagle finally coughing up his lung in front of me, and someone singing the chorus of _Pick up the Pieces _across the room. I whipped my head to see talon-girl smiling proudly and sticking out her chest. Like it isn't already filled with an entire stock room of Charmin. Less is more.

"See Tommy! I'm a better singer and… I'm _hotter_." She sounded like she had about eleven cotton balls in her mouth and she said _hotter_ like it was spelled _hawt_ and she was some creepy my space whore (probably _2hawt4u_ or something equally heinous; but I'm just guessing here).Then she flicked a judging gaze over me, with a Billy Idol lip curl forming. Like _that's _attractive.

"Tell me again what kind of collegiate options are open for a _senior _in _Algebra 2_." I demanded rhetorically, feeling the anger rising in the pit of my stomach. "And by the way, what's your license plate number?" I growled defensively, and hoping her car was bright red.

Mr. Sagle continued his attempt to dislodge a vital organ while I contemplated how hard I could hit her without getting kicked out. I watched her wave flirtatiously across the room to Tommy, batting her eyelashes like she was in one of those annoying contacts commercials they show on MTV all the time. Oh, what the hell? Maybe this whole _learning _business just wasn't my thing.

I stalked towards the Kristen-Dunst- _Bring It On_ era-wanna-be with balled fists. I was _so _going out with a bang. Or bloody knuckles. "Got something crawling around your butt, Blondie? Or is your face that red because of hemorrhoids?" She sneered before giggling like a hyena with her cloned friends.

Can I just ask why everyone is so preoccupied with what _is_ or _not_ in **my butt**? People watch too much _Wild Boyz_. Bam will make you do crazy things no matter how many skull and bones MTV shoves in our faces.

A medley of obscenities lined up in my head and I let them loose like vulgar bullets. "… And while you're down there why don't you suck his-" so maybe I'm lucky Tommy stopped that one.

"Girl, just go get your stuff. More G-Major drama." He told me, stepping in front of me and putting his hand over my raised fist. Ok, _really_, why was he saying _drama_ like some hardcore New Yorker. He is _so _not Jenny from the Block.

I threw Kristen one last menacing glace before plodding back to my seat.

"Have fun with your _producer._" Spied encouraged me sarcastically, stressing _producer _so hard that spit flew from his lips and onto my hand.

While Tommy attempted to suck up to my bitterly mid-life-crisis-prone math teacher I wiped Spied's spit back on his sleeve.

"Maybe Mira gets her hair so shiny from your spit."

"At least mine is more **legal** and less HIV positive than Mr. Walking Gonorrhea." He spat back, jabbing a thumb in Tommy's direction.

I let my mouth hang open stupidly while Spied scoffed back with raised eyebrows. "Shut up." I croaked pathetically. "I'll do that, Harrison." He assured me with a victorious grin. This was not over.

But the bell clanged noisily, proving that Tommy's brown nosing was pointless and that Algebra teachers don't care about boy bands at all. I bet Lance would have made it to space if his teachers had sympathized with his Justin-Syndrome a little more.

I walked over, hovering near Mr. Sagle's laptop and eavesdropping slightly. "I suggest you get your GED Mr. Q."

I watched his face distort with disdain at the mere utterance of Tommy's last name. Well, the first initial of Tommy's last name. Well actually not his _real _last name, since he's French. But whatever.

"When this music _thing_ leaves you penniless you'll be lucky to get a job at McDonald's without one." Tommy nodded numbly, progressively walking farther away. "Bye Mr. Sagle." I called with a wave from the door, reminding myself of an after-school-special.

"Please tell me your next teacher is a girl. I might have a fighting chance of getting you out." Tommy almost pleaded.

"Even better, the day's over."

I told him with a smirk, glad that I was foiling his chance to snag a date with a teacher and fulfill the whole naughty-school-teacher-fantasy. He looked down at me with a cocky grin crawling across his lips.

"So who do you have an _'unhealthy and growing' _obsession with girl?"

"The Devil." I told him without a second thought. Where did _that _come from?

"Well you know, I'll have to tell Darius now. It might be awkward." He quipped back, playfully wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I tensed slightly but quickly felt myself instinctively lean closer, balancing myself against his side as I walked.

We made a sharp turn before passing the tucked away staircase that no one used on Fridays, leading us straight to the parking lot. "Gonna give me a ride, Quincy?" I asked. That sounded **way** less dirty in my head. I watched Tommy tilt his head sharply at my comment, making me blush instantly. "Hop in girl." He told me.

As he brought his keys from his pocket, I snatched them. I had been itching for a drive in the Cobra.

"Please, please, please Tom!"

I whimpered, jutting out my bottom lip and pulling out my puppy dog eyes. I watched him lean back, defeated, with a sigh and look to Heaven. He never had a chance; this wounded-puppy look would make _Mommy Dearest_ cave.

"Come on, I'm not the Anti-Christ."

"Lemme check your hairline. There may be a lurking 666 around."

"Shut up Quincy." I said teasingly as I flung the driver's door open. I looked over at him, my giddiness translucent. "Ready?" I asked on a laugh. He shook his head, but I took it as _yes._

I pushed my foot deeply into the floor, feeling the pedal under my foot while we peeled out of the busying parking lot. I caught a glimpse of Spied on the way to his own car as I was turning out the driveway. I gave him a haughty look and a sarcastic grin.

"That's a Stop sign!" Tommy cried next to me, while I continued to make faces at Spied.

"What?" I asked distractedly. Can't he see I'm trying to make my boyfriend jealous?

"JUDE! **STOP**!" I heard his screech as I looked in front of me and slammed my foot into the brakes.

A royal blue police vest flashed in front of my eyes until I shut them in fear. I had to be burning the clutch. We came to a complete stop without feeling the car knock into something so I cracked my eyes open slowly. I saw an angry looking traffic guard in front of me, leaning his hands on the hood to steady himself, (I could feel Tommy cringe from his seat, and possibly considering checking the fingerprints on the hood.) while horns blared behind me. I flipped them the bird in my rearview mirror while I waved apologetically to the policeman.

"Sorry" I shouted and made a sharp turn at the light.

Ifelt Tommy's eyes burning holes through me. Does he have a Magneto complex or what?

"Pull over." Pssht, yea right.

"I don't think that would be so safe Tommy." I said, glancing sideways to look at him. I don't think it's healthy to be that pale.

"Pull over." He reiterated, with much less severity, but I pretended not hear as I flipped the radio on.

"_Picture's frozen in time, are becoming clear-er_" I heard Nick Lachey croon through the stereo and I glanced over again to see Tommy wince. (Tommy once told _US Weekly_ that Jessica Simpson was the love his life and then Nick started dating her. Old rivalries die **hard**.) Our eyes locked for a minute while the song played behind I us. I could have sat there with him all day, but a vicious honk sounded from behind. With my luck it was Kristen back with a **V** for **Vendetta**, but I kept cruising without a look back.

"_Cause I want you! And I feel you! Crawlin' underneath my skin. Like a hunger, like a burnin, to find a place I've never been. Now I'm broken, and I'm faded! I'm half the man I thought I would be_" Nick continued to chant through the speakers. I cut in with the lovesick riff, hoping to make Tommy forget how mad he was at me.

"_But you can **have** what's left of me!_"

I blurted breathily while I turned the music up even more. "_I've been dyin inside, little but little! Nowhere to go! But goin outta my mind_" Nick and I sang together until the next line that I didn't know. I stole peeks at Tommy after every stanza until the chorus where I picked up again and belted it like Jessica had left me for Johnny Knoxville. Or her dad.

"_Cause I want you! And I feel you, crawlin' underneath my skin! A hunger, like a burnin, to find a place I've never been!_"

I elbowed him playfully until he finally cracked a smile. He looked over at me with a smile but I whipped my head towards the road. I'm a good driver damn it!

"_Now I'm broken, and I'm faded! I'm half the man I thought I would be!_"

Nick's falsetto was too much for Tommy so he punched the dial quickly, looking for a different station.

"Come on. It's bad Karma to turn off Nick. And it's mean." Tommy looked over at me disbelieving. I, however, was not going to take part in his tempting of the Fates.

"I'm serious, one day you'll get married and then she'll leave you for her dad. And then you have to resort to dating the fat girl from _Laguna Beach_."

"Why does it have to be the fat girl?" he asked incredulously. Does he not understand the whole notion of Karma?

"Because I said so." I told him.

I was about to go into the possible Scientology repercussions when an eerily familiar voice filled the speakers.

"Oh my God." I heard Tommy groan as a smile spread wider across my face while I tapped my fingers against the steering wheel along with Ashley Parker Angel's drumbeat.

"_I remember when you came with me that night. We said forever, that you would never let me go! But here I am again, with nothing left inside! Know I don't wanna_" Ashley and I made a great duet.

"_But I gotta let you go!"_ I screamed and attracted the attention of other cars.

It wasn't my fault that Tommy loved the wind whipping in his hair and refused to put the top up, even in December. But I doubt it whips, or moves at all. It's like the frickin' 8th Wonder of the World; I know that's _really _why Jamie hates him so much. Jealousy is ugly.

"That's like instant Karma." I told him.

Tommy shook his head in disbelief while Ashley continued to sing about something unmerciful and beautiful. What the hell does _that_ mean? "Don't be sad, everyone still loves Boyz Attack the best. I'm sure you could still milk your whole bandana-to-beanie story. Go to Vh1, they're so desperate they've got Janice Dickenson on the Surreal Life."

"You watch too much TV." He told me, but I saw him slip his beanie off his head and stuff it in the glove compartment.

"Hey look! We're here!" I exclaimed as I took a sharp turn into G-Major at 15 kilometers per hour. I watched Tommy plaster his hands against the dashboard. Like _that_ would save him if I crashed.

"Keys. Now." He demanded as I killed the engine.

I rolled my eyes "Whatever." I said while I purposefully dug the key into his outstretched palm.

He rolled his eyes back at me with a light chuckle. I made my way to the door, looking disdainfully at the ugly decal. Like people wouldn't know it was G-major without some huge red and orange sign. Darius has little faith in humanity.

"Can I ask you somethin'?" Tommy asked suddenly.

I eyed him suspiciously. He better not ask me if Jamie's really pregnant with Spied's baby. I've answered it so many times that I'm starting to doubt it myself. I huffed irritably while I stopped in front of the door with a hand on my hip.

Eat that Avril, all I need is a tie and I've got your _look-at-how-moody-I-can-be _look beat. Tommy countered my look with a pouty boy-bander expression of his own.

"What was that with Spied?" I gave him a puzzled look even though I knew exactly what he was talking about.

"In the parking lot?" He clarified.

"He was, uh… just being Spied." I told him vaguely with a shrug.

I haven't really been in the mood to take back whatever happened at the rehearsal space so I just avoided it.

"Hey." He grasped my arm to prevent me from opening the door. "Girl, is this about your birthday?" Tommy asked, his eyes hazy.

"What? No." I lied while I shook my head vigorously and looked down at my shoes.

He knew I was totally lying. I saw his look of _I-know-better-but-I'll-let-it-slide _across his face while he stepped in front of me and opened the door himself. Was it generally that "time of the month" for all the guys in my life?

I was about to follow him in when my cell started buzzing. I waited for the ring-tone to play, because I wasn't going to pick up if it started playing _Anyone But You_. Being the lovesick fool that I am, that was the song reserved only for Spied. When it kept rattling against my calculator I remembered that I kept it on vibrate during school so I dug in bag frantically. I flipped it open to see Spied smiling back at me. Yea right. I'm not picking up, dumb ass.

I threw my phone violently back in my bag and wrenched the door open. He _had _to put me in a bad mood on a _Friday_. Ugh. Sometimes I really just hate him. Kwest's voice greeted me as soon as I walked through the door.

"See I'm dangerous on the mike. My ghetto hat's cocked right. And all the ladies say _Yo that kid is crazy!" _Those lyrics were disgustingly familiar to me…

Oh my God! He did _not _just do that! _Curbside Prophet, _**seriously**? He must be waiting for his rocket to come.

"Kwest do **not **try to spell your name out. It only works for _M-R-A-Z_. Besides you know you've hit an all time _low_ when you're battling _Mason _with _Jason Mraz _lyrics. I'll look up some programs." I interrupted a seemingly impromptu rap battle, but I couldn't let the sickening madness continue.

Kwest looked back at me but dejectedly threw his head down. He **should** be ashamed. "So pop star, got anything new for me to _engineer_?"

"Well since it's all about the Wordplay…" Wait, I can't finish that. My unfinished _burn_ hung in the air until Kwest laughed at me lightly.

"Hmmm, can't back that up?" He called me out.

"I've got the Remedy. I won't worry." YES! You can go ahead a cue my evil laugh because no one can top me today. Seriously, Vh1 would frickin' love me!

"**Jude**!"

A shout shook the entire building to its knees. Uh-oh. I looked over to Kwest worriedly, that was definitely Darius' mad voice. The only thing that's scarier is his mad face. And Freddy Kruger.

"You'd better go." Kwest told me with a light push towards Darius' office.

Why am I getting the feeling I got after I accidentally-on-purpose poked Sadie with a skewer when we decided to grill at the farm two summers ago? I peered in and saw Tommy, Liam, Portia, Wally, Kyle, Pasty, Jamie and Mason all sitting uncomfortably around Darius' office while Kwest was right behind me.

I can smell an intervention when it's right in front of my face. And it happens to smell like formaldehyde and my dog. That's a bad image… "Jude. Sit." Darius commanded. He didn't need to tell me twice.

"What's going on here?" I asked nervously, looking around at everyone and noticing they wouldn't look back at me. This **can't **be good.

_Meanwhile…_

He abruptly parked his car, purposefully double-parking Liam, and flew into G-Major in search of Jude. Spied stalked through the building, feeling his blood boil with every pace. He marched around in a huff like a dog on a mission. In reality he _was _on a mission. He needed to talk to Jude. But without Tommy interrupting, or Jamie, or Mason. He wrenched open every studio door, and even crawled down to the mess they called _Studio C_. When they all came up empty, or he disrupted recording sessions, he wandered over to _Hospitality_. Puffing out a breath of air angrily, Spied wrung his hands around his bottle while he thought back to Jude's birthday.

Honestly, Spied was glad he and Jamie weren't feuding anymore. The pathway of rock was filled with the casualties failed friendships and he was glad they could save it, but he was pissed about Jude.

He had sat with her mom, sister and ex-boyfriend for _two hours_. And he didn't care if he had an _Owen Wilson thing_, his nose still hurt. Spied still couldn't figure out what was with that bill circulating back and forth between Sadie and her mom the whole night, but he had a feeling it was about him. He subconsciously rubbed the bridge of his nose while anger rose in the pit of his stomach.

The worst part of the night was the ride home. Jude hadn't even sat in the back with him; she sat up from next to her producer, talking about the _song._ But Spied had a sneaking suspicion that _song _was a code word for _wild sex. _The more he thought, the angrier he became, when finally he shot up. He set out again, tearing apart G-Major, but this time he was looking for Tommy. He was gonna break Tommy's entire pretty-boy face.

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**Footnote:** Ok, I hope you guys liked the first chapter! **A little sneak into the next chapter**:

-Jude and Tommy work the beginnings of _White Lies _

-Jude finds out what Darius has in store

-and Spied and Jude face off.

So please please **please** review and tell me what you think! You know I'm addicted and the faster you review the faster I promise to post the second chapter! Given that you actually _want_ a second chapter lol!


	2. Me and Julio Down by the School Yard

Ok, here is chapter 2! YAY! lol

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing

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** Chapter 2: **Me and Julio Down by the School Yard

"We're bringing another artist into G-Major."

"Well, please, stop my Panic! At the Disco." I told him void of enthusiasm.

Tommy shot me a look that told me not to get smart with Darius. Whatever.

"His name's Cr…" Darius faltered for a minute. **My** **God**, he's like the poster child for what happens _after _the after-party.

"Craig!" Mason cut in quickly. "His name is Craig." He said a little more softly and put his head down, staring at his hands in his lap.

Hmmm, do I smell a _Love Connection_? This is better than _Date My Mom_!

"Yea. _Craig_. We just don't want any …sparks to fly. At all." Darius said looking at me pointedly. Why… is he accusing little ol' _me_ of something? "Good or bad." He clarified like I was stupid or something.

"Yea, I get it. Am I free to go Mr. Warden?" I felt like he was right outta _Prison Break._ With that _really _hot guy, who was the Devil on _Joan of Arcadia _before executives got stupid and pulled the best show ever. People are dumbasses.

"No." He told me plainly.

With the wave of his hand, Mason, Jamie, Pasty, Wally and Kyle all scampered from the room. Well Pasty spat first, but she left all the same.Darius pointed to the spot on the floor disgustedly and some assistant materialized from thin air and scrubbed like Cinderella before the ball.

I need to find her a Fairy-God Mother. Or Regina King; she seemed to work for Hillary Duff. She _did_ get Chad after all. I would totally be happy with Chad. Well it would be better if it was _all _of Chad, but I could work with a _clothed _Chad too.

Darius turned to me solemnly, looking at me sternly. I felt myself shrink in my seat. "Look, Jude, in this business the Sophomore Slump is spreadin' like an epidemic. People got the attention span of a fruit fly." Darius explained to me seriously, with a tone that made _me _think that _he _thought it was all _my _fault that people can't pay attention.

"We need to get the word out about your next album, _now._" Liam told me with a slightly heavier accent that made me want to grab the stick and wrench it out of his ass and jump his Irish bones simultaneously.

_Oh my God! _I did **not **just say that about _Liam. _Yea I definitely just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Darius held up a hand when I started to protest. But I have like what, _5_ songs recorded… "We need ta, generate buzz. Okay?" I nodded along with him, still wondering what that meant specifically for me.

"Look." He started almost nicely. But it's _Darius_; he's like Wicked Witch of the Witch of the music world. He's the _Wicked Witch of **West Coast Customs**_. "Spied and you… **no** _connection_. People are **_bored_** with you two." I stared back at him.

Did he _seriously _think I was gonna break up with Spied because _he told me so_? Was he high? Well I guess the odds arebetter than a normal person, but whatever. In that moment I didn't care who _he _was or who _I _was, or what _he _could do to _me _and cover it up better than Tony Soprano. Spied and I were already fighting like we didn't care any more, and the Tommy thing didn't help to begin with.

"And what do you suppose I do, D?" I snarled back at him.

I felt my hand tingling with an overwhelming urge to smack all his teeth out of his baldhead. And what was with that asshole scarf? He keeps it at least 27 Celsius in the frickin' building, I don't think his neck could possibly be cold! Ugh! I just wanna strangle him with it!

He's like Joey from that one _Friends _episode when he got that hot roommate and he kept the turning the heat up so she would strip. Believe me _no one_ will strip for Darius, and does he _really _wanna see Portia less than clothed? I mean I know they swing that way down South in the U.S. but it's kinda against the law here. And Darius is no Jerry Lee Lewis, besides Portia is his _sister _not his _cousin. _

I got up, feeling much more menial when I stood next to him. He's like the Jolly Green Giant. Minus the Jolly. He's like the "_I'll-Eat-You-If-You-Smell-Good_ Green Giant". Tommy intervened for the second time today, pulling me back towards the door.

"We'll take care of it D." He assured the boss. "Watch the intern" Tommy whispered to me a little too late.

I looked back just in time to watch my heel get caught under her torso while I flew backwards. My eyes bulged as I reached out a desperate hand for Tommy to catch me. I fell even faster and gave up hope on Tommy saving me and prepared for a bruised butt. But just before I came into hard contact with the wood floor I felt a pair of strong arms underneath me.

His fingers nipped the sides of my waist lightly while his breath blew on top of head, making me shiver. I looked up at him and nearly _swooned_. His eyes were _so_ blue and so… looking at me. Tommy's capable arms lifted me clearly over the horrified intern and set me back on the floor gently with his eyes still glued to mine.

I placed one foot in front of the other, still feeling woozy from Tommy's look and felt myself fall again. I gripped Tommy's shoulder while he guided me out the door. He closed it tightly and I slumped against it loudly. I let out a breath of air.

"Not so tough, girl." He joked.

He didn't even know that _half_ of it. "Oh, yea. Darius… _mean_. And **scary**." I sputtered pathetically.

A hand reached out for me to steady myself. I grabbed it firmly and got up from the floor. Dusting off my butt, just from habit since Darius liked things more sanitary than a frickin' ER, I walked past Tommy for Studio A. He came from behind and wrapped his arm around me again. I didn't freak out over it this time and leaned against him comfortably while I wrapped my arms around his waist. He opened the door cordially and let me step in before him. We settled into our new, plushy leather seats and stared at each for a minute.

"Whacha got for me girl?" He broke the silence with _that_ stupid question?

I looked back at him blankly "Nothin', Quincy." I stated.

He looked at me in surprise and broke out laughing. Why the hell was he laughing? He hasn't written anything since _Frozen. _And _that _sucked until I spiffed it up. His laughs continued and I finally caught on, so we sat giggling together for like twenty minutes. I laughed in general, nothing was _specifically_ funny to me; but I didn't really know what _he _was laughing at.

"Glad to see things aren't _awkward _between you two." Spied said angrily from the door.

I whipped my head towards him to see his face completely flushed, and his chest rising and falling rapidly. Did he just run the _Badwater _ultra marathon, or did he need to visit White Goodman?

"I mean, you did say it was 'an awful night' didn't you, _Over-rated_?" He spat his nickname for me viciously, like he was some catty girl.

"Whatever Ninja-Turtle." I scoffed.

I noticed how out of place Tommy looked as his eyes darted between Spied and me, like he was watching a rousing game of Pong.

"Jude. I really think we should talk." Spied told me seriously, his breathing back to normal. Who is _he_? Leonardo Di-frickin'-Caprio, _I think we should talk, _Pssht. Whatever.

"That's great Spied, but I gotta record." I told him through clenched teeth and turned my head away. God, I was acting like Sadie. Talk about **cold**.

"What? Gotta _do_ your _producer_?" He challenged.

Next to me I heard Tommy inhale loudly and when I looked over, his face was redder than that Valentine's Day card I made him last year. I couldn't tell if he was mad or embarrassed. I tapped his shoulder but Spied scoffed too quickly for me to assess what was going through Tommy's head. I looked back again and huffed.

I was really starting to miss happy-go-lucky Spied, who thought it was funny when he kicked my butt on stage and the **Fear Factor Popsicles** were '_awesomest effing thing on the planet, dude!_'

"Just go, Spied." I told him. He bit down on his lower lip with his front teeth and opened his mouth like he was going to say something. But he waved it off like it didn't really matter. He was being worse than Dean was during the second season of Gilmore Girls when everyone could tell that Rory was in love with Jess. And who could blame her? Jess was the _hot_ bad boy and Dean was the cute boy-next-door.

"Fine."

He huffed and slammed the door on Tommy and I. This was starting to get way too _Real World: San Diego_ for me.

"Don't you think you were a little, **harsh**, Jude?"

"No."

"I mean I know, he was…" Tommy started ruefully with a thoughtful shake of his head, thinking for a word that could put _douche bag _mildly, but I cut him off.

"Just leave it." I said quietly but with a certain finality, and _really _feeling like Sadie.

Ipicked up my guitar and strummed the beginning of a riff. Tommy picked up quickly and mimicked the melody on the keyboard.

"_I tried to tell you I need my space." _I stopped, thinking back to Spied and then about Tommy. An overwhelming confusion surfaced, making my head spin.

_"__I've got to get some distance in between, my heart and my head."_ I sang softly then looked up at Tommy.

His expression was unreadable. We sat stringing chords together, melding melodies into one another and before either of us realized _we had a song_.

"Work on some lyrics." He told me quietly. I nodded my head silently.

"Just lemme go see what D wants for this new kid and then I'll take ya home. Ok?" I nodded again, silently picking up my bag and walking out the room feeling slightly _Girl, Interrupted _by less psyche-ward_…y_.

I wandered around realizing it was later than I thought. I quickly looked at my watch making sure it wasn't the wee hours of the morning. I mean my mom would have an embolism and after I saw the _Exorcism of Emily Rose_, I _do not _want to be conscious at any time around 3 in morning. I mean what the hell, literally, could happen to me? I prefer not tempting perpetually pissed off demons.

I slid over to the table in the middle of the entrance hallway, seeing a folder with _Jude _written across it. The Sharpie smell wafted from the dull-yellow surface, making me woozy. I opened the folder weirdly, feeling totally numb from the smell. I looked up for a minute, staring at a plaque on the wall diagonal from me.

I saw Darius staring back at me with his forefingers seemingly pointed at me too. I laughed loudly into the still air; while my giggles echoed, I laughed more. When the hilarity finally died away I looked over to the fake fireplace that had been roaring since December 1st. The orange flames licked the golden ones until it seemed like the consuming fire had only shards of yellow.

I wanted to reach in and touch it.

I got up for a moment but then realized the Sharpie must have gotten to me _a lot_. I sat back down and saw the folder differently. It was complacent and laughing at me. Like that trophy the smart girl got for stealing a poem on _Hey Arnold! _I still remember the damn poem.

_Your love is like a bell,_

_Ringing, _

_Ringing,_

_In my heart. _

God, how sad am I? I can't ever remember the chord progression to _Criminal _but I remember stupid shit like that? I should be holed up _forever_.

When my light-head finally faded I looked back down at the folder, ignoring the beige tint that mocked me. I slipped the papers out to see messy cursive looking back at me.

The penmanship was familiar and it frustrated me that I couldn't place it. It was like that weird guy from the Subway commercials and the previews from _Benchwarmers. _And no matter how hard I tried I couldn't place him. I was honestly afraid to look him up on because they always have the movie poster for _Silent Hill _or _American Haunting _and they scare me.

Two years ago Jamie tricked me into seeing the original _Exorcist _and I got so scared that I cried. I mean **really** _cried_; I was bawling all over Nana Andrew's throw pillows. I mean I was so hysterical and worked myself up so much that I _threw_ up. And in my infinite wisdom, I crawled back from the bathroom and watched more. (I later found out that Nana had to retire the carpet, I threw up on when I missed the toilet, out of the house. Jamie said it was in a safe place now. Actually he said it was 'part of a delicate ecosystem he liked to call _Jamesica_.' He's a weirdo.)

Needless to say, I pissed Sadie off for two months when I wouldn't sleep in my own room. I remember telling her that my door was too close to the stairs and that the _demon-girl _(my fond nickname for her) was going to "backwards crawl up the stairs and vomit Devil blood all over me" (I'm not the most well spoken individual) and then I used some graphic language about what she would do with a cross. Believe me, it wasn't a pretty sight because every night she would make me explain why I demanded to sleep in her room, and I would remember the movie and start to cry.

Tommy says I'm a crybaby, he's right. One night he even yelled at me when I ran from the recording booth to turn the lights on the other side. He didn't believe me when I told him that it was scary to look through the glass and only see his outline while the rest of the room was pitch black. He _actually_ told me that I just wanted to look at him some more. Then I shoved his irritating swivel chair into his shins, flipping on the lights and storming back into the booth. Gawd, how Jennifer Love Hewitt can I get? I'm like a frickin' _Party of Five_ long-lost cast mate. I'm pathetic.

I shook myself of my _Captain Howdy _and Scott Wolf thoughts, shuddering lightly, and pulled the papers close to my face to read them. I realized they were lyrics.

I read them over twice and slumped back in my chair, hoping to God I wasn't the inspiration for these lyrics. Normally I'd be flattered to have roused creative juices enough to write a song, but this time I couldn't be. These were the lyrics from a seriously broken heart.

Like worse than when Harvey dumped Sabrina and the show went to hell.

I looked down at the papers in my hands limply, knowing that this song was because of me but not being ready to admit it. Behind me, I heard fainting footsteps and then the soft click of the old hinges of the main doors of G-Major.

I picked myself up from the couch and rushed to front of the building. In front of me I watched the back of Spied's mechanic jacket retreating dejectedly towards his car. I put my hands against the frosting glass, wishing that I could go out to him, but I couldn't. Poor Nick Lachey, maybe this was how he felt when he stood in his house for the last time. (I mean he said so many damn times during his MTV special that a monkey could figure out that he missed his house, but whatever, back to my self pity.)

Heartbreak's a bitch and I couldn't even imagine how Spied felt.

No actually I could. After my oh-so-Sweet Sixteen I wanted to curl up in a hole and never come out. I bet I could have made friends with beavers or whatever.

I watched him turn around and face me while my breath hitched in my throat. For a moment I envisioned myself running to him, wrapping my arms around him and making all our problems go away. But when he lifted his hand and waved a silent goodbye, I knew I couldn't fix this. I caused it. Which, b-t-w, really sucks. When you're on the other side of the breakup you can blame him and be bitter at him. But when you cause it, you can't be bitter. I wanted out, and I got it. But if I wanted it so badly, then why do I feel like pulling a Nicole Richie and making myself sick?

"Jude." Tommy said suddenly.

I whipped my hand to see his face look at me for a moment and then look out the door to see a small speck of Spiederman walking away. He closed his mouth and nodded acquiescently.

"Ready?" He asked. I caught a little indignant impatience in his voice. What a girl.

"Yea. Let's go." I said neutrally.

The ride was dead silent; I didn't feel like I could take any noise. Tommy seemed to notice and barely even made a sound while he breathed. He pulled up to my driveway smoothly while I unbuckled my seatbelt. "Later Quincy." I said softly without even looking at him and slammed the door a little harder than I meant to.

"Night girl." Tommy Quincy muttered to himself while he watched Jude unlock her front door while a light illuminated the hallway. He waited until the light turned off and he could see the light flicker of passing commercials on the television. He sighed gruffly to himself and smacked the stick while he shifted out of her driveway and sped off. Tommy always told himself not to agonize when she acted like this. But every time his worried thoughts turned back to her, circling and playing in his head while he tried to sleep. He grunted into his pillow, turning it over to touch the cold his face. "Jude…" He murmured again and finally feeling himself drift off.

_The next day..._

"Oh, oh! Dish!" Kat demanded making me laugh like hadn't in a while. The folder was still on my mind and sitting on me bed. It was like a frickin' time bomb.

I should call Tom Cruise to disarm it. But he would probably jump all the hell over my pillows and break the springs in my mattress while he screamed about Katie Holms. I heard his son's name means _pickpocket _in Hebrew or Egyptian or something. Ha ha ha, that's really funny. _Pickpocket Cruise_… if I knew the kid _I_ would punch him into The Neverland Ranch, let Michael _take care _of his _scrapes_. Ew. What is wrong with me?

Kat and I sat on my living room couch, catching up. Well not _really_, it was a Saturday afternoon that had already melted into the early evening and we had _long _given up on _Katrina Pitt_ and _Jude Andrews_. So we stayed over each other's houses and watched movies. We had paused _Gigli _when I started my recount of the day.

"There's nothing to dish. I'm just getting sick of all the drama with him." I told her, skillfully leaving out the whole song thing. I didn't want to tell anyone about it. Hell, I didn't want to say it out loud. It just made it even more real.

_Oh my God_! I'm like the guy in the _Bedford Diaries _who didn't want anyone to know that he was going to be a father because it would make it totally real. (I also got a huge kick outta the fact that the gossip columnist was _Sexy Sadie. _Coincidence? I think not.)

"Drama. Vincent Spiederman. I'm failing to connect the dots." Kat told me with a perplexed look.

"When you add Tommy Quincy to any equation it always spells trouble." I told her mixing my subjects slightly. I guess an equation can't really _spell_ anything, but no one cared.

"Well do you… want _out_?" She trailed off slightly high-pitched, verbalizing my thoughts completely, and looking at me intently. I shrugged and played the innocent, knowing I was only being half truthful. She kept looking at me then grabbed a handful of popcorn, threw half in her mouth and the rest at me. We continued to giggle while the movie played in front of us.

"What on _Gilmore Girls_ this week? I totally missed it." She asked suddenly.

"Well Troubadour guy made another appearance."

"Song?"

"_Me and Julio Down by the School Yard_."

"Hmmm, nice touch what else."

"Richard dissed South Dakota, said it smelled like a foot. Emily went blind from Latex surgery. Michele drank 2 milk for two weeks. Jackson was growing marijuana…" I stopped for a minute looking up at the ceiling while I tried to think of the major moments of the episode. OHMYGOD! Of course!

"Oh My God! Luke and Loreli are _so _**not **getting married. I know it!" Kat gratifyingly gasped along with me

"No!" She said in an exclaimed whisper, eyes wide with desperation. I mean Jeez, TV's cutest couple was crumbling before our eyes. Sad, sad day in history.

"What's up at G-Major? Anything with _Tommy_?" Kat asked with a wiggle of her eyebrows. That was, dare I say it… _sexually suggestive_! I snorted in disbelief. God, I sounded like a pig. I rubbed my nose in slight pain as I rolled my eyes to communicate my answer.

I was debating tell Kat about the song when she asked about Darius. Actually she called him _Big D-Whopper_. Her _clever _nickname taken from those enormous burgers at _McDonald King_ or whatever. Do the really wonder whythey havehigh blood pressure?I mean consuming individual cows will lead to the inevitable J.Lo butt and only she can pull it off as _booty_ and only Beyoncé can pull herself off as _bootylicious._ Old fat white guys that still wear button-down shirts that barely buttoned down in college are _so _not at the DIVA level. They have _many_ sex changes to go.

"He wants some buzz for the album." I half told her everything that went down. She nodded, and then lit up like the proverbial light bulb above her head was shining.

"OhmiGawd! You could do like a _live _version of a song on your album." I rolled my eyes at her gestures that made her look like she was Demi Moore in _Ghost_. But she would never have sex with Patrick Swazye over a clay machine. She would wait till the got in bed.

"Yea, like Kelly Clarkson?" I scoffed. Even though I like Kelly now. I don't even hate it as much when the call me the _Canadian Kelly, eh…_ on TV and stuff.

Even though like no one even says _eh_ at the end of sentences here. Just like I'm pretty sure French men don't wear nautical-stripped girl shirts with those knobbed moustaches and berets. But whatever. To each his own, eh?

"That's not so bad." She said looking hurt on behalf of Kelly.

"Yea except you can hear those guys screaming the things they want to do to her in the background."

"They are _not_." She fought me. _Yes_, they really _did_. And it was quite _Penthouse _inspired. Naughty, _naughty._ Wait… can I say that? I'm just barely seventeen. Is slutiness really only reserved for those who can not only tease but can put out too? Legally of course… hmmm, I should call _Love Line_.

Kat sat totally still, acting as though she still didn't believe me but I could tell she was attempting to absorb my news while I couldn't help but let my thoughts drift to my current romantic situation.

Have you ever felt like this? Like everything around you is fun and everyone is having a good time. And normally you would be laughing along _with_ everyone. But you have this cloud hanging over you and each time your face cracks into a smile you remember your frickin' cloud and everything is a little bit gloomier. It really sucks and it seemed like one part of my life was falling apart in front of my eyes.

* * *

**Footnote: I used part of a Juderman convo from _Miss World, _the whole "That's great Spied." and "get down with your producer" thing from the opening scene. And I remembered _Jamesica _from the first season so I couldn't not include it lol! **

**I want to thank everyone who reviewed!_Catch1star (( I love your handle, it reminds me of the Superstar Satellite thingy from the beginning of the season!)), tommys21 ((could there be a better 21? Uh, no! lol)),Duddley111((if that's the Duddley from Harry Potter than I am eternally devoted to you, I am obessed!)),Chrisy16 ((Craig is next chapter, I pretty promise))and Funkyicecube__((I am in love with you handle! I've seen a misshappen ice cube before and now I'm on a serious safari for a funky one! lol)) _You guys feed my addiction and I thank you! Please tell my what you think of this chapter and I promise to post three quickly! **_A little peek at next chater:_

_-Jude doesn't really go to Carson High anymore_

_-Spied reveals a deeper side, to a sleeping Jude..._

_-Craig finally makes an appearence!_


	3. Ziggy Stardust

Ahhh, I love you guys! Your reviews make me so happy! I'm totally giving **_thatgirlyoucanttrust_ ((He was the sexiest devil ever. It has to be blasphemous for the devil to be that hot! And the last chapter of Touched was incredible! I'm on my way to the DSL boards to post this chapter there and review Touched there too, I love it! It's like a drug lol!)), _angel422_ ((I am so glad you like my story, I love to hear that you laughed! It makes me happy lol! And I think _Have a Little Faith in Me_ is in the process of sweeping past NTS for one of my all time favorites. But I am generally in love with all of them lol!)), _Funkyicecube_ ((OMG! You have the same name as Alexz! lol, sorry I think that's just about the coolest thing, _ever_ and one time I had ice cubes with holes in the middle and I stuffed my straw through them and flung them at my brother. lol, it was funny but the waiters gave me a _seriously _dirty look, lol)), _Duddley111_ ((I am completely obsessed with using my dog's name _every_ where! I wanted to make my lisence plate after him too, but then... I didn't lol. I am so glad you liked it!)) and _VilandraofAntar _((can I just tell you that I love you? lol, I totally draw inspiration from Gilmore Girls, especially Loreli, it's like the highest complement ever since I totally try to mesh the two worlds. But not _too_ much... lol, I'm rambling but thank you so much!)) **Super Instant Star points! lol, thank you guys SO much! I hope you guys like this chapter just as much. On that subject, I transplanted Sadie's comment (Tommy and Jude choose each other everytime) into this, but Jamie says it. And I also moved Tommy's thing with the machine wanting _toner _from the NSTB Part 2 and Jamie says that too. And did everyone not _love _last night's episode. Tommy and Jude kiss, so _hot_! And I'm using a variation of the dialogue between the two in the next chapter, but that's all I'll say lol! Ok, this is long so I'll stop

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, including the Kelly Clarkson lyrics to _Where is Your Heart? _

* * *

**Chapter 3: **Ziggy Stardust

_**That Night…**_

"_But for God's sake  
Could you try?" Spied sang at me._

"_Is it so hard  
To give me what I need?" His eyes bore into me. "I'm sorry" I told him desperately, but he kept singing despite my pleas. _

"_I don't understand  
Your love is so cold  
It's always me that's reaching out  
For your hand" I put my hand over his, making the strum of the guitar suddenly quiet. It didn't stop him from continuing his song. _

"_And that's all I'm asking for  
Oh, where is your heart?" I pulled my hand from the guitar to over my heart. "It's right here." I told him while he shook his head to disagree. "Yes it is" I challenged his claim of my lack of heart. He reached out a yanked my hair pulling me back and forth. _

"What the fuc-"

_"_Don't you finish that Jude Lucille Harrison." My mom barked at me.

You can totally cue Wayne and Garth with their fading dream sequence noise and hand motions and pull me back from Dreamland. I blinked my eyes a few times, finally registering that Spied hadn't been singing to me and that _my mom_ was pulling my hair.

"Mind letting go of my head? I could always call Ice T though. He'd go all SVU on you." I told my mom.

She smiled, untangling her fingers from my long hair, inhaling lightly and kissing me fondly on my forehead. Normally I wipe it off, since I'm **so** _misunderstood_, but I left it.

"What's with violent ambush?" I asked to fill the silence.

"Tommy's downstairs."

"Why" I countered, knowing that we had a meeting this morning. But I planned on skipping it. Darius likes to hear himself talk, and each time _I_ hear him I die a little inside. My mom gave me a look, and sat down on my bed. I could _feel _the concern radiating. It was basically throttling me until she finally started.

"Jude, honey, your father and I think that you have been missing too much school for your own good." I opened my mouth, all ready to tell her she was crazy if she thought I was going to leave G-Major, but she put up a hand to stop me. Like she was the cross guard from _The Magic School Bus_. There was a cross guard, wasn't there? I mean there should have been if there wasn't, it _was_ show about a _school bus_.My mom continued her speech and abruptly stopped my mental ramble.

"We are not suggesting that you leave your contract. _Your father wouldn't even hear of it" _she said the last part under her breath and I could tell she was talking to herself more than me. "So we're getting you a full time tutor."

I was about to open my mouth to complain again. But I found nothing. I was totally ok with that. No more Mr. McGorge with his Physics boringness. Cue the _Gloria _and the angles singing on high: No more Mr. Sagle!

"Well do I get to pick this tutor?" I wondered out loud to my mom.

With my luck I'd get some Boyz Attack fanatic that Tommy would inevitably fall in love with. Even though I don't _really _care who Tommy falls in love with. I would just prefer if it weren't some gorgeous braniac. So basically no one like my sister.

"We've got a few choices for you to pick from." She told me with a tone that told me she wanted to wrap things up.

"Yea, ok. That's cool." I told her and she planted another kiss on my forehead and left the room.

"And don't forget about Tommy." She called from outside my door.

Yea right, like I could _ever_ forget about Tommy.

I slumped back on my pillows, feeling the plush softness of the blankets against my legs and wishing I didn't have to get up. But I was still glad that Carson Hill wouldn't be on my agenda anymore. I heard Kelly Ripa laughing from downstairs, so I knew Tommy was making himself comfortable. Kwest told me about his weird thing for her. Good thing she's married. To a really hot guy. And they have kids. Like ten of them… Well, if I were Kelly I'd wanna do my husband all the time too. I swung my door open and grabbed a towel from the closet near the staircase.

"Gimme like ten minutes." I called to Tommy, knowing it would be _much_ longer than ten minutes.

Tommy never replied but I sorta didn't care since I could hear him imitating Regis loudly. I threw my pajamas on the floor and waited for the hot water to build. I slipped in the shower thinking of the song we had started earlier. "White Lies!" I shouted into the showerhead. But with all the water beating down on my face it came out _white lines. _Hmmm, a new spin on an old saying. I can see the headlines now: _Jude Harrison, Breaking the cliché borders for Canada!_

See? That's partly the reason why I will _never_ be a reporter. That and when I write, I have a tendency to make things up that just _sound_ right. But what sounds right to me does not make sense in the world of _Great Expectations. _But whatever.

"I held you in my arms last night. I dreamed we were riding on a _star_." I sang against the melody I had played before, liking the way it sounded.

I rinsed my hair one last time and hopped out of the shower, wrapping my towel below my collarbone loosely and grasping it with my hand. I reached for the cold knob and shivered a little.

I swayed the door open and Tommy stared back at me. "Jude" He started loudly making me jump and scream simultaneously. I watched his eyes bug immeasurably while he ogled me. I looked down and shrieked even louder when I realized I had dropped my towel in surprise. I continued to scream, too shocked to cover myself.

"GET OUT!" I screamed at him hysterically.

When he made no movement I reached down, picked up my towel and locked myself in the bathroom hurriedly.

"Tommy! Get the _hell _out of my room!" I called through the door.

"I'm going! I'm going!" He called. I could _hear_ him blushing.

"Promise?" I asked tentatively.

"I promise." He vowed as I creaked the door open.

I opened it wider to see my room was empty and the outside door shut tightly. I threw on a pair of jeans and a random T-shirt, hoping they were clean. I hastily plastered some mascara to my eyelashes and finally swung my door open with a sigh. I leaped in surprise as Tommy tumbled to the floor in my room. He looked up at me. I could tell he wasn't sure whether to be embarrassed or pretend that he hadn't seen anything. I rolled my eyes and put out a hand for him to grasp while he got up.

"Look Quincy, I know you saw everything so don't pretend you didn't." I said with no room for arguments. He conceded willingly with a nod and followed me downstairs.

I sat in the kitchen, eating a pop tart and looking for my cell phone. "Misplaced your sanity, girl?" He asked me jokingly. He proceeded to laugh even though it wasn't funny.

"You know, people always say it's in the, **last**, place you look." He added conversationally, like I lived under a rock and _never _heard anyone say that.

"Shut up dumb ass. What did you see that written underneath _Call Gabby for a Good time _in the men's bathroom or something? And b-t-w, that's a stupid saying. I mean, _of course_ it's in the last place you look. Who _seriously _keeps looking for something once they've already found it?" He looked at me quizzically, his eyes lingering. I shook my head but wiggled self consciously, hoping he wasn't going through a Madden-inspired instant replay.

"Can I ask you something?"

"No."

"Is it real?"

I stared at him, completely shocked with my mouth hitting the floor. I reached out and slapped him hard across the face. The smack rang through the kitchen as he put a hand to his sore cheek.

"What was that for!" He yelled at me incredulously.

"Did you just ask me what I think you just asked me!" I answered.

"I asked if your, **tattoo**, was real!" He yelled back, making me shrink embarrassedly.

"Oh." I said quietly while he stared back at me with his palm still on his face.

"Sorry then." I said with remorse. "And yes." I finished.

He dropped his hand with a devilish smile spreading across his face. "Well… I was wondering if _those _were real too." He said playfully. I slapped his arm defensively.

"What? You been taking _Spiederman 101_?" I asked, flinching a little at his name but then mentally slapped myself for acting like such a baby. Tommy watched me cringe and shot me a sympathetic look. He did know where I was coming from. He had basically been in the same situation I was in; only Sadie thought he cheated on her. And Spied… well he thought I was cheating on him too.

"Oh yea." Tommy assured me laughingly.

We looked at each other for a moment. I could feel his eyes searing into me, trying to read me. Trying to figure out what the _hell _had been up my butt last night. I looked away so he couldn't it was Spiederman. Ew. So Spiederman _was totally **not **_anywhere near my butt, but the whole Spied situation was what had put my in my weird mood. Whatever. I was glad to hear him sigh in resignation, _finally _learning to let stuff go.

(Except that whole _Little Tommy Q _thing from the first day. But I think what pissed him off so much was what I followed up that nickname with. I faintly remember batting the phrase _boy-band poser _about quite a bit.)

He rolled his head in a sarcastic circle with a laugh. "Every night." He clarified.

"Well no wonder you haven't gotten _lucky_." I said suggestively, letting my tongue linger on my lips on the _l _in _lucky_ and walked out the door. I gratifyingly watched him stare a little before shaking himself and following.

"Like you'd know girl." He countered and reached for his keys. I gasped loudly and pleaded to drive again.

"**No way** Jude. No one will live." He told me.

"Well can you at least put the top up" I called from my door as I grabbed a sweatshirt. The wind whipped against my face as I zipped up my heavy cardigan.

We tittered in the car about this and that. I told him that I had to be home before 9:30 tonight. "Why?" He asked eyeing my suspiciously. Whatever, stupid. It's nothing that concerns you.

"Got a _Date with the Night._" I said casually. He looked at me sharply, almost serving into another car. Was he serious? God did someone replace this grown man with a pre-menstrual ten-year-old girl that found out Jesse McCartney has a girlfriend. I half expected him to cry and run home and post emo-inspired lyrics on his myspace.

_I like just want to **die** today. I feel the ebony of night will engulf me, since my illegal artist has a date. I know, I know. GASP! My sadness is welling inside my un-chambered heart and seeping through me, filling me with something that I cannot even understand! Oh the horror! Oh the cruelty!_ Ok, so maybe I'm exaggerating. But only a little. I mean Tommy's not that smart; I don't think he can spell his own last name without phonetically saying _Q…u…_ It's really sad, and _really _funny to watch.

"Relax Tom. I can't miss _Grey's Anatomy _again. And b-t-w, have you ever seen _True Life: I'm Jealous_?"

He visibly relaxed, and shook his head in reply to my question.

"Really? Cause I think you all would get along _great_." I said under my breath even though I knew he could hear me.

I went to turn on the radio but he clasped my hand to stop me. "What? Afraid I might _Rock Your Body _J.T. style?" He glanced at me again, more piercingly at the insinuation of my offer. Whatever at least I wasn't like "_I want your body_" or something stupid and dirty like that. At least _I_ knew that _dirty _only had one _R_.

"How bout we keep the rest of the ride, _silent._" He suggested, lightly pressing his forefinger to his lips while he turned back towards the road. Whatever.

He killed the engine and we walked in together. I asked him lightly about what Darius said about the new kid.

"Got _big _talent." He told me, mocking Darius' booming voice and puffed his chest out like an ape. He looked _so _stupid. But I laughed anyway.

"Hmmm" I said knowingly, even though it was completely coming outta my ass.

I saw Spied sitting a near by table and watched him roll his eyes as my giggles died off. I motioned for Tommy to go ahead of me. He looked at Spied and then back at me. Tommy inched forward and whispered in my ear, his breath tingling and sending those proverbial _shivers._ I'm worse than Olivia Newton John. Oooo, _Summer Lovin'_.

"Call if you need me. _At all _girl." I nodded while I tried to swallow away the thump in my throat and ignore the painful knot in my stomach.

He walked away but turned to face me while he did, continually looking between Spiederman and me. He almost backed into a wall but saved himself at the last moment. I smiled softly and turned to look at Spied who had pretended he hadn't been watching us the whole time. Whatever Freddie Prinze Jr.

I joined him and caught that he scooted away from me, to the end of the couch. It hurt me, but I looked past it and inhaled calmly.

"Whacha doing?" I asked lightly, leaning myself against the back of the couch and propping my feet on the table where I had read his lyrics at the night before. My heart tightened painfully in my chest when I thought back to the folder.

"_Gettin' rich or die tryin'_." He told me with a hint of sarcasm as he continued to tune his guitar.

"Look Spied, I'm sorry I -" He cut me off impatiently like he couldn't stand to hear me apologize.

"Just save it, ok?" He looked at me seriously and if I hadn't known him better I would have sworn that I saw tears glistening. I bent away from the cushion against my back and moved closer to him, putting my hands on his. The small strums discontinued and everything felt eerily like my dream. It had not been I dream I _ever _wanted to become a reality.

(Unlike my dream where I made out with Zack Efron for like 5 hours. That, I would _love_ to be some kind of prophecy. LIKE HARRY POTTER! Only instead of my life hanging in the balance because the Joan Rivers of Dark Lords and I couldn't simultaneously live, I kinda just wanted to marry Zack.)

My dream was more like nightmare. Spied hadn't been able to stand my and even in my dream-state I felt the hateful waves radiating at me. I _never_ wanted him to hate me.

"Spied…" I started, but stopped when I realized he _really _was on the brink of tears. I felt my heart tear clean in two. I was going to attempt to explain what was between Tommy and I and that I couldn't change what we had, but I switched gears.

"Did you write that song?" I asked softly with tears in my voice. I looked up and watched him turn away from me.

"Look, this" he motioned between the two of us "just doesn't seem to work. And I don't wanna know if it's because we didn't try hard enough or if we're just too… _dissimilar_." I looked at him wildly, not believing what he was saying to me and simultaneously berating the part of me that had the overwhelming need to sigh in relief. I cared about Spied. But,

(And I sound like every bitchy girl in all the movies that everyone hates because she breaks the best friends heart because it there just _isn't any chemistry _and we all secretly hopes she chokes on her own spit and gets what she deserves. Brittany Murphy anyone? Even though in _Clueless _she totally ends up with the greasy skateboarding guy. I couldn't really come up with a better example since I was in the process of being dumped.)

I just didn't care about him in the right way. I didn't know what was wrong with me. That I couldn't be happy with what I have. What I had. But Spied wasn't enough.

"Jude…" He started remorsefully, but I decided to save us both.

I filled in the space between his and captured his lips. It wasn't a passionate kiss. It wasn't a wanting kiss. It was, as hopelessly Rory Gilmore as I seem, a goodbye kiss. We would never say goodbye _forever _but we were saying goodbye that part of our relationship. Our boyfriend/girlfriendthing was too much for us to handle, too much pressure and too many emotions flying at once. We were better not _so _together. I think there was too much blonde in one relationship. He broke away, a small smile creeping across his face.

"Still think Sadie would hula with me?" He asked with a watery laugh. I laughed with him, letting few tears fall as I slapped him lightly on the arm.

"Did I ever tell you I got a tattoo?" I started. He stopped laughing and looked at me in sheer surprise. I could feel the proverbial camera panning away from us as we spent the next hour laughing like we used to.

_Later that day… _

"**Chicken Jackass International** is officially closed, dude."

"What the hell does that mean?" Jamie asked with his face contorted in frustration. "_Sweet Lord_!" He exclaimed and smashed his hand down on top of the fax machine. "It's asking for something called… _toner_." He said in desperation, wiping his brow with his entire arm clumsily and making Spied laugh at him.

Jamie glared at him for a moment, huffed with a defeated look at the obstinate machine, muttering "Age of technology _my ass_." and sat down, ready for whatever the hell Spiederman had been talking about.

"Ok, lay it on me." He said with a wave of his hand.

"Dude. Me and Jude, _aren't_ me and Jude. Anymore." He told Jamie.

"What? Are you expecting me to Dr. Laura you? I thought Nana gave you guys _the talk _before you left for tour. I know Wally and Kyle won't go near her now."

"No. I just know you've… been there. _Here_." Spied explained.

"Look Spiederman, the only advice I can give you is don't get between Tommy and Jude. They choose each other _every _time." He said almost cryptically and left Spied to brood.

"Well thanks for tellin' me _now_!" Spied called after, wishing he had known this _before _the "Juderman" era. Some where in the building he heard a loud laugh that sounded vaguely evil.

_Meanwhile…_

"Being married to someone like _Tommy _could not have been _that _bad." I said skeptically.

"Ever heard of a _selfish lover_?" Portia asked me with a slightly disgusted look on her face as she bit into a carrot.

"To quote the great philosopher, David Bowie '_making love with his ego_'?" Tommy called stupidly as he entered a conversation I _knew _he would not have otherwise wanted to apart of.

"Well Tommy." I started in a professional, business-like tone. "That can be interpreted two different ways." He gave me a look that told me he didn't know what I was talking about. What an idiot.

"Well it can either mean A." I started using my forefinger to show him reason number 1 "it can mean that he is literally having sex _with _his ego. Or B." I held up my middle finger along with the other to motion reason number 2 "it can mean that his ego is doing the nasty with the girl _for him_. And stop quoting _Ziggy Stardust. _You sound like an ass." I told him seriously, even though my face was contorting painfully to keep from laughing. Portia and I watched his eyes bug uncontrollably. I think that I made too many references _to_ sex or said _sex _too many times for his brain to process.

His face grew as red as that Baboon's butt on that Cartoon Network show. Damn! What was that show called? With the Weasel that was always better than him and going to space and whatever. And the Baboon always wrote _I R Baboon! _on his t-shirt and stuff. Whatever, it didn't matter because as soon as I opened my mouth again, Tommy stuck his face in his coffee mug and walked out of the room. But to make it better just as he was lifting his head to see where he was going he smashed his face into the glass door, with a loud _thud _ringing through the room.

"Ow." He muttered pathetically while Portia and I looked at each other for a silent moment and burst out laughing. It was more like we were channeling the Witches of Macbeth or that bitch from the Disney movie _Double, Double, Toil and Trouble _with the Olsen twins. Our cackling continued until Kwest popped his head in.

"That _Craig _guy's here. D wants everyone to come give him _a G-Major welcome._" He told us motioning to the front lobby. It was all so similar to _my _first day that I had to push away the memories that flooded.

I looked around me and saw the entire population of a small country gathering around. This was gonna shock the hell outta him. He opened the doors but someone with a stupid _beehive_ was in my way. Who even still wears those? People are stupid.

I watched him shake hands jovially with Darius, Liam and lastly Tommy. Definitely showing the rest of us the chain of command. It's a good thing I'm basically in Tommy's pocket or else I'm pretty sure I would be fired.

When Tommy stepped away from their _man-hug _(that reminded me of **Will and Grace**. Can someone say _Just JACK! _?) I saw Craig. He was definitely _not _ugly. Not at all. He was hot. At least a 9 on the Sadie Harrison scale and she has _impossibly _high standards.

(Tommy had been a 10 but now that no one can convince her that he didn't cheat on her he's been demoted to clean the dirty underwear of the hotter men on the scale. Sadie's wishes, _not mine_.)

I was especially drawn to his smile. It was wide, engulfing almost all of his face, but genuine. I felt myself smile along with him as he approached with the three executives of G-Major trailing.

"Hey. I'm Craig." He drawled laughingly.

"Hi. I'm Jude." I said nervously. I looked down at his extended hand and didn't realize he meant to shake my own until the four men laughed weirdly at me. Spied came from behind after having seen the hand-scene transpire and clasped Craig on the shoulder.

"Don't worry. She _totally_ lives up to her nickname. We like to call her _Over-rated_."

"Would you like me to share you got your _own_ **Skid mark**?" I asked nastily. He slashed his hand across his throat with a panicked look on his face. I completely ignored it.

"Go fug yourself." I said to his worried expression.

"Why don't we continue these pleasantries on the way to Studio B? Sound like a good idea Miss Harrison?" Liam asked me pompously.

"Yes, I think it _does _sound like a _smashing _idea." I mimicked his accent. He turned a flush shade of red that I had only see once before when Jamie asked him _if the Lucky Charms were at the pot o' gold. _That **really **pissed him off, so I scampered away before he could splatter his meanness all over me. Besides I totally remember when he called me a _'stupid girl'_ that one time in Darius' office. He was _so _not telling me the name of the damn Garbage song, he was being an asshole and calling me stupid. Well all I can say is:

_stupid man_.

_Who will never be married. _

_And will live with 5,000 cats. _

_Who won't even like him. _

_And jump on his chest while he sleeps and suck his breath out. _

Ok, so I got that last part from the _Princess Diaries _booksbut I thought it was really funny. I sat in Tommy's chair, trying my hardest not to seem giddy but not to seem too blasé. Craig came in and joined me, taking the chair facing me.

"I would love to take you up on that story _Miss Harrison_." He told me similarly mocking Liam's accent when he said my name. We laughed together before I inhaled loudly and thought back to that _infamously awesome _day on tour.

"Well, Kyle had apparently taken one of Spied's groupies. So Spied decided he needed 'defend his manly honor.' " I started using air quotes for Spied's exact words.

**"DUDE! Give her back!" "It's not like I tucked her away in my pocket for safe keeping. She's not Thumbelina." "Well maybe she was _my _Thumbelina!" "Spied, what does that mean?" I interjected in amusement. He shook his head violently in my direction and continued to scream incoherently about the brunette from the night before. "Dude she was blonde." Kyle told him. Spied looked at him wildly before stalking off towards the door. **

"Spied was a dumbass and pantsed Kyle from behind like two seconds later." I had to stop because I had started laughing really hard, remembering the rest of the day.

**"Stop _exposing _yourself Kyle! There's a lady in the room." Spied yelled tauntingly. Kyle turned around fiercely, almost tripping over since his pants were still around his ankles. He pulled them up angrily and I swear I heard him growl before charging at Spied. And the dumbass did run away in the face of an irate, blonde, tattooed drummer and backed himself flat against the wall, looking like those people in the _Final Destination _movies right before they die. **

"So Kyle grabbed Spied by the knees and threw him over his shoulder. Then the next thing we knew Kyle was dragging Spied out of the room, into the elevator and out in the main hotel lobby." I told Craig who watched me with laughing eyes as he listened intently. I noticed that Tommy, Kwest and SME, _minus the S,_ were all listening too. Wally was trying to hold back his laughter and Kyle nonchalantly nodded at Tommy's questioning look. Like the ass didn't believe me.

**"Put me down!" "Oh _stop_, I think its sweet. Like a spin on the damsel in distress. Don't fuss, don't fuss _Spiederma_." I called like Carol Brady. Kyle and Wally chuckled in response while Spiederman looked up at me with a deadly look. Maybe I shouldn't provoke him. Kyle jabbed the button for the elevator and Wally and I followed, still not knowing what he was gonna do. I kinda thought Kyle was gonna lynch Spied, but I didn't know for sure. "I think Kyle's gonna kill him." Wally said warily next to me, mirroring my thoughts. Spied continued to kick and scream in a very girl-like manner until we reached the bottom floor. Kyle shot out the elevator with an even paler looking Spied. "Oh my God, he's going to impale me with a front desk pen!" Spied shouted worriedly. **

"So Kyle finally set him down on his feet. But Spied was so freaked out that he didn't just run. Kyle reached down and grabbed Spied's pants so hard…" I stopped because I was laughing wildly; tears were rolling down my cheeks.

**"Dude what are you _doing_?" "Just want to give Thumbelina a look at what she missed." Kyle said cheekily and lunged at the waist of Spied's pants. I kinda thought he was gonna go down on him, but then watched in horror and fascination as Spiederman's shorts dropped to the grounded and Wally and I stood staring at Spied. _All _of Spied. He was pulling a serious Richard Gere, _American Gigolo. _But it wasn't intentional Kyle made him do it. But I _do _sorta think Spied couldda given Richard a run for his money.**

"and." "his." I said between loud, forceful giggles and then finally gave up and clutched my cramping stomach. Wally cut in with a voice full of similar belly shaking laughter.

"Dude, his _tightie whities_ totally came down too." "And about a thousand cameras got a picture of his ass."

**"Look there he is!" Reporters shouted at their cameramen. "Where?" They shouted back stupidly. "It's the kid with no pants idiot!" The reporters said forcefully and pointing at Spied's naked ass. Spied quickly recovered and shoved his pants up again and ran for the stairs, forgoing the elevator. But I did notice him wince painfully. At least he hadn't pulled a Ben Stiller, _There's Something about Mary _era. _I_ even wouldn't have laughed at that.**

I looked at Craig who was laughing silently and looking over my shoulder. I whipped around and saw an embarrassed looking Spied.

"Yea! So I hadn't changed my underwear in _a while_. But we couldn't find a laundry mat!" Craig, Tommy and Kwest stopped laughing and looked at him with wide eyes.

"We were gonna spare you that part dude." Kyle cut in and we watched Spied turn from crimson to a humiliated purple.

I looked at Spied and decided to go for the kill. Does that make me a bitch? Oh well, _No Sympathy for the Devil. _

"There may have or may not have been a few … _mysterious _stains." I told the three before proceeding to laugh like a hyena from the _Lion King. _Spied looked at me with a betrayed glare.

"Et tú Jude?" He said loudly.

Spied continued to look at me for a minute with his chest heaving. I recognized his _thinking face_, (where his eyes formed little slits and his nostrils flared but his nose scrunched up at the same time and he bit his bottom lip) and started to worry. His face relaxed and he inhaled deeply through his mouth before running to the door and swinging it open.

"Jude orgasms about Tommy in her sleep." He shouted for all of G-Major to hear.

The studio went dead silent as Spied walked back next to me with a triumphant look. I wanted to punch him. THAT **WASN'T** EVEN **TRUE**! I have _never _dreamt about TOMMY, like _THAT_! **Oh My GOD!** I AM GOING TO SKIN HIM ALIVE. And then feed him to Liam's cats!

Wally snorted loudly, while it filled the hush in the room. I whipped around and almost got up to hit him but I saw Tommy shot a look that told Wally to _shut-the-hell-up-or-I'll-punch-you-myself_. When Tommy noticed my gaze he turned red and pretended to clean nonexistent dust off the stupid dials that I never knew the name for. The guys in the room looked uncomfortably at each other for at least 5 minutes of silence. I was about to verbally fry Spied alive when Portia rushed to the door.

"Could you keep your obscenities at a dull roar?" She requested before giving me a sympathetic glance. She mouthed _I know honey_ before shutting the door softly.

"Its not true!" I shouted after her. I suddenly felt incredibly trapped in the studio. So I stood up and got right in Spied's face, making him stand up also. He looked at me challengingly but I saw a flash a fear glint in his eyes.

He was _so_ going down.

I thrust my knee forwards with impressive force, coming in sharp contact with Spied's groin. I watched him double over in pain for a moment and then walked into the recording booth with Spiederman still on the floor.

I sat at the mike and cued for Tommy to start recording. He looked at me skeptically but I could tell he was afraid to challenge me. I strummed my guitar along with the riff of a _Louis XIV _song.

I sucked in a breath of air and called out "Oh _Spied_!" vaguely like those girls on that one radio station. Damn it, I can't remember which it was. But they call in whenever a celebrity's on and there this contest: Whoever fakes an orgasm the best wins a date with whoever was on the show. This was _so _**Girls Behavin' Badly **it wasn't even funny. Ok yea it was.

I continued to chant Spiederman's name in the microphone with staggered breaths. Alternating between "**Oh **_yes! _**Spied**!" and "Ohhhhh _Spiederman._" in a coaxingly naughty tone. I didn't stop until he pulled himself up and brushed himself off.

_Go on and get dat dirt off your shoulder._ Jay Z would love you, Spied.

"Finished?" He called.

"Are you?" I challenged in a puffed-up tone. He looked at me for a moment as if he were going to stare me down but then nodded acquiescently. I looked to Tommy who promptly chocked on his coffee and turned away from me. I guess I was pretty believable.

"_White Lines_?" Kwest asked me quietly after reading Tommy's notes.

"Yea." I said cheerfully and waited for them to cut the previous tape and start a new one.

SME joined me in the booth, Spied taking the corner farthest away from me with Kyle smirking and Wally staring at me a little too intently. If he thought I would give it up for him he was _crazy_. With my luck I'd get pregnant and everyone would go all _Rosemary's Baby_ on me. I might throw myself of a Toronto bell-tower if they did. Do we have any bell towers? I guess a water tower would suffice.

"_I tried to tell you_

_I've got to get away. _

_I tried to say_

_I need my space_

I suddenly felt the uncontrollable need to giggle. I stifled it but I kinda chocked and hurt so I was late for the next line. I was lucky Tommy hadn't heard it before or he wouldda made me stay and record it for like ever. What a butt plug. I am _so _not in the right mood to be singing this song. I can't really be wanting to laugh while I sing _these_ lyrics. Tommy is gonna be pissed when he listened back to it.

_I got to get some distance _

_Between my heart and my head_

_I'm on the razor's edge…_

_I've been here before_

_I know the way_

_**White Lines-**_"

Have way through my loud chant a large fist pounded against the door. Well I guess it had to be a big fist since it was so loud that I could hear it from inside the recording booth. It startled me and I trailed off, making me sound like I was strangling a hyena.

Like on of _Mufasa'_s hyenas. Those poor bastards couldn't think for themselves so they followed the closest domineering personality that could give them some kind of direction in life. Kinda like all of the G-Major staff and Darius. Or that S 'n M thing with the whips and _kinky stuff_. Cue shudder here, **please**.

Darius walked in and signaled for Tommy and Kwest to come out. What a douche. _He's_ the one who was bitching that I didn't have enough songs or whatever he was saying before. Tommy held his forefinger telling me to wait a minute. I huffed loudly but obliged. He looked behind me and I followed his gaze to see Spied cowering in the corner.

"Don't think I won't take that tape and sell it. Didn't you hear the profit Paris cut for hers? I was thinking I'd call it: _Spiederman's Mind Explosion._" I said menacingly and held my hands out in front of me like a newspaper heading. He smirked meanly and stuck his tongue out at me lightly.

"Now come on. You can find better things to do with that tongue. _Much better_…" I said suggestively and walked out. I looked at Craig who didn't turn away when he felt my gaze but laughed out loud.

"That was quite a show."

"Well I like to keep my audiences entertained." I told him and cocked my head quirkily. He nodded with appreciation with his bottom lip tucked in with his teeth.

"I think they're conferring about me." He told me pointing to the closed door.

"Sorry I guess I ruined your take… or whatever you call it." He said on laugh. He inched closer to me and I felt myself drawn like a magnet. I forgot about SME inevitably watching us, and the men who controlled my job on the other side of the door, and balanced on my tiptoes to whisper in his ear.

We seemed to pass _Justin and Kelly _as we headed straight for **very**_ Landon and Shavonda_. But that didn't really matter because I'm stupid business-wise and anyone would have been able to talk me into a _From Justin to Kelly _in a heartbeat. But it would have been worse. Like the caliber of _Glitter _since I'm a suck-butt actress.

"Did you really think I would let you kill this chorus?" I asked in a husky whisper that surprised even me. God since when was _I _a sex kitten? He looked at me with a surprised smile. I watched him dip closer to my ear and while he exhaled I felt myself wobble slightly off balance.

"Well lying _is _the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off." He said on a laugh.

I moved my head to within his line of vision. I smiled and unknowingly licked my lips. But when I felt myself shiver again after his breath hit them, I realized my lips _were_ wet. He inhaled to say something while I leaned in closer to hear.

But the door suddenly swung open to reveal and extremely scary and irate Tommy Quincy. Freddy Kruger would be jealous. Since Tommy could pull off the _scary as hell_ but still maintain _sexy as hell_. Tommy should have been a bouncer at the _Freddy Vs. Jason _fight thing.

He growled at Craig to _please leave _(at least he said _please_)"-my _artist _and I have things to discuss."

"Yea man, ok." Craig told him cheerfully and walked out of the room with a small wink my direction. I smiled but felt it melt immediately when I looked Tommy. He looked like there was a cat up his ass or something.

"What was **_that_** about?" He asked in a dangerous tone. And his face looked the cat was scratching his …_ insides_.

"**Nothing**, _Tommy_." I challenged in tone that told him to _Bring it On Again. _I would _so _go Omarosa on his ass. For real. I would duke it out with the little bitch.

"**Those**, were the sparks I _pretty sure _Darius was talking about." He informed me. Really? I didn't catch that because _I'm an idiot_.

"I don't know what you're talking about _Tom_." I told him sharply.

I was lucky I wasn't spitting all over the place. Cause I really have a tendency to do that when I'm upset. Or singing. Kwest makes fun of me when he has to clean "my nasty girl slobber" off the microphones. Whatever, why is _he _cleaning them? I know Darius had a _hired help _to _clothe _him.

(But I guess he fired whoever the hell _that_ was since he walked around with his shirt completely unbuttoned during the summer. Talk about severely traumatizing. I'm talking _ICU_ traumatizing. Blunt force psyche trauma. McDreamy would have a _hell_ of time fixing me if I ever saw him _sans _shirt. But whatever.)

"Just back off." I told him angrily and stormed into the recording booth. It's not like Tommy _should _be jealous. It wasn't like I was _doing_ Craig. And I wasn't doing Tommy for that matter either. But I certainly wouldn't mind doing Tommy… hmmm.

"Jude!" He said irritably, cutting through my thoughts.

"What?" "Just finish the chorus and we'll go. Ok?" He said almost nicely. So _now _he wants to be friends. What a butt hole.

"Ok Tommy." I said mocking his tone and strumming my guitar slowly to warm up. I heard Spied huff irritably behind me and shot him a deadly look.

I was _this _close to telling Mason that Spied had a crush on him. And I _know_ Mason thinks Spied is hot, cause he told me. And Spied is a _freak_.

"_Chorus_, guys." Tommy said reproachfully as Kwest joined him. Kwest said something very animatedly but I watched Tommy wave him off. What was _that _about?

* * *

Alright, that's it for Chapter 3, longest one yet, here's a peak at next time:

**-Kwest explores the different ways to say _sex, _much to Tommy's dismay**

**-Stormy night. Empty house. Tommy and Jude...**

**-Liam _shows Sadie the ropes _of G-Major until the early morning**

So please review, review, review tell me what you think! I promise to get chapter 4 out within the week:o)


	4. Wake Me Up Before You GoGo

Ok so here is chapter 4, coming at a decent hour, like a cousin of an insomniac post. lol, ok just a few notes about this chapter then I'll stop. I took the idea of the whole _White Lines _being about Tommy and used it with another song in this chapter. You'll just have to read to find out which... :o) So I used some similar dialouge from the show for that scene so you might recognize it lol! Can I just say that I am so excited for Friday's episode, even though it's the last of the season. I will for sure go through withdrawl. lol, and I was re-reading the last chapter and it was kinda dirty, lol. But that's how my mind works a lot of the time, lol, but this one isn't as dirty. lol, ok that's all and on with Chapter 4!

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, really.

* * *

Chapter 4: _Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go_

"Come on man. You can't beat his ass for _talking _to Jude." Tommy shrugged him off crossly.

"They weren't _talking_. They were-"

"What man? Having sex?" Tommy's eyes bulged painfully at his friend who only took it as encouragement.

"Doin' the nasty? Horizontal Macarena? Getting down? Gettin' some _booty call_? What Tom?" Tommy held up a hand in the face of Kwest's growing smirk.

He did **not **want to be thinking about Jude and that kid doing anything of the sort. Besides, its not like he could get anywhere with her since Tommy had shown her the way a _real _man kisses. On her sixteenth birthday. Tommy berated himself, throwing around _molester_ and _pedophile_ to in his head. He looked up at Jude crooning her way through the chorus, oblivious to his stare. He heard her voice pushing past Kwest's glib, one-sided conversation and let it replace and fill his thoughts. He bobbed his head lightly, feeling the beat pulse through him. Despite himself, Tommy could feel himself mouthing the words along with Jude, almost ready to break into song.

Vaguely _West Side Story _(or at least a throw back to a _That's 70's Show _episode that was originally a throw back to _West Side Story._)

Kwest shoved his foot against Tommy's shin from under the soundboard, kicking harder than necessary, but waking Tommy from his reverie.

"Stop it man." He nearly commanded.

"Well to quote the great philosopher, Mick Jagger, _You Can't Always Get What You Want._"

"Yes well I'm familiar with his theories and he also says _but if you try sometimes you get what you need._" Jamie cut in as he entered the room, reciting lines from a pervious _House _episode perfectly.

Tommy cut the tape and signaled for Jude that it was a wrap while she had already climbed off the stool to join them. He faked it away, making it seem like he was waving to SME.

"Stop quoting House. You can never be like him." I told him as I walked in the studio.

"Oh yes, but a boy can dream." Jamie said wistfully, sending us both in a fit of laughter.

"If you're House then I'm Cuddy."

"Really? I always pegged you for the harlot patients that _throw _themselves at Chase." Spied cut in bitingly.

(Actually the only one that ever _really _hit on Chase was a hermaphrodite.

((And a nine-year that coerced him to kiss her. But I'm going to disregard that because it was gross. Even though if you think about it in technical terms, it's not so different from birthday day a year ago. Just more illegal since there was tongue involved. Actually I don't know what sets the bar for legality but it doesn't matter. And I'm also going to pretend I didn't remember that because it doesn't support my point of not being equivalent to a TV whore.))

As I was saying before I was so _rudely interrupted _by… _me_, I was talking about that model from _House _who slept with her father and ended up being a boy. I remember it too.

House was all "Your son is a he."

Then the dad was all "This must be some of kind of joke."

And then House laughed his jaded laugh and said "No, a joke would be me calling you gay." That was funny.

Seriously if I could do any man on TV I would probably pick House. Except maybe not, because after we did it he might tell me that I'm dying of something. And then I would kick him out. And of course he would be naked, because this is my fantasy, in the streets of New York City and would depend on a hooker for shelter. If you're wondering how a hooker materialized, I think you should know better, but it's _of course _becauseour illicit rendezvous will have to take place in the Red Light District. But whatever, because then House would be ensnared into the world of pips named _Mr. Sweet _who would sell off to Eddie Murphy while he was in drag. And then he would be pulled into a steamy love triangle between _Bennifer II _and J.Lo and he would have to meditate. Then the whole ordeal would culminate in House having to sell his sperm to pay back a bottle of _Body Glo_ that he stole from Macy's while his leash was off. It's a really good thing people can't hear me. I would be sent away.)

I looked over at him menacingly. "_Spiederman's Mind Explosion._ I can get Jamie to add some vocals, make it seem like you were _participating_." I threatened.

I don't know why he looked so scared, it's not like I would _actually _do that. The tabloids already claimed Spied was pregnant with Jamie's baby because apparently Spied is actually a girl and Jamie took advantage of him one drunken night. And they also said Tommy has a copy in house, and more specifically in his VCR. That's like saying he plays audio porn on an 8-track.

(And do they think we don't have brains? Well I guess Hollywood doesn't think the people of the world of brains or human reason because they thought everyone else would like _Surviving Christmas_. Duh it would suck, Ben was still fat and looking not-so-_Pearl Harbor._)

_Us Weekly_ also thought I had an illegitimate child with Shay. They claimed we were hiding _the love baby _in the French Islands, in our _hide away love-bungalow. _

People are stupid. Especially Spied.

His stupidity is sometimes astounding. It always shocks the hell outta me when he says stuff like "frenetic" and "precarious". (And, b-t-w I looked up _frenetic _and I am neither _frantic _nor _frenzied _on stage. I am just excitable and sometimes jumpy. Is it so abnormal to get totally freaked out when some weird guy flings himself on stage and kisses your feet? I think _not_. Especially not when he says, "I'll be waiting" like five hundred times before the bouncers can get him away. And besides, there is _so _a double standard. I know for a fact that 50 Cent's security guards would be all over the guy with tasers and stuff. I expected maybe a _little_ whoop ass but all they did was rough the guy up. They didn't even kick him out! Whatever.)

Tommy shot me a look but I threw him one back that told him it wasn't anything important. "I'm just gonna wrap up the tape and get rid of your… Bill O'Reilly incident then we can go." Tommy told me as I nodded lightly, smiling at his reference. I had more pull over him than I thought.

(Normally I would have been slightly offended that I was compared to Bill O'Reilly. I mean he was just _gross_. And there definitely weren't any cyber blogs about me so I wasn't as nasty. And I didn't terrorize an intern or whatever the hell she was. But _really_ who would want to sexually harass _her_? If I were a dude I would _not _try to get into _her _pants. She was ugly. "_I said no to him and no to him and no to him and no to him and no to him and no to him and **no to him**!" _Cue my mocking-sing-song-ridiculing-and-demeaning-voice above.)

As I walked out into the reception area I found it twistedly ironic that I saw my sister and Liam walking out together. Looking _very _**Brangelina**.

(And note that I used a celebrity couple that I despise. Angelina is a home wrecker and I effing hate her. Forever. I want to take a tire iron and hit her lips until all the Jell-O she is squirreling away in them explodes all over her hollow cheeks. And besides, I cannot condone a _Ladie_ hook up. Hahaha, that was funny. _Ladie. _Like a mix between Liam and Sadie but it spells out _ladie. _What have I been eating?)

Can I just say gross about a thousand times over? Tommy to Liam? She _totally _traded down. Who can compete with a hair-gelled, brooding, sexy ex-boy bander? Uh, that would be _no one_.

Except maybe David Hasselhoff.

(I have a weird obsession with him. I even photo shopped this picture of him with some lady and put my head on her body. That's actually where I got the idea to go blonde.

_Here's the story_: I had just watched an episode of _Bay Watch_ while I was moping about Jamie dumping me. I don't know why I was the hell in bed, but whatever.

And I was like "David Hasselhoff is a _sexy _man."

So I googled him and found out that he not only has an incredible amount of celebrity in Germany, he was in a show with a talking car or something. I know it was called _Knight Rider._ Then I found this fangirl website and it had pictures of him, and when I saw a picture of him with another woman I was outraged. I actually screamed but whatever. So I cut her head out and doctored the image in _Paint _and put my head on her body. But, I thought to myself: "If I want to get a guy like David, I have to be like her damn it!" And I pointed to the Barbie with my transplanted head even though no one was around me. _Good thing_.

She had long blonde hair and huge boobs, and I was still pissed and irrational about Jamie so I googled _breast implants_ only because I was on a sleep-deprived high. Even though it hadn't been my first experience, (I accidentally went on Kyle's laptop on tour and I don't really look at him the same) when I got these nasty site results, I almost cried. So then I was like _Oh_ _what the hell? Sadie's blonde_. That should have been my red flag, **right there**.

If I am trying to emulate Sadie in _any_ way I should put in a straight jacket and taken to Anne Heche's house and be forced to listen to the psycho babble of a crazy woman who simultaneously plugs her Lifetime movies and tells me how to go lesbian and back. Only _then_ I will be restored with my senses, give Anne a long blonde wig, tell her

**A.** to never ask for a _pageboy _bob at the solon _ever again _

**B.** to go apologize to Ellen and send her and the lady from _Arrested Development _a salad spinner signed by Emril in celebration of their civil union and

**C.** that God never spoke to her in middle of the desert and that she really didn't _need _to ever take her top off again. And then _not _go and dye my hair beach blonde.

But I didn't have that luxury and went straight for the kill. I kinda think that this hair thing was more for Tom than for me. Which in itself is alarming. I mean, Tommy thinks that _Star Jones_ is sexy. He told me so. I was faking sick one time and I made him sit with me on a couch at G-Major in Hospitality and watch _The View._ I started a _would-you-rather_ and he picked Star over that skinny girl from Survivor because he said, "Star Jones is a sexy, sexy lady." But I will _never _sink that low.

Wait…

Maybe who was Kwest who said that?

I need to realign myself and gather my thoughts. I think there's something wrong with me. It's like the mental ramblings of a crazy person. It won't be long until I'm on Oprah preaching about my religion and jumping up and down on the couch, screaming about how much I love my fiancé. But since I don't have one, I yell and scream about how much I love my dog. But inevitably the ASPCA will be informed and things will get ugly. So it's better to right myself to prevent my life from spiraling out of control. Note the sarcasm.)

I screamed loudly as Jamie pummeled me from behind, knocking us both to the floor. What a butt head.

"What's your damage?"

"Oh, nothing. Just a certain under age blonde singer and her producer with pedophilic tendencies." I looked at him sharply.

"I'm pretty sure that Eden is over 18 but I don't think Chaz would ever hit that. He might catch something." I told him, trying to joke away his accusations.

"Spied came to me with some _lady_ troubles today." He told me as he tired to be suave. HA! Excuse my while I laugh!

Wait a minute.

_Vincent Spiederman_, groupie magnet was asking _Jamie Andrews _emo-extraordinaire for _girl advise_? The world must be rotating off its axis.

And soon Kofi Annan and Paris Hilton will switch personalities and we'll see Kofi pole dancing while Paris warns the world to cut back on oil consumption or whatever he does since the US invaded Iraq. I think I'm going to faint.

"But… Nana gave us _the talk _before the tour. I think she made _everything _pretty clear." I sputtered. I just didn't like the idea that two of my exes were conferring about me. This might be worse than when Meredith found out Derek was married. Well maybe not.

"She _is _pretty thorough, what with the _pie charts_ and diagrams. But it wasn't about that." He told me with a light shudder. I can relate.

When Nana tries to make sock puppets look like rapists and European muggers, no one is safe.

I looked at him incredulously. "It was about you." He told me in a very Cher-Horowitz manner. I was about to ask him if he was going shopping with Dionne later but Pasty called him from Studio 2.

"Hey Jimmy! Come unblock my system. I need to let my juices flow." She growled, setting images in my mind that I _did not _need. Ever.

Yuck. _Jastie_ sex. Ew. Jamie scampered off and as soon as she grabbed a hold of him, and slammed the door with a leather-_Caveman Days_-inspired club, I knew I would not be seeing Jamie for a _long, long _time. Gross. Again. And where did she get that club!

I turned around at the sound of the studio door opening and closing and saw Wally approaching me. "Hey Marky-Mark." (That's my nickname for him. It actually does stem from his name somewhat:

_Wally **sounds like**…_

_wall. **Wall…berg. **_

_Reminds me of famous actor… _

_**Mark Wallberg **who was a…_

_**rapper** in… _

**_Marky-Mark and the Funky Bunch_**.

It's like my screwed up version of _6 degrees of Separation_. My mind works in astounding ways.) He laughed lightly and wrapped an arm around me, leading me to the couch. This was already weird. Wally was _super _**hands-off **with me. His girlfriend, Kirby, has a regimentally strict _no-touch _policy concerning Wally and 'that little closet skank, _Jude._' People think I'm deaf. I'm not. But people are stupid.

He sat us down on the couch where Spied and I had broken up on this morning.

Everything got weirder as Wally scooted closer to me. God I wish I were _Bubble-Boy_ so I could have an excuse to move away from him. He wouldn't put my life in danger if he thought I had no immune system…

"Jude" he started almost nervously. Ok, if he is asking me what I _think _he is asking me I'm going to flip. I will never date him. And I will never be his _friend with benefits_. He already asked me on tour like fifty times in his sleep. It was funny then. Not so much now.

"I heard about you and Spied. And I just want to say… I know why."

What? "Um, _why _what Wally?"

"_Jude_ I know, _why_."

This was all too _Friends_ for me. He was being clueless and stupid like Ross. Stupid asses.

"Oh… Wally." I started ruefully. This was not funny. "Spied and I, we broke up uh… because we just want _different things_." I stumbled. Irreconcilable differences, party of four… And I'll be damned if Renee and Kenny get to the judge before us!

Wally silenced me with a _hush _and put his fingers on my lips. This was really weird. "Don't speak." He said in a rushed whisper, removed his fingers and smashed his lips onto mine.

Oh my God, this is not,_ not, _**not **happening to me.

Why was I being punished! Too many Tom Cruise jokes? I promise I'll stop to whoever is controlling _this._

I was about to shove Wally off of me when I heard rancorous laughing coming from near the studio door. There had to be something I was missing if anyone thinks _this _is funny. Because it wasn't and I was ready to pull someone's teeth out of their head. I felt Wally pull away from abruptly, thrashing his hands though the air and giving a _Hang 10 _hand gesture behind him. No one surfs here. I turned around to see Spied, Wally and Kwest come out from behind an enormous plant.

What the hell?

Kyle came over giving Wally a gruff high-five while Spied followed, laughing like a monkey. Kwest came over with a good-natured laugh but grudgingly handing Wally four paper bills.

No really, _what the hell_?

Spied was still doubled over with laughter but managed to gasp "Oh my God dude. That was _so _funny. You should have seen your face." He said loudly and pointed to me. I looked around the group of the four, asking what was going on.

"Harmless bet." Kwest said with a small shrug and a laugh. _Harmless_ my ass. This was Spied's idea and I'm _so _going to get him back. But he doesn't need to know that.

I laughed along with them, assuring Wally that: 'no, _really, _you got me.'

And stroking Spied's ego with: 'even better than on tour. Really, _really_ funny.' Tommy walked out and I nearly sighed in relief and ran over to him, waving goodbye to the others.

"Bye you gu-"

"_No, don't speak!_" Spied yelled after me with a loud laugh. Ha ha ha.

I made a mad dash for the car, faintly aware that Tommy was right behind me. When I approached the Cobra I realized the top was up and I couldn't help but wonder if Tommy checked the weather obsessively for the sake of his cars. What a weirdo. I flung the passenger's door open, jumping with a loud huff. Tommy joined me seconds later, and shook the rain from his hair. He looked like a Calvin Klein model. Irene Marie should be coming up north for him.

I watched him closely, not realizing I started to start shamelessly. But _seriously _I could make out all the contours of his body. His shirt was soaked through and clung to him harder than Paris should clutch her T-Mobile, emphasizing his muscular arms and perfected abdomen. He cleared his throat subtle, bringing me back to reality and spun his key around inside the ignition giving a smile when the car purred underneath us. If he calls it _she _I will throw up all over _her _just to spite him. And her. And I'll name it _Bertha_. And call it **Big Bertha**. He'll get mad, and I'll laugh. I heard myself snort out loud as it mingled with the heater and wet air from outside and swirled around us. See I was _already _laughing about it. The rain pattered steadily against the car loudly, almost painfully. It seemed like all of Toronto had been at the mercy of that X-men. Well she was a girl, so… _X-Women_? Halley Berry played her in the movie… I really wanna say _Storm _but I think that's comin' outta my ass.

I looked out the window, watching the raindrops race each other to sill where they disappeared. I watched someone of them fly solo while other raindrops rolled into one another, forming a big ball of rain. It was fun, and I felt like I was wrapped in a wet …blanket. But not in a bad way.

(Not like one of the triplets from _My Super Sweet Sixteen_ and they all called her the 'wet blanket', even though I would just call her a prude and tell her not to wear a Vegas Showgirl getup thing ever, _ever _again. Bad **bad **move.)

"Ready?" He asked me with a shrug to secure his jacket over his shoulders.

"Yep." I told him as he held the back of my headrest, looking between the seats as he backed out.

"What time is it?" I asked suddenly remembering McDreamy. I watched Tommy lean forward slightly to look at the dashboard where the clock was.

"9:50" he told me. "Why?" I looked at him blankly for a moment, ready to ask why he couldn't remember when I had told him in morning when he inhaled. "Right… _McDreamy_." He said with slight disdain.

"When I become famous enough, I'll find Patrick Dempsey and I will tell him about your irrational dislike of him." I informed Tommy on a laugh. "Girl, you already are famous enough. And what I say? My girl seems to like him better than me." He said seriously. Way to kill the mood. In a good way. In the best way.

I looked over at him as I realized he was parking in my driveway. Our eyes locked for a moment and I felt a sharp twinge shot through my system, stemming to my toes. I felt my face heat and blush in spite of myself.

God I'm like my history teacher, who always has an inexplicably red face. And his sorta bald, so his scalp is red too; and so is his stubby little neck. At that visual I quickly calmed myself and looked away. I really didn't want to leave. I really wanted to stay with Tommy, even if we were only talking.

"So... how do ya like my new song?"

"Hm? _White Lines_?" I nodded with a small _yes. _He looked at me seriously for a moment before a smile swept across his face. He leaned in close to me, barely an inch away from my face. I was physically restraining myself from closing the distance and have my _wicked way with him_, in his car. He inhaled, making my knuckles go white from grasping the door's handle so tightly.

"I love it." He told me softly. He leaned away slowly but I slumped back quickly with a small huff.

"Well good." I told him cheerfully.

"Sooo. I better _go._" I pointed both my thumbs towards the car door. _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy _anyone? (

Mostly stories with hitchhikers don't end well. Except for the time on _Friend's _when Phoebe picked up a nice hitchhiker and they played the games that Joey wouldn't because he was asleep. But I think the only reason her hitchhiker was nice was because there was that plastic window thing separating the front and the back since it was her Grandma's old cab. Wait… didn't she like have her ashes in there or something? God I _love_ that show.)

I heard Tommy grunt softly in response and unlocked the doors for me. I wouldn't meet his gaze but I could feel his eyes on me. I ran through the rain to my front door to find a note.

_Mom's out with Don. Liam istaking me to dinner. Talking business expense account._

_C u l8r- Sades_

She added an irritating little winking face after _account _like I didn't get what she _really_ meant. My skull is not that thick. _Why_ not just sign in _Sexy Sadie _and be done with it? I'll _bet_ he was taking her to a _business _dinner. With his only business being trying to get in my sister's pants. But Sadie is smarter than that. I hope.

I fished around my pockets looking for my key and realized it was sitting on the table on the other side of the door. The warm, dry side of my door. DAMN IT! I rushed back to the Cobra (it doesn't have that nice ring like _The Viper _did. I miss that car.)

"I'm locked out." I said loudly as I puffed out a huge breath of air after Tommy let me back in the car. He sat silent for a moment, contemplating something. I was _so_not going back to his place. There were probably shrines to the glory days of Boyz Attack and Kelly Ripa. Can anyone say _One Hour Photo_? That was a side of Tommy I would _never _need or want to see. But there were _other _parts, though, that I wouldn't mind _exploring _**at all**. Ok, I probably shouldn't be thinking about that right now. Well, never.

"Come on." He said with at glance at me. I saw a twinkle in his eye that made my stomach flutter. He rushed to my door while I trailed behind closely.

The awning didn't reach very far so I huddled close to him, away from the rain. He materialized a pocketknife from his leather jacket, startling me mildly. He's like _It _and _Patch Adams _rolled into one hair-gelled ex-boy bander. My lights should have been blaring along with my inner sirens but I watched in fascination as he jiggled the knife through the key slot and opened the door with ease.

"After you, Miss Harrison." He said cordially, as I grudgingly let go of him and walked through my doorway. I let my bag drop forcefully as I inhaled the familiar scent of my home. I looked over at Tommy, who stared back at me plainly.

"Are you alone?" He asked, his voice thick with concern.

"Yea. But no one's gonna pull a _Sara Michelle Gellar _and go all _I Know What You Did Last Summer_ on me. Don't worry." I said.

Tommy shook his head, obviously opposed to the idea. Why? It's not like I was gonna put my finger in an electrical socket or something. I know how to stay alive. I huffed as if it _really _bothered me that he was staying. But in reality it felt nice to have some around. Especially Tommy. He looked down at his watch.

"Don't wanna miss McVomit." He told me on a laugh. I was about to give him a sour look when I realized he was right and raced for the TV. But my foot caught on the rug, causing me to fly in the air like a blond Good Year Blimp.

Or one of those cool Nickelodeon blimps they give out at those awards. I would be eternally happy and retire if I got one of those, and I would demand that they slime me. Maybe that's why I haven't been put out for those awards. Whatever.

Grey's Anatomy came and went without anyone getting it on. Well not _officially _but Meredith and McVet looked cozy. I was thoroughly disappointed. I flipped to the HBO channels as _The Sopranos_ played in front of us. I let the remote fall, needing to catch up on my _Mafia Blues_, but the screen went black as scenes changed.

I was hoping they would cut to Uncle Junior who recently went off the deep end but it _really _did **not**; it cut to some gross old people sex. And let me tell you Tony may be fat and old be he is _springy_. Poor Carmela, she probably can't even breathe with all that girth on top of her. The speakers emitted a long, loud, breathy moan; instantly making me blush and change the channel. Maybe she _didn't _mind.

I heard Tommy snicker but I wouldn't look in his direction. I would die. I squealed in delight as I found _Zoolander _on the next channel. Tommy groaned next to me.

"You can not be dissing** Zoolander. **You just can't."

"Yes I can. Listen. I hate Zoolander." He told me.

"You can't hate _this_! It's the best thing _ever _produced from Hollywood. It has Ben Stiller. It has Owen Wilson! I love Owen. I mean for God's sake it has the old father from _King of Queens_." Tommy looked at me, smirking snidely.

"Ok. So maybe I haven't seen it." He confessed.

My jaw dropped. Was that _even _possible? How can anyone _not _have seen Zoolander? It should be an international law! Everyone must see Zoolander or they get kicked off the planet! "We are _so_ watching this."

A half an hour later, Tommy was sitting on the couch tittering with laughter as I stood in front of him singing _Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go_ at the top of my lungs while a _Jetta _commercial played behind us. I stopped mid crescendo with a piece of popcorn in my mouth to turn around to watch the rest of the commercial.

I felt myself gasp loudly as a car of double-daters got smashed from the side. As the scene flashed to the one lady going _"Holy-" _I realized I sorta couldn't breath. I tried to cough the kernel free from my throat but I couldn't. Tommy was looking at me really funny, asking me if I was ok. Does it look like I'm ok? Well I guess I don't really know. I started to grasp for air, feeling extremely lightheaded and on the cusp of passing out.

Damn it, what's the international sign for _Help-me-you-shit-face!-I'm-chocking_? I tried to mouth to Tommy that I couldn't breath but he looked like he was watching a _Muzzy_ tape for Russian.

I fell onto my knees as I felt them give out, and clutched the table for support, trying to dislodge the damn thing on my own. When I knelt, trying to extricate the popcorn in vain, I swear I saw a white light. _Don't worry Ringo, I'll tell George how much you love him_!

I was convinced I was going to die right then but I guess it finally registered in Tommy's head that I was chocking because the next thing I knew he was behind me, thrusting his clenched fists into my abdomen as his body shook with mine. Oooo, dirty.

After a moment I watched the kernel shot from my mouth and disgustedly place itself complacently on the floor. That thing is staring at me. I wheezed for a minute, trying to refill my lungs and feed my brain. After a few raspy gasps I felt my light head deflating and the rest of my body gain some sensation. Holy crap-on-toast that was _scary_. I thought I was going to die. I spun around and saw Tommy staring at me, wide-eyed with utter concern and shock.

"Are you ok?" He barely let his words escape. I nodded lightly, and then wrapped my arms around him lovingly. He literally just saved my life. I inhaled, vowing to _never take one single breath for granted_. And if I get the chance to sit out or dance… _I'll dance_. And I'll still feel small when I stand by the ocean... Ok I need to _stop _quote Lee Ann Womack. It's scaring me.

I felt all of Tommy invading my senses, I guess this how it feels when you're possessed. What the hell was wrong with Linda Blair? It feels nice, and safe. And warm. But I guess Tommy isn't Lucifer. I felt myself loosing control and all I wanted to do was jump Tommy's bones. I also felt my childhood slipping away from me as I realized _this _was why Prince Charming always saves the damsel in distress. He's just lookin' to get laid. What a dog.

I pulled away before I lost all the feeling in my brain stem and all ability to reason. "Thanks." I murmured in his ear. I released a small breath of air that I didn't know I was holding, feeling Tommy tense in my arms. I ruefully broke our embrace and shrugging off the incident as Ben Stiller came back. Tommy looked at me for a moment, checking that I was all right and regained his seat on the couch.

I looked over at him and then at the cushion next to him, hearing it call my name. _'Jude Harrison-Quincy… Jude Quincy-Harrison… Little Jude Q…_' I need to stop the insanity. I think chronic insanity has finally set in. I am crazy. I am insane in the membrane. I got no brain. No really, my screws are loose.

I looked at Tommy who seemed utterly riveted in the _Zoolander vs. Hansel_ walkoff. I watched turn towards me, his eyes still glazed with anxiety. He held out his arm, beckoning for me to join him.

You read my mind Mr. Quincy. I crawled across the area rug to sit with him, slithering up the leather, feeling the soft material against my bare feet and Tommy's arm coming around me, enclosing me in a soft embrace. I could get used to this. I felt Tommy rumble with laughter underneath me as _Han-suck _pulled his underwear out of his leather pants. I joined in even though I had seen this more than hundred times.

The movie ticked by, at the end I heard Tommy's satisfied sigh a laugh still in his eyes. I was afraid he was going to leave. I waited apprehensively for a few minutes, but he made no move to. He didn't even slap his hands on his thighs expectantly like the guys always do on TV. Paul Newman flashed in front of my eyes as the sexified host announced the next movie. Blah, I've seen that too many times for my own sanity. Which is apparently slipping away like _sands through the hourglass, and so are the Days of Our Lives_.

"You can not just turn off _The Sting._ It's bad karma. And it's mean." Tommy told me, using my previous words.

"Yes I can. Watch." I mocked his words in turn and flipped to another channel.

_A half hour later..._

"Yea, no mom. Mom." I stopped and waited for her to stop and listen.

"I'm _fine._" I listened for a few moments to her exasperated sigh. She asked if I was still alone. I hesitated, I knew she meant Sadie but I didn't want to lie to her.

"Um, no." I said vaguely. My mom breathed a small sigh of relief.

"Look, I'll be home in a few days. Till then, just go to school. And be good." I was about to protest loudly but I heard the dial tone cut the other end.

Ugh. I wandered back to my room, reeling that I had to go back to school. I already had a few _Fast Times at Ridge Mont High _comebacks for my stupid teachers and everything. I was thoroughly disappointed and flopped onto my bed with a sigh. I faintly noted Tommy's presence but it became abundantly clear with the mattress depressed next to me and I looked over and saw him staring back at me.

He lips formed a _w_ but I told him before he could ask.

"My mom."

I saw him nod as his lips formed anther _w_ but I stopped him again.

"To see if I was ok."

He nodded again and looked up at my ceiling. I saw him reach underneath his back, panicking me because I thought he was gonna pull a fast, slightly kinky one on me. But he revealed a familiar leather bound notebook that I recognized as my tour notebook. I normally would have gasped and made him think I was offended and he betrayed my personal space or whatever, but I let it go.

He flipped a few pages and showed me a page with doodled hearts adorning the title. _There's Us. _Ok, now he was gonna get it. If they thought the _Sex and the City _women were bitchy, they had no idea. I snatched it forcefully and threw the notebook across the room. I opened my mouth to ream him out when he held up and hand and stalked across the room towards the dejected object.

He bent down to pick it up and flipped to the song again. Was he stupid? Did that whole _throwing it_ not process through his brain to tell him that I didn't want him to read it? **God, **he must be seriously more stupid than I thought.

"Leave it Quincy." I said, sounding mean to my own ears. But he didn't flinch; he kept staring at the lyrics.

He sat down, to face me; in my purple-Scooby Do blowup chair that I got with I was nine.

It sagged and shrieked, "RUT ROOOOW!" loudly, as the mechanical tinkering filled the still air in the room. Every time he shifted,

Scooby reminded us that he wanted a "SCROOBY SNRACK!" or that he "SRAW A MONSTER!"

As Scooby shouted finally that he "SHARGGY ARE HURNGRY!" I pursued Tommy and gripped the notebook tightly.

With his eyes still focused on my lyrics he tugged back and I found myself grunting in frustration. Why was he being such a butt? "Let it go, Quincy!" I groaned. He looked up at me and saw my struggle. He started to smile and it made me want to smack him so silly that his hair gel ran scared.

"Sing it." He asked me. I felt my grip loosen and slack completely as I stared at him. Everything in me told me not to.

(I wonder if this was how Tori Spelling felt with the Vh1 executives about her show. I know my life wouldn't be half as fun to document. I mean I never go in sex shops. And if I ever saw Shannon Doherty I would ask her for Rick's autograph. Well then she would probably scratch the hair from my skull and write in lipstick on my car. But since I don't have a car she would write on Tommy's car. And in that instance I don't think he would refrain from hitting a girl. But I don't think Shannon is a female. She's more like a raving lunatic that needs to be put in a separate class for the safety of humanity. I mean even Yelling-Tyra-Banks is like "wow, bitch, calm down." Cue Z-snap here.)

And despite every thought that ran through my brain I threw open my closet and fished out my oldest guitar. It was my dad's. And I won't go all _weepy_. Cause it's not a weepy story. It's gross, but I'll tell you anyways.

It was a hot summer day and my parents had just met. To make a _long _and terrifyingly _graphic _story less in both aspects my dad serenaded my mom and then she deflowered him next to the guitar.

Yuck.

I am going to die.

But I love this guitar.

I started a slow riff and picked up my tempo as I decided to skip the verse and go to the prelude to the chorus. "_If I was stupid_

_Maybe careless _

_So are you_" I held the last word, letting it shimmer to Tommy.

"_Not everything is supposed to come true  
__Some words are best unsaid  
_My word gloated over to him as he was about to get up. But when Scooby started the beginnings of a horrible demand he stayed completely still in a half sitting, half getting up position. I could make a Jack Black inspired joke but I'll refrain. This was a little on the serious side.

_Some love is not really love at all  
I'll keep everything I shared with you  
And that's enough  
There's us" _I held _us_ like I had held out _you_ previously but up an octave. I was afraid I wouldn't hit it and it would be this ugly sound. But despite my shaky voice it came out perfectly and lured Tommy farther and farther.

I stopped and let the chords die away. I flipped my hair in a Barbie-ish manner. And reminding myself slightly of Portia. _Sadie_ would be proud; _Pasty_ would smash a beer bottle against my head and then tag my rotting corpse.

"Girl, _this_, **needs **to be on your album." He told me.

I shook my head; that was the _last_ thing I would ever want. I didn't write this for anyone to hear. I wrote it so that I could tuck away that part of me and keep away from the rest of me. I wrote it and hid it away so that I could never find that part of me again. So that Tommy could never find it. So that Tommy couldn't have my heart.

"**Why**?" he asked desperately in whisper. I just shrugged in response but he wouldn't let it go.

He was starting to remind me of a basset hound I saw on the fishing channel once. The dog found this fish and wouldn't let it go and bit into it and like ate it. Tommy was a sexy basset hound, but still a basset hound. I'd be damned if I let him eat me.

OH MY GOD, I didn't just say that. No I _never_ thought that in my life. That was just a blank moment in time where thoughts _never_ passed through my head. Nope, _nothing_.

"**Come on**" he pleaded. No means no Tommy.

I shook my hand in response "But why _not_?" he pleaded again. My temperature was starting rise and I was starting to get tired of him not dropping this thing.

(And I was **not **referring to that stupid Jamaican song. That stupid man wasn't even speaking English. He was just saying _sexy, warm, girl, and the right temp'a'ture_ in no particular order. And stupid people started to dance like skanks and man-whores to it in the clubs and suddenly he's a celebrity. Suddenly he's an _artist_. He just a stupid, braided boy with a bad accent.)

I was about to crack. "I just don't want to."

"Jude you **gotta **give me a better reason than _because._"

Snap, crackle, _pop_.

"Because it's about you! Ok? Happy?" I squeaked while I crossed my arms over my chest on _happy_.

He better not say yes. I watched my words circle around us like Tobey McGuire on those rooftops. But I wanted to snatch my words and stuff them right back into my mouth. I didn't want Tommy to know. I didn't want to admit it. DAMN HIM and his sneaky, cunning ways.

"Yea. There is it. _There's us_." I told him.

The room darkened as thunder clapped outside and shook us. I felt him close to me, his breath hot on my face. I looked up trying to find his eyes in the dark. His blue orbs shone brilliantly before I closed my eyes as I felt his lips press against mine. I fervently kissed him back, feeling him wrap his arms around my waist and pulling me closer. I felt my hands snake up his back and let my hands rest in his hair.

His lips pushed harder onto mine, with more desire and tender demand. I met his zeal, nipping at his lower lip playfully as he groaned and recaptured mine again. I felt his tongue gently against my lips as he kissed me more passionately, more wanting. I parted my lips lightly and felt his tongue snake past my teeth. I grasped his lips more firmly as the intensity heightened.

With my nerves on edge I felt every swift brush and small twist. We broke apart suddenly when it became apparent that the thunder had stopped growling outside and that the dull thuds were coming from the front door. I stood there for a minute, staring at him in amazement.

I opened my mouth remembering the whole _forget it ever happened _bullshit from my birthday but Tommy cut me off. He crushed his lips onto mine again, silencing my voice. Silencing my thoughts. I felt my mind go blank as I sneaked my tongue past his lips, feeling their softness while my knees buckled.

The storm raged outside but compared to Tommy and I, it sounded like Goldie Locks shedding teeny, tiny tears. I felt his hands slide down my back, creeping farther and farther towards my Southern border. But I am _all _for illegal immigration. Seriously _illegal_. I pulled away as a small moan escaped my own lips as I watched him smile coyly down at me.

"I better go let her in."

I looked back at him for moment as he straightened up, stretching his arms high above his head. All I really wanted to do was go back and re-enact the last scene from _Never Been Kissed_. Tommy nodded his head numbly, slumping back frozenly and reminding me of a sexy Hunchback. I shook myself of my Michael Vartan thoughts but I realized that if Sadie hadn't been at the door I might have let him ring my bell. Ok that was gross. I shouldn't word things that way but I'm perpetually in a gutter.

But I like my gutter. We get along. I've decorated it with flowers and Kurt Cobain posters. And I sprayed _Febreeze _so you can barely smell the Spiederman influence anymore. It's _that _fresh.

Ahhh, the **Juderman **era... That was a sad time for my gutter and I; Spied really put a lot of strain on our relationship. He was too possessive and didn't realize I thought dirty _way_ before him and would continue to.

I crawled down the stairs wondering why the hell I hadn't turned on any lights. I was wobbling like a baby gazelle, attaching myself to the railing like I was Nicole Richie and the banister was my enormous bug-sun glasses. Does she realize it looks like some aliens beamed down and sucked up her face and gave her those sunglasses to cover it up? Yes, it is _quite _attractive.

Another loud bang set my nerves spiraling out of control as I slipped and smashed my butt on hard wood. I sighed and looked up to heaven.

Why was God doing this to me?

Was this about the sexy Devil from _Joan of Arcadia_?

I'm really sorry about that.

If it's any consolation I thought that Jack Nicholson as the Devil in _The Witches of Eastwick _was ugly as butt.

A strike of lightening illuminated the staircase for a moment, followed by a clap of thunder outside. I guess the Trinity was feelin' my apology. Maybe I was asking for this, like I had it coming. Talk about _Cry Wolf_, **God**. Except not really, I was just thinking about that movie.

But as I thought more about _Cry Wolf, _and how that guy looked like Spinner from Degrassi, I realized it might not have been Sadie at the door. I let out a shivering scream thinking it could be Emily Rose or something. I heard Tommy's thundering footsteps as he joined me halfway down the stairs.

"What's wrong?" He asked with concern in his voice.

"Um, nothing." I stuttered, as I pushed forward towards the door. Sadie pounded against the door with substantial force making me jump and cling forcefully to Tommy. Oh God, I was scared but I knew it was Sadie because she started yelling at me. Whore. I was trying to let her in, she should **not **be yelling at me. Hadn't anyone ever told her not to shit where she eats? I mean we had the same parents; you would think she would know this too. Whatever.

"I'm coming!" I screamed back at her sailor-like curses from within Tommy's arms.

He looked down at me and laughed lightly while he shook his head. I finally reached the door and undid the deadbolt and swung the door open.

"Well color him young John Travolta. You look like _Carrie_." I told my sister who just glowered in response.

_20 minutes later..._

We settled in front of the TV, a Conan O'Brien rerun playing in front of us. I love his dancing. Looking past the risk of vomit, I'll quote _Jerry McGuire_. Conan _completes me._ I think I'll pick up sign language just to learn how to tell him.

I watched Sadie staring Tommy down as he pretended not to notice. He laughed a little too loudly at a joke Conan made.

"That wasn't a joke, Tommy." I informed him with caution. I did not want to see him burst.

"Tommy likes to _betray _people like that." Sadie said dangerously to me while she was still looking at Tommy.

"That doesn't even make **_sense_**, _Sadie_." Tommy sneered at her from across the room.

"Am I being _Punk'd_ or what?" I said loudly. Tommy looked at him quizzically.

"Do you _watch _TV?" Sadie asked rhetorically and followed it up with a nice little _burn_. "Oh wait, I _forgot_. You're too busy screwing models for anything else." Ouch.

"No really. **ASHTON**? Where are you Ashton?" I shouted.

I was reminding myself of Anna Farris in _Just Friends._ It's only a matter of time before I start eating _Aqufresh_ out of the bottle and enticing married couples in threesomes. Gross. Tommy and Sadie didn't seem to notice me and kept going at it like Joan Rivers and Brigitte Nelson. But I _really _do **not **think the _C-word_ will be batted about. At all.

* * *

Hmmm, fight of flight? lol, anyway that's all for chapter 4, I'm planning on Craig being in the next one. But I want to thank **_thatgirlyoucanttrust _((my family _does _think I'm crazy. When I was trying to think of a girlified name for Spiederman, I screamed _Spiederma _really loudly. But they're used to me, lol)), _Duddley111 _((That was a really sexual chapter, lol, but it was quite an M, lol. And so we're my little sneaks but that's how I work. I entice people with sex. Ok that was weird, disregard me please lol)), _Tommy4eva _((no seriously, Tommy for ever and ever and ever. lol, I love your handle and that is my new motto. _Tommy 4 eva! _But I'm so glad you liked it!)), _VilandraofAntar _((I totally did not know Amy wasn't with the show anymore. I am sad, she seemed really cool! I can not wait for the season finale tomorrow, I have a feeling of a Chris/Loreli hook up... sneaky sneak! lol And I hope the Jommy action filled your quota, I could have more on the way if you like... lol!)) and _tommys21 _((I still really can't decide what I want to do with them yet, lol so I just let that part out))**

Here's a little sneak at next time:

**-a little white pill (and not, it's not _drugs, drugs _lol)**

**-_Joode _goes back to school for a fleeting moment**

**-Damage control with a lip lock? **

There you have it, lol! Please review and the faster I'll get chapter 5!


	5. Dirty Little Secret

So, it seems that sick days really benefit fanfictions. I think I spent like 6 hours today, esentially writing this chapter lol. I rewrote the last scene from chapter 4, so it's the same with some added info on Victoria's where-abouts and pop-cultureness. lol, I want to thank **_lolo87 _(I was totally in love with that line from _Just Friends _too, and then whenI found somewhere I could put in this fic, I did a dance, lol.), _Tommy4eva _(lol,I often throw things too. Yesterday my brother was singing _24 Hours _really loudly, and subsituting it with his own lyrics and I threw a remote at him. It actually hit his tooth on accident, it wasn't funny at first and then it was _really_ funny! lol, don't worry I hate mean Tommy so I don't plan on writing him like that, lol), _mirage09 _(I am so glad someone else depises Brangenlina with me! lol, _Friends _was pretty much the best thing _ever_! I'm so glad you liked it too!), _aubibi_ (Ahh, I'm so glad you love it! I hope you like this chapter just as much!),_VilandraofAntar_(Ohmy God! Did you see the season finale! I knew Chris and Loreli wouldhook up! I actaully feel bad for Luke even though I kindahated him since April. I used to watch _Veronica Mars_ and then I just forgot to watch it lol)and _Duddley111_(I'm glad you like the _raciness _lol,Icouldn't think of a better word.Sometimes I'm not sure if it's too gross, but I don't think I've gotten there... _yet_. But Ihave some plans for Portia and Kwest andSadie and Liam lol) **and everyonewho reads this! Ilove you guys, you make me so happy! A lot happens in this chapter, an oldcharacter comes back.I think that's all about this chapterand I hope you guys like it!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Instant Star, the lyrics to _Lous XIV_'s _Paper Doll_, or anything else.

* * *

Chapter 5: _Dirty Little Secret_

"Sadie, did you know mom was-"

"On a _little getaway _with Don. Yea." Sadie retorted in faint disgust as she pursed her lips of her two crooked front teeth.

(I think Death Cab must have gotten a look at her teeth and suddenly inspired to write a song. But I don't think that anyone from that band would _brave treacherous streets with kids strung out on homemade speed_ for Sadie. She routinely calls them emo freaks that should need to invest in crates of _Prozac_. Then I tell her that Brittany's baby is an alien and that K-Fed ate the placenta. –I may have switched the rumors I heard about Tomkat's baby and used them for Brit and Kev, but whatever- then she rushes to find a _People_. Then she yells at me that I'm full of it, but by then I stop listening. She makes my brain want to seep from my ears in pain.)

And as for mom and Don, I have nothing to say. I'm sure you're wondering why, but I can't tell you since the wave of vomit is impairing my speech. She crossed her arms over her chest in upset, but I didn't know why. It wasn't like our mom and Don were doin' it right in front of us. Please cue shudder here for me since that nausea is raring its smelly head again.

But when I followed her gaze I found myself looking at a very sheepish Tommy Quincy. He crossed his arms over his stomach like he was frickin' Lizzy McGuire.

(And b-t-w have you seen the brother for that show lately? They always have those Disney public service announcements about reading and stuff, and I was watching _The Suite of Zack and Cody_ and one time I saw him. I screamed. Loudly. My dog barked at me. He thought there was someone like burglarizing me, or raping me. He wouldn't get off the couch. Then he sat on my leg. And wouldn't move. It fell asleep and smelled like a wet dog. It was gross. The Disney Channel and I are not currently on speaking terms. I think everyone will benefit from the conclusion I made: -especially Haley Joel Osman –_I see dead people _will haunt him for the rest of his life, no pun intended-- that all things bad can come from child stars growing up. It's a good thing I wasn't like 10 when I won Instant Star, or everyone would hate me. -Jojo will have a long way to overcome her 13-year-old… _ness_. But she was singing about some douche that cheated on her and wore Spandex tops in her video so I think _all_ men will always look past her age and stare at her boobs- Well actually they kinda hated me before, but I think I'm winning them back. But whatever.)

Sadie dried herself and came downstairs, staring menacingly at Tommy as she walked over to the couch farthest away from him. At first I thought she was moving away from _me _since Tommy and I were on the same couch, but then I looked over saw Tommy looking anywhere but Sadie's nearly exposed breasts.

Whore. Though I must commend her. She hates him, makes sure he knows it but still tried to entice him.

Experienced Whore. I love my sister. She herself settled, after bashing her leg into the arm of couch and swearing loudly, in front of the TV, Conan O'Brien playing in front of us.

I love his dancing. Looking past the risk of vomit, I'll quote _Jerry McGuire_. Conan _completes me._ I think I'll pick up sign language just to learn how to tell him. I watched Sadie staring Tommy down as he pretended not to notice. He laughed a little too loudly at a joke Conan made.

"That wasn't a joke, Tommy." I informed him with caution. I did not want to see him burst.

"Tommy likes to _betray _people like that." Sadie said dangerously to me while she was still looking at Tommy. "That doesn't even make **_sense_**, _Sadie_." Tommy sneered at her from across the room.

"Am I being _Punk'd_ or what?" I said loudly. Tommy looked at him quizzically.

"Do you _watch _TV?" Sadie asked rhetorically and followed it up with a nice little _burn_. "Oh wait, I _forgot_. You're too busy screwing models for anything else." Ouch.

"No really. ASHTON? Where are you Ashton?" I shouted.

I was reminding myself of Anna Farris in _Just Friends._ It's only a matter of time before I start eating _Aqufresh_ out of the bottle and enticing married couples in threesomes. Gross. Tommy and Sadie didn't seem to notice me and kept going at it like Joan Rivers and Brigitte Nelson. But I _really _do **not **think the C-word will be batted about. At all.

Conan introduced his guests and my mouth hit the floor when he announced "Rapper from the _Big White North_ is gonna be on here **TO**night! He's the big man on campus. No really, he dominates the swing set, trading _Pokemon _cards with Little Bowwow and Little Romeo. It's **S to the H to the A the Y _Shay!_**" Conan shrieked as his violently orange hair bounced around on his head.

The room actually went silent for a moment and then Sadie and Tommy went right back to each other's throats. Its like Matt Lauer and Tom Cruise.

("No Matt, you're **glib. **You're just **_glib_**. I **know** the _history_." I really thought my brain was going to implode. Tom is an ass. But I'm tempted to go see _M.I.:III_. And no, it's not to see Tom's girl bangs while he does _flipy-kicky_ things. Hello… the coach from _Bend it Like Beckham_ is in it. He is the hottest man alive. No really, I want to marry him. With his incredible accent and rather unbelievable good looks, I would do him right now. He's got this really intense look in his eyes and his face and when he smiles… I can't even remember my own name right now. But I wonder if Liam knows him. _Oh the Irish possibilities…_) I

let my eyes close for a minute while my head lolled against Tommy's chest peacefully. I wasn't going to sleep; I was just resting for Sadie's second wind…

"_Ew, Jude this tastes like shit! What is **this!**" "Just a few harmless do-_" I felt a soft rumbling underneath my head as my eyes cracked open. My vision blurred for a minute as I saw the faint outline of Tommy, shaking in and out of my vision. Oh my God! Earthquake!

"Oh my God." I swore softly with panic rising.

I watched Tommy looked down at me with concern.

"What's the matter girl? Nightmare?" he asked gently with a trace of humor in his voice. Of course there weren't earthquakes in Canada. Well, I don't really know that but whatever.

"Yea. I'm fine." I croaked slowly, putting the heel of my palm to my forehead and wiping my bangs from my eyes. "I'm just gonna…" I trailed off pointing the kitchen as my throat cried out for a glass of water.

I felt my mouth watering in anticipation of the cooling aliment. I slapped my dry lips up and down as I thought of it while I made my way to the fridge. I swung it open hungrily, contemplating putting my mouth directly on the _Brita_ spout. But then I remembered the one time I decided to do that last summer and it went all over me and Jamie almost had a heart attack. It was funny.

I reached for a glass hurriedly and watched the crystal liquid drain into my glass and I put my lips eagerly. I gulped it quickly and let the glass fall a bit and sipped it contently. _Mmmmm_. I looked up, my eyes still hooded with sleep, as Tommy joined me in the kitchen. My stomach flipped in a _Cirque du Soleil _manner, making my knees buckle slightly. He didn't even have to say anything. I already knew what was going to happen. I already knew how weird things would become again and that once we finally took one step forward something would set us back a thousand more.

I felt numb, trying to feel some apathy while my heart tugged painfully inside my chest. This was gonna suck. Maybe I should have been more serious when I promised no more Tom Cruise jokes.

(Maybe I should just squirt him with a gag microphone and be done with it. I would get my punishment from the man himself. "**Jude. **What was that for? Why would you do that? You're a **jerk.** You're a _jerk _man." Then I would have to tell him I'm not a man and he would take out his num-chucks and smack me silly with them. Then I would call him a butt-monkey or something and start a full-scale war. But I would win since I've got Pasty. I bet anything she would cut of his manhood and give it to Nicole Kidman. That's actually really gross, but funny. Its… _frunssy._ )

"Hey." He stated softly, I couldn't see him in the dark and I really wanted to watch him squirm. I flipped on the lights on ferociously, while the anger and the hurt bubbled in my stomach like a brewing batch of _Jude's-throw-back-to-her-16-year-old-self_.

"Hi." I said curtly, looking away from him. I heard him inhale an enormous breath, readying himself to break my heart. Bastard.

"Jude. Last night-"

"Spare me the excuses. I actually have heard them from you before." I cut him of angrily. I was not going to forget about it this time so I turned around to leave.

(In the battle of _fight or flight_, flight always prevails. I'm not Sadie. I would have never pushed Eden in the pool. I'm actually a disgrace to the punk-populace. They would stone me with their spiky dog collars and throw their torn T-shirts and girl jeans at me. I don't really know why they would strip but I can just seem myself being pelted with old AC/DC concert tees.)

I felt his grip on my arm, preventing me from leaving. "Jude, come on. You don't know what I'm thinking."

"You're right Quincy but I don't care to listen. So do me a favor. Go screw yourself." I told him meanly and wrenched myself from his grip.

"What happened?" He called out desperately, his voice trailing me into the dark living room. What the hell? What does that mean? I looked over at Sadie passed out in front of Conan who still hadn't even begun interviewing his guests. I didn't realize such little time had passed.

I knew the only reason he started like that was to get me to come back, and as much as I wanted to walk away, I faced him again.

"To what?" I asked coldly.

"To the Jude I spent a night with in an abandoned club. The one that, _**said**,_ she believed **in** me. The _only_ person left that had any faith in me. The **Jude** that saw, **_me_**."

What a baby. I almost tossed my cookies all over him. I'm not Sadie. I don't fall for lines like that.

"Look Quincy. I'm not going to tell you she _grew up_, because then I would have to vomit on you. And I'm not going to tell you she's _standing right in front of you_ because then I would join O.J. and Carl Rove in the circle of Hell saved just for liars. **That**_ Jude_ doesn't want to see you anymore. Her heart is already breaking. And I'm not going to let you break anymore of me!" I exclaimed as I flailed my arms in front of his face. I didn't know what I was talking about and it showed but I didn't care. I wanted to hit him.

"Jude, I'm not interested in hurting you _anymore. _**Ever again.**" He vowed me almost silently.

"Then what are you looking to do?" I asked with the tears in my eyes melting down my cheeks and into my question.

"_You're asking the wrong guy._" He told me with a smile as he grasped my waist and pulled me in close. I laughed lightly, but felt it fade away as I looked into his eyes, searching for something to grasp. Something tangible to tell me what was happening between us. He pulled a hand from around my wait and tangled it in my hair, securing the back of my head. I had to know.

"Tommy, what are we…_doing_?" He looked at me during a long pause, like the answer was in my eyes. Well its, not because I would have found it by now.

A smile suddenly spread across his lips, "Can I keep you my_ Dirty Little Secret_?" Tommy asked me with a smile.

I felt a thrill lurch in my stomach. He made it sound so… _forbidden_. This calls for a little Paris Hilton: That's **hot**.

(And he quoted the All-American Rejects. I used to think I would have left my whole life behind for the lead singer. But in this moment I wasn't so sure. And I saw _Celebrity Undercover: Steven Coletti and Tyson Ritter Spring Break 06 _on MTV and he's kind of an ass. Like for real. He acts like he's drunk all the time, but I don't think he was. I think that's his personality and if I married him and he acted like that I would cut him. Seriously.)

Tommy inhaled in front of me, expelling a breath a moment later. I let the recycled air caress my face, pulling me inch-by-inch closer to him. He helped me close the distance and our lips met softly. I pressed the rest of my body against him as he welcomed it, grasping me tighter and closer. He hungrily retook my lips with a wanting vigor while I let my tongue slip past his lips.

The light suddenly flicked off and I jumped back in horrified surprise. I looked to the doorway to see a very irate looking Sadie, standing with a hand sarcastically on hip and tapping her foot.

(_God,_ Darius was rubbing off on her. I wish Tommy really _had _killed him; Darius is rubbing off on all the wrong people. And the _wrong people_ basically entail everyone who has the sudden urge to emulate him. He's not _that _cool. He's bald, and angry a lot of the time. And he's paying alimony out of his veins. That's why I really don't understand why he got so mad at Tommy for marrying his sister. I mean I get the family thing but from what I heard the only reason Tommy got the chance at the Boyz! Attack fame is because his mom was Darius' … _main squeeze_. But whatever, he's not as bad as Jude Law. Who, sometimes I am ashamed to share my name with him. Like when he bangs the ugly nanny. And then marries Sienna Miller, or whatever they are to each other lately. And seriously Sienna, shut up. I saw you in _Casanova_ and I just wanted you to shut the hell up the whole time. Why couldn't you let the audience just look at Heath Ledger in peace? I mean he was a disappointment in _10 Things I Hate About You, _with his _VanHalen_ hair and whatnot. Then he makes a big-screen comeback and you're right next to him and not shutting up. So _really_, Sienna, **shut up**.)

"This is a dream. This is a _bad _dream and my 17 year-old sister is not making out with a disgusting, filthy pig."

"Would like me to, **_pinch_**, you, Sadie?" Tommy offered.

I untangled myself from him and sheepishly looked to the ground. God, this was bad. I guess our _dirty little secret _lasted for about a second. Which sucks, cause it was a good one.

A _really good _one.

I tuned them out as I made my way back to the living room and plopped myself on the couch, touching my lips with trepidation. I felt my fingers tingle on contact; while I flashed back to the feeling I had with Tommy so close to me. I laid my head against the cushy arm of the sofa and felt myself drift to sleep again while Conan laughed like he was criminally insane and Tommy and Sadie fought like _Sid and Nancy_. I could only wonder who would be dead in the morning.

_Later thatMorning..._

"_I_ was going to wake her." Sadie snapped as I opened my eyes, rubbing the sleep out of them.

This _must _be what the Foldger's people are talking about when they sing about _The Best Part of Waking Up_. I mean _what_ is better than being shaken from blissful unconsciousness by a sexy, older-man whom you made out with the night before, twice, who also dated and broke up with your sister and now all they can do it fight! It's really a wonder why I cry all the time. Please revel in the sarcasm.

I looked between the two, dully noting the looks of disdain and disgust, mutually passing on each face. How nice for them. I guess _they _didn't make up after I passed out in front of Conan and Andy Milonakis last night.

(And I actually understand the obsession with him. He is so funny that I would look past his festering hell of a life and marry him. But I wouldn't call the pizza guys for him, especially if he smeared peanut butter on his face again. But that was last season, this season he's more about terrorizing old people that live near him. I love them. Once this old lady called him a _handsome young boy_ and he hit her. Well I don't think he _really _hit her. I mean who thinks _Andy _is a handsome young boy? Not I. And he friend Larry or whatever is a riot. If I could eat Twizzlers as fast as that guy I would totally challenge Tommy to a _Twizzler Off_. It would be like our version of Justin and Brittany dance off, -I still don't know who won that- only better because Tommy is a hotter boy bander and I'm not a barefooted washout with a husband who inexplicably thinks his hair looks best when its braided in corn rows. K-Fed, it doesn't. I feel nausea churn in my stomach and threaten to spew all over innocent bystanders when I see pictures of a greasy you. Please save us all and wash your hair.)

I didn't even try to deny the relief I felt. Even though I wasn't really expecting such a Jay-Z vs. R. Kelly feud so early in the morning, I was enjoying it.

(I would _totally _bring the Mase on who ever asked for it first. I have a feeling it would be Tommy since Sadie is an experienced fighter and her nails are like sharp little knives attached to her body. I have the scars on my scalp and back to attest.)

"No one expects you to take responsibility Tom, not even for yourself." Sadie started again. "Not even you do. You show up drunk and crying and expect sympathy." Sadie's eyes narrowed as she snarled in hurt fury. Jeez. This is like Sadie's March To Sea.

(Please don't ask why I know about the American Civil War. It trickled through pop-culture and was delivered to me on a Best Week Ever plate. It was quite tasty and it _melts in my brain_.)

"I'm not going to play your fool;" I winced; wow was that _7th Heaven_ or what? "and neither is my sister."

**Oh shit.**

Woaw, woaw, woaw there! Am I a mute? Do I have no say? I think we all know that will not be the case. But surprisingly Tommy interrupted me, stifling my would-be defense.

"Well, why don't we let Jude pick which side she plays? But only if that's all right with Princess Sadie…" Tommy said. I winced again.

Bad move, Sadie is queen. We are merely subjects in her royal flush. He looked at me expectantly but Sadie strode over and grasped my arm confidently. _Hey Sister_.I looked back at Tom, who eyes were pleading with me. I felt torn and now I know why Sabrina spilt herself to please everyone. Given it was about her educational future, but even _I _have let that dream go. But this was _Family Matters_ for real.

Tommy bravely took a step forwards, _Tristan and Isolde _anyone? "Jude" He started gently.

I turned away from him in fright as I heard a deep, guttural growl emit from the pit of Sadie's larynx. (See, I know things about Anatomy! I'm not stupid. Even though I don't think I used _larynx_ right…)

**Oh shit**, _take 2_.

I was seriously afraid Sadie was going to morph into the bastard offspring of _Cujo_ and _Xena-Warrior Princess_ and lunge at his jugular with a medieval sword. She took a menacing, thundering footstep towards Tommy. I half expected him to shrivel into one of Snow White's 7 dwarves and cry. I would have been shakin' in my boots if I were Tommy.

(Even though he doesn't wear boots. But if he and Kwest donned some cowboy boots and hats they would make a very steamy _Brokeback_ squeal. I'd watch it.)

He took another step and grasped my other arm. Ok I do **not** stretch as far as it will be necessary if they start an impromptu _tug of war_.

But I didn't need to worry because suddenly, Sadie released her death grip and flew into the kitchen. I was so afraid she was gonna come back with a huge knife and go _Lorraine Bobbit_ all over Tommy. I would _so_ laugh. Wait… no I wouldn't because then I would actually witness the castration of Tommy Quincy.

I wonder if Sadie would throw it in the woods… or like _keep it_. Like in a jar in her jail cell, where she would go for… _murder of libido 3rd degree, _like in remembrance of her crime. Like in _Harry Potter_, where they have _brains_ stored except she would have a _penis_. Gross. Maybe she could make a shrine and all of Canada, a.k.a Tommy's ex-lovers, could come see it. Maybe they would spit on it or something. OH, OH! She could send it to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland! That would be _so _cool!

But Tommy's weenie would live to see another lay since Sadie came back and flew out of the house, saying she would see us at G-Major. No she wouldn't. Because if she and Liam get their wicked way, their faces would be plastered to each other. God is everyone at G-Major hooking up? I mean _I_ think Darius and Portia would be **great **together if they weren't related. I mean they're like the _same _person. Sorta, kinda… not really. But Portia and _Kwest, _I could totally see. I looked over at Tommy and decided to brush the whole thing off. I walked into the kitchen and called out to Tommy, asking if he wanted some cereal. He joined me but shook his head.

"How can you eat after that?" I looked at him incredulously. Um, because I have lived with Sadie for 17 years…

"Tommy, that was _nothing. _I expected her to rip you a new one, à la Howard Stern."

And that was kinda a stupid question, was Tommy going _manorexic_ on me? Alert the presses! _Boyz Attacker! Attacks his weight… with a **crash diet!**_ Cue incredulous/concerned gasp here. Whatever. _Gotta have my pops_.

(Even though I am ashamed to even _think _their tag line since those **rapping** _Corn Pops _commercial. With that little girl dancing in front of a yellow backdrop and some weird old man with thinning hair and too many rings talking/rapping in the background? Is that _really _the message they want to be sending? We all know Jay-Z says _ladies is pimps too_ but I don't think he meant for little 10 year old girls to _go on and brush they shoulders off_. I feel my soul dying a little more when I see that commercial. Even though I memorized the lyrics and I performed them for Kwest while he was temporarily my producer. I think _that's _why he wasn't so mad about getting taken off my album. Poor abused Kwest.)

I walked over to a cupboard, neatly tucked above the refrigerator, as I felt my stomach hitting its cold exterior. I shivered lightly as Tommy took off his sweatshirt, pulled it around my shoulders and through my arms and zipped it up nicely. He looked at me for a moment and I couldn't help myself. I stared back, sharing a moment I know would go on the list later on. Along with that kiss from last night. Oh, the kiss… _that _was a kiss. Well, they _both_ were. Jeez, we were _busy_. I felt my toes tingling and my knees lock at thought of them. But I turned away quickly while I discreetly watched Tommy shake himself.

I popped my small white _Claritin_ in my mouth since even in the winter my allegories are bad. Eh, _now I'm Claritin Clear_.

But Tommy stared at me with his jaw slack. A bug was going to fly in his mouth if he kept it open like that.

"What are those for?" He asked almost silently. God, he looked sick.

"Well I have to worry about it in the winter _too_, it's not like I hibernate." I told him, looking at him strangely.

Even though I didn't think it was possible, his jaw dropped even further to the ground. He stood there looking at me and at the discarded wrapper in my hand. He slowly picked it up, turning it over in his fingers like it was mesmerizing. Was he high?

"Who knows about this?" He asked in a frightened whisper. What is wrong with him?

"Like _everyone_. Even Craig knows, I took one at G-Major yesterday since I forgot before." He looked at me wide-eyed with shock.

"It happens at _G-Major_?" He asked in disgust. What it's not like I sneezed all over his coffee mug, but I might start if he keeps looking at me like that.

"Yea Tommy it happens all the time. What is your deal?"

"Do your parents know you take these?" Yes, you stupid man.

"Yea Tommy, they bought them for me." I said slowly like he was stupid.

Well he _is_ stupid. Maybe I should talk to him like all the time, we might communicate better. His face went from disgusted shock to disgusted outrage.

"Your parents condone _this_!" He shouted.

"Tommy calm the hell down! I have winter allergies. What is up your butt?" I watched his face relax as he slumped back with realization drawing over his features.

"What did you think it was?" I asked him. He shrugged sheepishly.

"Um just _pills_ for something else…" He said cryptically. What does that me-

OH MY GOD, he thought I was on _the pill_. It was my turn to stare at him in slack-jawed shock. What kind of Harlot does he think I am? Jeez! I watched his face change suddenly, with a small smile seeping across his features and his eyes darkening in a mischievous glint. He better not be elaborating on flashback from the _towel-incident_.

"Tommy I'm going to advise you to stop thinking about whatever you're think about right in this moment and take me to school. Now." He nodded and put his hand on the small of my back as he led me out the door.

I reached his car, watching him with awe as he cordially opened the door for me. _What a gentleman_.

He was really starting to scare me.

I sat in the car for a moment but remembered my dream from the night before and scrambled out of the car, shouting to Tommy that I had forgotten something in the house.

I searched frantically for my dog's treats and poured a few in a Ziploc bag, and sealing it tightly. Spied was _so _going to get it. I popped back in the car.

"What do these look like?" I asked holding the bag in front of him.

"Um… pretzels. Why?" He asked me suspiciously. It's not like they were drugs, jeez I'm not Kate Moss.

I am _above them. Above weed_.

"You'll see." I told him cryptically.

"Could you stash these at G-Major for me?" He nodded yieldingly as I dipped the bag into his open palm.

"Thanks." I told him lightly as he peeled out the driveway towards Carson Hill.

I was surprised he still remembered the way but as we pulled into the parking lot he waved goodbye with a "see you later girl" and drove away. I smiled to myself inexplicably and skipped my way inside. God, since when am I so… Mandy Moore?

When I got to my locker, a note fell out. The letters were spelled out in cutouts from a magazine. _Nancy Drew_ anyone? But when I looked closer I realized they were pictures of _me_ from the tabloids and my mystery stalked just traced letters on top of the magazine. Who has _this_ much time? My jaw dropped when I read,

**You are going down. **

Please excuse while I cower in corner and hide. I will tell you who has time to do this. _Crazy people_. Oh my God… I really hope the band didn't hear me that one day after I won Instant Star and they were playing _24 Hours_. I remember telling Jamie I would rather strip while they played _Lady Marmalade _before I wanted to hear this.

I crumpled the paper in my hands, just incase they were gonna go _Inspector Gadget_ on me, and make the paper explode once I read it. I tried to forget it as I rushed to my AP Environment class. I still don't know how the hell I got in that damn class. I just remember telling Sadie I needed an AP to pad my résumé and then she got this scary ass look on her face and said she would _be right back_. I think she did the teacher for me. Not like I would have done him, but so that I could get into his class. Gross, I need to stop.

But when I sat at my desk and prepared myself for a long 70 minutes of not listening I found another note at my desk.

**Look behind the projector screen ho. **

Now that's just mean. I'm not a ho. But I got up and looked behind the flimsy pull down screen and gasped.

**Jood is Tommy's skanky sex slave.**

Can I just say something? _Jood _is **not **my name. That is **not** how you spell my name. People are _so_ stupid. The general public needs to have a field trip. They're slipping.

I looked to the right of my misspelled name and misinterpreted job description and saw dozens of blurry shots from various tabloids. I looked at the glossy front cover of _People Magazine _and saw a picture of Tommy and I from last night, huddled under my porch, with the title:

**Is Jude still in love with her guitar? Or have her eyes wandered over to her long time producer? **

That wasn't even clever. Do people really have nothing better to do than get all over _my _ass? And Tommy's been my producer for like _2 and half years_, I wouldn't call that _long time_. I mean we might have Brittany and Jason Alex Alexander beat, but that's not saying much. Liza and David are the real milestone.

I looked to the other pictures that around circled the front cover. It looked like who ever taped this was in a violent rage. The tape crunched the corners of the papers roughly and they were all ripped slightly around the edges. But whoever it was took the time to draw devil horns on my face and a boner between Tommy's legs. _Charming_.

The bell clanged furiously as I turned around the see everyone either gaping at me and whispering or acting completely indifferent to me. Mr. Towers came in, looking indignant that I dared to touch his board, and kept staring like he was thinking about throwing his scalding coffee in my face. What an asshole.

"Sit down Jude." He told me sternly and resolutely plunked his cup on his desk.

I guess he decided not to assault me; but I smiled at the coffee sloshed across his desk in small spatters from the force that he set it down with.

I turned back to the disgusting pictures and ripped them would off the whiteboard gruffly and unceremoniously threw them onto my desk. I looked at my lab partner who stared back, not even _trying_ to hide her disgust. But her expression changed as I slid into my seat, to curiosity. Damn her, she should know it killed the cat.

(Even though I can't remember why. Wouldn't curiosity just kill the canary or whatever? Wait, I think I'm mixing up _curiosity killed the cat _and when you say someone looks _like the cat that ate the canary._ I get the latter, but the first one doesn't make sense. I thought cat's had 9 lives anyways. I remember the episode that Salem found out he had like 8 lives left and then I remember him taking a kitty bubble bath and then I laughed. And then the toaster pinged and he got a letter from the Witch's Council that said they made a mistake and he had only 2 left or something. I felt bad for him and I was really afraid that they were going to kill Salem off. I couldn't see why, who doesn't like a smart-ass cat? Then I was like _oh the actor must be demanding more money_. And I guess that could have a offered it while they were still at the big company but once the WB picked it up the show got stupid. I hated Aaron and Josh was hot for about _a minute_ and then his scruffiness went in a plunging spiral and then he was just downright disheveled. Whatever.)

"Is he really **that **_big_?" She whispered in wide-eyed fascination.

"I wouldn't know." I told her. Then Mr. Towers started some schpeel about the semester exam and I tuned him out, looking at the photos.

Some were at least from 100 meters away but Tommy and I were in obvious enough positions that anyone could have jumped to the wrong conclusion.

There was one that looked like it was taken from behind a bush at G-Major and it focused in on my face and Tommy's. He was smiling down at me, leaning in closely. I had this grin on my face that looked like I was vaguely stoned and I had my arms wrapped around his back.

The next picture showed Tommy leaning in even closer to me and my hands had moved to around his neck, but it still only looked like we were hugging, nothing _too_ bad. It was set up in a huge page spread and they had the photos laid out like a movie scene and the last picture was **way** more intimate.

I was leaning against the wall while my hat was slipping off but I was grabbing his lapels in a very _voulez-vous-coucher-avec-moi-ce-soir_ manner; his hands were gripping the tassels of my hat, pulling it down over my face while his lips were against my cheek.

I remember _that_, it was like _forever _ago. This was **not **breaking news. This was like 3 weeks ago, after my song was featured in that _awful _movie and he was just apologizing for missing it.

(Even though he failed to mention that he had showed up at my house totally plastered with hickeys all over him. I guess Sadie was telling me from an incredibly biased point of view, but he still could have said _something_. Anything like: "Oh yea, Chaz coerced me into going out with him to this club and some hoes threw themselves at me. And what else could I do? I'm a man. So I got even more drunk and grinded against their asses. I have a feeling that the bride-to-be was _a lady in the street and **freak **in the bed._" Actually I think if he quoted Ludicrous I would never be able to look at him again and I might have slapped him if he said that. Or anything along those lines. Tommy's a smarter man than I give him credit for. Not telling me was _totally _the way to go.)

But then I read the caption at the bottom in obscenely ocean-blue boldness.

**Tommy using his Boyz Attack! Moves to go in for the kill? Does Jude stand a chance against his black belt?**

That was stupid. Darius is the only one who could possibly karate-chop me in half. I think Tommy's would be pretty pathetic. But his black-belt in putting on the _moves_… I don't think even Mrs. Doubtfire would stand a chance, and she's a man!

I flipped to the back of the page and recognized the surroundings from the night before. Even though it had been raining, it seemed like the lenses shot right through the raindrops and focused directly and solely on Tommy and I. It was snapped as I knotted myself against Tommy under the awning while he tried to jam my door open. But where is my hand going…

OH MY GOD! This has to be doctored! I never grabbed his butt like that! I know the wonders these evil, **evil **people can do with _Adobe_. But have they learned _nothing _from _Batman and Robin_? Use your powers for good, not evil and _never _put Alicia Silverstone in Spandex cat suits. Whatever.

I looked to the next picture and it showed Tommy and I running towards his car outside of G-Major. It made it look like we were _singin' in the rain_ when in reality Tommy thought it would be funny to jump in a puddle right in front of me, dousing water all over me. It was _not_ funny and this picture did not do my outrage justice. I was laughing like a fool and Tommy was mid-jump in front of me.

They seemed to have saved the worst for last. It was a shot right inside Tommy's car when I had been asking him if he liked my song. You could barely seen my face since his head was almost plastered against it but then right next to it, there was another shot of about two seconds later.

Tommy was still leaning into me but my head was up farther and it looked like was going in for a kiss. And it didn't help that even though his hand was on the shifter, it looked like his hand was crawling up my thigh and feeling me up. At the bottom it had a similarly blue caption that said:

**Or does Jude have a plan of her own? **No, I do not.

Aren't his windows tinted?

Isn't this an invasion of privacy?

Where's my lawyer?

Why do I sound like I'm on Law and Order: SVU!

Those bastards! …making my head spin in such ways that I sound like a crazed pedophile.

What else are people supposed to think when they shove pictures at them like _this?_! I hate them. I want to bomb their office.

But then they would brand me as the _Crazy Ex-boy Bander Cuddler Turned Unabomber_. And even though _cuddler _isn't a word, they would make it one. And then that would be synonymous with my name like _Bootylicious _is with Beyonce, even though I didn't make it up.

Those rats.

Those finks!

I hate them!

Do people really question my gangster this much! I would pop a cap in someone's ass, for real! Or I would get Spied to do it for me, but whatever! I mean I think Mrs. Camden would at least me afraid of me!

(Or she would feel sorry for me and make me eat some cookies or something. And then tell me to go play with Ruthie, only she would be making out with Mack or whoever. And then I would sit in a corner, pretending to read Ruthie's bible, like all the guests at that house seemed to do in the first season. But, gasp! I would discover that Ruthie wrote blasphemous obscenities in the margins. I and then I would see the pocket _Cosmo_ she hides in her Bible, with dog ears on the pages on _how to get foreplay right_. Then I would think to myself, _wow Ruthie is more grown up than me_. Then I would hang my head in shame that a two-pound 14-year-old has gotten farther than me…)

Wait what was I talking about? Oh yeah.

Why do these magazines think their life is not in danger when they print slander about me!

I would take them down!

_Down**town **_damn it!

Or at least I would hit them with a book or a rock or something and then run.

But I have a feeling they would catch me since reporters tend to move in herds. And they would hold me hostage and demand information about Nick Lachey and Vanessa from **TRL**. And what _really _happened to Star Jone's massive girth. But I wouldn't be able to answer them because I would be crying too hard. And I would get snot and tears all over them and they would let me go in pure disgust. Well, at least I have a plan...

Mr. Towers suddenly cleared his throat all too loudly, shaking me from me indignant stupor.

"We're going to talk about ferns. So please take out your notebooks and write this down, because I know you won't remember it later. They are called the first vascular plants."

He started as he scrawled _fern _on the board in nearly illegible handwriting. He's not a doctor, he's a glorified high school biology teacher, and he doesn't get to pretend he's McDreamy or Dr. Wilson or something.

"Oh, I'm sorry what are we talking about? I thought you said whore-ish wanna-be Ashlee Simpson's." Some witch called out viciously from the back of the room.

I can't help but scoff at _that._ I do not want to be Ashlee Simpson. Ew. Hasn't she seen Vh1's _All Access: Embarrassing Moments 2_? There's this video clip of Ashlee at a Wendy's and she completely wasted and crawling all over the counter and demanding something completely incoherently. And when the employees don't give her anything because they can't _understand_ her, Ashlee slurs loudly for the manager. It's not as bad as Courtney Love's fast food endeavors, but it's not something I ever want to emulate. Mr. Towers stared back at her blankly before turning back to the board and shouting about ferns and_ apicalmeristems_. Whatever _that _is. But seriously, I have two questions:

1)Why am I in this class! I can't tell _my own ass_ from the _photosynthesis cycle_, that I was supposed to have memorized inside and out for this class.

2)Why don't my teachers even _attempt _to control us?

I mean my biology teacher didn't even react when he came across _Jude is fugly slut_ on his board. At least they spelled my name right. (I can't believe _I _missed that, but whatever it was all the way on the other side of the board away from my seat.) He just erased it like it was no big thing! I am **not **a fugly slut!

(And b-t-w _Mean Girls _wanna-be much? Seriously, do they not realize that at the end of that movie _The Plastics_ disband? Do they not remember Regina getting hit by a bus? And Gretchen smacking her head on a gym floor? And the stupid one that makes out with her cousin, groping herself for the local whether channel? People are stupid.)

I turned around in my seat and looked at the fake _Queen Bee _who said that. I gave her my Sadie-est sneer and told her to "Shove it" while I channeled myself from the Over-Rated performance for _Van the Butt Hole_. And a little bit of Teresa Heinz-Kerry.

"We've already heard that from you. But I guess all we _can_ expect is contrite, _unique familiarity _from you." Alyssa told me meanly. And to think I invited her to my third grade pool party! _And _I shared my raft with her! Ugh. I feel betrayed. Please note the sarcasm.

"But it can't conduct water 50 feet in the air with only capillarity." Mr. Towers told the students who were listening. Which meant no one. Whatever.

(But if he was talking about X-Men, he was wrong. They can do anything! I mean duh, they're super humans, but I don't know if they have _capillarity _or whatever.)

I slumped over in my desk, even though I couldn't shake the feeling that some was watching me, and stared at my thumbnail critically. Why did I paint them black again? Oh right… _because I want to be Ashlee Simpson_.

(And everyone thinks I don't remember when she called me ugly on TRL. **She** is ugly! At least my dad isn't trying to turn me into my perfect older sister! –They gave up on Sadie the II a _long _time ago.- At least my nasty, ratty hair doesn't match my tanorexic skin! No wonder Wilmer denies having done anything with her! She has a fat nose and an ugly heart! That's right, I said it! She has an ugly heart and no soul! _I hate you too Ashlee S_! Cue sobs here)

No really, this shit is ugly. I reached for a pencil and chipped away the polish with the lead.

Mason, Liam, Darius, Tommy, Kwest, Portia and Sadie all stood outside Jude's classroom, peering in curiously. Sadie stepped away, knowing her sister had stopped paying attention and announced to the group that she was leaving.

"Don't wanna miss any _important _calls. Cause that would be bad. Since I'm the secretary…"

She trailed off after Darius waved her away, her talking was proving to be more of a distraction than he liked. She huffed loudly and navigated her way to the exit. She had been alum for at least a year and a half but she still knew her way through the halls. She didn't really miss her alma-matter, but she did miss the attention she got in the classrooms she was passing.

_Whatever_ she thought lightly and decided with new resolve to happier. And take Spied up on that offer to glue condoms around Tommy's office. As she giggled to herself and hopped in her car to drive back, Jude's pencil slipped and poked her cuticle sharply.

Moments passed and the small group watched her suck her thumb like a baby, looking at it every now and then to see if the blood was gone with a sad frown.

"Why isn't she payin' attention?" Darius asked the group loudly. Portia hushed him; but was relieved the teenagers had their heads too far up their asses to realize they were there. Darius watched her play herself at thumb war and scoffed loudly as she raised her clenched fists in victory as her right thumb prevailed. Or her left…

Next to Darius, Tommy Quincy laughed silently to himself. She was a girl after his own heart, but with a little more perseverance and less powerful right hook.

Mason watched Jude pulled the hood over her head roughly and set her head against the desk as her brow was still furrowed in pain over her finger. She was completely still for at least 8 minutes, according to his watch, and Mason began to hyperventilate.

_What if she passed out from seeing her own blood? _

_What if she lost so much blood that she passed out? _

_What if she was dead?_

Mason's thoughts passed in rapid succession, causing him to worry uncontrollably. When Jude still hadn't moved for another 2 minutes he sucked in a huge breath of air. "Is she alive?" He exclaimed and swung the door open furiously without waiting for answer.

"How did I get stuck with these people?" Kwest and Liam thought to themselves silently. The two shared a look, nearly bonding, but Kwest shook it off and looked away.

The group watched the newest Instant Star make a fool of himself while he shook Jude's shoulders violently.

"What the fuc-"

"Oh JUDE!" Mason yelled in my ear.

"He's _not _serious." Liam said incredulously from the door as he watched Mason enveloped Jude in a strangling hug.

Mason let go of my neck while I was on the brink of needing to see Dr. Forman from the lack of oxygen my brain experienced and stared at me with wide-eyes, as I rubbed my own in bewilderment.

"Seriously, this is **not** _my_ life. Where is Ashton?"

I asked him on a laugh as we made our way out. A few girls squealed behind us, but I whipped my head around viciously.

"Go to hell." I told them and flipped them my middle finger with the meanest facial expression I could muster. A few of them recoiled and the others whipped out their phones and took pictures of me.

"Please sell them to the _Enquirer. _That's probably your only chance at fame to begin with. You're all uglier than _Elphba_. Later coc-"

But Mason clamped a hand over my mouth before I could finish. I wanted to bite his hand but I didn't after I realized I told them they were uglier than a character in _Wicked!_ There's something wrong. I need to watch TV, _on the double_! We walked from the building, leaving Liam and Darius to talk with my teacher, arms linked as Tommy, Portia and Kwest followed.

"Rough night?" he asked me with a small smile. Well… you could say that. I hit him playfully, blushing as I remembered the night before. He smiled back at me deliberately; we both knew I was going to dish the details later.

_20 Minutes later, in the car..._

I sat uncomfortably. The tension was stangling and cramping me in a corner despite being in the Hummer. Darius was so pissed off, even _I _couldn't think straight. He inhaled again, and I winced hoping he wasn't going to start his lecture. Boy, was I wrong.

"Can I _ask_ what you were thinking? **Tom**? _Jude_?" He asked stiffly. He _could _ask, but I wasn't going to answer. "This is **bad **publicity for you Jude."

"I thought there was no such thing as bad press." I offered merrily. He glowered at me with a look that would have made _Shaft _run away and cry.

"Well, it's bad when your producer becomes illegible for _jail time_!" God, he was just being grumpy because he wasn't driving. What a baby.

"Whatever, D." I told him sarcastically as I reached between the passenger's seat and driver's to turn on the radio. J.Lo and L.L. Cool Jay immediately entered the car.

_"__You got, you got, you got what it takes to make this boy **be bad**_." He said roughly while J.Lo reiterated _be bad_ seductively in the background. Oh I hate my life. "_It's hard for me to control myself." _She stated, while L.L. interjected with a gruff. _"Me too."_ J.Lo started again, breathing like she had run a marathon. _"and to hold myself back from jumpin' on ya" _

I punched another button, having had enough awkwardness to fill a lifetime as another song filled the silence. _"-songs on you requested. You're dancin' like you're naked. Oh, it's almost like we're sexing. Yeah boo, I like it._"

Oh My God, what did I do to deserve this? I flipped to one last station, hoping it would some wholesome Hillary Duff. Wow, I don't think I've ever said that before in my life.

"_Booty, booty, booty rockin' **ever-ay wherrr. **Get it ripe, get it right, get it tight._"

"This is your fault Tommy." I told him exasperatedly.

"Why?" He nearly screamed.

"I _told _you not to turn off Nick Lachey. And _now,_ we're **all **paying for it." Tommy shook his head good-naturedly but looked over at Darius and swallowed his laughter.

"Don't start Tom." He said dangerously. That was enough warning for me too, so I slumped back in my seat. I listened to Darius tell me to busy myself while they worked on damage control.

"Whatever." I huffed.

I looked around me, and saw a light snowfall. Wasn't it just raining yesterday?

Damn you Al Roker!

(I saw him on a talk show and the interviewer asked him what the craziest thing someone has ever done to him since he's been on _Today_. And he said some woman threw a _7-11 Slurpee_ at him because it was raining. And that she told him to go to _Whether-Man Hell_. Yea, ok. _That_ makes sense lady. But nothing tops when Al toppled over while he was doing that newscast on a hurricane. But then I felt bad for him while Katie and Matt laughed at him. People are mean.)

I suddenly realized we had taken the Cobra this morning and I leaned forward, looking at Tommy.

"Where's the Cobra?"

"At G-Major."

"Why did you bring _two_ cars to G-Major?" I asked him, what a freak.

"These are Darius' wheels." He told me.

"Oh." I said and slumped back. I leaned forwards again; ready to ask about the dog treats I left with him earlier. But he answered before I could ask. "Still safe in my car." He told me with a smile. I smiled back and fell back again. I saw Darius shot Tommy a quizzical look. Whatever.

Stupid Tommy decided to park in the front of G-Major, and reporters and photographers bombarded us. I rushed into the entrance, but catching a few profane questions. Particularly:

_Is Tommy really man enough? _and

_Did you guys bring the Hummer cause you like it rough_?

That is an enormous insinuation and I do not appreciate it. Those stupid nasty people.

Jamie approached me as soon as I walked into the building, saying that SME had something for me to listen to. I walked into Studio B with Kwest at the soundboard and SME in the recording booth. Why weren't they in school? I walked through the door to join them as Kwest and Jamie followed while I listened intently, wondering why _Wally_ was singing.

"I said _hey short girl you're like a midget  
__You can turn a phone cord into a widget_

I said _rollover do me a trick_

_Do it with your shoes on it'd be a kick_

_Ah tell me the horse that you pick_

_Let me buy you a lollipop you want to lick_

She said_ Does that shit work with other girls_

_If it does, why don't you find one of them to give you twirls_"

"Wally! Stop!"

I shouted over Kyle's crashing symbols and Wally's screeching vocals. The noise stopped abruptly, leaving everyone's ears ringing from the sudden silence. I scratched my inner ear for a moment before looking indignantly at SME. When Wally gave me a "what's the matter with you" look, I let my mouth fall open. Before I said anything a guttural groan escaped from my dropped jaw.

"Those lyrics are filthy!"

"You didn't even hear the second verse." Kwest said from behind me with a shudder.

"Did you really expect me to _ever_ sing that?" I asked Wally seriously.

His mouth fell open too, as his eyes rolled to the back of his head almost as if he was physically looking for something to say.

I held up a hand "Don't hurt yourself Wally."

"How does a person even find a word to rhyme with midget?" Jamie asked in shocked and disgusted amazement. I stomped on his foot in general embarrassment. I was about to continue my harangue when Spied smiled broadly, showing his two front rows of teeth when he did.

"I have my ways." He explained cryptically.

"You wrote this?" I nearly screamed, why did I _ever _date him!

"Hey-" Spied started putting up his palms to convince me of his innocence. "only when _he_ couldn't think of anything."

He pointed a finger, giving Wally up without a second thought. The wheels in my head were reeling and I felt my jaw creaking as I tried to think of something to say.

Tommy had joined the pow-wow somewhere in the middle as I watched him silently ask Kwest what was going on. Kwest shuddered again and handed him a sheet of lyrics. I _heard _Tommy's mouth fall open. Maybe I was glad I didn't hear the rest.

I quickly closed my mouth, pushing my hand through the air, trying to erase the filth from my head. I needed that brain space for math and stuff. "Just tell me what its about next time you want to me to sing one of your... song-things." I told the whole band as I walked out. I turned back to Jamie also, knowing he might have a rock 'n roll wild-child in him also.

"You too." I clarified and whipped my head around to leave the studio.

I felt them all watching me walk away as I contemplated slamming the door. Normally I wouldn't be so horrified with Wally, but after the car incident I was extra-touchy on the whole subject. Maybe I'm PMSing.

The boys flinched prematurely, awaiting a loud slam of the door, but were greeted with the small click of the hinges replacing themselves, Jamie smiled to himself.

"Maybe she's growing up."They considered his words until seeing Jude outside the studio's window.

I turned around to face them through the window that separated the recording booth and the studio, holding an imaginary _lollipop_ in front of my face. I pretended to lick in lavishly, closing my eyes in feigned pleasure at its sugariness. I opened my eyes again to see them all staring at me with mouths open and a few tongues nearly wagging. Gross

"Maybe not." Wally corrected numbly as he continued to watch Jude from behind the glass.

"Dude, what is wrong with you!" He exclaimed at Spied once Jude left.

"What? I didn't do anything!"

"_Why_ would you break up with her?"

"It's not like she was putting out. I wasn't getting _any _of **that**." He told them. Tommy looked over at him dangerously, wanting to punch him in the face. But Darius' voice shook the studio to its knees. They all looked at each other and scrambled for his office.

An eerie quiet settled over his gold-tinted office, but I felt it was a good time to break out in my _Smoke on the Water _interpretation, loudly.

"Bbowow. Dun, dun, dun, DUNA. Bbowoah bowbowbowbowbowah." I sounded like a wa-wa pedal.

Pyscadelic 70's rock babe!

Tommy looked at me for a moment with a laugh while Craig nudged me with a smile. I gave a community smile to appease them both. It didn't work; it only seemed to inflame the situation. I noticed Craig stiffen next to me and I saw Tom's face harden menacingly. I turned my head between the two, feeling like a deer in the headlights.

Suddenly a loud thud came from the door. Everyone's head snapped to attention behind me. I didn't wanna turn around, I was sorta scared. I could feel the intolerance and impatience shooting at the three of us from where I was.

"Stop it you two." She retorted from the door meanly. Gawd, _Nanny 911_ anyone? I wasn't scared anymore as I rolled my eyes and spun in my chair lazily to face the bitch at the door.

"She isn't dating either of you." My jaw suddenly fell open painfully.

"I'm gone for 4 months and it all goes to hell." E.J. berated us angrily.

I stood up to give E.J. a hug; she was the only thing that reminded me of the old G-Major. Well, besides Tommy and Kwest. But she held up a hand in my face.

"We'll save the reuniting for later. We need to get to business. And talk about the blond." A girly flash of excitement passed through her eyes. "I _always _thought you would look _great _blonde! I'm so proud of you!" She told me giddily, but straightened up and surveyed the room.

"I already have a plan. And you can thank me later for my genius. Everyone knows the best way to get rid of an embarrassing or _compromising _situation, is to laugh it off. Jude, we already have a spot for you to perform on SNL in a week and a half. It actually wasn't as hard as I was expecting it to be. They wanted you on, in light of the whole tabloid frenzy. They're already planning a small skit that you'll appear in. I'll go into details… when I have them." She said almost in one breath. I

slumped back in chair. SNL? How _awesome _is that? I love SNL! Oh my God, I get to meet Chris Parnell! I _love_ Chris Parnell!

But I let my _Chronicles of Narnia rap_ die in my head as she opened her mouth again. "In the mean time, you're going to be shooting a video. We don't have any ideas yet, but it all has to culminate in a _Jommy _kiss."

"What the hell is _Jommy?_"

Liam asked loudly. Whatever _Jommy _was, it sounded funny with his thick accent. I wanted to laugh, but I refrained.

"The paparazzi's name for Jude and Tommy. Be thankful, people still care. No one has even brought up the whole illegality of the whole ordeal. Again, be thankful."

Hahaha, _Jommy?_ That's too funny not to laugh at. I let a snort escape, earning me a piercing glare from Darius. Jeez, are Liam's cats up his butt too?

"Wait a minute. Kiss? Why?" I asked, remembering. I don't really know how I feel about that. Actually yes I do. I want to kiss Tommy as much as possible; I just don't wanna do it in front of a room of people.

"You have to poke fun. And by publicizing and condoning a kiss with Tommy, you can give the public a chance to get used to the idea of you two." "Why would we want to do that?" I asked, while Tommy shot me a glance of feigned hurt. Aww, poor baby.

"Stop asking questions Jude. Shooting starts in three days. We need a song and theories. We're bringing in a few directors, listen to what they have to say." Darius told me as I nodded numbly. Then I watched a look pass between Portia and E.J. Hmmm, I smell a catfight. YAY!

_After the meeting..._

"Shut up." She told him roughly. She thrust her fist with more might than she knew she possessed and clocked him in the eye. Right in the eye, with a satisfying squish as the fist made contact. She looked up at him, the want and need to hit him again was translucent. So she did. She hit up again in the other eye, just for good measure. She raised her fist and watched him cower.

"Two for flinching." She told him and slapped him across the cheek once. Then she slapped him across the same cheek twice. She stared with a devilishly pleased smirk but willing him to go away, but it didn't make him go away. It made him stand there in front of her, shocked and numb. He was vulnerable, so she took him as her prey.

"You're nothing Quincy. You're nothing, to everyone. You're like a snake that drags it's disgusting, dirty belly across the ground. You bite at the ankles and slither your way up. But don't think anyone ever really let you in. Do you think she loves you? If you really believe that, then I feel more sorry for you than I have ever felt in my life. Face it Quincy, no one cares. You're everything to _no one_." She spat her soliloquy at him.

He stood still. The silence shone in his face and the vacancy illuminated a dull light in his eyes. She glowered at him with intolerance.

"We'll all be sorry when she _really _sees you. And it won't be for the cheating, lying, sneaking snake. It'll be for the poor girl who couldn't listen to anyone but her _king_, her _one love_, her _world_. We'll tell her it wasn't her fault. Because it won't be. It'll be yours but you won't ever have to pay. You don't have a heart and you don't have conscience. But that's the problem you will ultimately suffer with. You get to rot while she heals, while we help her heal. And you'll fester in feigned self-pity, and faked self-loathing as her heart opens itself to someone new. You'll die without ever knowing and she'll live with out ever thinking of you."

She watched him stare blankly. He face finally registered, and he hung his head in defeat. He slumped lower and scowled harder, opening his mouth to say something. She cut him off viciously.

"So here's to you Tommy Quincy. And hoping your _girl_ will see before you blind her." Her voice was a whisper, but it growled and rumbled with death.

* * *

Ok that's all for Chapter 5! I hope you guys liked it, I hope you guys I left you wondering a least a _little _about the last scene! lol, here's a sneak at next time:

**-Directors come in, clammering to shoot Jude's video**

**-Craig makes a decision with Spied's help**

**-The _entire _gang joins Jude in New York. **

So please review, tell me what you think! Let's try to get to 26 reviews before chapter 6, because I'm literally addicted. I am so excited for the finale, but I'm sad it's already over. It seems like I was just flipping out about Jude going jail lol!


	6. Invisible

Ok here is chaper 6, with an explanation. I left you guys on a funky note last time, which I think accounts for the decreased popularity of the chapter, but it basically boils down to that the scene took place _way _after E.J.'s meeting. The meeting was Monday and the Tommy thing happened on Wednesday. It's actually Jude's video shoot, for her song _Liar, Liar. _This chapter delves into the shoot and Craig and his role. I don't know what I want to do with Craig right now. lol, anyway I want to thank **_Duddley111_ ((I love Jommy. No I _really _love them. If the cute little girl turns out to be Tommy's daughter and screws up Tommy and Jude, I'll cry. For ever and ever. lol)) _Latisha C _((I am _so _glad you liked it! I loved your review, it made me smile like I had vascline on my teeth. But I don't think it's spelled that way... spellchecker is my life lol!)) and _VilandraofAntar _((If I were Jude I would beat the hell outta that bar guy too. Or I'd send him the black plague in the mail back with the money. Logan definitely comes in close second, but Jess will always have my heart. I love him forever and ever. But I'm starting to feel bad for Luke because I've been watching those reruns on ABC and I still love Luke! I can't wait for the next season, almost as much as Instant Star. But not as much lol))**! I love you guys, and _please _keep reading! I don't think I mentioned this before but the title of this ff is a song from _World Leader Pretend, _from their latest album _Punches_. I love them and I totally recommend all of their stuff, especially _Bang Theory! _Andthe first chapter, _Curbside Prophet _is a Jason Mraz song. Chapter two, _Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard _is a Paul Simon song I love it, lol! 3, _Ziggy Stardust _was my tribute to David Bowie, he's a genius. (And I used lyrics to _Rebel, Rebel _in the beginning of this chapter). Chapter 4, _Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go_, is from the _Zoolander _soundtrack and it's byWham,I love that song lol. And the lastchapter is the AAR song, _Diry Little Secret_. Thischapter ismy throwback to Clay Aiken, lol! Anywaythat's all, I just always forgot about that until now. Without any more babble, here's chapter 6!

* * *

Chapter6: _Invisible _

_"So here's to you Tommy Quincy. And hoping your **girl** will see before you blind her." Her voice was a whisper, but it growled and rumbled with death._

"REBEL, **REBEL** YOUR FACE IS A MESS! **HOT TRAP**! I LOVE YOU SO! You've got your mother in a whirl. She can't tell if you're a boy or girl." Pasty screamed in my face. What is she on? No like for real, I think I might want some on.

"**CUT**!" The director shouted irritably and shooting me a look. What? I was **not **the one improvising lines, smacking Tommy's ass around and screaming David Bowie at the top of my lungs. I was sitting there, innocently. For once.

I sighed loudly and slumped over, a non-existent fat man was sitting on me.

Like that game I almost played with Jamie and the carnival when we were 9. I _double-dog-dared_ him to fight me with the Sumo suits on. And while he shoved cotton candy and a caramel apple in his face like he was never going to eat again, he _double-dog-**doctor**-dared_ me to race him to the Ferris wheel.

(I have never been one to shrink in the face of a _double-dog-doctor-dare._)

I looked at him for a minute, deciding what I was going to do. He was too absorbed in his cotton candy to notice me lunging my ice cream cone at his face. It smashed into his glasses while I screamed, "Last one there's a **rotten egg**!" I shot off for the Ferris wheel. He followed frantically, whimpering and wiping tears and ice cream out of his face.

When we got to the top I told him to look down. He hovered over the side of the edge of our seat like a scared puppy and as he got more comfortable I shoved him hard, pretending I was going to throw him off. He yelled in absolute, unadulterated fear and blew multi-colored chunks all over the ground below. It was _so _gross. And funny. I was _so_ mean to him.

It was really getting _harder and harder to breath_. I had been watching Sadie and Tom for the past hour and a half, rehearsing the same scene. It's like Tom wanted to be punched. Maybe he's into that… Ew. From the beginning, Sadie was believable as hell, but I had a feeling she wanted to beat his ass in since she threw doughnuts at him in G-Major. I looked back down at my script, searching for the _two for flinching _and _here's to you _lines, that I had a sneaking suspicion were mad-libbed. _Alfons _called for everyone to _take 5 _like this was Hollywood and he was Martin Scorsese shooting _Goodfellas_.

I scoffed at him as I passed thanking him congenially. "Thanks a million _Fonze_." I mocked. He looked at me like he wanted to take a phone chord and wrap it around my neck until I learned his name. "It's _Alfons_." He told me like my skull was a thick as the heal of his shoe. People are stupid. They think I am stupid, but I'm not. I act dumb so that they keep their expectations low. I am _so _not Pip. I will never dream of _Great Expectations _even though in the end it was all for a girl who's heart was basically black because of her adoptive, crazy mother. "Right." I said as if I was actually trying to engrain it in my brain and hummed _"Sunday, Monday **happy days**! Tuesday, Wednesday **happy days**! ..."_

I waltzed over to Tommy but let my cool exterior melt when I saw the red smack mark across his cheek. God, why didn't she just bite his ear off and be done with it? Hulk Hogan will be hearing about Sadie Harrison.

"Remind me again of how I got myself into this." He asked me lightly, capturing the hand I had unknowingly ran across the length of his cheek. I smiled as he kissed my palm tenderly.

Since when was he so lovey-dovey? I would have thrown up if I hadn't already admitted to myself that I kinda love him. "Hmmm…" I said looking off into the distance, reminiscing about the past two days.

**My head was spinning. I was not going to make soft-core porn with Tommy. That is _really_ past the red line of limitations I set for myself. And the one law set for me. I looked over at E.J. slashing a hand across my throat, willing this crazy man with nasty fantasies to go away. **

**"Hey Herman," E.J. started, interrupting his train of thought. I was more than thankful to have his _Jude is a sexy nurse and Tommy is a dying patient _tangent cut short. I would have loved to have never heard any of it to begin with. I'm looking at Grey's Anatomy is a whole new way. **

The director walked by and clucked his tongue at Tommy and I.

"Tsk, tsk, save it for the camera."

"Up your butt." I muttered almost silently. I looked up in the face of Tommy's chuckling.

We stood for a moment as Tommy's laughter died away and he became fascinated with my hands. He took my left hand in both of his own and ran hid fingers along my palm slowly and brought it up to his lips, kissing it softly. I was melting right there. I couldn't believe _this _was Tommy, Tommy who had always been _no-go-away-little-girl-I-don't-wanna-go-to-jail _at me and even made a cross with his forefingers and shoved it in my face on occasion.

(Ok, maybe he didn't do _that_ but he was _never_ affectionate and _never_ forward.)

I watched him as he let his lips linger in my hand and began to close the distance, as my lips got jealous of all the attention he was paying to my palm. But the director came back and tugged my hair slightly, motioning for me to go into makeup. This guy was bugging the hell outta me.

Even more than people who spell _cool_ with a _k_, and _ewl_. I want to punch them. Hard. I want to draw _KWEL _on their face in big black sharpie and then force them to have it tattooed to them. It would be a constant reminder of their dumb-ass…_ness_. Their… _dumb-assity._ (But you have to pronounce the _u _in _dumb _like a Spanish _u. _It just makes it better.)

The only reason E.J. and I chose him was because he was the only remotely sane one. All the others wanted to a Justin Timberlake spin off of _Cry Me a River_.

"**I'm not going to break into Spied's house, watch him take a shower, and have random sex with a random girl on his bed and tape it." I said, not thinking it was such an outrageous demand. **

**I mean _come on_. But the dude looked at me like I was that three-headed dog from Harry Potter. **

**If I was _Fang _this guy was totally Voldemort. Or Malfoy. Actually he wasn't _that _bad but he would definitely be a Death Eater. Like that damn Snape. (Who also played Tybault in a BBC version of _Romeo and Juliet. _I have officially seen Snape's butt in tights. Which is like seeing it in all its evil glory. Gross.) The pages in the 6th book after Snape kills Dumbledore are crinkled and the words are smudged from when I was crying. Then I went off on this mental tangent on how I was going to process Snape's brain in a blender. But they might not have blenders wherever he's hiding, so a rock would have to do. Then I thought about how violent that really was and I had to put the book down for like four months. And then when I finally read the end, I cried even more. I was a mess. **

**But my only mistake was telling Kwest all of this one night when I was overly exhausted. I think he asked me if I wanted some coffee and I was like "All I want is for Dumbledore to not be dead." And then relayed the whole ordeal to him, while he _laughed_. Who laughs at that? Who laughs at a person's pain? **

**I might, on _rare _occasion, when it's Mariah Carey and she has a mental breakdown. But I mean _seriously_, what the hell was _Glitter_? And now she's in this bathing suit with Snoop Dogg singing about going _buck wild_. Can I just say gross x infinity? That is more than nasty! Snoop Dogg is old and ugly and has no hair. I'll pass Snoop, really I will. And b-t-w _dog _is spelled with one _g._**

**I shook my head vehemently at E.J. and becoming very uncomfortable under Herman's stare. God, I wanted to hit him. E.J. looked over at him apologetically while he tipped his beret and solemnly walked out of Darius' office. But not before adding **

**_"Adieu mes belles." _**

**I am _so _not his _belle _and he was _not _French. He had a New Jersey accent for Jesus' Holy Sake! **

**"Why did you scare him off like that, Jude?" E.J. demanded reproachfully. _Seriously? _**

**"You're just mad because you saw him checking you out too. You can score better than him. He smelled." I told her with a grin. She looked annoyed for a moment but then slapped my arm lovingly with a laugh. We seemed to bond in light of our mutual Georgia withdrawal. **

**I looked around suddenly with a chill, missing the old G-Major. The old G-Major, where washed out boy-banders came and rehearsed for their reappearance in the spotlight and no one could really stop them. The old G-Major, where we stocked the building full with all of Shay's requests and watched his Soy Milk rot in the fridge after he left for his world tour. The old G-Major, where I could bet Kwest to eat the chunky Soy Milk and an office pool would ensue. **

**I missed it. I missed the way my life had been sort of normal. **

**With Darius, everything is bigger, badder, better. Georgia made sure we were a family first, but maybe that's why she went belly up with Darius is _literally_ rolling in money. **

**(I caught him once. I had just come back from tour and I didn't know about the unspoken knocking policy. I was walked into his office and saw him lying on the floor in swim trunks with dollar signs all over. He was rolling around and smothering wads of cash all over himself. And to top it all off he was screaming "YEAAAAAAAAA BOIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" in a very _Flava Flav _manner. It's still hard to talk about. **

…**Ok so maybe that didn't _really_ happen but I did catch him smelling a twenty before paying a cab driver once. It was gross. But really think about Darius rubbing money all over himself. I can see it. **

**It's like White Goodman masturbating with pizza but _way _less disgusting. Oh my God, now I'm picturing an obese Darius singing _Milkshake _and dancing with his man boobs like Ben Stiller did during the ending credits of _Dodgeball_. **

**I need years and years of therapy. **

**And I'm going to charge Darius for it. And if he asks why, I'll start singing Kelis at the top of lungs and demanding to know where my husband, Nas, is. That'll shut him up. I heard he had a fling with Kelis at her bachelorette party. Nas would kick the shit out of him. I would get watch Darius getting his ass handed to him in a Pimp Cup. I just wish Liam would get it simultaneously. Maybe I can get him to call Colin Farrell a fake Irish. Or I can just _tell _Colin that Liam called him a fake Irish. That'll definitely stir _something _up, if not I get to talk to Colin Farrell. I see _no_ downside. ) **

"_Gor-G-us_." The Italian man admired from behind me.

I looked around for who he was talking about but followed his gaze and found myself looking at my reflection. Whatever. People are stupid.

I let my thoughts drift back to Tommy, and I suddenly found myself remembering the night at the _Vinyl Palace _where I decided was I going to quit. I remembered the feeling I had on stage, like I never wanted to leave and that as long as people would listen to me I wouldn't. I laughed loudly when I thought back to the band's interpretation of my songs, tubas and cheerleaders and all.

_Oh, God_. That stupid, embarrassing generally horrifying kiss I planted on Tommy right before I went on. _This _was why I tried to block out that entire week from my memory.

When I die and they play the reel of my life while I reminisce (or hope they forget about the time I put peanut butter in Sadie's hair and sent the dog in her room when she cheated while we had played _Candyland_) about my life, I would _love _for St. Peter to just skip that whole ordeal. I'm convinced you can still be embarrassed when you're dead. And Kat appropriately dubbed it _The Kiss That Shall Not Be Named. _(Muggles **should** fear that moment in time where the humiliation could be felt countries and continents away. I really want to die right now. I should never think back to that ever again. Gross.)

I hummed _24 Hours _under my breath, singing my original lyrics in my head with a smile, as Giovanni "worked his magic". (

Like Fez on that one episode of _That 70's Show _when Lindsay Lohan was on too and he was the star of the beauty shop. That was funny. Fez is basically my life.)

"_You play **hard to get **and I play **hard to get rid of**._" I said in a sultry accent, imitating Fez's line from an episode.

Tommy, who had been walking past my chair to go to wardrobe, stopped dead in his tracks. He looked at me for a moment with a dark haze in his eyes that made me melt. E.J. cleared her throat loudly from a few feet away, mouthing _stop drooling _to him. I watched him shake himself, as if to rid himself of thoughts of me, (how nice) and stalked towards a tucked away room where Portia was setting everything up. Seeing a glimpse of Portia reminded me of another director Darius brought in for my video.

"**Revenge of the Ex-s!" He said excitedly. **

**"Yea like _Revenge of The Nerds_ but with more _Juicytube_." I told him deadpan. **

**He looked at me sarcastically like he knew what I was talking about but he chose not to acknowledge me or my presence (Um hello, its _my _video), but it was _totally_ fake. He had never seen _ROTN_! I was horrified, and couldn't listen to another word he said. **

**But I did catch "slap Jude like a naughty school teacher…" Ew. I stared at E.J. beseechingly, silently pleading to make him leave. She got up to gently push him from the door with the usual: "We'll call you. Thanks for coming, have some coffee before you leave" while Portia slumped back grumpily. What a baby, she just wanted to be in my video. **

**"Why don't we play them the song before they pitch the idea. Huh?" I suggested with raised high brows and a high pitched voice. **

Giovanni stooped down and stared at my lips for at least a minute before slowly running his hand across all the colors there were to choose from. He plastered a few across his hand, holding them to my eyes, my cheeks and my lips. I was getting really weirded out until he finally picked up a deep red and smeared it lightly on my bottom lip. He stepped at least a foot away, squinted, and then came back with a smile on his face. "_Wond-R-ful_." He proclaimed. Whatever.

He ran the brush through the palate and painted my lips such a red that it looked like I was bleeding. I looked up to him with worried on my face; I looked like Bozo on heroin. Let me tell you, it's _not_ pretty. But he quickly dabbed a light gloss, titled _Babydoll _how **very **enticing, that softened the red instantly. I looked back at my appearance judgingly and relaxed my features when I was actually pleased with what I saw. I looked… older. Before I wouldn't have cared is I looked _two_ or _fifty-six_, but it always came back to Tommy. It's the frickin _Quincy Factor. _Shoot me now, please.

"**Picture this…" this guy said before even introducing himself. **

**"Jude's song dissolving through the speakers as we focus in on her mystery man at the piano-" **

**"Actually we already have Tommy for the lead. But go on" E.J. cut in. He looked over at her meanly before continuing. **

**"He plays a slow, repeating, _soulful_ riff on the piano." He began, laying down the basis of the video with a little too much gusto. No, way too much gusto. He's freaking me out. **

**"Cut to his fingers dancing lightly across the keys then pan to Jude. She is pulled in by the melody, inching closer with every chord…" **

**Hey _weird guy_, could you stop talking about it so excitedly? And stop replicating my effing birthday? It's scaring me.**

_Fonze_ called for quiet on the set as my voice rumbled through the speakers, low and echoing. I sounded like a boy. I heard Fonze scream himself silly.

"That is the _wrong _TAPE! I asked for the **instrumental.** Don't make me take you back to the _pound_!"

Ok I don't know what that means, I'm hoping whoever it was had a job previously at the pound and _Fonze_ wasn't looking to put him down or something. But I was getting the impression that I shouldn't put murder past _Fonze_. It was like Lucifer with hair gel. So basically Tommy on a bad day.

I looked over briefly to see Tommy playing the piano in his solo scene. I knew, sequentially, the fight scene came after this shot in the actual video, but we were shooting it out of order. But they had decided to shot _**the** kiss_ last, just as it would appear last in the final product. _Woo hoo_. Please bathe in the golden sarcasm.

**I looked at him as he took a seat directly across from me, grasping my hands with a glint in his eyes. Can anyone say _Charles Manson_? **

**"But there's history between you two. He's lied and betrayed you. You're finally finished, washed you hands, renounced him, but you can't help it. The attraction is palpable, it's squeezing itself around the air and circling between the two of you." **

**Ok, look, this man needs to stop. He's freaking the shit out of me. And I don't have that much to go around. And he needs to stop narrating like he's writing a fanfiction. **

**"He watches you come over, pleading with his eyes but pushing you away with everything else he has in him. We see him giving in as you walk closer. Then we cut to a thought sequence. There's a girl yelling. She's yelling at him that he breaks everyone he touches; that she won't let him you near _her_. We pan out of his thoughts to Jude who sings the opening lines, her eyes shifting between Tommy and the candle light." **

**Shut up _right now_. I am no longer listening to you. **

**I looked over at E.J. but she was almost drooling while she hung on his every word. What a follower. I refused to listen to his babble any longer and tried to leave the room. But Portia turned her attention from the crazy man for a second and gave me a look that I _know_ she stole from Darius. But it did the trick and I sat down with a sour look on my face while trying not to listen while he basically recounts my entire frickin birthday. **

**What can I think about? Hmmm, what was the last movie I saw? _Stick It._ That was funny, I thought the guy would be hotter, but he wasn't. That bitchy girl was really familiar. Damn it! What is she from? This is going to bug the hell outta me all day… OH MY GOD! She was on _American Dreams! _She was Roxanne. And so was the hot boyfriend from Gilmore Girls, Jess. **

**I mean he was on American Dreams, not that he was Roxanne. But that would be funny since he has this whole _bad boy _mystique thing going. I can see him in a dress and pearls and lipstick! Jess Mariano, _vicious trollop. _But really, I am in love with him. He was by far the hottest of Rory's boyfriends, even though Logan _is _really hot. But he's leaving for London, and Rory loves him. I mean, she told Jess so. That was mean, I felt bad for him. **

**And I was like "Jess, I'll love you! I'll marry you!" But nothing happened. **

**Well actually Sadie came into the room and told me to get over my pathetic existence and then asked what I would do without a TV. I told her to get away from me and quickly chewed the popcorn in had in my mouth and stuck it out for her to see. That was funny. I laughed out loud at the thought of her abhorred face, obviously disrupting the crazy man's tangent. Whatever. I looked around for something to throw at his general direction. Or at his face.**

"Jude." Tommy called, pointing over to my stool. This was Fonze's _great _idea.

"**_Liar_. The word. It's haunting. It… _haunts _you. Me. Everyone." **

**Nice stupid man, _haunting_ and _haunting_ mean the same thing. People are stupid. **

**"So each time the song repeats _Liar, Liar _we're going to close up on Jude's lips and she'll mouth them." **

**WTF? No really. _W-T-F mate_? I want to give this man the chicken pox. I want to _infect_ him with a virus. Do people not see what they do to me! I'm becoming Paula from the _Real World: Key West_. Watch me assault them in a drunken state, telling them to _KISS MY ASS! _and that their E! True Hollywood story would only consist of: _I have a small wiener._ Most people think I make this up, but I am not joking. She said that to Zack in the same episode that Tyler brought home a boy and made out with him in the hot tub. Go to MTV Overdrive, its there! **

**I looked at him stupefied, so he continued to explain. **

**"We'll pan away from where ever the scene is, and come over to Jude. Lips, totally made up, dark red and you mouth _liar, liar _while the music plays behind and the camera closes in on you." **

**He clarified and finally addressed me. Yea I got it the first time, despite his less that intelligent explanation, I just think it's stupid. **

**"Or not…" I said, but E.J. and Portia shot me mirrored evil looks. I was _so_ not going to win this. **

"Cue music!" Fonze shouted as my voice melted through the old building.

_Tell me you breathe me till your last breath… _"Liar, Liar." I lip-synced on cue with the music, letting my tongue linger on my top lip each time. Fonze cut the tape and looked over at me from the behind the camera.

"Perfect" he said in a whisper that I had a sneaking suspicion was laced with tears. What a baby. I hope he gets what's coming to him. And he deserves to be in a live reenactment of _Revenge of the Fifty Foot Woman _who will sit on him. And crush him. And I would film it and watch it over and over and laugh manically. _Dr. Evil _anyone?

_At G-Major_

"Please, have a seat."

"Yea, sure man." Craig said uneasily. He looked back at the man that Jamie and Jude called a _jaguar in Armani._ He shifted under his piercing gaze, wishing he had something in his hands to play with.

"I'm cut the bullocks and go straight to the point."

"_Do not pass **Go**, do not collect 200 dollars_." Craig added with a nervous laugh.

"Sorry, I don't follow."

"Oh uh, its just uh. It's a board game. _Monopoly…_"

"Right." Liam said with an exaggerated nod of his head. He distantly heard a phone ring, cursing under his breath for Sadie to answer it. But then remembering she was off at the video shoot.

He shook it off and looked back at this _Craig Manning_. This teenager that he had heard perform only once, but was convinced he could do something big for G-Major.

Liam didn't have faith in many people, not even the automated voice on people's answering machines. Not even Oprah. But he had an inexplicable faith in Craig and he convinced Darius to have the same trust.

"Well, Mr. Mills and I have discussed a certain topic. A topic pertaining to you and the future of G-Major." Craig's mind began to reel in over time, thinking of anything he could have done wrong. He hadn't thought that Tommy had enough pull to release him for the contract but he was beginning to doubt his… _doubt_.

"We're setting up headquarters all over. We're starting with one in New York City, and we need artists to send over there. We need artists with **_talent_** to stabilize it. Darius and I _believe _you might have what it takes. We realize it's a big decision, so maul it over and get back to us." Liam told him, finishing with a tone that left Craig with no uncertainty that he was dismissed.

"Well I **really** appreciate the opportunity and what this means for me _and_ my music. So I will _definitely _get back to you." Craig told him with a mega-watt smile. Liam shielded his eyes, not used to be around such a cheerful person. Darius had beat the will to live out of most of G-Major and Liam only had to take Jude's bunch in small doses.

"Craig, **don't** wait _too long_." He warned as he made his way out.

He saw Spied sitting at one of the couches, fiddling with his guitar. "Whacha playin?"

"Nothin, dude." He said with finality and set his guitar down. Ok, so maybe Spied didn't like Craig. At all. But it didn't matter.

"Liam just uh, told me I could go over to New York. To, ya know, record my album there."

"Great." Spied said sarcastically, his eyebrows raised so high that his shaggy hair hid them. "Are you gonna?"

"I don't know."

"I would if I were you. Jude, she's like a black hole." Craig sent his a puzzled look.

"You think she's not affecting you, but she like… sucks you up. And you don't even know it dude. Pretty powerful." Spied said with his _wise voice_. He was speaking the utter truth but putting a little drama on it for good effect.

"They'll want you to choose like by tomorrow dude."

"What? No way."

"_Yes_ way, the troops are heading over there for SNL, they'll want to kill two birds with ya know, _one stone_." He said, motioning a slingshot and pulling the invisible rubber band in Craig's face.

_David and Goliath _anyone? Or _Kim Cattrall vs. Sarah Jessica Parker_.

"Dude, I'd go if I were you. But I'm not. Later."

He said on a laugh and left Craig to think. _She's like a black hole… she sucks you up_. Jude sounded like Manny. Craig didn't know if that was good or bad but pulled out his phone regardless. He searched through his phone book, but stopped before he got to _M_. He listened to a persistent, monotonous ring.

"Craig?" She chirped excitedly.

"Ellie, _hey_." He said easily. He suddenly knew what he was going to do.

_Back to the video shoot…_

We shot the first scene with Tommy and I, afterwards _Fonze_ called break again. I think he has an overactive bladder. I mean why else would he let us off so often? I saw Darius call me over with a look I could not understand. It was a mix of anger and giddiness. He is _so_ **deranged**. Or Darius is really an enigma beneath his baldhead and _gansta _exterior.

Even though, as far as thugs go, Darius is pretty tame. If _Shug-Nite _were my manager I would have gotten smacked around with the butt of gun after my _"diva-fit" _on the yacht party. Whatever.

He looked over at me sharply and called Tommy and I over again. Darius materialized a television in this weird abandoned shack thing and flipped it on to TRL. He pointed, motioning for us to watch. What? Does he have a crush on LaLa? Damien? Kurt Loder seems like his type, but I don't really know. He turned the volume while Pink introduced her new video, _Stupid Girls_. What a copycat! Oh, wait mine was a cover. Whatever.

"What's she-"

"Shhh" he bit out. Butt plug. He totally reminds me of that other weird guy that wanted to shoot my video like the _X-Files. _Well not really, but that guy really freaked me out.

"**Tommy's an alien…" I walked out. I'm listening to that. I wandered into Hospitality and saw Craig strumming his guitar while Mason watched him intently, pretending to write a paper. Oh, poor Mason, I don't think Craig's bat swings that way. Unless _Manny _is a _man_. Hmmm… **

"**Hey, what's up?" I asked them. Craig smiled up at me as I sat next to him. **

**"Excited for New York, rock star?" **

**"Mmhmm." I said with a mouthful of water. **

**"Sorry, were you quoting _Relient K_? Because I would have to send you to find help." Wally put in as he passed us. **

**"Was not!" I called after him with a laugh. **

**He turned back to face me with a _yea right _expression before he broke into similar laughter. Spied joined the group and I finally saw the chance to let Spied in on a little thing called _payback_. Revenge is so much sweeter than an _Orlando Bloom_ sundae smothered in _Johnny Depp_ sauce. **

**I walked over a cupboard, knowing where Tommy had stashed the dog treats, and found my place again between Mason and Craig. "Want a pretzel?" I offered to Spied as I reached across Craig. He eyes me suspiciously and then relented, reaching into the bag and popping one in his mouth while I tried to keep my face straight. He chewed it thoughtfully before horror and disgust drew over his face. I thought he was gonna spew. **

**"Jude! This tastes like shit! What _is_ this?" **

**"Hey, _Snuggles_ likes them just fine!" I protested on a laugh as Spied's eyes bugged even more as he spat the dog food across the couch at me. Nasty. **

**"Spied, I am going to beat your face inside out." I screamed at him while I wiped the chewed disgustingness off of me and wildly threw a punch in Spied's direction. I missed. Damn it. I missed by a long shot. But I hadn't hit Craig, which would have been bad. Spied shook his head at me, wiping his tongue frantically, trying to rid the taste. I saw Mason staring at me with his mouth open while Craig laughed quietly. **

**"What? He's eaten _Puppy Chow _before. He'll be fine." I reassured him. He closed his mouth and went back to his laptop. I turned to Craig who was still laughing lightly. **

**"So how's _Manuela_?" I asked, trying my best Spanish accent as I pronounced her name. **

**"She's uh, fine." He said cryptically. He didn't know how Manuela was. **

**"Haven't talked to _Manny _have you?" He made a _Pssht_ noisethen looked at me for a minute. **

**"No, I haven't." he confessed. I smiled opening my mouth to say something more when E.J. shrieked for me again. God, she's like Lucifer in Jimmy Choo's. I rolled my eyes good-naturedly before heaving myself up and trudging back to Darius' office. Or as I like to call it… _hell. _**

"**Hey, Craig" Mason Fox interrupted Craig's stare. **

**"Yea." He said distractedly as he turned his attention between Mason and looking back at Jude. There was something about her. **

**"Nevermind." Mason said with a smile before going back to his computer screen. **

_Back at the video shoot..._

I watched the video in sheer amusement. She had made fun of all the fake-_It Girls _in Hollywood within the span of 2 and a half minutes.

"That was-" I stopped myself.

Pink had suddenly changed outfits and body forms. She was a baby in a highchair, crying loudly. While the song played, her hair changed from vibrant red to bright blonde every few moments. Was she making fun of _me_? When baby Pink's hair continued to change colors some old man came up to her and pulled her out of the high chair and they played some serious tonsil hockey until the screen faded out to black.

"I AM NOT A STUPID GIRL!" I shouted. Pink is a whore. I hate her. "She was making fun of me! Wasn't she?" I continued to yell incredulously.

Pink is a whore.

I turned back to the screen as Damien laughed along with Pink and asked about all the girls from her video. Like he didn't know. And the bitch name-dropped! She told them about Lindsay and Paris and Hillary and Nicole.

"And what about that last scene." He asked. What a douche bag. He knew exactly who that was.

"That was poking a little fun at Jude Harrison." She said coyly.

Pink is a whore.

"Well the scandal just erupted a few days ago, was this just a spur of the moment thing?" He prodded. If I were Pink, E.J. would punch me and then tape my mouth shut.

"Well there were rumors before and I thought it was funny. And then yea, the whole thing _erupted _like Monday, so it was even better."

Pink is a whore.

"Why did you show her this?" Tommy demanded. Because they want you foot up their ass, Red Foreman. "It's only making her **_upset_**." He continued.

"T, calm down man."

"Yea Tom, I'm fine. It's not a big deal." It really wasn't. I sorta didn't care.

He shook his head vehemently, giving Darius a dangerous look. He turned back towards me as his eyes softened. It's not like I was dating another Jude and we had just broken up. I'm fine. And so is Paris, she'll probably date A.J. from the _Backstreet Boys_. Or Chaz. Hmmm, that would funny.

"Places people!" _Fonze's _right hand man yelled across the set, reminding me of Mugatu's assistant in _Zoolander_. I wonder if Fonze gets bloated from foamy lattes. Gross. But I do think he would throw the scalding coffee back on people. Some say he's _particular_. I say he's potentially _psychotic. _

They led Tommy to the piano again, concealing his Sadie-bruises nicely, (But much to his chagrin. He hadn't worn makeup since _his Boyz Attack!_ days and he was thrilled about breaking the record) as they placed me in front of him. The song melted through the speakers again.

"_Tell me you love me like a star_

_Tell me you want me wherever you are_

_Tell me you breathe me till your **last** **breath**_

_Liar, li-"_ I mouthed along with the recording but Tommy cut me off before he final _liar, liar_. Well, his lips cut me off. Fiercely. It was like fire on fire as our lips connected and meddled to each other. I left consciousness behind and I slipped deeper into a senseless oblivion. _Holy Roller Novacaine_! 

I faintly heard my name being called in the background, but all my logic melted as Tommy slid his tongue past my lips while his fingers danced at the hem of my shirt.

Oh, I was in trouble. I gasped lightly onto his lips while he palms traveled up my skin. I felt every stroke of his finger, every brush of his nails, making my skin highly sensory and the rest of me _highly _reactive. I dug my nails into his scalp, regaining his lips hungrily. I felt his chest rumble against mine, sending chills down my back. I heard a voice in my ear, disapproving but more shocked. "Jude, your dad is here."

_Oh shit! _

I threw myself off of Tommy, with his hands still up my shirt. It became an awkward dance as I tried to distance myself as quickly as possible and remove his hands. It looked like he was groping me and I was getting _really_ into it. And believe me, I _would have _if my dad weren't there. Finally untangling himself, Tommy smiled slightly. What a fool. My dad was going to beat him to a pulp. I looked around frantically, growing more and more red as my breathing became even more ragged. But it was mostly from the kiss.

"Where is he?" I nearly shouted, turning myself to be face-to-face with a smug looking E.J.

"Well, he's _not _exactly _here. _But he should be with you all the time. Like a little reminder…" She trailed off suggestively. Ew. Like I'd want my _dad _in my head while I was making out with Tommy. That is _so _disgusting on _so _many unbelievable levels. Especially the Woody and Soon-Yi kind of way. Please cue horrified shudder here.

I narrowed my eyes at E.J. while I rubbed my eyes roughly. I inhaled and opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came to mind. There had to be a reason she told me my dad was here.

_Oh shit_, **take 2**.

"Did we just pull an-"

"Ashlee and Ryan. Yea." She told me with a lightly laugh.

"Sorry." She added looking anything but.

"But at least we got the take!" Portia said brightly as she sidled over to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

Why was _she _so happy? I just made out with her ex-husband. If I were Portia, I'd be furious and slap me. But I guess Sadie filled _that_ quota for the next century. I groaned loudly, feeling embarrassed that everyone was still looking at me. I looked back over at Tommy who had been staring at me the whole time. What does he want? Butt face. This was **just as much** _him_ and it was _me_.

The after shock wore off as we cheered at the completion of _Jude Harrison's second video_. I silently looked over at Tommy as he nodded, following me to his Porsche. This man has more cars than Hugh Hefnar has had women. He's the _Playboy_ of cars. And probably the _Playboy Bunny Mansion _too. Tommy's a horny man.

"Jude…" He started as he sped down the freeway passing cars like he was Tom Cruise. _Feeling the need. The need for **Speed**. _Guess he could also feel the need for _Spied,_but I don't wanna think about that.

"Yea Quincy."

"At the shoot, earlier, I think-" I cut him off, turning on the radio, thinking it would stop him.

_Now _he was feeling regret, and not feeling so hot about the whole _dirty little secret _shit he fed me. Gross, what if he really _did _feed me shit. I wouldn't eat it. Not even for him.

But he inhaled again with resolve and just talked louder over _The Pussycat Dolls. _Seriously, what the hell kinda music does he listen to when I'm not around?

Oh my God! He's a… _CLAYMANIAC! _

I think I'm going to be sick. I bet he _would _let Clay watch him in his room or whatever. God, what was that song called… this is going to bug me more than the _Stick It _thing from yesterday! It was… _INVISIBLE! _Ahhh, what a sad time for humanity. I died a little inside each time I heard that song. My soul almost withered away into nothingness. Even Eden goes, _come on Clay you're too desperate._

"Jude, the thing is," He parked the car in my driveway pulling the key out of the ignition and silencing _Busta Rhymes _rap. "I don't think… I would have **_stopped_**." He told me seriously.

Um, ok. What do I say to that? No really. That's worse than when I told Jamie _I already miss you_ at the airport. It must be the water at G-Major; it makes us say things normal, sane people don't say. I'll have to tell Darius about that.

I was going to ask why, play off like I didn't know. But I was afraid he would give me another, _you know **exactly **why_ response again. Then I would literally have to jump his bones. I looked down at my hands, then at the clock. It was already midnight and we had to be to the airport by 6 A.M. for an 8 o'clock flight tomorrow.

Today.

No, tomorrow.

I don't know.

I can't process thought when I can feel Tommy staring at me like that. Expecting an answer. Expecting a _something. _The truth is, I _know _wouldn't have stopped. He followed my gaze, inhaling enormously and letting it out slowly. It was the only noise in a weighted silence.

"It's late. Early… We've uh, have to be at the airport soon." I told him; also knowing no one was at my house right now.

Sadie's _Bug_ wasn't in the driveway and I knew she was still back at the warehouse. Probably with Liam. I looked over at him and saw a devilish grin across his face as he leaned closer.

"You could come back with me. Stop back in the morning to get your stuff."

_Oh shit_, **take 3**.

I gulped loudly at his offer. I let my relieved breath unhitch as Sadie pulled up behind the Porsche as she got out. There wouldn't be anyone there to stop me if I were _chez Quincy_. And if _he _couldn't stop there would be no one to restrain _me. _

"Nah, I'm good. But I'll see you there." I told him lightly as if the previous conversation had not been one of the more serious in my lifetime. He nodded and unlocked the doors with a sigh. What a girl. I looked over at him meaningfully before I got out.

"Night Tommy." I told him, leaning in, inhaling, and kissing his cheek. He felt him pull towards my lips as he inhaled similarly. I pulled back, and hopped out. It felt empowering as I made out his numb and profile through the tinted window. I saw him wave as the engine purred again, with his other hand in the steering wheel.

He looked _very _John Travolta, _Grease_-era. _Very _tempting.

But Sadie brushed past me, grasping my arm and pulling me towards the house. She barely acknowledged Tommy in his ebony _Carera _in the middle of our suburban driveway. I waved back and turned my back to follow Sadie. I stopped at my door for a fleeting moment, to look back at Tommy. He looked back at me; I could feel his eyes boring into me. I mouthed _goodnight, _knowing somehow he would know, before I whipped my head back towards the house and walked in.

"Long day?" Sadie said with a suggestive smile.

"You could say that."

I told her, throwing my arms around her, throttling her with a hug. Aww, we're like _Mary and Lucy _or _Loreli and Rory _or those two sisters from _Beautiful People _or _Tito and Michael. _

_Back at G-Major..._

"Mr. Manning" Liam called lightly in the recording studio where the teen sat alone

"Yep?" He asked, tucking his bottom lip in his mouth, feigning innocence but knowing what Liam wanted.

"Shall I book you a _roundtrip _or _one-way _ticket?" Craig released his lip, letting a small grunt escape his lips before inhaling deeply.

* * *

Hmmm, mini cliff-hanger till next chapter. On that thought here's a little sneak at the next one:

**-Another character from Jude's past comes back**

**-Tommy's there to wake her up**

**-An improptu game of _Truth or Dare _leads to a few _truths _and some _dares._**

So please, review! Tell me what you think, I _love _to know. And I just remembered I got the lip idea from an 80's rock video that I can't remember the name of right now... lol, just a fun-fact. Sorta. An incomplete fun-fact lol! So really have I pleaded yet? _Review, Review, Review_. lol, I'll stop and I hope to have chapter 7 out within this week:o)


	7. I Wear My Sunglasses At Night

Can I just tell you guys how much I love you? Because I _adore _all of you! I want to especially thank _**Duddley111** ((I hope they make his sister daughter or something. Just not Tommy's! lol, but I have an unspoken faith in the show's writers. Some of the plot lines shock the hell outta me lol!)), **NotAContrivance** ((I love your talking-circles! lol, I'm so glad you liked the chapter because I draw so much inspritation for Consquences it's not even funny lol! I'm hope you like this chapter just as much!)), **Tommy4eva** ((I'm so glad you loved it! And I know I've told you this before, but I **love **your handle! That's my new motto, for real! lol)), **Latisha C** ((Sometimes my mind goes over board with my mental images lol! I was watching Flavor of Love one night and I was like **what if Darius was like Flav**? lol, if he were I would never stop laughing!)), **VilandraofAntar** ((My Jude is generally very sarcastic lol, similar to Loreli. Well previous Loreli, last season she kinda moped a lot. I totally blame Luke lol)), **angel422** ((The dancing baby haunted me for ever!Sometimes my inganiationgoes way wild and I'm like what if Tommy was a midget... It'sweird lol)), **Catch1star** ((I definitely try not to go overboard with the length of my chapters because sometimes I feel like I can go on forever lol! This chapter is currently comparable to the rest because I split into two separate chapters. I hope you like this chapter just as much!)) and **thatgirlyoucanttrust** ((If I could be E.J. I totally would! lol, it's totally possible to love every part of a chapter because I completely loved the **Touched **update! I loved Jude verbally assaulting the doctor lol!)) _

I have two random notes: This site doesn't let you use more than one punctuation mark at a time except for the ellipses. It makes me crazy, I'm an exclamtion point junkie. It's sad.

I am in love with Wally. He is like _super _hot! I was watching him during the season finale and I was like O_h my God, Wally's really hot _especially when he's playing guitar lol!

So I went differently with this chapter than I anticipated. I left the_ Truth or Dare _game for next chapter. I've got some crazy ideas, and I'm pretty sure I'll use them all. I would either watch out for a public Tommy and Jude makeout or a really pissed off Tommy. Or both lol! Ok I'm finished now so here's chapter 7!

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, really.

* * *

Chapter 7: _I Wear My Sunglasses At Night_

"Morning **_sleepy head_**." An ominous whisper sounded in my ears, tickling me into a frightened oblivion.

OH HOLY SHIT! I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN! I knew after I saw _The Omen_ that the Devil would find me! Oh my God, I'm being possessed! How do you fight this? OH MY GOD!I felt myself hyperventilating, sucking in enormous breaths of air and expelling them violently into the cold air around my room.

This was worse than when Johnny Depp got sucked into his bed in _Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare_ and then all his blood shot up on the ceiling of his room! And I wasn't even going to get credited as _Oprah Noodlemantra_ because this was real life and not a movie!

I flung my hands in the air, trying to fight off the demonic possession but felt my hand make sharp contact with something hard.

Oh my God the devil is _in _my room!

He's taken on body form!

Oh my God, IT'S CAPTAIN HOWDY!

I sat up and screamed loudly, a blood-curdling scream that made the devil recoil. I looked up with my hands forming an impromptu cross with my forefingers but saw Tommy Quincy staring back at me. He shielded his right eyes with a cupped hand and I saw the other one squinted in pain.

I looked around frantically, beginning to realize that a supernatural and evil force wasn't entering my body. Gross. I didn't mean like _entering _like _penetrating… _GROSS! I am gross. I need stop.

I felt a sharp pain shoot from my tired eyes to the back of my head. I needed to sleep _way _more. I can't function on such little sleep. I just can't. I'll break down.

I fell back a groaned loudly in pain. Oh God, I didn't know it physically possible to be _this _tired. I wasn't sleepy. I was _way_ past that. I just needed some hardcore R.E.M cycle.

"Can I just tell you that I hate you?" I groaned over at him. What was he doing here? I flopped over to look at my clock. Spied's little arm thing wasn't even at the big four yet.

(He made me a clock of that key chain I had of him with his _rocking out _face and his arms and guitar extended. And when my alarm goes off, he's singing the chorus to _MMMBop _and then he goes into a round of _Penny and Me. _It'_s_ pretty awesome and he's one of the few people that know I have a hidden obsession with _Hanson_. What can I say other than: Guys with freakishly girly and long hair turn me on. Ok not really, but I had a crush on the middle brother who has a kid now. He was the cutest in a not even _remotely_ attractive band of brothers. I would blame their parents if I were them; it's all about genetics. I mean look at Ethan Hawke in _GATTAC_, he was a _faith baby_ and he ended up killing his brother or something. _Wait_… no; it was Jude Law that killed himself at the end. He was _dead **sexy**_ in that movie. Or was he drop dead sexy in that other movie… It's too early. I'm going to cry.)

What was he doing here before the sun even frickin rose? "I thought you were the devil possessing me."

"That's what I was going for." He bit back with a tinkle of amusement.

"You're hopeless Quince. I've given up on helping you." I told him as I bit back a smile.

"Hmmm, it's like _Kissing the Lipless_."

Shut up. He was not allowed to quote _The Shins _while I was mad at him. It's underhanded and manipulative. And I love him for it. Ahhh. I have zero willpower.

Sadie stood at the door, looking chipper. What the hell? Is there some conspiracy against me here? She had as little sleep as I did; she was **not **allowed to be functioning when the _birds_ were still sleeping.

"Come on Jude, we need to go." She told me. Go where?

"Go _where_? **Where **would I _possibly _go before four in the _morning _with my sister and my producer?"

"Don't be silly, Jude. We have to be at the airport soon." She told me and scampered out of the room.

Did she get laid last night? I eyed Tommy suspiciously, anxiety and anger boiling in my stomach. They were not allowed to reconcile and then do it! No way!

"Where did you go last night after you dropped me off?" I asked him, my voice laced with misgivings.

"Back to my place. Jude, **_come on_.**" He said on a laugh.

I groaned, remembering that the whole damn gang was flying out to New York, like _really _soon. Well not _soon _to normal people, but _soon _in airport speak. A jolt of excited nervousness sprang through my stomach. Tommy vacated my room, shutting the door tightly and promising he would wait downstairs while I stepped in the shower. I already knew something was going to change on the trip. Big time. I just hoped it could only be for the better. I don't want get sold into white slavery or something. That would suck ass.

I stumbled down the stairs in a wet, tired, disgruntled heap. I had thrown on an _Areosmith_ concert tee that my dad got me a few years ago and a pair of jeans. It was one of my favorite tee shirts because it was the candid picture of Steven Tyler, all close-up and it looks like he swallowing the head of the microphone and humping the stand.

So many dirty, dirty, _father-daughter_, _man-inanimate object_, even _bestiality_ insinuations I could make right now. But I alas, I am far too tired. And I'm turning into the _Princess Bride. _

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father: prepare to die." I said as I reached the kitchen.

I saw Tommy sitting at the counter, his back to Sadie and his face towards me and Sadie and the table her face towards the window. So maybe they didn't get lucky last night. Or it's reverse psychology! I watched _Desperate Housewives _for a season! I know that you don't speak to the man you're having an affair with in public.

"You're weird." Sadie pronounced from the table.

"_Does that make me crazy? Does that make me crazy? Does that make me crazy? Probably!_" I sang from the fridge.

"No and it doesn't make you _Gnarls Barkley_ either." Tommy said on a laugh.

"That is _so _Sierra's dad for _My Super Sweet Sixteen _from the first season!" I exclaimed.

When I saw them on Vh1 I googled them and I was like _that is totally that bitch's dad _and then my dad came in and told me not so swear so loud. **"Nana Andrew's is here. She wants to _converse about little James going to New York _with you guys." He told me on a slightly scared laugh**. Dad is a brave, **brave** soul. But so is anyone who underestimates Nana Andrews… and anyone who eats her brownies. I swear they have rat poop in them! Or rat poison.

"Wanna ride with me?" Tommy asked in a whisper, not wanting to incur the anger and wrath of Sadie.

"She's riding with me." Sadie snapped angrily. I shot her a look I mean come on she was being worse than the mothers from _Tiara Girls_. I would tell her take a Midol, but she would _Chuck Norris _me in an oblivion. I've seen her do it.

This one time I was shopping with her (**red flag**, right there) and this girl took a tank-top that Sadie was looking at. And even though there were like fifty of **the same thing **Sadie accidentally on purpose stabbed the girl's calf with her pointy shoes.

Those are dangerous. Portia made me wear a pair on tour and I was dancing, (_another_ red flag) and I accidentally kicked Kyle really hard. He told us he wasn't crying, but I don't think the wet spots on his pillow were from his dreams about Jessica Alba. Gross.

"You can take our bags." She told him sweetly. She was kinda right though; Sadie packed up her entire wardrobe in nine suitcases. I asked her why before I went to bed last night and she snapped at me that she has to be prepared for any fashion situation.

**"It's not like anyone will be looking at _you_ any way." Oh holy hell, did I just say that? From the look in her eyes, I think I may have. "_Me. _I mean ME! As is, no one will be looking at _me _any way! Yep, ha ha. I said me…" I trailed off meekly and ran away before she threw a knife at me or something. **

I gave Tommy a sympathetic glance for compensation and he shrugged, conceding. Tommy held out his hands for us to place our bags in them and I laughed.

"Tom, our bags are _over there_." Sadie said with an indignant scoff as I pointed to the foot of the staircase where eleven suit cases resided idly.

"Are you _kidding_?"

"Does this face _look_ like it's kidding?"

"A person can't tell. How much _Botox_ did Dr. Jekyll inject anyway?" Oh _burn_. Except that Sadie isn't sixty-two and trying to look fifteen.

"Oh would you both just go have a _night in Paris_?" I shouted in a huff. I felt Tommy staring at me with a surprised smile while Sadie stood with her eyes wide and her mouth sagging. What do they expect from me? It's not even four in the morning yet!

I helped Tommy pile the bags in hispassanger seat and as I turned to go to Sadie's car he stopped me. I looked down at the hand grasping my arm lightly, tenderly.

"Morning." He said softly.

"Morning." I barely croaked back. He stared at me for a moment, brushing away a strand of hair that had fallen in front of my eyes. His touch lingered as my hair impossibly interested him and twirled the blonde tress between his fingers. He looked at me with a smile and sniffed loudly before pushing me playfully. "Get outta here Harrison." God I love _Jommy_.

_At the Airport..._

We sat around the hushed and dark gate. Damn it was early; Janet Jackson wasn't even out running on the beach to not be fat anymore. I should slap the litigation stick around; maybe it would buy me a few more hours. Kwest came up to Tommy and I, giving Tommy a purposeful look that I chose to ignore.

The two fight nearly silently next to me, even though I knew what they were talking about me. I'm not stupid. Kwest leaned across Tommy and handed me a cup of steamy coffee. Oh, _the nectar of the God's_. "_Bless_ you Kwest." I said in a desperate whisper and I sipped daintily. I felt the caffeine immediately leak through my system, awakening my substantially.

Coffee is my rock. I would marry it… but that would be weird.

Maybe I'll just go work at Starbucks this summer. Or that funky coffee place three blocks from G-Major. I heard Mick Myers goes there all the time. It was either him or _Avril Lavigne_. I'll have to check that out before I apply. The temptation to spit in her drink would be too over whelming to pass up. It wouldn't be _Complicated_, I would just have to punch her scowl into next year. Or get some burly man to do it for me since Avril scares the hell outta me. I bet if we smacked down, she would _own me_. (Spied says that all the time, I don't know _really _know what it means but I think it's good. Or bad. Depending your side of the fight. Or the _owning._) Then I would get fired.

I looked over at Kwest with a coy smile. "Wanna get me some _sugar_?" I asked wryly. He looked at me; and I could hear his brain reeling.

His vibes were asking me _should I give her candy? Will this result in death? _

"Don't worry. You're just my enabler. You can't get jail time for that." I told him.

He laughed for a moment before standing up and looking around for a store. I pointed behind us as I continued to sip my drink. He smiled and headed off, around the corner and out of my vision.

"I love you Kwest!" I shouted. He peeked his head around the corner a moment later.

"I think you should tell **someone** _else_ how easy it is to win your affection." He said on wry laugh. Tommy shot him a look angrily.

"Just **_go._**" He demanded and sunk deeper in his chair.

_Sleeping Beauty _anyone

I looked around me, seeing that only E.J. and Portia had yet to arrive. Oooo, maybe they killed each other. Or like a _murder-suicide _thing. I probably shouldn't joke about that since it's probably more likely to happen than with those two any other two people. Well maybe Tommy and Shay, but they probably won't ever see each other again.

At the gate opposite us, heading for Quebec, three kids and their mother sat down. The kids were fighting loudly while their mom chatted tiredly on her phone.

"I'm getting some coffee. Sit here and _don't move_. I know _one _of you hid the leash this morning and if you misbehave, I'll tell your mother." She said threateningly while the kids barely blinked.

_Leash_ for a _child_. I was slightly intrigued but more scared to cross them. I sat back in my seat comfortably while Tommy tapped my shoulder and when I looked over at him he motioned for me to listen to them.

"-yea well what compound words do _you _know?" The girl asked her brother meanly.

I expected her to stick her tongue out at him or something but she picked up a piece of gum from under the seat and threw it at him. Ew. Someone with mouth herpes could have been chewing that. I think this is how girls like Pasty are made, abandoned where they can eat people's _ABC_ gum.

"Um…" her brother groaned while he scratched his chin in thought and skillfully dodging the flying gum. There was a long loll of silence while the one brother thought.

The seemingly eldest scoffed and shouted: "This is gonna take 3 days!"

Can this kid not modulate his voice? Is it necessary to yell like that? I want to go over there and pull his hair. Or maybe he's just acting too much like Sadie for his own good.

I could relate with the other brother… I think I'll call him _J.J. _for _Jude Jr_.

I saw an enormous pout forming on the girl's lips, reminding me of Tommy. I think I'll call her _Tomm…a. _

And the mean older brother gets to be _Sadi…o. _I'm really bad with names.

"Where's _Poptart_?" She demanded. I craned my neck even more to see what _Poptart _was and saw that it was a word processor thing. It was like a keyboard with a mini-screen.

"You can't see him! He doesn't like you!" J.J. shouted while Tomma yowled that it was a girl.

"It's a piece of crap!" Sadio yelled over the other two fighting. A silence fell over his siblings while Tomma gasped. She's a tattle-tale isn't she. They opened their mouths, simultaneously retorting.

"I'm telling mommy!" Tomma threatened while J.J. defended poor Poptart. "Yea, well Poptart's cooler than _you_! It types words and you don't. And… and… it has an on/off switch. I wish _you did too_." He started stuttering and finished matter-of-factly with a self-satisfied expression.

Ok, he was like a mixture of Spied and me. He can be the new _Juderman. _Sadio shook himself of his younger siblings and moodily walked away from them to watch the planes take off.

"What compound words do _you _know?" Tomma asked again.

"Um… _picture perfect_?" Juderman replied.

Wow that kid is unintelligent.

"Wasn't that a Jennifer Aniston movie with that other guy from _Tool Time_?" Tommy whispered to me. I nodded my head silently as I continued to listen.

"That's _two _words!"

"Nu-uh! Count them again!" I stopped listening but watched the two fight animatedly. I kinda hoped one of them had a bouncy ball to bounce off of Darius chair like in that episode of _House_ when he was at the airport and the team had to take of a patient who could talk. Only Darius wouldn't be sly enough to take the ball without them noticing. Maybe Darius could rap at them. But then he would be paying for their therapy for years to come _too_.

I looked over at Craig, who was being too quiet for his own good, and when he felt my stare he looked up and smiled. But it was tight smile; I knew something was up with him. Spied had been watching and went over to join him as the two conferred almost silently. That's not fair.

Craig was my friend first! Cue tantrum here.

And it's never a good sign when Spied knows more than me. Because he inevitably handed out some advice that could land Craig some serious jail time, or kill him or something. It's just better that Spied keeps his advice to himself.

I know for a fact he was the one who told Jamie about _girl-speak_. What kind of ass says, _rat-tit-tat-tat?_ Girls do not talk like that, and besides were generally not _that_ hard to decipher. Kat and I are just a specific case since we've been friends for so long. I mean, _seriously_, we made our own language when we were ten and taunted Jamie with it.

(Kat voted that we stop when Jamie would cry and tell Nana not to make us cupcakes anymore. I voted that we continued. I was vindictive and Jamie had this habit of screaming at the top of his lungs when he cried and sometimes he screamed so loud that he made himself sick. And I was still mad about the time when he threw up on the _My Little Pony Dreamland _I got for Christmas. What can I say? I'm into the whole _revenge _thing.)

The area was persistently quiet and Spied and Craig we're still in their weird huddle thing. _Hut, Hut! _

"Hey" I said quietly as I walked over to sit next to them.

Craig shifted uncomfortably as Spied shot me a look. I can tell when I'm not wanted. And I chose to ignore it.

"Play something." I asked Craig and motioned towards his guitar. His face seemed to lighten immeasurably as he nodded willingly. I stopped for a moment; I had never heard him play before. He must have won the contest for a reason and I wanted to hear it.

He picked up his acoustic and strummed forcefully, bobbing his head along with his rhythm. Jamie and Pasty joined us, both listening quietly. Pasty wasn't doing anything dirty or weird, but I barely noticed as Craig started.

"_The Day is long and _

_the flight is a song _

_but I don't even listen. _

_Blue bird heights and_

_peace of night I don't even try. _

_Every mama gone missing. _

_Every papa gone mad. _

_Take a chance, _

_It's not romance. _

_But something more important. _

_So give me wings_

_And let me sing _

_'It's all been done before.'_

_For any girl's that unhappy. _

_Any boy that is bad _

_Every mama gone missing_

_Oh, every papa gone mad." _

Jesus, am I green or what?

I didn't know Craig ran that deep or had anything that he cared about that much. It wasn't the lyrics that told me. It was his eyes. It was in the sadness in his voice.

He misses something and I can't even begin to imagine what. I looked at him seriously, for once in my life, and I knew that he hadn't told me whatever was on his mind for a reason.

It might not be something I could understand. Maybe I _could_ understand but I **wouldn't** because I was too absorbed in Tommy. Love does crazy things.

(And I know people say _love is blind. _But I don't think mine is. I mean _really. _**Shay**, hot rapper. **Jamie**, got hot. **Spiederman**, hot guitarist. **Tommy**… well he's hot on at least four different levels. He's a like triple threat. He's like the J.Lo of love. Well J.Lo is the J.Lo of love. I mean we've all heard about her array of husbands. But the relationship that boggles my mind to an unseen end is: _J.Lo _and _P.Diddy. _Who, at the time, was _Puff Daddy_ and in a court scandal. Poor J.Lo, she tried to be Whitney to his Bobby but she couldn't. I think that's why he can't be in a monogamous relationship, almost like it's physically impossible. J.Lo broke his spirits. I mean I watched the hundred seasons of _Making the Band: 3 _and I have yet to hear one single or album produced and sold to the wasteland of teenagers.

I shouldn't judge. Not everyone has a Tommy. But sometimes when I think about these things, I forget I'm smack in the middle and trying to sell _my _music to the _same_ wasteland. That sounded faintly like Nirvana lyrics… I am incapable of going a week without quoting Kurt Cobain? If he were still alive and knew of my weirdness, he would probably tie his amps to my feet and throw me into a body of water. And the guy who's in the _Foo Fighters _would laugh at me while I drowned.)

He looked at me with a sad smile, opening his mouth to say something.

He didn't need to.

We knew each other for a week, and despite the instant connection, he doesn't owe me anything. I had this foreboding feeling that Craig wouldn't be staying at G-Major as long as any one had anticipated. Spied looked at me again, trying to make me leave. I finally took the clue and went to sit over by Jamie and Pasty who had retreated after Craig had finished.

"I think Craig's leaving." I whispered as I fluttered by Jamie to sit down.

He looked back at me with a _why _look, but I shot him one that said _I'm-just-as-clueless. _Pasty flipped through her I-pod next to me and she started to hum something familiar. I looked over.

BITCH!

She was making fun of me!

She was singing along with my cover of _Pick up the Pieces._ Does no one understand that was for the damn kids? Jeez! She hummed louder until she sounded like an insane bee on methanphedmine. Then she broke out dramatically into the chorus.

"_No body ever cared as much for me!_" She growled obnoxiously and got up in front of Jamie. She looked at him mischievously.

"_No body's touched my heart_." On **touched** she grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up roughly. I _would_ feel bad for Jamie, but no one told him to have sex with the crazy girl.

"_And healed my pain_." She yelled and bit his lip fiercely. Jamie reached up horrified and touched his lips with unease. Silent tears leaked out as he looked back at the blood on his finger.

_Oh shit. _

Jamie is the most squeamish person I have ever met in my life. (He still can't watch _ER_ without gagging like a bulimic. Poor Jamie, he can never know the world of Dr. Kovac. Mmmmm, I love him.) He continued to stare at his middle finger, which was covered in blood, as he put his other fingers to his lip and looked at his two hands simultaneously.

_Oh shit, _**take 2.**

A small, high-pitched moan escaped his lips as he promptly fell forward onto the floor.

_Oh shit_,** take 3**

SME bust out laughing like the stupid mean whores that they are, while I pulled myself to the floor next to Jamie. I shook him violently, calling his name with panic. He moaned again as he rubbed his head in his semi-unconscious state. "_Kat_?" He groaned. Um, **no**. "_Kat_? …I love you."

_Oh shit_, **take 4**.

I sharply looked over at Tommy who had joined me on the floor and I watched as his gaze flashed to Pasty. She seemed oblivious to the situation while she continued to shout _Boyz Attack!_ songs at passing businessmen. One of them gave her a few pennies, but she threw them back at his head and then swore at him.

(And why does she know the lyrics? Ahhh, the eternal question springs up yet again. How does one engrain the unintelligible babble of Chaz Blackburn and Tommy Quincy and then remove them? It's a mean feat. I have yet to accomplish it. But I think they're the reason I got a 6 percentin math. If Sadie hadn't been blaring _I Want Your Back _while I was studying, I may not have been singing it in my head while I took the exam. And I may not have put _tell me what to do know, when I want your back_ for the answer to a word problem. But my teacher did kinda stare at my backside for the rest of the year. I blame Tommy.)

If Pasty had heard him, Kat wouldn't only have worry about Angelina. Maybe Angelina could douse Kat with a vile of Billy Bob's blood, but Pasty is _way_ more dangerous.

I don't care that Angelina collected knives when she was younger, Pasty is like the devil on Earth. (But I mean that in the most loving way possible, because despite her oddity, I love Pasty. It's people like her that make life fun. And make Kat's life potentially over.) I looked down at Jamie, who just shook his head in pain. He would have been in a world of hurt if Pasty had heard him.

"Jame," I started warily. Why must I always mediate in everyone's love life? Well, I guess I _did _steal Jamie that one time. But whatever. "Kat isn't here."

Tommy helped him sit up straighter and prop himself against one of the plastic chairs. Jamie looked panic-stricken for a moment before smacking his head against his forehead. _Leave it Beaver _anyone?

"Just… don'tsayanything." He said hurriedly as Pasty rejoined us.

"Wassa matter _Jim-Bo_? Can't handle a little **_blood_**?" She growled _blood _and put Jamie back on his feet and proceeded to devour his lips. Gross. I looked over at Tommy who immediately started laughing. I guess he thinks the situation is funny. It's not.

Kat totally pined over Jamie for like ever and she _still _doesn't have a boyfriend. While Jamie broke her heart, seemed fine, and has had 2 girlfriends since. And I don't care that I was one of them! Blame Tommy again. For real. I sat sunk to the floor where Jamie had been and leaned my head back against my chair.

I felt myself falling asleep until Kwest came back. "I come bearing gifts." He announced while I shot up and ran towards him.

"I **so **call the _Sour Patch_! I will fight to the death for them!" I pronounced when I reached him and felt SME coming up behind me. Kwest chuckled lightly and held them up teasingly.

Does he want to get hurt? I jumped and reached them in one grab. I opened them up devouring at least ten kids in one munch. I needed the sugar.

"Whoa, slow down _Over-Rated_. You wouldn't want it to get out that you _eat _kids." Spied said with a chuckle as he threw a few _Jelly Bellies_ in his mouth. He scrunched his face in disgust as he looked down and saw that it was the _Bernie Bott's _kind, instead of the normal.

He turned the package over down the front of Kyle's shirt without a blink and reached for _Tropical_ bag, triple checking before he ate one. I laughed at the scene and gasped loudly as an I-pod commercial came on one of the airport televisions.

It was that awesome one with all the CD cases and I totally dance _every time _I see it. It maybe the only time anyone would ever see me willingly dancing. I jumped up to reach the volume on the monitor, making the music blare through the speakers and danced like a crazy person in the middle the airport.

Coincidentally, an automated notice came over the speakers saying _"if you see any suspicious or abnormal behavior please contact security immediately"_ just as I started dancing Pasty joined me as I yelled along with the lyrics.

"_This ain't the first TIME! You spend all your time in a **cubicle!**" _

I shook my body, letting my hair whip around me head. I stuck my forefingers out straight and pumped my arms in an out while I did an _Evil _meets _Ashlee Simpson _jig.

Pasty followed my lead and screamed loudly when the commercial ended. She turned her face towards three kids sitting together and staring at her.

"Go ahead **report me**." She said. _Go ahead. Make her day_. She's like Clint Eastwood but not as old and _Million Dollar Baby-ish. _I saw Tommy, Craig and SME all laughing like buffoons in their seats.

Tommy and Craig were shaking silently then Tommy broke out. SME just laughed loudly and forcefully. Whatever. I looked over at Jamie, who seemed to have missed our performance but stuck his bottom lip out as far as he could, trying to see the bite marks. He was vaguely cross-eyed and extremely crazy looking.

Portia and Sadie pretended they didn't know us and Darius and Liam pretended to sort out the tickets with a flight attendant. Minutes passed silently until Darius phone went off, playing _Killing Me Softly _through the terminal. He answered quickly, yelled something about his boy coming home. He suddenly raced out of the gate waiting area and around the corner. He came back, joined by two other men.

"Are there _two _Dariuses over there?" Jamie asked with his mouth open and a horrified look plastered to his face. I whipped my head the direction of his finger and saw two bald heads, laughing deep and rumbling laughs.

"No, because then the world would implode." I barely whispered.

Oh my God, there can _not _be two of him. I will jump off something really tall.

I swear, I will climb onto Magic Johnson's shoulders and jump to the ground. The two spun around with Darius at the mystery boy's side and fat man at the other. It was like a disgusting version of _Destiny's Child_. I was watching for one of them to fall over when my mouth snapped shut, painfully silencing any smart-ass remark I had.

_Shay_ was **not** walking towards me. What the hell? I'm obviously hallucinating.

I am never dancing with Pasty in the middle of empty airports. It's just bad for my general state of being. I think it rattles my brain and scrambles the data and I just don't…

**UGH!**

**AHH!**

I'm going into shut down mode. I watched the prissy boy-diva stride towards me, making little noises with his cheek. Are there invisible booty girls in here? Are there invisible people around me who care?

This isn't happening.

I squeezed my eyes tightly, counted to ten and opened them with a huge exhale and a hopeful smile. It faltered as Shay sat down next to me suavely.

"Hey shorty." I gave him a sarcastic look.

And… _yep_ I just threw up in my mouth. There has to be some loophole in _some _law that would let me strangle him with a pink, feathery boa and not go to jail. I'm convinced. I just haven't looked hard enough.

"Go away from me."

"Sorry babe, I'm comin' with."

"You were _just in New York_." I told him as I remembered seeing him on Conan! Damn him! What a douche. I can smell his arrogance.

"I came back to just to take a flight over again with my favorite girl." Loser.

"I feel bad for you Shay."

"Why baby girl."

Yes… I did just throw up in my mouth again.

He looked at me with a questioning look as he lowered his sunglasses. What the hell were those even _for_? Is he Corey Heart? Is he doing an _I Wear My Sunglasses At Night _cover? That is the only explanation because right now it's five in the morning, **indoors**.There are no sunrays or UV-rays for his shades to block. It's like his uncle wearing scarves in over-heated buildings.

Maybe it's genetics… No Portia seems able to dress herself properly.

"Because if _I'm _your favorite, then your career is in perilous danger. Without the screaming twelve year old girls, what's left of you?" I asked sweetly as the words that left my mouth were anything but. He clutched a hand to his heart in mock hurt.

Loser.

Who _does _that any more?

Losers do. Shay looked across me, nodded faintly at Jamie who was still in a daze as his eyes locked with Tommy. Ok, you know that _murder-suicide _thing I was talking about? I'm gonna duck and cover.

I watched the two men rise, stare at each other for a moment.

"**_Shay-Shay_**." Tommy said condescendingly.

"**_St. Tommy_**." Shay responded coolly.

_Tommy _a _saint_? The Church must be in more trouble than I thought. I watched them warily. I would inevitably be mending a pretty-boy face before the clock struck 6. It was like in those old Western movies. I can picture it now.

_Screen liquefies as Wayne and Garth cue the daydream with their daydream… noise thing:_

_**"Look here Shay. This here town ain't big enough fer the two of us." Tommy drawled with a deep southern accent, clasping his dusty gunnysack at his side. He polished his Sheriff's star twirling it in the blazing sun so that the reflection shone directly in Shay's eyes. **_

_**"Well then we'll just have ta settle this like men. Eh?" Shay provoked. **_

_**The two stared at each other for a silent, brow-furrowing moment. Tommy clenched his jaw resolutely while Shay snuffled forcefully. They two parted and walked twenty paces, each clutching their pistols with a progressively tightening grip.** _

Just as Shay reached for his pistol and rang out the first shot… or _opened his mouth to say something_,

(God, I'm like Sabrina, getting so caught up in my daydreams. Like that one time she had a total brain fart the whole day because she was waiting for senior-skip-day. I think they called it _Spring Fever _but I can't remember. And she was counting the tiles on the ceiling and asking about _Jell-O_ all the time. And then she ended up taking Brad's witch-hunter jeans out. And they were like a teeny pair of blue jeans. God, I love that show.)

Everyone's attention passed from the two over gelled fighters to Pasty who was screaming loudly.

"_WHAT I WANT I TAKE, WHAT I DON'T I BREAK!_"

_**Problem Child**…_ Pasty in a nutshell. I burst out laughing when one of the kids from earlier started to cry loudly. She spun around violently and got in the kid's face.

"_AND I DON'T WANT YOU!_" She screamed again, frightening Juderman. I felt bad for him until Tomma came from behind and pulled on Pasty's hair. Hard. She removed her clenched fist from Pasty's scalp and shook several dark hairs from her fingers.

_Oh shit_, **take… what, like, _eleven_**? (And we weren't even in New York yet. This was going to a ride. Like that roller coaster Spied made me go on at a county fair. I swear I saw my life flash in front of my eyes.)

I rushed over, pulling Pasty away before she could retaliate. Where was that nanny? I guided Pasty far, _far_ away and gently took the I-pod and turned it off.

"Pasty, Shay. Shay, Pasty."

"Hey _Fay_." She said gruffly. Sometimes I wonder if she's really a man.

"It's Shay." He corrected with disdain. Screw him. Spied sauntered over and shoved a hand in the space between himself and Shay with Tommy staring at them with a dangerous look in his eyes. Ok _now _the shit is gonna hit the fan.

* * *

I bet you can smell the drama lol. Everything gets kinda crazy when they get to New York. And on the plane ride there. Here's a sneak at the chapter:

**-**_Jude catches Portia and male G-Major co-worker in the airplane bathroom._

_-Truths come out; dares get wild, finally._

_-Tommy singing... Backstreet Boys. _

I don't know if anyone caught it before in the chapter, but I put a twist on the _NSYNC _song _I Want You Back. _lol, I'm assuming NSYNC and Boyz Attack! are contemporaries. So please review, because you guys are so sweet! And I promise to have chapter 8 up soon!


	8. Spitting Games

You guys are too nice! I love you all! I really want to thank: **tommys 21 **((I still have no idea what to do with Craig, so have faith! And I'm vaguely known as _crazy _throughout my friends. They're quite a creative bunch lol! Coffee is my savior and my enemy all at once. But since exams are coming up I think the hot guy at Starbucks will be getting to know me lol! I'm rambling too, it's an affliction!))

**Duddley111 **((lol, I actually based the kids off a few that I used to babysit. They were so mean to each other and their mom was more than off. She was totally weird lol. I actually did dance to an I-pod commercial with a friend that reminds me **so much **of Pasty in public. It was sad lol))

**VilandraofAntar **((I am _still _laughing! Your friend sounds just like at least ten of mine! If she's anything like Pasty she rocks even harder! And maybe you should join track... it might save your life.))

**CJMJM **((I totally love you! _Cosequences _is like my favorite story ever! And YAY! I'm getting promoted! Thank you so much, I'm glad you like this story enough to do that! And don't worry my family knows I'm insane. I go around quoting Instant Star and then laughing or yelling that Tommy left. They're used to it, lol))

**Tommy4eva **((I hope the **Truth or Dare **scene pleases! I'm kinda nervous about it since I'm used to kinda a dirtier version of it lol!))

**Latisha C **((I might cry if there were ever two Dariuses. I wouldn't know them, but they would upset the balance between good and evil. I liked Shay on the show, then I hated him and then at the season 1 finale I felt bad for him. He's different this chapter, and he pisses Tommy off a lot too lol!))

So here is chapter 8 already! I love you guys and I hope you like this chapter just as much! And I left Tommy singing NSYNC until later. ((It was Backstreet Boys, but I changed it lol)).

This chapter title is from the _Snow Patrol _song _Spitting Games. _I love that song and the name and I had to use it. And I don't own it either.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Instant Star or anything else.

* * *

"Hey man" Shay said and grasped Spied's hand tightly.

I watched playing an impromptu game of _Mercy_.

"Hey. I'm Spied. _Jude's_ **Spied**."

What? Where did that even come from? Stupid.

"Didn't you _used _to be Jude's Spied?" Ouch.

Shay **one**, Spied **none**.

"You _watchin'_ her?" Spied asked suspiciously and shook Shay's hand harder.

"Yea man. And I listen to _The Police _in my little hide out." Shay confirmed sarcastically.

Shay **two**, Spied **none**.

"When you're not getting an infection from _Eden_?" Spied asked.

Shay **two**, Spied **one**.

"Nice one, Superman."

"It's _Spiderman. _I mean… _Spiederman_. You… **fool**."

HA! _You fool?_ I think that Spied just wiped the floor with Shay.

"Why don't cha cut that hair man? It's all in ya face."

Oh, we're not finished…

"I like to let everyone know that I'm still fertile. You know, I don't have a receding hairline." He retaliated and pointed to Shay's head with his free hand.

If they don't stop one of them is gonna end up like that guy from _Blue John Canyon _who had to cut his own arm off. I looked over at Shay who had given up on shaking Spied's hand and just squeezed it roughly.

"But you could just ask Jude about that." WHAT?

UNCLE!

**UNCLE! **

I swear the Holy Jesus I was born under the unluckiest stars in the whole damn sky. "Ask her." Spied continued to egg Shay on until Tommy stepped in. "I **_suggest_** you stop talking. Right now." He growled and pulled Spied away from Shay.

Rather roughly I might add. It was more like Tommy was trying to see how hard he had to pull before Spied's head popped off. Spied just grunted in response while Tommy pulled him and Shay released his ninja grip. _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles _anyone?

I looked back at Tommy and Spied. "Sit right there." Tommy commanded.

I felt like we were back in kindergarten when Spied had to sit away from everyone else for like three weeks. I think it was because he dared us to eat the felt tips off the markers. I went around with a hot pink tongue for like two days. It looked like Wally ate _Anti-Freeze_. And Jamie threw up for like two days. (I swear he has the weakest stomach of anyone I know. If he ever leaves, but he won't because I won't let him, but just in case, I think the only memories of him I'll have are of him vomiting. That makes me a little sad.) I think Kyle was the only that didn't listen to Spied. But he got his first tattoo on a dare from Spied, so I guess no one's immune…

I watched Shay sit down a chair away from Spied and Tommy. I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder and I screamed, ready to take out who ever it was. I turned around in full karate stance and saw a chuckling Darius staring back at me.

"Go sit down by Shay-Shay." He said fondly. I wasn't about to argue because he could kung fu my ass into tomorrow, so I slumped my way over with Spied on my left and Shay on my right. Shay put a finger to his lips and motioned for me to listen to Tommy and Spied.

"Should _I _just ask Jude?" Tommy asked dangerously. Spied was being an ass and played the innocent. Cue scoff here.

"Ask her _what_ **dude**?" Anger flashed through Tommy's eyes; if I were Spied I would run away.

"Just how **_fertile _**you are." I heard Spied gulp and Tommy advanced on him.

"But I'm still wondering **_how _**she would know." He continued. I **DON'T** KNOW! I swear!

"Well…uh… we, um…"

"You **_what_** Spiderman?" Spied shook his head like it would ease his predicament. What an ass.

"You show her your _Spidey Senses_? Huh?" Um gross.

I was about to defend my virginity when Shay hushed me again. "This can only get better." He told me. Hmmm. I guess he was right so I shut my mouth and continued to watch Spied act like the guiltiest perp in _Law and Order: SVU _history. I was just waiting for _Ice-T_ or _Munch_ to bust through a door and rough Spied up a bit or show him pictures of kiddy porn. I would laugh then look away.

I watched Wally step over with a smirk on his face and whispered between the two like he was in a _Spy Kids _movie. I'm thinking _Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams _but whatever. "You know _Mr. Q_ Spied _did _make us leave the rehearsal space early one night. Said he wanted to show Jude _something_."

**LIAR!** Wally is a serious butt face and I am going to let the world know it. When he's not looking I'm going to ram his head so far up his butt that he'll be able to see his large intestine! And then I'll laugh!

I sat fuming, my face inevitably turning a lovely shade of _lack-of-oxygen _redand I felt my neurons stop firing. If I listened hard it sounded like a dying video game.

"_Really_ Vince? Well **_what _**did you want to **_show _**her?" Tommy demanded. Tommy is the quintessence of the _bad cop_; I was just waiting for the _Starsky_ to his _Hutch_ to get there.

"I was… just… well, we never…" What the hell? He's incriminating himself. AND ME! What a butt. He will _never_ make it in the world. He'll just sit on his ass on street corners and beg for money. And even then he'll manage to piss someone off and Pasty will finally get to see that bum fight.

"Well can _I _see?" Tommy pressed forward. Spied never showed me anything!

"He might get arrested for _indecent exposure_." Shay cut in from next to me. This insanity is ending right now!

"Spied never showed me anything. Wally is full of his own bullshit; as of right now I can still wear white to my wedding. Shay you're a butthead and Spied you better hope you're never under criminal interrogation because they would throw you in prison without even a trial. Did I cover _all _bases?"

"So you **can't** attest to Spied's… _fruitfulness_?" Wally asked incredulously.

"No, _Wally_, I **cannot**." Wally looked from me to Spied at least four times before dropping his jaw and widening his eyes.

"You _liar._" He said barely above a shocked whisper. What the hell do they talk about when I'm not there? Kyle came up and pulled his _Dazed and Confused _band member away from the other, preventing an _SME bloodbath_.

(No really, _who _says that? _Jammy_ is too much like an old man for his own good.)

The flight attendant's pleasant voice chirped over the intercom. "Now boarding all those in business class for AirCanda flight 7258 departing from _Toronto International Airport _and arriving at _John F. Kennedy International_." SME and Jamie immediately looked to me for their tickets. I knew the chances of them losing their tickets would be higher since tour.

(After we finished the Canadian leg of the tour we were flying to the close parts of the U.S. and Spied thought it would be funny if he pretended to give a homeless guy his ticket outside the airport. He gave the poor man the ticket and told him there was promised land for him in Zimbabwe and just as the man grasped the ticket Spied yanked it back and ran away. Spied totally underestimated how fast the dude could run because he took off after him. It actually turned out to be an undercover mountee, trying to bust drug deals.

It was _really_ funny but now Spied crosses to the opposite side of the street every time he sees a homeless person. He says that one day they'll break into _our_ homes and force us to live in _their_ boxes.

Then I tell him to stop being such an ass and that the cop thing was his own fault. Then we fight and I threaten him and then he says he's not above hitting a girl. Then I ask people will stop mistaking _him_ for a girl if he cuts his hair. It gets messy and… It's just better if I keep his plane ticket.)

Just as I went to hand Spied his ticket he looked over at Shay with an accusatory glare. "People like you make me want to poop my pants." Spied told him. What the hell? No really.

What.

The.

Hell?

Shay and I stared at him for a silent moment, almost in reverence of the sickening stupidity of his statement. "He makes you…" "Want to physically defecate in your underwear?" Shay finished for me. I lost it right there. I burst out into the loudest laughter ever heard by the human ears.

What?

_Defecation_ is a funny word. Shay looked at me and burst into similar peels of laughter as Spied stood there stupidly. "What? Are literally pooping your pants right now?" I asked him as his face strained in anger. I guess he didn't like being laughed at.

But _come on **"people like you make me what to poop my pants"**_… I have never heard a person express that. But now, I feel like _poop_ is a constant in my dealings with Spied. I mean first the underwear debacle, and now this… _proclamation_? It's too much for one person to handle.

"Oh look. There's a huff and I'm leaving in it!" Spied shouted and stalked towards the plane. His grand exit was foiled when the flight attendant asked to see his ticket.

"Did he just quote Jack McFarland?" Jamie came up behind us, whispering his question to me. "Shhh" I hushed as I watched Spied trying to sweet talk his way past the gate. An icy look later, he was walking back solemnly with his head down.

"Hey, can I have my ticket Jude?" he mumbled.

"Speak louder! _Your mumbling is really bumming me out_!" I shouted, channeling Johnny Depp from the _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory _revival.

He reiterated his request as I relented and handed him his ticket and passport. Just in case. I passed them to him, stopping to compare his seat against my own. He wasn't sitting next to me but with a fleeting glance I saw that he was next to Shay. We trudged into the plane, almost all of G-Major following.

"Spied you get to have your own seat. No one should have to sit with you." I told him and patting Shay on the back empathically and handing him my bag to put in the overhead with a winning smile.

"Especially not with someone who makes you want to shit your pants." I clarified with another laugh as Tommy came down the aisle, looking at my red face and the reminiscent tears in my eyes and got up in Shay's grill.

_Smile fo me daddy. **Whacha lookin at? **Let me see ya grill. **Letcha see ma wha?**_

"**_Already_**, Shay-Shay?" He asked dangerously, obviously thinking that Shay made me cry. God Tommy was being mean this morning.

"_Please_ Tom, what could Shay _really _say that could make me cry? That Eden says mean things about me? I wouldn't really want to know about that since they seem to jump each other whenever possible so any conversation they have could only be pillow talk." I told him as he backed down slowly while Shay shot me an incredulous look. He opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it with a huff.

"Here Saint Tommy, I seem to be blocking the entrance to your seat." Shay said with a pompous tone and the wave of his hand that motioned for the seat next to Spied. Tommy huffed irritably; I could tell he totally didn't want to sit with Spied. "It's either him or Pasty." I told him, my voice edging with ultimatum. The four of us looked across the aisle to Pasty who had her I-pod in and was screaming obscenities into her barf bag. While we watched, a cheery flight attendant asked her something with an enormous smile. Pasty's response was loud enough for the entire cabin to hear her and profane enough to get her kicked off.

"I will **not **be quiet, so go shove a dick as far up your butt as it will go. I recommend him. He's very _well endowed._" She screamed and pointed at Jamie. I

don't need to know why or how Pasty knows Jamie's…_size. _The woman gave her a questioning look, astounded by her anger but Pasty took it as a look that meant _please-explain-what-you-meant-by-**well-endowed**_

"His ding-dong is **huge**." She said, making Jamie blush like Hilary Duff whenever anyone would ask her about Frankie Muniz. (I'd be ashamed too. _Big Fat Liar _was not something to be proud of. I would never want to admit that I was having awkward sex with him either. Given that Hilary puts out, I'll have to ask that tattooed twin from _Good Charlotte._)

E.J. rushed over at Pasty's last outburst, shuffling a wedge between the flight attendant and Pasty, trying to avoid a brawl. She said something inaudibly but I could hear the cash register clanging to keep Pasty's apparent Tourette's under wraps. (_The Tourette's Guy _is my life. I **will **marry him.)

We looked back at each other as Tommy quickly took the seat next to Spied without hesitation. "If _I _make him poop his pants, I can only imagine what _Tommy _does to him." He told me as we sank into our plushy seats. I looked over at him sharply.

What's _that _supposed to mean? It's not like Spied gets sudden urges to throw feces _all the time_. He can control himself. Sort of. "What do you mean?"

"He _is_ your ex-boyfriend right."

"Yea."

"_Ex_, as in no longer with you."

"Yes…"

"There must be a reason for it."

"Not specifically."

"Right…" He said skeptically, but I caught him humming _Pick Up the Pieces _under his breath not so discreetly. I have a new philosophy because of people like Shay. It's my new life motto and I'm seriously going to stick to it.

(Unlike my previous one that was: _Champagne for My Real Friends, Real Pain for My Sham Friends_. I didn't really have any access to Champagne and my mom wouldn't let me walk around with a pair of scissors. **"Why do you need those honey?" "_Real Pain for My Sham Friends_." **She tried to get me to see a shrink but I just put the scissors back and she left me alone. I think my mom was afraid of me for a while.

I think she thought Sadie and I would goMendez Brothers on her and dad and kill them. But since dad moved out it would probably be harder. I guess Sadie and I would have to spilt up and each of us take one-

I need stop plotting this. This is potential pre-meditation. And even though I would never kill my mom or my dad, I learned all about this on CSI and Law and Order. I think I learn everything for TV. I mean, _Saved by the Bell _taught me _innumerable _life lessons. Particularly never to name my son _Screech_. It actually took me a while to figure out that was a nickname and his parents didn't name him _Screech. _It was a sad day in my life. I've decided to name my twin girls _Jenna_ and _Tailia_. Now say them one after the one, really fast. _Genitalia_. That's funny! Oh my God, no one will ever marry me. And I even stole that from an SNL skit with Robert Deniro. I'm a sad, sad person.

But can I even express in words how much I loved _Meet the Parents_? I am waiting for the moment when I bring my fiancé home and he breaks an urn with grandmother's ashes in it and then the cat pees on them. I want to marry that scene. Seriously.

Or I want to marry Robert. Even though that would be weird because when he breathes, it's always all husky and he sorta can't breathe out of his nose. It's sad and I would probably force him to an early grave. Then people would think I only married him for his money, like Anna Nicole Smith. Even though I think she _really _loved her billionaire husband! I mean after he died, she gained the weight of three people and got a reality show where she cried and entered pie-eating contests on a regular basis. And now that she's all _Trim Spa _and feuding with Ryan Seacrest, she's more insane than ever. I mean she exposes her breasts at every possible moment. And she's on so much acid that even Keith Richards is like "Anna, come on mate. You're a bloody mess!" Poor, poor Anna.)

Are you ready for it? _Up your butt_. Fonze didn't seem to leave me alone at the shoot when I told him that, but I didn't say it with enough conviction. I can pull it off. It's concise, and succinct. Quite _pithy _actually. So I voiced this to Shay as the captain came over the intercom.

"Up your butt Shay." He looked over at me weirdly before laughing and wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

"Shorty, do you have a boyfriend."

"Seriously?" He wiggled his eyebrows in response. "You're a skeez." I told him on a laugh and released myself from his grip and the engines roared beneath us.

"You know you love me." Yea, ok Shay-Shay. I love you. Dumb ass.

"Like in an _I-can't-seem-to-shake-you-kinda-way_."

"See I was inspiration before you even met me."

"What?" Is he high? On _life_?

"_I'm tryin' to shake you from my skin_." He recited in my face. What a loser, who knows the words to my songs like that. Except me.

"Please, keep dreaming."

"You don't have to dream, I'm right here."

"Yea, so is your mom." I retorted as he chuckled at my stupidity. We talked for a few minutes but when the conversation lolled I watched him nodding off to sleep.

What a butt.

Am I _that_ boring? I bet MTV would never want me on the _Real World_ or one of those shows. I don't create enough fights. Except that I do. Tommy verbally assaulted Spied today, and that was sorta my fault. Indirectly. I wonder what would have happened if I had been on _My Super Sweet Sixteen_. I think Tommy might be in jail. Or fired. Or have a sex-offender record. I think it's better if MTV doesn't document my life. Seriously. If Ashley Parker Angel only _knew _the _Soundtrack To My Life_. I think on my sixteenth birthday that _Wakefield _song would be playing on a never-ending rotation. _Un-Sweet Sixteen. Un-Sweet Sixteen… _

A hush settled over the cabin and when I looked around I realized it was only G-Major up here. It must be good to be Darius. I only work for him and he pulls out the red carpet. I wonder if he'll do that when we land… I reached through my bag and pulled out my I-Pod, setting it shuffle. Songs passed as I dozed off into light unconsciousness. I jumped lightly when the pounding riff to _Even Better Than the Real Thing _filled my brain waves. I sang along softly feeling my energy replenish.

"EVEN BETTER THAN THE REAL THING!" I shouted with incredible falsetto.

I watched everyone collective jump, my singing pulling them from artificial slumber. If anyone acts like they were pulling a Rip VanWinkle I'll hit them. No one can _really _sleep on airplanes.

"Thanks Jude." Tommy whispered sarcastically from behind. I whipped my head around and saw his wry smile.

"_Morning sleepyhead_." I mimicked.

"I'm bored." Sadie announced from somewhere in the cabin.

I heard an unintelligible reply from Kwest, followed by Sadie's giggles. Gross. Sadie and Kwest. Well… I _guess _I could see that, if I squinty really hard. From next to Tommy I heard Spied's enormous inhale.

"I have an idea."

"No one's gonna tie your shoes, Spied. You'll have do it on your own some day." E.J. told him.

"No, I was thinking more like a little game…" _Dr. Evil _anyone? He might as well steeple his fingers together, stroke a complacent looking cat and laugh his evil, maniacal laugh. I've heard it; it would make _Quail Man _quake in his tightie-whities. "_Spitting Games_?" I asked with a laugh.

"No more like, _Seven Minutes in Heaven_…"

"I'm **not **gonna make out with you Spied." E.J. yelled from across the plane.

"Neither will I." Sadie concurred. I was sure Portia would have added here two cents right there, not to be out done by E.J., but when I looked over I saw her seat was vacated.

"Been there, done that." I said. It left Pasty who wiggled her eyebrows at him suggestively. Hmmm, I could see _that_. But Spied couldn't and shuddered violently.

"How about a nice round of… _truth or dare_." He suggested instead.

I am _so not _going to streak like I did on tour. That was just stupid. Everyone seemed receptive so we looked to Spied to start. He looked around judgingly.

"We can't play like this." He announced and motioned for every one to assemble in either the aisle or the seats that surrounded the aisle. I found myself squished in a seat between Sadie and Kyle. He looked past Kyle's blonde head, trying to see Spied.

"Ok…" He started and looked around for his first victim. And I do mean _victim_. He's like a **Truth or Dare** sadist. (I'll never know how he did it, but once on _Tour Bus Betty_ I walked into a T&D and Kyle and Wally were re-enacting the _Romeo and Juliet _balcony scene while Spied taped it. Actually they were both reciting butchered Romeo lines and then got into a fist fight over who had to be Juliet when Spied just laughed like an ass and shoved popcorn in his mouth.)

Spied rubbed his hands together looking around the group and licking his lips like a psychopath. I shrunk away from his line of vision, hiding myself behind Kyle.

"Alright…_Kwest_. **Truth or Dare?**" He threatened almost murderously. I would have never picked Kwest first but Spied has a way about him… _chilling_. Like that weird freak from _Saw _but I don't think he would make anyone saw their arm off.

"Truth." Kwest said definitively. Playing it safe. He is a wise, _wise_ man.

"No, you pick dare." Spied corrected him quickly. I started laughing but got a dirty look from Kwest. What? It was funny. Spied and Kwest promptly stared each other down.

Kwest finally broke, "Ok fine. **Dare**." Spied scratched his imaginary bread as if he were thinking of something. Yea right. He probably has like _ten_ right now.

"I. Dare. You. To… go into the cockpit and flash the co-pilot." He pronounced.

"I pick truth." Kwest said quickly.

"Fine. If you had to do _anyone_, who would it be?" Spied said, motioning around to the group we had assembled. Kwest looked around seriously, as he opened his mouth to answer. "You can't say _no one _and if you lie… _I'll know_." Spied said cryptically.

Ok he may be the master of Truth or Dare but he's not God. He's not even Tom Cruise. So basically he's no one. Not until he eats a placenta or parts a sea. I watched Kwest shift in his seat uncomfortably, I felt bad for him. But suddenly Sadie slithered past Wally and I and dropped down next to Spied, whispering something in his ear.

Spied felt Sadie's breath tickling his ear and immediately felt his blood shoot down south.

"Hey Spied…" She started breathily. He nodded his head in response. "Kwest's still a…_virgin. _He's saving himself for Mini Driver." She told him, lying through her teeth. Spied pulled away, looking at Kwest very different.

"Yea, I get it dude. I think it's your turn now." Spied said brushing off his truth.

Kwest looked at Sadie suspiciously as did everyone else. She slipped back next to me with a self-satisfied look on her face. I think she just offered him a blowjob, but I don't really know.

And that's even grosser than thinking about J.C. Chasez in a lesbian club. I mean really _girls that dance with women _who wrote that? They need to get the hell off whatever they're smoking, it's playing with their mind, motor skills, and just generally ability to judge _hot_ from _creepy_.

Kwest looked around again as his eyes settled on E.J. and then he looked down at her feet. She was wearing open toed, gladiator style sandals with a strap that went up her heel while the other end revealed a perfect pedicure. Gawd, she's worse than a metrosexual P.Diddy. No I take that back, the only worse than him is the alien I like to call _Ryan Seacrest._

If I ever saw him in a brightly lighted room I would give him my brush and run away in fear that he would eat me or something. He's like the _Coneheads._ I mean even Dan Aykroyd is like "_dude, you're weird._"

"E.J. **Truth or Dare**?" She looked up from her Blackberry, obviously unaware that she had just joined the game. _Surprise, surprise_!

"Um… truth." She said, waving him off with her hand like he was a bug buzzing in her face. Kwest looked obviously pleased with himself as he looked back at her feet one last time before he opened his mouth to say something. Does he have a fetish or something? I mean he's being really weird.

"Have you ever bitten your toenails?" He asked in a tone that made me think he already knew the answer. Ew maybe he's caught her before… _gross. _No really **gross**.

I can totally imagine E.J. like swinging her foot up her desk and whipping off her stilettos and shoving her foot in her mouth and biting the hell outta her feet. Ok that was disgusting. I looked over at E.J., still imagining the nastiness and I couldn't hold back a shudder. Tommy laughed from behind me when I looked over at him I realized he had seen my trembling.

"**No _Kwest_**." She said with a dangerous look but a tone that would make even _Spied_ look more innocent.

"Well then if you're telling the _truth, _then it's your turn." E.J. blushed again but I could see the wheels in her head spinning.

"Hey _Portia_." _HEY WHAT? _It's like _Bring it On _all over again. Please _someone _slap my forehead for me.

We looked around for some response from her but only silence met us.

"I think she's peeing." Wally said and pointed to the bathroom. Thanks Bill. "Fine…" she looked around again and zeroed in on Darius.

"**Truth or Dare **_Darius?" _

_"_Dare." He said pompously and readjusting the lapels of his coat. Loser. Poser. Butt-face. I could go on.

"I dare you… to act out your best _naughty teacher/bad schoolboy _with Liam. Right here."

"E.J.!" I shouted without being able to help it. OH MY GOD! I didn't think E.J.'s mind would ever work that way! She's worse than Spied!

Who, b-t-w, promptly choked on his own spit after E.J. dared her boss. Darius looked back at her, stone-faced, and left no doubt that he would not being doing anything of the sort with Liam. Ever. Well… not for public consumption. Tommy shook with silent laughter as I watched him from the gap between the seats.

"Shhh. I wanna see if he'll do it." I told him.

_Screen liquefies as Wayne and Garth cue the daydream with their daydream… noise thing. **"I've been going over your current **_**exercises _young man." Darius says, holding a paper in his hands with visible red marks and corrections all over it. "Yes sir. How do they look?" Liam questions shyly from across the room. Darius approaches him slowly holding his paper so that Liam can see. "Not very good. But there are _things _you could do to… _rectify _your wrongs." Darius utters suggestively. "What kind of _things_, sir?" Liam asks, his timidity melting away with his saucy look…_**

"AH!" I screamed and shook myself. OH MY GOD! I need to hole myself underground! AH! I feel so dirty and _violated_! I need to shower! E.J. huffed irritably.

"Fine, _truth_?" She asked. Darius looked at her with a pout for a moment before turning his head away from he like a petulant three year old. He's like that annoying kid from _Who's the Boss? _What a douche…hole.

Yes, I said it: _douche hole. _

E.J. huffed at his stupidity again before another sneaky smile spread across her features. Uh-oh. "If I offered you $10,000, no strings attached, would you condone Portia and Liam getting…_ intimate_?"

OH MY GOD! Does _E.J. _have a fetish? Gross! Totally gross. "No E.J. I would **not**."

Darius said and looked around murderously for Liam, just to mark a line not to cross with him. Ever. But Liam was nowhere in sight either. Whatever, he's probably looking at himself or something.

"But I believe it's _my _turn." Darius said with a smug look. Screw him.

"Jude, **truth or dare**." What the hell? Which one of the Fates is sitting up there and looking down at me and laughing. When I meet her, she might want to dodge the scissors I plan to throw at her.

"_Dare_, **Big D**." I said, mocking his stupid nickname and radiating vibes of _Bring it on biatch!_ I was still waiting for him to launch a solo career and change is name to _Master Daddy _or something _gangster_ like that. He scratched his chin as Spied had earlier and reminding me of _Shaft _only… fruitier. And less imposing.

"Alright, Jude. After your performance tomorrow night, I dare you to pull Shay-Shay up on stage and give him a **big kiss**." He said with an air of _go-ahead-say-no-I'll-fire-your-ass_. He was planning that!

BIG STUPID ASS! I will do _nothing _of the sort!

"No."

"Yes." Shay cut in.

"Shut up." Tommy barked at him with his face growing red. "What would _that **achieve **_D?" He asked dangerously. "I think Jude's music is **_enough _**to get people's attention." He continued while his nostrils flaring like a hippo's. Oh Shit.

"No Tom. I think it's a good idea. It would get the romantic rumor's churning something different."

"Yea _St. T_, you seemed awfully _upset _when they were talking about _you _and Jude. It could be _me _and Jude again." Shay said.

"Um, no it couldn't." I interjected.

"Do you **_really _**think that a _good _idea?" Tommy challenged.

"I don't think it's a_ bad_ idea." Shay said cockily. I guess no one heard me. I'll try again.

"I think it's my turn now." I said loudly.

"Shut up, **_Shay-Shay_**. I don't think anyone _**asked **you_."

"Hey T. He's got a say in this." Darius pronounced, defending his nephew. WHAT ABOUT ME?

"Well what about Jude?" E.J. put in.

I love you E.J. I am eternally devoted to you. But I won't ever tell you because then you would exploit me. But _mentally, _I'm with you.

"I think I would not like that. At all." I told everyone.

Darius, Tommy and Shay all opened their mouths to A) prove a point

B) defend himself and

C) threaten my contract again when the pilot came over the intercom. I whipped my head towards the cockpit out of instinct. I bet this was a fire hazard. Maybe we could stop this torture!

"_Hello, this is you captain Steve speaking. We've reached an altitude where it is now safe to turn on all electrical appliances and walk around the cabin. Flight attendants will be around with the refreshment cart soon._" Damn it! But his interruption gave me the perfect opportunity to break up the lively discussion about my pending SNL performance and the publicity stunt I may or may _not _be pulling. I looked around quickly.

"Spied**TruthorDare**?" I spat out but then covered my mouth. I didn't really want to truth _or _dare Spied.

"_Dare,_ Harrison." I slumped back, bumping Sadie's arm as I did. She huffed loudly. Whore. She didn't say anything before but she pouts when I bump her arm. Whore.

"I dare you… to…" I sat thinking as Wally's head popped from behind me and next to Tommy. AHA! "I dare you to go in the bathroom with Kyle, and switch clothes. Completely. Even your underwear."

"Well how'll we know they won't _cheat_?" Pasty snarled and stared at Spied some more.

Does she have a crush on him? No really, it's kinda getting weird. Like that one episode of _That 70's Show _when Eric asked that girl out, who worked with him and his dad, and it turned out that she had a crush on Red. And then in the storage room she totally came onto him. That was the funniest/creepiest thing ever.

And now, I'm thinking of time that Kat made out with my dad. OH MY GOD GROSS! I am **not **thinking about that anymore. Don't you remember Jude? _That never happened_. Right, Jude, you're right. Jude, why are you speaking to yourself in the third person? Because I don't think well under disgusted duress, _Jude_. Right Jude, I forgot. Yes well, Jude, that's why I'm here.

"Well show them to us right now." Wally said. What's going on outside my instable mind? Oh yeah, **Truth or Dare**.

"Yea, show us now." I concurred. Kyle looked back at me like I had just stabbed him.

"You forfeit all pouting rights when you join in." I said blowing lies outta my ass.

We communally looked to Spied who, _this _time, should have lied. But I guess he wanted to uphold the integrity of the game. Like paintball or whatever. But maybe he's just a dumbass. Or he wants to see Kyle down and dirty. Gross. He shook his head solemnly while he stood up and revealed his boxer-clad butt. Kyle huffed and started for the door.

Wait a minute bucko!

"You have show us yours Kyle!" I taunted.

"Well… we know what _his _look like, so we don't have to see mine, _right_."

"Oh my God, are you going commando?" I asked, because then I would totally take back my dare. Actually I probably already should, I mean Spied has a bad track record for clean underwear and he _did _say that Shay made him want to poop. Uh-oh.

"No _Jude_. I'm wearing underwear."

"Then show 'em!" Pasty said enthusiastically.

If I were Jamie I would be jealous. But I'm not. Everyone seemed to nod his or her head in encouragement. Kyle relented with a sigh and slowly pulled down his shorts. I saw the waistband and as he shorts sagged further I had to do about seventeen takes.

"Is that…"

"**_you_**?"

OH MY GOD! It's like that Gilmore Girls episode when Jackson had pajamas decorated with his old wresting pictures! I burst out laughing like I was insane as I wiped the tears trying to look harder at his butt. Shay whipped out his phone and took numerous pictures within 5 seconds. _Why _Kyle wasn't pulling up his pants, was beyond me.

"Come on! _Change Clothes and GO!_" I shouted and ushered the two towards the bathroom.

"It's occupied." Spied said with an innocent shrug. "Guess you'll have to give me a new dare Harrison." He said loudly and stupidly. Jamie pointed to the back of the plane. "

There's another one Spiederman." He said one a laugh. I heard about Spied bashing him the side with a caveman club at my birthday party… Was this like extra pay back?

"Fine, but I leave with this…" Spied said as Kyle made his way to the back.

"**Truth or Dare **Quincy?"

"_Dare_." He said without hesitation.

"Care to relive when you lost your virginity? And narrate for the group?"

Oh my God, it's like _Mother Goose _gone horribly, **horribly **wrong. Spied flashed a wide smile before joining Kyle.

Tommy shifted uncomfortably under everyone's gaze. I think Darius' was the most intense. I guess he was assuming Tommy stayed a virgin tell marriage, which would make _Portia _his first time. But you know what happens when you _assume, _you make an **ASS **of **U** and **ME**. Tommy cleared his throat shakily and pulling at his collar like it was chocking him.

_Cut to the Bathroom with Spied and Kyle… _

"Dude, close your eyes RIGHT NOW!" Spied shouted and nearly fell over the sink. From behind he covered face Kyle sighed.

"Why don't I just stand out there and pretend I was in here!" Spied stopped unbuckling his pants for a moment.

"Then we would all just _cheat_."

"That didn't stop you during exams last year!"

"And look where that got me! I cheated of _Jude _and I put _Boyz Attack!_ lyrics all over my paper." Kyle dropped his hands to look at Spied, who slapped his forehead with a low and grunting _"DUH!" _He looked back at him incredulously for moment.

"**Dude **Close. Your. Eyes." He said again.

_Cut to Story Time with Tommy_…

"-and, uh, we got back to my house." He looked around.

"**Narrate pretty boy**." Pasty demanded. Does she want to know _that _much?

"So I poured her a glass of wine."

"You just said you were _fifteen_!" I shouted, still reeling that I had two years on _slutty-little-boy-Tommy_. He looked back at me.

"My dad had a wine cellar in the basement."

"Oh." I said quietly.

"And I asked her about school, and if people missed me… and then she said she wanted a tour." He told us, after explaining that she was a junior from his school.

**"But you told me you didn't go after 7th grade!" Sadie shouted and covered her mouth with her hand sheepishly. Everyone knows stupid. Tommy continued, explaining his bit. "I had come home for a tour and she recognized me from _Boyz Attack! _and her mom had been my sixth grade teacher and she also remembered me from the time she came to visit her mom." He said with an annoyed look at Sadie. She asked for it.**

"So I took her around and then we go to my room…" He gulped loudly. What a drama queen. He looked around at us with an exasperated expression.

"Oh come on! Can't you connect the dots?"

_1,2,3,4 CONNECT FOUR! _Sorry…

"**Narrate pretty boy**." Pasty growled again. God, _patient_ much?

I wonder if Jamie gets any foreplay. OH MY GOD! DID I JUST THINK THAT? I _so _blame Spied. He's sullying my mind!

_Cut to Spied and Kyle…_

"Don't you _dare_ open your eyes."

"Like I would _want _to dude." Spied scoffed. "My boat don't float down that river, if you know what I mean…" Spied finished.

"Do you think I'm stupid? Actually don't answer that." Kyle asked

"I am **not **the one who gave that crazy man Jude's number."

"I didn't mean to!"

"What did he get you drunk first? Like Hagrid and Voldemort in _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_?" Kyle successfully zipped his fly and stood staring at Spied.

"Did you just bring up Harry Potter again? Because we had that rule on tour for a reason…"

"Shut up."

"I get it. So does Wally. Hermione is potentially hot, but you just freaked Jude out."

"Shut up."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of. Just more proof of your _fertility_."

"**Shut up**." He demanded as they made their way out.

"Come on, it's totally normal to take care of it in the shower too."

"Shut up!" "You just may not have wanted to use Jude's." Spied noticed the people around them start to listen as they made their way through coach.

"SHUT UP!" He shouted making numerous heads turn. He blushed shyly and ducked his head while Kyle flirted with the flight attendant.

_Back to Story Time with Tommy **still in progress**…_

"And when we finished…" he hung his head in shame before muttering almost incoherently, "when _I _was finished, she asked 'is that it?' and… laughed."

OH MY GOD! No wonder he has more sex than Jenna Jamison! He's trying to make up for that! Oh my God! Did he remember that Shay was still there?

And Jamie?

And Wally, who dislikes him in solidarity with Jamie and Spied? Wow… people don't like Tommy that much.

I saw an ashamed Spied and a gloating Kyle come back, completely wardrobe switched. Janet needs to take some lessons, their boobs weren't all _falling out_. Whatever.

"Drop 'em." E.J. said as Spied and Kyle showed their underwear.

"Spied's got Kyle in his pants!" I said loudly. Spied looks like he's gonna hit me and I think Kyle's about to cry. Mason laughed loudly from somewhere in the cabin. I love Mason.

"Who'd Tommy **T or D**?" Spied asked.

I pointed to Shay who was still "**_riding _an arm rest like a mechanical bull**" at Tommy's request.

"You can **_stop_** now." Tommy told him with a mocking laugh. Shay rejoined the group quietly and looked to me again.

"Jude, **Truth or Dare**."

"_Truth._" I said realizing everyone had avoided that since E.J.

"Who was your best kiss?" He asked cockily. Not you. I thought about it for a minute.

"Tommy." I said without hesitation. Everyone, but Sadie, looked at me for a shocked moment. Did I just say that out loud?

"I mean… I pick _dare_! That's what I said!" I said menacingly, my tone daring anyone to ask me about it.

"Ok… _Strip_." Shay told me.

WHAT? "WHAT?"

"Strip Jude… _strip_."

"No."

"Strip. Strip. Strip. Strip. Strip. Strip." Shay chanted as Spied joined in.

"NO!" I shouted over them. Spied challenged me for a minute then relented.

I think he was remembering the time I threw plastic forks at him on tour when I caught him in my shower, calling out _Hermione _and… **feeling **himself. GROSS! GROSS! There's a reason I haven't told anyone. Well two.

1) Blackmail

2)I never want to say that out loud.

"Alright your turn again Jude."

"Can we hold off on that for like a minute?"

"Why, you _scared _Harrison?" Spied taunted me. Oh yes, he's revealed my deepest secret. People are stupid.

"No, I have to pee and I don't wanna miss anything." I said and pushed myself towards the first cabin's bathroom. I inhaled, mustering any bravery I could, and pushed the small handle lightly.

(I have a deathly fear of airplane toilets. I'm always convinced something _awful _will happen while I'm peeing and I won't have enough time to get out and then the ocean'll rush into the whole plane and I'll be stuck in the bathroom for ever. And of course the water will seep through the crack in the door and the small vestibule will fill up faster than anything else and I'll die first. I've thought about this a lot. And _please _don't get me started on the _huge _sucking noise they make when the toilet flushes! I'll start to cry.)

I recoiled immediately. "GROSS!" I cursed loudly, finding where Portia had been. And who with… GROSS! Oh my God… I feel _so _dirty. And I couldn't look away. What is _wrong _with me?

* * *

That's all for chapter 8, but the next one picks up right after. I hope you guys liked it! Here are a few sneaks at next time:

**-Someone's job is on the line**

**-Jude's photo shoot for SNL**

**-The _kissing Shay _fight is brought about again. **

So please review, tell me what you think! You guys always make me so happy and I love you for it:o)


	9. Help!

Wow, do you guys know how much I love you! You are too nice, and I am so glad you liked the last chapter. I especially want to thank **NotAContrivance **for the shoutout in **Consequences **thank you so much! And I loved the chapter

**Tommy4eva **((I am so glad you thought it was funny, I was really nervous! I have a serious twist with the Portia thing. Trust me ;o) ))

**Latisha C **((I totally used the bile line this chapter! I laughed so hard when I read that it was ridiculous! I think you might need medical attention after this chapter. I've got Liam doing...stuff. lol))

**Duddley111 **((Aw! I love you, I hope you like this chapter just as much!))

**CJMJM **((I love you more! I am so glad I turned your frown upside down. But I think of mean Liam every time I say that. Yuck,I hate him so much after the finale. I hope you like this chapter!))

**Beauty in the Breakdown21 **((oh my God, does your tattoo say _Go Steph_? I would laugh so hard and then contemplate getting one lol! I think all coffee enduced break downs can be related back to Rory and Loreli. I'm currently a combination of the both, its not pretty to see lol))

You guys are so sweet, I hope I don't dissapoint. Ok, notes about the chapter. I'm saving the photo shoot for next chapter becasue I want to make it really good. And there's some craziness in the beginning and in the middle/end with Tommy and Jude. That's all I'll say ;o)

* * *

Chapter 9: _Help!_

You are about to be told the story of a girl who is about to _cry a river and drown_ _the WHOLE_ DAMN WORLD!

I swung the door closed again, shutting Portia and Craig to whatever they had been… _doing_. NOT THAT I NEEDED TO KNOW WHAT IT WAS!

"You guys just **keep**… _getting on_, **whatever** you we're…_gettin'…on_. Ok? I'm just gonna **go** and uh, yea… _dig a whole and live in it_… or something." I sputtered through the door and pee-pee danced my way the hell away from there.

"Whoa, whoa girl, where's the fire?" Tommy asked me.

_IN CRAING'S PANTS!_ I shouted in my head. "I just have to pee. _Really badly._ So I'm gonna go do that. _Away from here_. _**Far** away from here_. I would rather do it in a different plane or…dimension… but I can't, so yea. I'm going to pee. Down there."0

"Away from here?" Tommy asked with a chuckle as I realized he had listened to all of my rambling. He looked down at me intently.

"Are you ok?" Gee, no. I just saw Portia and Craig making out in an airplane bathroom.

I had no idea what was to come.

Darius answered for me, having taken my vacated horrified spot in front of the bathroom. Mary Mother of Jesus, I thought they would stop at _one_ interruption.

"GET **OFF** HER!" Darius roared, scaring small children.

Literally, I was reverting to my 6-year-old self and crying. _Make the scary man stop! _I guess Craig didn't hear the ferocious screaming because Darius shouted again.

"MOVE YOUR HAND **NOW**!" Um, _ew_. I guess things heated up in the twenty seconds that I had caught them and when Darius caught them. "**_NOW!_**"

For the love of all things Holy, Craig _listen_ to him! I watched a skittish looking Craig run from the bathroom, his hands thrown over his head in fear of being hit. I would totally have a _Full Metal Jacket _if I were Craig. Really. I watched Darius corner him against a wall while I could swear I heard Craig whimpering.

Tommy looked at me questioningly while I shot a smirk, laughing a little as I saw Portia beating Darius' back to "_LEAVE HIM ALONE" _to no avail. It's like that Geraldo Rivera documentary thing that they based _Cops _on without Geraldo. "Portia and Craig were getting a little, _hot and illegal _in the bathroom." I told him. I quickly put my hand over my mouth realizing whatever Tommy and I had done could lead to _his_ imprisonment.

(Except I think that Craig isn't jailbait anymore, but I don't know. Because I know Manny's only a little older than me. So technically the whole _Crammy _thing is illegal. I need to stop talking to Mason and gossiping with Mason about celebrity couples and couples within the people we know. His annoying little nicknames get stuck in my head and then I go around calling Spiederman and I _Juderman _and Tommy and I _Jommy. _Except Mason didn't make up _Jommy. Us Weekly _did and it just stuck. But whatever.)

Then, in prison, he would probably meet some guard and fall in love with him. It would be like that part of that Sublime song, _Date Rape, _where the guy is_ butt-raped by a large inmate _only Tommy and Butch-man would be in love.

I think the man who steals Tommy away from me will have to be named _Butch-Man _or else I'll send Tommy voodoo dolls for the rest of his life.

"I have to pee." I said quickly and jet towards the bathroom where Spied and Kyle had been stripping and switching.

HA! That's a funny alliteration, _stripping and switching. Stripping and Switching_… I could go on, but I won't.

I saw Jamie wave me down as I stooped in a seat, waiting for him to catch up to me. "I'm not gonna make out with you in a bathroom _Jammy. _I think that Pasty would meld a knife out of soap and stab me to death with it."

"But God forbid she use a little." I shot him a look. "She's a little dirty in a lot of places."

"STOP!" I don't need that image of Jamie. I see him as the non-sexual, non-hormonal being that a male best friend/ex boyfriend should be once you pass the awkward _I-don't-know-how-to-act-around-you-so-I'll-just-stand-here-and-cross-my-arms-over-my-chest _stage.

"What was Darius saying?"

"He said that Craig _is gonna be one sorry ass if he don't take dat job in New York_." Jamie replied, imitating Darius to the best of his ability. I stopped him suddenly and looked at him square in the eyes. I watched him flinch as he face melted into worry.

"Jamie," I started sullenly, "please don't speak like that to me any more." I finished with a straight face.

I think he thought I was going to pull a _Pulp Fiction _on his ass. But he should know that the only John Travolta that I will ever associate myself with is the _Grease-Lightening _Travolta. And the _Saturday Night Fever. _Basically whenever he's dancing. The same goes for Kevin Bacon. I would totally jump him _Footloose era _but _The Woodsman _was creepy beyond belief. When he relaxed I burst out laughing.

"What does he mean _job in New York_?"

"I don't really know."

"Craig's gonna be recording his album in the new wing of G-Major." Spied said butting in. I would call him out, but his information was useful. I knew I kept him around for a reason.

Just kidding.

Sort of.

Not really.

"Really?" Jamie asked, intrigued. But he let whatever he was going to say trail off as he head perked up.

"Are the Death Eaters calling?" I asked jokingly.

"Jude. The Death Eaters have physical means of knowing when to congregate. They don't merely _call_ each other." Spied scoffed.

"You're pathetic. And I think Hermione could tell you on precisely how many levels." I told him, my voice heavily irritated. He sank his head submissively, obviously still ashamed and remembering my previous warning.

**Spied jumped from my shower; covering himself with his hands to keep whatever modesty he had intact. He stood in front of me and whimpered in pain from the plastic utensils I had thrown at him while he was in my shower… _moaning_. **

**"If I ever catch you doing _that _near me, I'll use my mounting celebrity to find her and tell her in person. Then you will not be shouting her name quite so loudly _Vincent_." **

**I shot with venom after he told me that I was just bitter because Harry would never go for a girl like me. But he totally would because Ginny's a redhead and I _was _a redhead. **

Jamie waved off our bickering and walked ahead of me, towards a flight attendant's station in the back. I stood there, huffing that he cut me for the bathroom while I showed Spied my pee-dance.

"No, it's all in the hips." I told him and shook them from side to side vigorously. I watched his stare linger as I danced and I abruptly stopped. I was about to tell him to show me Kyle's underwear again when Jamie ran from the alcove, screaming

"AH! **EYES**! _BURNING_!" He shouted as he tore away from the back of the plane like his ass was on fire.

"What?" He looked like he had just seen _Casper the Friendly Ghost _and Wendy getting dirty. Oh my God, I am slowly ruining my childhood. There must be something the matter. I reverted my attention back to a spazing Jamie.

"Liam's… _member_! And…and… grunts of…_exertion_! AH! **INSIDE A LADY**!"

Oh no.

Oh gross.

Oh shit.

"_NO WAY _man!" Spied said like a _gnarly surfer_. I followed hot on his heels and then suddenly… I _really _wished I hadn't. I was beginning to regret every decision that brought me to this point.

-Saying _yes_ to the SNL performance

-Letting Darius be my manager

-Listening to Sadie out of jealousy that one night at studio when she was being a whore and stealing Tommy from me

-Asking Kwest about _Frozen_

-Speaking to Kwest ever, since he a frickin' font of Tommy information

-Entering Instant Star.

Those don't really make very much sense. But my brain is mush. I am vomiting and bile is rising from every orifice on my body. I can't think.

I can't … I just can't do anything.

No wait… system rebooting.

Hearing coming back…

neurons firing…

vision restored…

NO TAKE IT BACK! TAKE MY SIGHT FROM ME! No this…OH MY **GOD**! OH MY _GOD_! **OH **MY GOD! OH **MY GOD**! **_OH MY GOD!_** "PUT IT AWAY! PUT IT **AWAY!**" I screamed like that girl from _The Ring _was finally coming to get me and ran away with my hands over my eyes that were shedding real tears. I DON'T NEED THIS! NO, _REALLY_, I AM GOING TO DIE!

I was still screaming and shocked as hell as I bashed into Tommy's chest forcefully. "Whoa girl, what's wrong?" He asked with concern.

I just whimpered in response as Liam approached us gruffly and zipping up his pants. He looked between Tommy and I before staring at me.

"Ms Harrison?" NO! DON'T LOOK AT ME!

"Uh…_yes_?"

"Get ready for landing."

"Ok." I relented and sat on the floor with my eyes down. I heard Liam shuffle away, with my eyes still closed, and then felt a pair of arms around me. I felt my butt leaving the ground and move to a plushy seat. I looked up and saw Tommy smiling amusedly.

"There is _nothing_ funny."

"I think there is."

"I just saw Liam racking up some serious _Preferred Member Points_."

"What?" He asked when realization donned on him as the disgust settled in.

"Liam?"

"Yes."

"In the bathroom."

"No."

"What?"

"In front of the peanuts." I told him trying to block out the whole thing.

But flashes of Liam's half covered butt and clips _grunting _played in my head cruelly. I let out a small sob and shook my head and forced it into my heads. I felt Tommy grab my chin lightly as his eyes twinkle closely to mine, a smile dancing through them and I felt the memories of Liam drifting away.

But I don't think they would ever be far enough.

I heard yelling and reluctantly looked past Tommy and I saw Craig getting reamed by Darius. This would be funny. But it's not. Tommy slumped next to be numbly while everyone else put up their trays for landing.

_Half an hour later..._

Just as we disembarked a girl, not much older than me, approached Tommy and I. Well actually she bounded like a giraffe on the run. And she was running at Tommy, not me. And she was squealing like one of those boys in the _Vienna Boys Choir, _before they hit puberty.

"OH MY GOD! AreyoureallyLittleTommyQ? BecauseIhavebeeninlovewithyousince1998!"

Wait, hold up; rewind that for me.

_Are you actually Little Tommy Q? Because I have been in love with you since 1998. _

Aren't we bold? I looked her up and down meanly; she looked like a hoe. Someone needs to tell this hooker-in-disguise that normal people don't tie their father's button down shirts in a lacy knot like Daisy Duke. And it's winter.

"Uh, yea. I am." He said neutrally, but I caught an undertone of exasperation.

"Could I, like, have your autograph?" She asked. I stared at her mouth for at least ten minutes to see if she had stuffed marbles in there because otherwise I don't know how the hell she could drop her jaw so low.

"Sure," he started and held out his hands for a piece of paper and a pen.

"Do you need-"

"Well, I like don't have a pen or anything like that. But _Oh Em Gee_, you could like sign my bra or something…"

WHAT?

What did I do? No really who is doing this to me?

I know that Buddhists are too peaceful to manipulate like this so it must be… THAT FIEND! It has to be Tom Cruise; there is no other explanation. Now the bashes will **never **stop.

I looked over to see Tommy's jaw drop and this little whore seriously unclasping her bra in front of us. I promptly walked away, seeing Craig hiding in a corner.

"What's up?"

"I'm afraid." He said in low whisper. Poor Craig, he should know not to make out with old people. But I guess I can't really talk.

(And I mean Tommy right now. When I said _old _I meant _older. _It's not like I go to nursing homes and disconnect ventilators to get my elderly make-out fix. That would be wrong. And gross.)

"Don't be. Darius is a dick." I told him and waved my hand casually. His eyes went wide while he pointed behind me like he saw the Ghost of a wasted Danny Bonaduce. But when I when I looked behind me I came face to face with the devil. I mean Darius. But whatever, same thing.

"I mean Darius _has _a dick." His eyebrows rose towards his bald scalp creating creases and lines in his forehead that I swear a monkey could live in. I mean those are like…_craters. _Truly captivating. Wait a minute… did I just say that.

"No I don't mean you _have _a dick. I mean _of course _you do. You're a man…a **manly man**. Not that I would know… or…or, uh _think_ about it or anythi- What was that Sadie?" I looked behind his broad shoulder, pretending that Sadie was calling me.

"Oh sorry, I have to go. She uh, needs a… tampon. I mean no she doesn't. What I was saying was that I uh… _COMING SADIE_!"

I whined loudly and ran away as fast as I could. I looked back as Darius' face contorted in a range of emotions. I think there were dashes of amusement, confusion and hint of rage. But that rage was _all _for Craig.

I made a last venture around the baggage carousel to find Shay chatting up some blondie. I laughed lightly when he looked over at me and raised an eyebrow and mouthed '_hot stuff_.' I came around and slinked an arm around his neck.

"Hey babe." I purred and nipped his ear lightly. And can I just tell you that my tongue tasted bitter for about an hour. He needs to wash himself more. Or wash himself in general.

"Hey…" he said uneasily and trying to shake my grip.

I brought my mouth to his ear again, whispering, "not gonna happen after this morning." I pulled away and giggled lightly as if we had been whispering _sweet nothings. 'Hot stuff' _looked at me funny and then looked at Shay disgustedly.

"Do you know each other? I could invite you to the wedding." I said, smiling sweetly as Shay tensed in my arms.

He is a man whore.

This was total payback, and it was just an added bonus that it was strategic cock-block. I don't need to hear moans or bed springs squeaking while I try to sleep.

I'm just thankful that Sadie and Tommy took their show on tour. I would jump off a tall bridge if I _heard/saw/made accidental insinuations_ about them. She slinked away with a shake of her head and Shay turned to me angrily.

"What was that?"

"I swear, when they make a bobble head of you there needs to be an unknown pair of legs across from you. And your hand should be plastered between them."

He looked at me shocked.

_I_ looked at me shocked. I was fairly cross-eyed for a minute. I think it's all this sex in the sky that's getting to me. I've become the embodiment of all of SME. Cue shudder here. That's a chilling notion.

I let my hand rest around his shoulders, in a merely friendly way (Shay kinda makes me sick now) as Tommy came up from behind us.

"Jude."

He said simply and I turned around to see a dangerous look in his eyes. Shay and Tommy stared at each for an infuriating few minutes before Shay relented with a sigh. I think he was kinda afraid that Tommy would ram his foot up his ass so hard that he would have trouble seeing tomorrow. With the look on Tommy's face I thought the same thing.

"I gotta go." He told me and made a peace sign with his first two fingers, pressed them to his lips and pounded them against his chest twice.

"Yea… uh, bye." I said with an awkward wave. I don't know what to do when someone tries to make up a secret handshake. I make things really weird and then I ruin the point and purpose of a secret handshake by going over it like I'm learning dance steps.

_They love it when I 1,2 step_, **except not**.

Tommy grabbed my hand and pulled my down a few winding hallways, towards the signs that said_ Car Rental_. Aw, what a boy scout. It was silent between the two of us except for his lightly grunting when I resisted. I tried to break it with a light joke.

"Well just know _I Loved You Before You Were a Myspace Whore_." I told him with a self-conscious chuckle. He looked at me sharply and realized I kinda told him I loved him. _Aw-kw-ard_.

He pulled me into the men's bathroom and can I just tell you how it smells? It smells like piss and… _socks_.

_Gross_.

**Gross**.

He looked at me square in the eyes, making me spin turn to raspberry Jell-O. He was starting to freak me out, even more than _Edward Scissorhands_ did.

I mean that guy was scary as hell, that was not a romantic tale of someone over coming objects and disabilities, but _come on_! He had hedge cutter hands!

Then I was watching VH1 and I found out someone made a porno spin off called…_can you handle this_… _Edward Penishands. _And the cover was of this fat guy with the Johnny Depp make up on his nasty face and his hands were penises and he was like hugging these girls in bikinis and I when I saw it I unhooked the cable box in disgusted protest.

But then I started to dream about VH1 and I was cold sweats and heat flashes. I asked my mom if I was going through menopause and she threw a dishtowel at me and told me to stop asking her things and call my father. Instead of doing that I just plugged the TV back in and the urges to vomit and cry subsided.

I think it was withdrawal, but I can't be sure. But I remember the episode of House when he and Cuddy made a bet…maybe it was Wilson…maybe it was Foreman. DAMN IT!

This can all be linked back as Spied's fault. He fills my brain with the most disgusting things, that **will not **help me later in life, and I can't remember vital information to episodes of House! Damn him!

Anyway House bet someone within the hospital that he wasn't addicted to his little pills things…_Vicodin _and he didn't take it for like a week. And then Foreman caught him throwing up in his office, and House looked all sleep deprived and corpse-y. And then a man punched him in the face because he walked in on his son's surgery and like brought in a dead cat and spat at stuff.

It was like crazy gross and awesome and the stupid one from _Mean Girls _was in it too. She was kinda a whore, in the beginning they made it look like she was pressuring the sick kid into sex, but it was just a joy ride in his dad's car. But yea… what was I talking about?

I looked up and saw Tommy's eyes boring into me. Oh yea, _that_.

"What's up?" I said easily while my small and large intestine battled for space.

If that makes sense… It doesn't. I just mean I was scared of him like a _Bat out of Hell_. Meatloaf is my life and a half. I love him. I devoted to him. I want to make him Meatloaf so that I say, "I watched Meatloaf eat meatloaf."

But no one would give me a weird look because Meatloaf equals God.

Just like Jude equals smooth.

Except for not, because as I was back away, while he advanced on me, I slipped in what was probably a pile of pee. I feel dirty. But not as dirty as that lady who had sex with Liam should. She did it with the devil. _The Devil _**does not **_Wear Prada, _no matter what Anne Hathaway says. He's a jaguar in Armani.

She needs to put her tiara back on and make some more movies with that really hot guy. Oh my God, I am in love with him but I only know him as "Hot _Princess Diaries_ Guy." And people ask me if I'm in love with a Princess. People are stupid. I just want to hit people. I want to go around and smack them in the face. Just generally.

I felt myself loose control and nearly smack the floor with a graceful thud, but a pair of strong arms caught me before I fell. He obviously doesn't take _Let Me Fall _very seriously but whatever. Before I knew what I was doing I was babbling my thoughts about the _princess diaries_ guy, for reasons unbeknownst to me.

"And people ask _well I always thought girls were looking for their prince _and then I get that Spin Doctors song stuck in my head… what was that called?"

"I don't really know." Tommy said impatiently. I started to sing, to jog my memory and his. Well not really, it was to stop him for speaking. It couldn't be good whatever he was going to say or else he wouldn't have that look and he wouldn't have brought me in the men's bathroom in a New York airport before 8 in the morning. Well I don't think he should ever bring me in a men's bathroom, but whatever.

"_If you want to call me baby, just go ahead now. And if you want to tell me maybe, just go ahead now. Na nah nah na nah, nah…" _I stuttered across the lyrics I didn't know.

"_And if you want to be my flowers, just go ahead now. And if you want to talk for hours, just go ahead now_. It's _Two Princes_, are you happy yet? Can I talk now?" He asked exasperatedly me after correcting the lyrics I didn't know and making me unendingly bashful.

"Um yea, thanks." He looked at me puzzled. "For the lyrics." It would have bugged me all damn day.

"I know it would have bothered you all day otherwise." No really, how does he do that? How can I _not _love him when he knows me through and through like that? It's crazy. I wish I knew him in same way, I really only knew his favorite color and favorite ice cream. I had screamed at him one day that he knew all about me but when it came to his life, he was _Joey Tightlips_.

**"Who's _Joey Tightlips_?" **

"**My fictional Mafia character, stop trying to change the subject!" **

**"Fine, Jude, you wanna know about me? Then just ask me." I looked at him, not expecting it to be just as easy as a question. I looked up almost shyly. **

**"Well… what's your favorite color?" He smiled softly. **

**"Red." He came towards me and ran a finger through my flaming hair. He twirled it in his fingers tenderly, as he pulled closer, looking at me in the eyes. I inhaled sharply. **

**"What's your favorite color?" I asked stupidly, while the oxygen tried to get to my brain and keep me sane. It wasn't working. **

**He smiled and told me "Red is my favorite color" again. **

**I looked down at my feet, trying to hide my blushing cheeks. His fingers grazed the bottom of my chin lightly as he gripped it between his two fingers. He brought my gaze back level to him as his gaze locked with mine. **

**"My favorite book was_ Henry and Mudge, _I got a silver bike with red flames for my 10th birthday. I rode it everywhere. My favorite kind of animal are horses, my favorite ice cream is Mint Chocolate Chip. I never finished school, and sometimes… I think that I could stare into your eyes for days and never be lonely." He finished in a breathtaking whisper. **

**I blinked suddenly, keeping my eyes shut. I felt his fingers tips on my lids lightly as he ushered them open. When I looked up his head tilted with a warm smile on his face and dark glint in his eyes. He thumb dipped from my eyes and ran across my lips, brushing them lightly. My body tensed, and then leaned in magnetically. The door burst open with an amused Kwest looking back at us. **

**"Did I interrupt anything? _Important _maybe? _Illegal _maybe?" He asked on a laugh. I rolled my eyes as Tommy fumed from behind my turned head. I wanted to throw something scalding hot in his face. **

So maybe I knew more than just his favorite color but I had a feeling another moment was about to come on. I just didn't know if I wanted anyone to interrupt us this time.

"You back with Shay?" he asked suddenly, shaking me from my reverie. I snorted loudly and disgustedly.

"Are you… _kidding_?" I asked as if trying to piece a puzzle together. He laughed at me indignantly.

"Do you think I would kid about something like that? He's no good for you."

Um, hello I know that. I lived that. Why was he patronizing me like I was stupid and girly and impulsive? Maybe I was all those things, but I learned to keep it in check. Most of the time. Some of the time. Well now wasn't one of those times.

"I don't need another father Tommy. So stop trying to be my stand in."

"Then what do you want from me? You have _exactly _given me clear signals."

"Well I haven't told you _no _yet! Have I? I think my _signals _are pretty damn clear."

"Then tell me Jude, tell me exactly what you want."

He asked me, his hot breath on my face, his lips inches from me, his chest heaving in time with my own.

I did something.

Something that could be bad.

Something that could be good.

I grabbed the lapels of his jacket and closed any distance that had remained and grasped his lips with might. I didn't wait for his shock to subside and I kissed him with as much passion as I had ever mustered before.

It turned out his shock was merely a few seconds and he wrapped his arms around my waist and hips, encircling me in his touch. I felt his fingers prance around the hem and smooth themselves over the increasing patch of skin he was exposing. Our tongues sought entrance at the same time and met between the fervent distance between our lips, meeting in the center and fighting to the death.

I suddenly slipped mine back as his plunged inside my mouth, thoroughly excavating and exploring. But his lips dipped down against my neck, and planted hot kisses along my slightly exposed collarbone, making my knees go weak.

I moaned lightly in the heat of his passion fusing with mine as his hands dipped lower.

And lower.

And lower.

They were definitely in Southern territory, driving me wild. I gasped again as he grunted against my skin. My eyes flew open as I realized our surroundings. Tommy apprehended my protest and grasped my lips again.

"Tommy…" I said from between his lips.

"What?" he asked distractedly as his fingers wove in my hair.

"We can't do this." He stepped away shocked. Tommy continued to look at me with a puzzled look as he distanced himself even more.

"Really? Because I had a feeling that we were gonna do _something_."

Stop it. He's not aloud to talk that way when I can't think. Of course _something _would have happened. I looked into his face and I realized he didn't mean that _something, _he meant a different _something_. It was my turn to look at him puzzled.

"Jude, you need to figure out what you want. Maybe you need to figure out _who_ you want, but I'm finished guessing." He told me softly and ruefully.

I opened my mouth to say something.

I want Tommy!

I don't want anyone or thing or whatever else!

It's Tommy!

It's been Tommy since the pier.

It's been Tommy since my Sweet Sixteen and then my seventeenth birthday.

It's been Tommy since I had an odd focus on my eighteenth birthday.

I didn't understand why he couldn't see that.

He was always _it _for me. But he hushed me hurriedly.

"Stop telling me." He told me. What? That completely contradictory to what he just told me.

"What else can I do?" I asked him, not knowing what to do without my words.

He shrugged lightly and let his grip slip from my shoulder, where it had rested, down my arms and interlocked our fingers. He looked at me for a silent moment before pulling away and pushing past me for the door. I watched him walk away.

I felt like screaming. Like a _real_ scream. Like the one in _Sixteen Candles _when she finds out that nerdy kid has her underwear. I let it penetrate the hot air, left from Tommy and I.

I was beginning to know what the terms _smoking gun_ and _fighting fire with fire _**really **meant.

It was Tommy.

It was me.

It was Tommy and me.

It was just my general situation. The gun just happened to be catching fire and burning the hell outta me. I looked around at the pee stained urinals, forgoing the shudder because it was pointless. I was really starting to feel some abandonment issues.

(I mean _really, _who walks out on a person like that? Who gives people ultimatums like that? Except me. Like that one time I made him choose between Sadie and me and then I offered my grandma to him as a potential concubine. AH! My imagination is literally going to be the death of me! I mean grams, is like a thousand years old.

She's older than those dinosaurs from _The Land before Time _movies. And I think Tommy probably likes his women flexible. Well more flexible than an eighty year old with arthritis who pops Aleve like there's no tomorrow and says weird stuff like _I got some jam for 10 cents and the Piggly Wiggly to smear on the butter you like so well. _Even after I told her that Piggly Wiggly went out of business for ever ago, that jam never cost 10 cents, and that I don't like the eat sticks of butter with blueberry jam on it. Who does? I made her eat one time and I thought she was going to die right there. It was horrifying.)

It's like that time when my mom made me go to pre-school when I was like 3 but I didn't want to and I would cry all the time. And I would make her stay outside the school for the few hours that I was there and I would check to make sure.

Every few minutes, after I had built up enough tears to choke on, I would fly to the window in a fit a sorrow and check that her car was still out there. And once I couldn't find it and I heard them batting _mild tranquilization _about. And before my mom would take me in the morning and I would have to go to the bathroom and the song and dance was always the same.

**_"Don't make me go PLEASE!" I wailed loudly while Sadie beeped from the car. What was her problem, it's not like she was pretty in third grade. It was before she got her hair dyed completely blonde and before she lost the baby fat. What was she so impatient about? _**

**_"Jude, honey, you have to." _**

**_"But I don't want to leave you!" _**

**_"But I'll be right out there the whole time. _**

**_"Well… today is 'show and tell' and I want to show you! Stay with me!" I would sob and fling Cheerios at my dog's fur, watching them get stuck. My mom looked at me with a mix of pity and disbelief. _**

**_"Mommy! I have to go pee" _**

**_"Jude, honey, don't say I have to pee. It's not lady like." _**

**_"But I havta go!" and I would cry and dump the milk from my cereal on the floor. _**

**_Sometimes it was brown if I had eaten _Coco Pebbles_, and other times it had the wheat cereal from _Lucky Charms, _and I only wanted to eat the marshmallows. _**

**_"Then go, Jude." She told me in her most patient voice while she got out the mop. I looked sheepishly down at my feet while tears resurfaced. _**

**_"Mommy…" "Yes Jude." _**

**_"Which bathroom is closer to you?" _**

I need to be locked away.

I stare down at my phone, replaying Tommy's words.

_Tell me exactly what you want_.

_Stop telling me. _

Well I want Tommy, and I've told him. Like a million times. And made a fool of myself like a thousand times. UGH! He is so frustrating. What is Oprah saying that men aren't as emotionally demanding as women? Tommy is more irritating than a sun burnt Sadie. All she does is sit on the couch watching Laguna Beach, pounding out dry sobs for me to get her some water.

I _know_ how to pour a glass of water and stir salt in it so that she can't see it. I don't know what to do with Tommy.

John?

Paul?

Ringo?

George?

_Help!_

My phone suddenly pounded a low hum from within my bag and I saw E.J.'s face pop.

"Hello?" I asked irritably.

"Get your ass out here right now. We're leaving for the shoot in twenty minutes and if you're not there we're gonna have to dress Spied up like you again and those tour posters didn't look so hot the last time." She shouted angrily.

"I'm coming."

God, _let me breathe_.

Just as I made my way out a guy walked in and gave me this really weird look. "**Hey man**." I said in my deepest possible voice, pulled my pants up like a man and readjusted my nonexistent package.

He looked at me like I had crazy-glued my nostrils shut and now I was trying to breathe through them. I think he thought I was a cross dresser or getting ready for a sex change.

Either way, it was funny as hell when he looked me up and down with the most distressed face I've ever seen. I tried to keep a straight face all the way out the door and just as I slammed it open I burst out laughing right in Darius' face.

"Jude, can I ask _why _you were in the men's bathroom?"

"No you may not." I told him haughtily and jogged to catch up with Sadie and Portia.

_Tommy…_

Tom Quincy walked through the airport, navigating against the oncoming flow of traffic, trying to make sense of what was happening.

His fingers tingled slightly at the memory of the feel of her hands through his hair and softness of the skin on her stomach. Her persistent breaths that grew shallow and ragged as he hands mounted past the fabric of her shirt.

He distantly heard a 90's song filter through the speakers. "_My fingertips have memories. I can't forget the curves of you body. And when I feel a bit naughty, I run them up the flagpole and see"_

He shook his head swearing at irony like a long shore fisherman. He listened to the passing conversations of the people around him, catching little snippets.

"Stop quoting Fall Out Boy." "But their lyrics speak to every situation I find myself in." "You are creating non-existent drama for your own entertainment because you have nothing to do." "Shuddup."

"I hate Jamba Juice. And I hate coconut even more." "What? When you were on Ambien you used to steal my car keys and drive to Jamba Juice! Then I would have to pick up little coconut shavings around the house!" "Well I don't want this."

He smiled lightly at the bustle and leaned himself against a pillar, thinking of what had led them to such a kiss… He quickly remembered his Jennifer Love Hewitt inspired provocation that Jude _needed to show him_ or something equally disgusting. He quickly made a list in his head, now unsure of his manhood and everything that had brought him to that point.

_My name is Tom Quincy_

_I'm in an airport_

_I really want to do a **Boost Mobile Commercial**_

_When I was thirteen I had a crush on **Doctor Quinn Medicine Women**_

_I sent her love letters_

_I thought we were destined because our last names were so alike_

_Chaz found them and gave them to Us Weekly_

_I went through that phase where I thought I saw Jane Seymour every where I went_

_I'm a producer_

_I work at G-Majors_

_My main artist is Jude Harrison_

_She won a competition 3 years ago_

_I dated her sister_

_Her sister dumped me_

_I never had so many girl problems before I met Jude_

_I forced Jude into a men's room_

_I nearly groped Jude in a men's room_

_I acted like a lost cast member of **Melrose Place **in the men's room_

…_I left her in there too. That was worse than when I told everyone that Portia and Chaz are hermaphrodites, after she filed for divorce and Chaz asked if **Little Tommy Q was going to throw a little fit** when I didn't want to wear a blue bandana like Bruno. And that at birth both sets of parents flipped a coin to determine the gender, but Portia's genitalia was creeping back and that Chaz's ovaries were sagging. And that Portia had gotten Chaz pregnant. Ok maybe not worse than that, but it's close. _

He looked over at his group fleetingly, seeing that Jude had finally emerged from the bathroom. E.J. was yelling at her as she rolled her eyes, giving Spied the finger while he tried to goose her and then rolled her eyes at E.J.

_Jude…_

"Just get in the car."

"But I havta get my bag."

"Stop talking like Carrie Underwood, and we're having your bag sent the hotel. Have you never traveled with me before?" I was starting to hate that E.J. was back.

"_Have you never traveled with me before_?" I mocked in a singsong voice to Portia, once E.J. was out of earshot, knowing that neither ever passes up a chance to bash the other. But she just slumped back dejectedly and looked around. I'm assuming she was looking for her brother or that she was pulling a Charles Manson. I moved away just in case and racked my brain, trying to remember if Portia knows where I live.

"Do you think he's mad?" Oh, no. He's irate.

"I uh… think he'll get over it." _Eventually._

But I didn't add that for her sake. Portia, SME, Kwest, Mason, Sadie and I stood outside in freezing air. _Damn you Al Rocker! _I think I've shared the story about the crazy lady already.

The rest of the gang joined us and I felt like the Partridge Family. Or the Brady Bunch when they went to King's Island. I saw that episode and the guys were sadly unimpressive. And _My Fair Brady _is vaguely creepy. Suddenly an enormous limo pulled up in front of us and screeched the wheels noisily. I looked at the driver, trying to see if he resembled any of the _Punk'd _cast. I was _so _not in the mood.

"It's a _Hirsch_."

"I won't have a funeral." Pasty said suddenly. Um, ok?

"I want to be eaten alive."

Oh my God, she is so much worse than I thought. I pushed her into the open door and followed, throwing a glance behind me to look at Tommy. I saw his eyes focus when he felt my stare and he smiled back.

Ok, what happened to PMSing Tommy?

I slid into my seat and let my head loll against the headrest as I felt Tommy slide next to me.

He is _really _acting like a pubescent girl with a creepy crush. No really, I will not go to a move with him. I bet he'll look over at me every time he laughs to see if I'm laughing too. I hate it when people do that so I laugh extra loud so they don't have to waste the pointless energy to turn their head.

But I let my guard down and let my head droop against his shoulder as his hands found themselves in my hair. He twined them together and spun circles with small pieces around my head, letting them unravel gently. I felt myself moan with satisfaction and I felt him inhale and tense slightly beneath me. An obnoxious cough woke us from our small trance and I looked up to see a smug looking Liam.

I felt like throwing the pine needles we had tracked into the car at him. Right at his eyes. He should **not **be judging. He was having random sex in an airplane. He should be arrested.

* * *

that was all for chapter 9! I hope you liked it! I have some of chapter 10 written but I think it's all going to be the shoot, but I'm not sure yet. Please review and tell me what you think, I'm so addicted:o)


	10. Rock Me Amadeus

Jeez chapter 10 already? This must be a milestone or something! I love you guys! I tried really hard to get this chapter out as soon as I could! I really want to thank:

**Tommy4eva **((I thought all my other Jommy moments were in normal places and I was like 'hmmm... what would be weird.' lol!))

**Latisha C **((I love the sound of Special Angent Jude, _Mission: Cock Block_! lol, there's some more Jommy, but not in a bathroom this chapter lol!))

**Duddley111 **((thank you! I hope you like this one too!))

**VilandraofAntar **((I'm a bum time a thousand, I find nothing special in running for no reason. And I'm about to quote 50 Cent, please forgive me but... _I love you like a fat kid loves cake_ lol. I am so weird))

**CJMJM **((Oh my God, you are SO not predicatble, I've gotten through a few chapters of _Unexpected _and I love it! I'm preparing a nice long review for when I get completely caught up! Say hello to your neighbors for me lol!))

**smileon **((No way! I didn't think anyone read it on the IS site and then I forgot my password and I was sad! I'm so glad you found it again and that you still like it!))

**Beauty in the Breakdown21 **((for the sake of all fangirls everywhere, find his name and marry him! If there were ever a team I would join it would have to be lalala, I think the others would kick me off anyway. Or I could just work at the coffee both at these sproting events these imginary teams must do... I can't think of anysports lol))

**iamthatplace **((I updated especially so no deaths would occur over fanfiction lol! I'm so glad you like the story, your review was so sweet! It made me smile for like an hour and my mom was like 'are you high' and then I laughed at her lol!))

You guys totally kicked my ass into gear with this chapter! I have finals all next week and I will be going into hibernating mode this weeked, but I will try to write, promise! This chapter starts where the last one ended, in the car and stuff and goes to the photo shoot. There's some French dialouge with Tommy and a hair dresser and Super Instant Star points to whoever can translate it. They mean nothing in the real world, but they count here where all things Instant Star is whorshipped lol. Ok, I'm finished, on with the story!

**Disclaimer **((I forgot this last time so it counts for both)): I still do not own anything.

* * *

Chapter 10: _Rock Me Amadeus_

I felt Tommy glowering at him from behind me and I felt like smacking Liam so hard that his flesh-eating teeth fly out.

"Shuddup Liam. Go have some more sex with Hooters girls." I said quietly.

Except it wasn't that quiet and we were in a small space. I think he heard me because he nearly flipped me the bird. I saw him lift his hand, poised to raise his middle finger and then Jamie whimpered from near him.

"Mr. Andrews? Something the matter." Liam asked pompously. Yea, he's probably remembering your hairy ass.

"No but… _could you not look at me_?"

HA! That is entertaining! I snorted obnoxiously, hoping to salt Liam's ego wound when a sharp pang reminded me I never got the chance to pee. I've had to for like… an hour and a half!

"I havta pee."

"Can't you wait?" E.J. asked me while her face was plastered to a cell phone. E.J., you have a problem.

If there were no electricity I can just see E.J. knitting and enjoying peaceful existence… while cats clawed at her face.

"No I can not." I said and squirmed uncomfortably. I felt Tommy laugh against me and I looked over sharply.

"Shut up. Or I'll pee all over you." I warned. He sobered and scooted away from me.

"You wouldn't." He started.

"Maybe not, but I'd punch you." I told him menacingly. Well _I _thought I was menacing, but Tommy didn't because he just laughed and looked out the window at New York.

Whore… _Man _whore. I don't understand why people don't take me seriously when I say I'll punch them. I will. Hugh McManus III can attest to that. In grade 8 he got dared to ask me if I was a firecrotch.

(Even though I think Mc-Manly-Manus dared himself to ask me that.)

**I was standing outside the doors of school; waiting for my mom to come and pick me up with this red-faced kid from my Science class came up to me. "Hey Jude." He started. **

**Strike one. **

**"Ashley and I were playing Truth or Dare." He continued. **

**Strike two; I hated Ashley since she told me in fourth grade that Cartoon Network is for stupid people. **

**"And we want to know if you're a… _firecrotch." _**

**S****trike three, loser. **

I stared at him for like twenty seconds before my fist was flying at his stupid, ugly, _stupid _face. I made his lips bleed and when he started to cry I laughed even harder. I really think there's something the matter with me. But God, I hated that kid. He was a douche bag, and not even a good-looking douche bag, which is worse. Ugly _and _mean, bad combination. I had legitimate reasons to hate him.

But I always seem to be laughing when someone gets hurt, especially when I do the hurting.

Once when Jamie and I were at the farm, we were like 11, and I shoved him into a patch of poison ivy and he had this _enormous_ allergic reaction. It was crazy; his legs were all red and the got really puffy so it looked like he had gained abnormal patches of fat. And he had scabs up his legs, from when he itched at them like his was on fire.

Or like that lady on House who had the sleep sickness and she hallucinated and thought these bugs were crawling out of her skin and like feasting on her. That was so scary and so gross. I almost cried. But whatever. Didn't it turn out that she was cheating on her husband with his running partner and he told Cameron that he sorta hoped she wouldn't get better because that meant she cheated on him? Then we find out Cameron's dark past. Whatever.

When we got back to school, Jamie was telling everyone that he got in a fight with a homeless man in the woods when we were at the farm. And he told everyone that he had to protect me and slept in my bedroom the whole weekend because I was scared and it made me mad so I kicked him really hard. Except my foot kinda dragged all the way down his leg and I opened the scabs from his itching and he bled all over his bright white socks. He kinda deserved it but that was kinda mean of me. It was even meaner when I started to laugh though.

Which brings me full circle back to my point: _There is something wrong with me_.

The annoyance intensified and with every bump we hit I felt like I was going to cry. It was starting to be worse than the one time I saw _Elizabethtown _and I had this huge Icee and I drank the whole thing in twenty minutes (and I had a blue tongue for a week). The whole movie I was getting up and crawling over these people to go to the bathroom but they were getting really pissed off at me.

I guess I was blocking their view of Orlando Bloom the whole time. But _really._ He was sexy in _Pirates of the Caribbean, _otherwise I find him…**greasy**. And it's not like he wasn't going to show up on the screen at least a thousand more times, I wasn't really making them miss much. People are stupid.

We passed over an outstanding pothole and I whimpered in pain and I looked over at Darius seriously, the threat of me peeing all over the floor much more eminent. He stare back at me for a blank moment and then reached across me and rasped on the little divider thing between the driver and us.

Those things always scare me because I'm always worried that one day I'm gonna get kidnapped. And… **I pushed down on the smooth button, revealing the back of his uniform, company hat. **

**"Excuse me, sir? I thought it was the other way." **

**"Sorry Miss Harrison, you'll be going to a different kind of _shoot_." He turned to look at me and laugh manically before open fire on the whole back seat with a gun taken right off the set of _The Godfather_.**

Jeez, I'm irrational.

"I got fifty bucks that crying girl pisses all over pretty boy." Pasty announced.

Is she drunk?

Did she snort something that made her forget my name?

"Anyone got a cup?" She asked loudly. Pasty looked around as Jamie sat up from his slouch to look at her seriously.

"What for?"

"Come on Jimmy, don't you like it a little kinky?"

OH MY GOD! STOP THIS CAR! LET ME OUT!

I turned around, crossing my legs furiously and smashing my knuckles white against the black metal. No one can keep me in here. There has to be something unlawful about it. Seriously.

The car came a screeching halt outside a gas station and I flew out of the car without a second thought. I rushed into the building, the normally tinkling bell clanged furiously behind me and I plowed to the register.

"Can I _please _have your bathroom key?" I asked desperately. I looked around me and saw a particularly scary looking lady staring me down with a growl in her throat and a cigarette in her mouth. Oh Jesus. I bet she wouldn't even think twice if she put that out on my face. "_Please_!" I pleaded.

"Only if _he _sings for me." The butch lady from behind the counter told me and pointed behind me.

What? Who is _he _and why would I have control over _he_. I whipped my head around desperately and saw Tommy standing there. Oh my God, does he think he's that weird frog thing that helps kids pee?

_I can do it too! With Kando! _

I think the frog's name is _Kando _but it still creeps me out into an oblivion. **Dateline **should totally monitor _Kando_'s Internet activities. Even though he's an animated frog, but whatever.

"Yea sure, he'll sing." I told her urgently and snatched the key away from her and jetted off for the door.

I ran full force towards the back of the building towards the bathroom and I could hear Spied laughing at me from the side of the car. Butt hole.

I jumbled the key into the lock and was met with the strong smell of pee. If I thought the boy's room at the airport was bad, I was sheltered. No one should ever have to smell _this_. I feel like someone died while they were peeing and the smell of piss and decomposition was mixing viciously. Just for me.

I layered the seat with toilet paper and stooped as I thought of all the things I did that would make me deserve this. I was drawing a blank.

I hadn't killed anyone.

I hadn't stolen anyone's boyfriend.

I hadn't… well that was about as far as I got. After that I would just be lying to myself. I finished as quickly as I could, feeling like those people that walk around their daily lives with masks because of pollution or whatever (One time when I was on my way to G-Major with Jamie we saw these Japanese tourists and they had gas masks on, but they had pig faces on them. And they breathed though the snout. It was really funny.), and ran from the bathroom.

I walked back in the room and found Tommy belting out notes like he was Taylor Hicks.

"_It doesn't matter: About the car I drive, or the ice around my neck. All that matters: Is that you recognize it's just about respect._"

**SOUL PATROL! **

I could tell Tommy was really getting into it and I was seeing reminiscent booty shaking from his Boyz Attack! days. But I could appreciate it the most. I had a nice _hind _view. Quite nice. Next Halloween Tommy is going as a biker and I'm either going to make him wear A) assless chaps or B) tight leather pants.

Wait… are there any other holidays where people dress up? …I don't think so. I guess I _do_ have to wait till fall. That sucks. I watched his shoulders heave as he took a deep breath before his second wind.

"_Do you ever wonder why, this music gets you high? It takes you on a ride. Feel it when your body starts to rock. Baby you can't stop. When the music's all you've got_." He chanted loudly, with his eyes closed and his head bobbing furiously.

_Rock Me Amadeus!_

No really, I would let Tommy rock me. Ok that was graphic, but totally true. I feel dirty. I feel like Landon and M.J. should have felt about the _groupie drawer _last season on _The Real World: Philadelphia_. At least I think it was Landon and M.J… I know it definitely wasn't Shavonda. So yea… I guess it _had _to be those two. But I feel like I'm forgetting a cast mate.

Wait no!

**Wrong season**.

Duh, I knew it wasn't those two. It was Wes and Nehemiah from _The Real World: Austin_! I liked Nehemiah. He was cool, but Wes was ugly. I hated him. And I hated Rachel, she was mean. And I think I only liked Melissa and Johanna. Except I hated Johanna after she was bitch to that bartender. That was mean. And I actually loved Danny when he flipped out on Melissa about Prince William one night and broke up with her. That was really funny. Almost as funny and Paula routinely telling John that he has a small penis and then John imitating her. **"_Kiss my ASS!"_**

I cleared my throat loudly and walked past Tommy and pointedly gave the butch lady the key and thanked her.

"It was all _my _pleasure girlie." Ok that creeped me out. But I just nodded my head and dragged Tommy with me.

"_Dirty Pop_?" I asked him with a raised eyebrow. He looked down at me and shrugged sheepishly.

"I thought she might eat you otherwise." We laughed together and I crawled through the door and back in the car.

"Better?" Sadie asked me.

"Much." I told her simply and looked at Pasty who looked faintly disappointed.

"I know Spied has a small bladder. Just fill him up and you and Jamie can get as kinky as you want." I told her.

I was officially in a good mood. I looked at Jamie who scowled and tried to dissuade Pasty from giving Spied a drink from her _special flask_. I honestly think it's rat poison or _Raid _or something, but I'm too afraid to ask.

_At the Photo Shoot…_

"Jude I need you to look straight into the camera lens for me and give me your poutiest lip and darkest eyes."

_Double **U T**ee E**FF**_?

He wants _what_? "Um, why?"

"Because this is the picture we plaster against the fake billboard during the opening credits and we want it to be a picture that will make people want to stay tuned and watch you."

"Oh… _ok…?"_ I said, trying to hide my Little-Girl-Lost face.

It felt like the time when I was five and my dad took me to the grocery store with him, but it turned out to be this like _hypermarket _and it was huge and it sold everything under the sun. And he was looking a lighter fluid for the grill, I found this aisle with makeup and when I thought no one was looking, I put this eye shadow on my lips because I thought it was lipstick.

And then I licked my lips because it kinda tingled and I thought I had been eating poison and I started to cry and I ran back to the aisle my dad had been in, only he wasn't there. And then I tried to find someone that worked there. So I tugged on this lady's skirt to get her attention, she _was _wearing and red shirt and it looked exactly like the store uniform from behind, but I pulled too hard and her skirt kinda fell down.

Then she screamed at me I started to cry harder. I swear I am the biggest crybaby in the world. If I had been in _Home Alone _but like real life, I would be sobbing for days on end and then like crawl over to my neighbor's house and make them think I had been molested or something. I need to suck it up a lot of the time.

"Jude!" "What?" I snapped, but realized it was Darius that was yelling at me.

"Get it together." He told me with a tone that said _this-my-friend-is-the-end-of-this-discussion_. What a butt face.

No actually he reminded me of Luke from Gilmore Girls. Once I saw the actor on an episode of _Will and Grace _and he was staring at Karen's chest and I started to scream at the TV.

**_"Loreli will know! Luke! You'll regret this!" Kwest came over with a cup of coffee as I sat in Hospitality while Tommy yelled at Jamie from finishing the pot and not refilling it. _****_I saw Kwest watching them with a smug smile that told me Jamie hadn't been near the coffee pot. I watched Jamie squirm under his violent presence and I laughed a little. _**

**_"Who's gonna regret what?" Kwest asked me and pointed to the TV. I watched Jamie try to defend himself but it only enraged Tommy even more. _**

**_"Jamie is going to be regretting ever walking into G-Major." I told him and pointed to the two just as Tommy took a thick accordion file and threw it at Jamie, who tried to block it with a three-ring hole punch. _**

I want to hit his butt face. But I won't. Because I'm afraid of his butt face. Well not of his butt face, but I'm afraid of him. All the time.

The photographer gave me a look that said _get-over-yourself _and I just wanted to thump his arrogant face with a book. He reminded me of the weird friend on _The King of Queens _who had a cameo in _Zoolander _and I think his only lines were **_"You're a monkey Derrick! Clash your little monkey cymbals! Dance, monkey dance!" _**but I am eternally devoted to him. And that movie. It taught me about the greater things in life. Like how male models are behind every assassination in history. Makes so much sense!

"We'll take a few like this and then get you back to wardrobe."

I looked down at myself, seeing the long crochet top they tried to convince me was a dress. I am not stupid. I can tell a dress from a shirt. But whatever, the shot didn't pan below my neck so it didn't really matter. I scrunched my bare toes a few times against the freezing ground and heard a song play in the background.

No… that is not a song… that's _Darius_.

No.

No.

No.

No.

He is not singing that. I think my brain will be forever altered. "_You put cho hand up on ma hip. When you dip, I dip we dip. I put ma hand up on cho hip, when I dip, you dip, we dip_."

Does he realize that I will forever call him _Freak Nasty? _

And always remember him singing _Da Dip? _

It felt like he was on an endlessly repetitive loop. I just wanted him to stop but the photographer looked at me again and made a pouty face. He pointed to it and then pointed to me.

I looked at him like he was insane but he thought I didn't know what he was talking about. Again, _I am not stupid_. He opened his mouth to explain again but I cut him off. "I know."

I told him with a hand raised, to physically prevent any more discussion. He gave a shrug like _I _was being demanding and diva-ish but I ignored it and waited for his cue.

He held three fingers above his head and counted down and when he tucked his forefinger in to signal the last second, I looked into the camera and I jut my bottom lips out and stared right into the little mirror in shutter box, seeing all the inner reels and workings of the camera. I didn't know how to make my eyes _dark_. I didn't know how to be convincingly _pouty_.

But I thought of Tommy.

I thought back to our kisses, I thought of the way his hands ran across my skin.

I thought back to the way I ignited at his touch.

I faintly heard the director calling _'fabulous!' 'wonderful!' 'perfection!' _and stupid shit that made him sound like he came right from Zoolander again.

"Ok, we've got some _really outstanding _takes so, we'll move onto the band stills. Ok?" He asked rhetorically at the end. What if I had said "_no" _or "_not ok" _or like… "_N-Ok"_. I wonder what he would have done.

"I want to create an allusion that you all are having a great time together and that you actually want to be here." He said, looking pointedly at Kyle who had faked food allergies when we got here and then ended up screaming, **"the fashion industry is full of clowns and bad people who degrade society and morals. And leave us bankrupt in our souls and our music." And then pelted an intern with peanuts. **The kid is abnormal. I almost feel bad for him, but he _totally_ takes advantage of the groupie-factor.

The photographer came out with a pair of old-fashioned sixties roller-skates and told me about the wardrobe change. "It's like a funky throwback to _Grease _fashion. We're gonna poof your hair and then curl it in a bun in the back. And you're wearing a sexy, revived good-girl sixties fashion." He told me.

Thanks for being vague mister.

I was led over to the shoot's stylist and she handed me a bra and huge bell skirt. I stood waiting for the rest of my outfit while she just looked at me like _why-are-you-staring-at-me-like-that?-light-a-fire-under-yer-ass-**now** _and I would have, but I needed clothing!

"Do you have a… **_question_**?"

"No, I just uh need the rest of my… _top_." I said motioning to straps while I said the word _top _and trailed off like I was asking a question.

"It's right there." She said pointing to my hands. I held up the articles she had given me and realized _my bra_ was **not** _my bra_ it was _my top_. My mouth formed a small O as I retreated back towards the dressing rooms. This sucks.

I felt like annoying girl from survivor on that E! reality show that was about this former reality stars that were making a horror movie and she didn't want to do a naked scene. But they like filmed her getting undressed at the house and she didn't know it and then they used it in the movie. And the she had a sex tape or something but it turned out she made the tape on purpose to make money.

That weird wrestler lady, _China, _or something has a sex tape too. I saw clips of it on _Best Week Ever _and she all dominatrix-y and has a whip. Then it cut to her in the studio and she was sober and somber about it and regretful.

And she was like "I think they called it _My One Night in China_" and then I almost cried for humanity. And then I actually cried for the people who potentially find that sexually enticing. And then I bought one off E-Bay and gave it to Spied for his birthday. He acted kinda mad but he hasn't returned it or anything…

I looked at the minimal clothes in my hands and trudged the dressing room. I made sure my door was completely locked because of that one time that Wally walked in on my on tour and then Kyle did and now Spied is like a man on mission. Seriously, he's like _The Fugitive. _

I'm like the Tommy Lee Jones to his Harrison Ford. But instead of: _"I didn't kill me wife!" "I don't care." _

It would be more like _"I just want to see your boobs." "I don't care." _Spied makes my life hard.

While I zipped the skirt over my hips, I saw the handle turn forcefully and watched the door rattle against a vigorous bash.

"Oops, sorry." I heard Spied call.

"Can you see anything?" I called back.

I heard him huff "no…" he said ruefully.

"Then don't be." I told him brightly, fastened my top and swung the door open.

But I didn't know that he was still leaning forward on it and I smacked him in the face with the door. From the floor I saw him look up at me with wide eyes. Kwest came over, taking in my outfit.

"It's very pink." I said, fingering the fabric.

I love pink, but even Paris Hilton would be like "_that's like **a lot **of pink. Tinkerbell thinks so too"_ and shove her dog in my face and then run my over with her car.

"Pink is a color for fall."

"Jason Mraz? _Again_?"

"What can I say? I'm not well."

He joked lightly while I saw Tommy staring at me from behind Kwest's back.

Jeez, stare much?

I looked back down at myself and past my busting chest I saw the bare skin of my abdomen. I was popping out of my clothes and I was beginning to feel highly uncomfortable.

I really wish that I were dating Harry Potter because I would totally grab his Invisibility Cloak and throw it over myself. And then take his wand and make Darius' penis shrink or something. That would be funny. But alas, I had no Harry for my rescue and began pulling on full on _Lizzie McGuire. _I wrapped my arms around myself to hide. But it just made it worse and pushed my cleavage closer together and I watched Tommy's face pale. I flung my arms at my sides and leaned against a wall while SME was in wardrobe. The photographer tittered at me and pointed irritably towards hair and makeup. Well _up your butt._

But I trudged over there, bracing myself for hair tugging and poking. I plopped in the chair in front of the lighted mirror, that I had sat in before, and waited for the fat lady to do my hair again. I looked down at my hands in my lap and picked at my nails as I felt the chair spin around rapidly. I gripped the counter in fear and support and found myself _very_ close to Tommy Quincy. Normally I need my bubble, but I was ok with it this time.

"I like the look girl."

"No too _whorey_?"

"Just right." He told me and pulled me up in his arms. He stared at me for a silent moment and then let his eyes travel down my body.

"_Just right_." He said again and ran his hands softly over my stomach. He traced small circles with his forefingers, making me shiver along my spine.

"Tommy…" I started and gasped a little as his fingers skimmed slightly below the waistband of my skirt.

"Hmmm?" He asked me distractedly. I felt his hand grace across my hip bone and just as I felt them dip even lower a loud cough resounded from behind Tommy. I looked over his shoulder as he whipped his hands out of my skirt and saw the fat lady growing impatient.

"Save it for les camera." She chided with a French accent, dropping the _s _in _cameras_.

What the hell? We are so not Teddy and Brit from _8th and Ocean _it's not like we go around on professional photo shoots and get pictures for magazines or whatever they actually do besides cry and get breast implants.

"Sorry." I muttered as Tommy threw her an apologetic look.

I thought he was going to leave but he just sat down in the chair next to me. Nothing was particularly entertaining about whatever was going on with me but I saw Tommy leaning in his chair and laughing as he pointed at Spiederman. I whipped my head to my left, meriting me a small slap on the head from the lady, and saw the makeup girl at Spied's face.

So what? He's been getting eyeliner since tour. "Why are you laughing?" I asked him stupidly, realizing this constituted as mocking rights. Well whatever, I was not going to partake in this. I sneakily looked over at Tommy and then at Spied while the lady curled my hair.

I really should learn her name. It's worse than how Emily Gilmore never knows the names of her maids because I call her _the fat lady_, which is offensive. It's a wonder people don't push me off buildings routinely. I don't really know when the opportunity would naturally arise. But if I knew me I would kidnap me and take me up a building and then throw me off. But that's just me. I'll call her… _Ladysmith Black Mambazo,_ because it's funny.

I watched Tommy hang his tongue out like a weirdo and make exaggerated motions like he was putting on makeup. I watched Spied give him the finger but his makeup _artist _thought he was flicking _her _off and got really mad.

"I don't knowz vhy you are doing zis, but iz must ztop!" She shouted in a think Russian accent.

"I wasn't. I didn't mean it to _you_. I mean unless you would want to… not that I'm insinuation anything. About you or…or… your character. I was just saying that… that, should the _opportunity _is there. If you would ever… uh, want it to arise. I mean… I'm here. You're here."

"I'm here." Tommy cut in while Spied acted like an asshole.

His makeup _artist _just stared at him for like twenty minutes, probably debating whether she should drive the stick of eyeliner through his head, and then turned on her heels and stomped out.

"_I was just saying that… that, the opportunity is there. If you would ever… uh, want it to arise_…" I mocked at him in exaggerated tone with hand gestures.

"_I'm here. You're here_." Tommy continued.

Spied looked between us and sighed, "Shut up. Go do each other." He huffed and took off. Butt hole. Seriously. I want to hit him really hard. LSBM cleared her throat suggestively from behind my head then presented her work.

"Lovely, non?" She asked.

"Mais oui, elle est très belle." Tommy muttered under his breath as LSBM nodded in agreement. What? Did he just say something mean? Was he just making fun of me? That's just mean.

"Elle t'aime." She told him with a knowing tone and left us alone again.

"What were you saying?"

"Nothing _ma belle_." He told me and ran two fingers tenderly across the skin under my chin. I could _really _handle being Tommy's _belle _but I still wanted to know what they had been saying. I huffed in my seat and slouched with a pout.

The photographer yelled for me on set, and as I passed Liam and Darius I was Liam handing him a wad of cash. Oh my God! Is Darius going to kill me?

This is _total _conspiracy.

And pre-meditation!

And other things that could get them both a _lot _of time in jail.

I shook my head and followed SME to the set. I watched _David _slump in frustrated heap, obviously not happy with something. But I'm guessing he's more like an unhappy Diva, like Star Jones instead of a happy Diva like… _Diana Ross? _But her hair kinda sucks up all the happy in the world and suffocates it with her teased curls. I'm personally allergic. If I could sneeze on cue I would, but I can't.

"Let's go outside." _T__he Sound of Revenge. _I knew I shouldn't have cut him off earlier. And I should not have thought about anything or anyone that references _Chameleons _and _Millionaires, _to make the sick hybrid he calls _Chamillionaire. _What at least I think he means chameleons but I might be wrong. His name could be something like _Cha_. I could see that.

I stared at him for like a trillion minutes before snapping out of my funk. _Outside? _In my non-clothing? _It's 20 degrees_. That band didn't call themselves _98 degrees _for nothing. There's a reason _20 degrees _is less enjoyable than _98_. I wonder if _David _understands that.

Oh and just by the way, he has no last name. He's pulling a _Madonna _or a _Brandy _or a _Raven _or, my personal favorite, a _Shay_. But maybe he just shoved his name so far up his ass it can't see the light of day.

"Seriously? _Outside_?"

"Seriously." He told me and started to pack up his camera. I really mean _up your butt _to him in every way possible right now.

I looked at Spied and Wally and Kyle and Mason and Pasty and Jamie and Tommy and Kwest and Portia and E.J. and Darius and Liam and Sadie and Craig and Shay and none of them seemed opposed to going outside.

Then I looked at the common factor linking them all: clothing. Not one of them had a non-existent shirt on that was about three leaps and bounds away from a wardrobe malfunction.

(At least Justin Timberlake wasn't here to make the process worse. If he groped me on TV my dad would go into a fit of rage. Kind of like rabies induced psychosis, only more foaming at the mouth.)

None of them were faced with prospect of going out in the winter with more than a third of their body exposed. (And I'm bad at math! It could be more!).

But _all _of them had coats and scarves and gloves and… SHIRTS! Even Pasty was completely clothed. This is like hell.

I filed out of the building, clinging to Wally's back like a leech, trying to keep in all the warmth I could. Portia came from behind me and secured my coat around my shoulders.

"Until you need to start shooting." She told me with a warm smile. I clattered my teeth into a similar smile to thank her. She fell to the back again and I watched her fall deep into conversation with Craig.

_The Hand that Robes the Cradle _anyone? Except I wouldn't know since I never saw that movie, I just know it was playing on HBO a few weeks ago and I couldn't forget the title.

We walked a little farther, the wind seemingly blowing colder and with more vengeance in my face with every step. I guess this is my dad's punishment in disguise for all the Tommy stuff that's been happening.

Wow, thanks.

I looked up incredulously, when I felt the soft patter of a snowflake on the top of my head, and I was met with the sight of thousands of small flakes falls to the ground and overwhelming the wintry, peaceful sky. I pushed my tongue out to taste one, hoping one would merely fall. But minutes passed and I was just some crazy person, refusing to put her tongue in her mouth and with her eyes closed. I think I was even making an 'AHH' noise.

I felt like the guy on the _House_ finale when his tongue didn't fit in his mouth and he looked like an ass. And then his eye popped out or something… then one of his nuts exploded. That was sorta funny. Except it wasn't because it was gross and before that Chase was all _"Are you aroused?"_ In his dead sexy accent and I just wanted to jump his bones through the screen, except then the guy's ball was imploding and it ruined the mood. Well at least _my _mood, I can't speak for some of the weirdos out there.

I huffed with my mouth and eyes open and felt a snowflake dissolving around my lids. I searched for a lone snowflake and waited for the eventual descent and positioned myself under it, backing up the procession of people behind me.

I want my snowflake damn it!

Just as the cool ice hit my tongue I heard the flash of a camera and saw a thunderous flash. I caught it in my mouth and then whipped my head towards _David_. I saw him staring into his camera before he looked up and met my gaze.

"Perfect." He told me. What?

"What?"

"That was perfect."

Oh…what does that mean? I must have looked perplexed because he sighed and told the rest of the group to turn around and head back to the studio.

"Jude just gave us the perfect shot."

Stop saying _perfect _it has no meaning. Especially when used in the same sentence as _Jude_. Unless we're talking about Jude Law, who happens to be the perfect man. But not, because I saw this picture of him on _Celebrity Eye Candy _and he was wearing this ugly disco-mesh shirt and a tie underneath and I wanted to vomit all over the TV. But I didn't.

I heard shuffling behind me and turned around, finding myself face to face with Tommy again. "We have to stop meeting like this." I told him with a smile. It was actually a stupid thing to say but I wanted to beat him to the punch of saying something corny.

He was taking all the cliché points I had earned that whole week before I left for tour. I was like every _romantic comedy/sitcom thingy_ with some _awesome rock and roll_ wrapped into one neat package. Well my shirt was never tucked in so I guess I wasn't _that _neat, but whatever. I'm like _Josie and the Pussycats, _which is the most underrated movie **ever**. I mean come on, it's Tara Reid at her most sober, and that is shockingly beautiful. But then I saw _Taradise _and that made me sad for humanity. I would have died for the human race that day.

He smiled down at me, grabbing the lapels of my coat gently and pulling me closer. I felt the warmth radiating off him and I felt myself close any possible distance.

"I'm ok with it." He told me softly, and busying himself with the snowflakes that had fallen in my hair.

I blew a breath of cool air towards my bangs with my mouth, making them sway slightly in Tommy's face. He smiled softly and reached a finger to my cheek. I looked down at his finger, feeling myself go crossed-eyed and saw that he had plucked a perfect snowflake from my skin.

"Wish." He told me.

"You can't wish on a snowflake." I told him with a smile.

"_Wish_, Jude." He told me again.

I looked up at him and left my eyes flicker to his finger after. I closed my eyes, inhaled and blew the flake from his fingertip. _Tommy_. That's what I wish for. _Who _I wish for. He's all that I wanted that I didn't have. All of my little dreams had become reality and my reality was burning with the fire of success. And maybe a way I had some of Tommy. But I wanted all of him.

* * *

It's only 11, but I'm feeling old tonight lol. A little sneak at next time:

**-The group checks into the hotel**

**-late night visits**

**-early wake up calls**

I haven't written any yet, but I know exactly what I want to do! And I forgot to mention it before, but I want to thank everyone who is reviewing my one shots and such, you guys are so sweet to me! So review, review, review, tell me what you think! ;o)


	11. Santa Clause is Coming to Town

Yay new chapter! I took a huge break from studying and wrote a chapter! lol, I'm excited! I really want to thank everyone who is reading and definitely thank **Tommy4eva **((I think romatic Tommy is my abosolute favorite. Either that or Jealous Tommy lol))

**iamthatplace **((Oh I love the rambling. I encourage the rambling! I can't even tell you how much I love the pee remedy! I'm seriously going to use it. Maybe not in class because all my teachers are old and weird but someday, I will use it! Oh my God, when Chase was holding a whip that one time I was like 'I could not love you more' and then he kept eating those Tic Tacs, that was hilarious! Didn't House give the patient a storke? That was so funny!))

**pixiestix16 **((Yay for feeling old! I feel like I'm sixty lol! I'm so glad you like the story!))

**Beauty in the Breakdown **((I think a straight shot of caffeine to my veinswould make me happy))

**Alexzgirl1 **((Oh that's so cool you watch it in German! I can give you the breifing of _Miss World _or thewhole season if you'd like! I'm so glad you like the story!))

**Latisha C** ((I think I would want to be Pasty in another life, seriously! lol, I don't think I'll ever forget when she was licking her teeth at Jude's house in _Viciousness_. That was _so _funny. And I loved Pasty in Jude's creepy dream thing! lol, Darius singing _Da Dip_ just seems to fit in my head lol))

**tommys21 **((Yes, Tommy gets sorta awkward with Jude and then totally slips into Stud Mode, lol.))

**VilandraofAntar **((Yay! I'm loved 50 style. Although _Candy Shop _sorta freaked my out, at least the video did. I was like 'dude this is soft core porn, what the hell?' But I've convinced myself that I'm going to marry _The Game _once I saw him on an episode of _Made _and I started to freak out lol! I contemplated failing Geometry just to get back at my teacher, but I'm too afraid lol. I would literally fight someone for the lead singer of Panic! At the Diso, if I ever saw him at a disco I don't think I would notice the humor because I would be too busy jumping on him, seriously.))

**Duddley111 **((I'm so glad you liked it!))

**CMJM **((Ah, Rocky... Those were the days of a sexy, sexy Silvester Stalone. I don't think I spelled that right. But I would love to see the Rock inspired tribute to my fic! Ah I love you too! Right now I wish I could use multiple punctuation but this site doesn't let me. Just know I used like fifty exclamation points! -there too))

I've got a warning about this chapter: It lurks into the higher rating realms. There's some semi-graphic hookage with Tommy and Jude, but nothing totally porno. But still, _read at your own risk_! I switch POV's in the middle but you can tell when I go back to Jude. I'm still not quite sure if I'm going to have them go all the way because I always seem to have them interrupted lol. But please tell me what you think, I'm kinda nervous about this chapter.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing and I cry about it.

* * *

Chapter 11: _Santa Clause is Coming to Town_

We piled into the car and I couldn't help thinking back to my wish. Did I really want _all_ of Tommy? I let the possibilities circle in my head so viciously that I was beginning to feel dizzy. I always came back to a simple _yes_. I wanted every aspect of Tommy that I could have. And there seemed to be many. Tommy opted for a seat across from me as I watched him switch his gaze from Kwest and I. The two seemed deep in conversation when his head was turned from mine, but when he looked over at me I think Kwest might have been taking to himself. Like the lady, who Spied affectionately christened _crazy_, who had been standing outside the photography studio this morning.

**"I had a young son once. He looked just like you." **

**She walked slightly off balance and grabbed Liam's arm roughly. He looked totally jolted and I couldn't help but laugh. I was standing right next to him and I watched her drunken eyes swoop past his and she fixated on his forehead. Crazy ran a finger along the deep creases from his furrowed brow until she dropped to the ground next to his shoes. I watched her brandish a finger at them meanly and scream incoherently. **

**"LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU! Don't you roll your eyes at me." She yelled at the seemingly innocent shoelaces. **

**She grasped his foot tightly and pounded a fist against his toes. Liam tried to shake her off but it only enraged her more. What the hell? "I will kill you. I will take this bottle and I will smash it against your head." **

**Woaw. Someone needs to not watch _Mommy Dearest_. Ever. She suddenly lost interest in his shoes and flew up looking around the group wildly. She stared at Shay for a minute, who I heard whimper, and grabbed him by the lapels of his coat. But Crazy seemed to like the buttons of his coat better. **

**"Oh, won't you come inside Mr. Rogers. It's a bit nippy out here." She said seductively and gave the lining of his coat her best _come hither _look. It was sorta weird. **

**Wait… Mr. Rogers? No stop it Crazy! Don't ruin my childhood! Shay tried to push her away but she pulled him back roughly and licked her lips wetly, "I want you insi-" I do _not _need anymore of that. **

**I grabbed Shay's arm and pulled him inside, leaving Spied defenseless as Crazy peed in her pants, a pool of tinted yellow seeping around her feet. "NASTY!" Spied groaned as we walked inside. **

I looked at the clock and realized at least four hours had passed at the photo shoot. My stomach noticed too as it grumbled loudly, resounding inside the car. It was like those weird macaroni and cheese commercials where those kids go to _University of Hungry _or something stupid like that. And there's that one where the fat guy is eating chunky milk from the cartoon. It was funny until the milk fell on his shirt and he just picked it off with his spoon and ate it.

And it always reminds me of that movie where the Olsen twins go to Australia after they witness a crime. And those two ugly guys in the mafia are sent after them and they told they bartender they were from _Youreugly_ and he hit them. It was then that I made up by favorite song ever. _"Ugly people all around me. Ugly people all around me._" Those are the only words but Sadie always gets really mad when I sing it around her.

Jamie fished around his pocket and unearthed a packet of _Certs_. "Here Jude, till we find something else."

He told me and tossed the ripped roll of mints at me. Hmmm, thanks. I popped one in my mouth and turned it over, looking desperately for a better taste.

"It takes like keys." I muttered and when Jamie wasn't looking I spat it in Mason's cowboy hat.

He sleeps with that thing on. I feel bad for it.

Mason looked down at the spit-ridden candy in his hat and made a face. It kinda looked like he was smelling something sour right underneath his nose, and it was particularly funny to watch. Almost as funny as when they killed off Marissa this season. That was comedy that wasn't meant be, which is the definition of the epitome of funny. I loved it and I loved that it was the greasy guy that killed her.Mason had a staring contest with the thing before taking the brim of his hat and flinging the mint across the car. I really wanted it to pelt Liam in the head but it just smacked against a window and the little pieces scattered across the carpet on the floor.

_20 minutes later..._

The driver pulled into to The Four Seasons and opened the door for us with a magnificent swoop of his arm. I looked up at the grand entrance, feeling small and menial. The doors alone engulfed my entire vision and I couldn't tilt my head enough to see the top floors. I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding and felt Tommy's hand on the small of my back.

"Come on girl. You should see the inside." He told me.

We walked in and I was met with the pungent smell of a rat. I pushed past a crowd of hicks and found myself face to face with Ashlee Simpson. She flicked a judging gaze along me as I did the same.

"Oh, hello _Jude_." She said meanly.

Whore.

Wilmer's Whore.

Ryan's whore.

Oh what the hell, _community whore_.

"Oh hello _Assica_." I told the little bitch that stood in front of me. Yes, you heard me right. I said _Assica_. I elaborated on her puzzled look.

"Well you know, since you've taken the place of your depressed sister I think the proper term for you would be a nice hybrid between _Jessica _and the artist formally known as _Ashlee_. All though, I don't know you can be counted as an artist, after the whole slip up on SNL. I think only _fakers…_fake sing." I told her and threw her a look that shot bloody knives at her new nose.

"Oh and b-t-w, send my compliments to Joe. He cleaned up those nose nicely and I can barely tell you apart from Mrs. Ex-Lachey." I continued. She seemed at a loss for words, but I knew it was her ongoing battle with such little brain mass. She huffed irritably and opened and closed her mouth like a goldfish out of water and least ten times.

"If life were a beauty pageant, you'd loose."

Wow Ash that burns _deep_. I kinda wondered what that statement won out over in her head. Was she going to tell me my dog wasn't cute as her sister's?

"Well if life were an ugly pageant you'd be queen." Spied spat from behind me.

Aw, I love my little lead guitarist.

"Yea. With an ugly crown." Wally said, reminding me of Crabe and Goyle or whatever Draco's dumb and dumber are named.

Aw, I love my little bassist.

"And Wilmer told me you have an old granny vagi-" Kyle cut in after Wally shot her the evil eye, (Combined with the old once-over. But I think he still would have hit on her if he liked what he saw, despite me. It was comforting to know that boys thought she was ugly.) only to be stopped by my hand over his mouth.

Aw I love my little drummer.

But I do think Ashlee would have skinned him if he had finished that sentence. Darius went to the front desk; I'm guessing he was getting the room keys.

"Miss Harrison?"

"Yea?" I asked while I whipped my head around only to face Liam. I backed up a little only to have him move closer.

One inch more and I was gonna scream 'rape' as loud as I possible could. He cleared his throat gruffly and hiked up his pants roughly.

"Where, did you say you saw the young lady who… needed a ride?" Um, _ew_.

"I didn't." I told him and shot him a look saying _backing-away-would-be-your-safest-bet-right-now_.

His face fell in unquestionable disappointment. I would love to say I saw shame but he just walked over and asked Portia the same thing. I kinda wish he would ask Darius and get fired. I would never stop laughing at him.

I would buy him a sign that says '_I like to do prostitutes' _and when he goes homeless he'll have to sleep under it. And then one stormy night after an evening of cross dressing at disco clubs, Eddie Murphy will mistake him for a woman and invite Liam in his car. And I will laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh because of course I'll have the big _Liam screen _and watch him struggle through the hardships. But unlike Jesus I won't help him, I'll just… laugh at him.

"Hey Kwest, could you help me with my bags?" Sadie said in a low whisper. Kwest smiled briefly and held out an outstretched palm and grasped the handle of her luggage.

"Thanks." She said almost sneakily. Um, my thoughts are not even going to go there because when I checked last week Liam was still _showing her the ropes_. So I don't need to know the whoring tendencies of my older sister. What kind of role model is she?

I watched her guide Kwest's finger over the button on the elevator while Jamie and Pasty near trampled them, not even waiting to get to their room. And I know for a fact Darius didn't even kid himself in getting them two rooms. He is truly a wise man.

He came up behind me handing Tommy one key to his room and one to mine, thrusting the others in my hands.

What the hell?

Is he _encouraging _illegal behavior?

Does he have cameras set up?

Does he not know that Sly Stone got in huge trouble for setting up cameras in the women's bathrooms and stalls of his restaurant chains?

Did he not hear about the whole R. Kelly thing?

Is he really just a sick pervert that Diane Sawyer needs to interview and _Law and Order: SVU _needs to do a special episode on?

Is he asking for trouble?

Because, my friend, he is in for a world of some. Tommy looked at him with his mouth slightly agape, obviously thinking similarly to me.

"Don't look at me like that T, you know how Jude looses everything." Hey! I resent that, even if it's the truth. Tommy snapped his mouth closed, cocked his head to one side and realized Darius was right. Whatever. I scoffed loudly and hauled my carry towards the elevator.

"Since I don't have a Kwest at me beck and call." I said begrudgingly. Stupid Sadie gets everything.

_Later that evening…_

I sat in my comfy room, feeling very chaste knowing that most of the others in my group were hooking up or other things that I didn't need to know about. I flipped through the channels, past countless holiday commercials and realized I definitely don't have a gift for Tommy. That kinda sucks… what do you get the man that already has everything? Or whatever he said to me on my 16th. I hope Tommy's as easy as me.

Wait… _I hope Tommy's as easy as me_. I guess I should probably spread the word now before my dad sends me to a convent.

Idon't know how he knows but I know that he does. He sees all the immoral things I've been doing and shakes his head and thumbs through brochures for boarding schools in Winnipeg. Whatever, I heard the weather is nice over there. I

stopped on one of the major networks and found _Elf _playing! YAY! This merits a **SCORE! **Spied would be proud that he taught me well. I was relived to see it was only the beginning; well he hadn't gotten to New York yet.

"_Just say it. I'm the worst toy maker ever. I'm a cotton-headed Ninnymuggins." _

"No Buddy, you're not a Cotton-Headed Ninnymuggins. You're good at things." I said along with the chief toy-making elf. I would marry that guy. I heard a firm knock and my door and suddenly wished for TiVo. This is so not fair and who ever is at the door is totally going to get it.

I swung the door open, my mouth poised to yell as Tommy smiled back at me. He flipped my room key between his fingers. I smiled, grateful that he hadn't just walked in and scared the shit outta me.

"I don't think Daddy Warbucks would like you in here." I told him in my most innocent and high-pitched voice. He chuckled deeply and leaned himself against the doorframe.

"Well then I guess Annie has be a big girl and make her own decision." I looked at him for a moment with a pensive expression.

"She chooses sleep. Night." I told him cheerfully and slammed the door.

No, _tried _to slam the door but he was kinda standing in front of the hinges so I couldn't close it all the way. But I did sorta pound it into his arm. That's what he gets for interrupting _Elf. _

"Well please jump over the threshold Miss Blushing Bride, I'm missing the love of my life here." I told him and walked away from the door and slouched on my bed. Damn him! Commercials? He is _so _going to get it.

"Who might that be?" He asked me in a raised tone with similar eyebrows.

"Relax Peter Gallagher. It's Buddy the Elf." I told him on a laugh. He visibly chilled out and joined me on the bed. What is his problem? Did he really think I was in here doing someone? Well… the guy at the front desk was really cute, but not so bang-able.

No really, can I say stuff like that? The whole under-age-thing puts a damper on it. Even though _again _it is Tommy's fault. I never had hang ups like this before I met him. Well actually I never had hang-ups until I kissed him that one night at the Vinyl Palace. But I am currently quelling those disgusting, horrible, worthy-to-be-shot memories. That never happened.

I watched him numbly watch the commercials that passed across the scene and realized something. He hadn't told me to take any of our recent endeavors back. It sounds like we did it or something but really, he hasn't said: _"You have promise that that kiss had **never **happened."_The words are engraved into my memory. I don't think I will ever forget them. That just shows what an impact he has on me.

I flipped across the channels as more commercials invaded my wonderful Will Ferrell time. A funnier, less sexy version of Tommy Time.

"Ever wish you could peacefully fade away into obscurity like Hootie and the Blowfish." I asked as I flipped to Vh1 and saw the special they were showing.

"Hey! Hootie lives on" Tommy told me with a laugh. I'm really sure of that.

"If you say so _Fairweather Johnson_." I told him skeptically.

He laughed lightly as the announcer's voice introduced the show. "Go behind the bandana and inside the white jumpsuit. This is VH1's _All Access: Little Tommy Q._"

Since when do they make _All Accesses _on particular people? I thought that's what _Behind the Music _or _Driven _are for. Whatever. I turned up the volume and flopped on my stomach with my hands under my chin, completely riveted.

"Who says Tommy fritters love away?" The voiceover asked. Hmmm… me. Cue shyly raised hand here. It flipped pictures of Tommy and various girls, each lasting only a few moments as _Steady as She Goes _played in the background. Jeez, did they make this _yesterday_? They actually only played the riff and first few opening lines, over and over and over again. This song makes me want a wa-wa pedal. I watched in amazement at all the girls Tommy had sucked face with. It was astounding.

Tommy and Jennifer Love Hewitt. (I don't wanna know what they did last summer)

Tommy and Amy Smart (I googled her once. Her movie _Seduced by Madness _is really taking on a whole new meaning.)

Tommy and Brandy (_Moesha_, I watched that show! And I loved that duet she did with Monica, when they fight over _the boy_)

Tommy and both Olsen twins (One at a time? Both at once? _Switching Goals _in the middle? I don't need to know.)

Tommy and Baby Spice (I wonder if she ever took that lollipop out of her mouth. You would think all the _suckage _would do her some good…)

Tommy and Posh Spice (_Bend it like Beckham_)

Tommy and Scary Spice (She always struck me as a lesbian.)

Tommy and Sporty Spice (I always thought she was a man undercover)

Tommy and Naomi Cambell (I wonder if she threw a phone at him)

Tommy and Rachel McAdams (That was one of the more horrifying pictures. I like Rachel McAdams a lot. No, I _liked _her until this photo wear it looks like she digging for his _Family Stone_.)

Tommy and Lucy Lu (I really like her too, I'm not going to say anything)

Tommy and Kate Bosworth (She _totally _traded down. Orlando vs. Tommy? Orlando would get his greasy hair ripped out so hard it would come out his ass. Sorry.)

Tommy and Jessica Simpson (The earlier years. Her hair was teased that you can barely tell it's Tommy but his smug smirk always prevails.)

Tommy and Hannah whatever her name is from _S Club 7 _(She was in _Agent Cody Banks 2_. 'Nuff said.)

Tommy and Jo whatever her name is from _S Club 7 _(She was always boyish to me)

Tommy and Tina whatever her name is from _S Club 7 _(Whatever. She's like a wanna be Posh Spice)

Tommy and Rachel whatever her name is from _S Club 7 _(I loved her, I refuse to say anything)

Tommy and Sandra Bullock (_28 Days_, I don't think so. More like _28 Lays_.)

Tommy and Jessica Alba (I'm pretty much going to assume that _Sin City_ has nothing on Tommy's bachelor pad. But he won't let me over. I guess he thinks I'll seduce him or something.)

Tommy and Nicky Hilton (I have nothing to say. I always get this feeling that she could hunt me down if I even _thought_ something bad about her.)

Tommy and Paris Hilton (No wonder he flipped out at the _One Night in Paris _thing yesterday. And now that I think of it, I could catch something just by sitting next to him)

Tommy and Britney Spears (Yuck.)

Tommy and Christina (that picture was particularly traumatizing. It was the _'dirrtay' _era. She took assless chaps to a whole new level and Tommy was taking full advantage. Well his hand was.)

Tommy and Mandy Moore (Poor, poor Mandy. Tommy now Wilmer? She must feed into the player complex.)

Tommy and my sister (I can't say anything, she's family)

"Wow, you really are a whore." I told him in shock while more pictures floated across the scene. When did he have time to date all these women and take so many damned pictures?

Maybe he's just a camera hoe.

Maybe not.

He chuckled loudly and rolled closer to me with a mischievous grin. I looked down at him and realized that the possibility of me jumping his bones was dangerously escalating.

He was wearing worn and comfy jeans with a white wifebeater. I don't know if anyone realizes this but I have never seen him in anything but a polo, a leather jacket, a polo jacket, a suit blazer, a button down shirt or a hoodie. Notice they all have sleeves; notice that his wifebeater was very Ben McKenzie. Ben is like Pinocchio in comparison. I almost fell off the bed as he inched closer.

"Jude." He started but I cut him off.

"Shhh. I'm watching" I hushed him and pointed the screen. That was kinda stupid because just as I did the announcer came back over.

"Well maybe he did. But it seems like someone has taught his philandering ass a thing or two about monogamy. Or maybe they forgot about the whole _safe sex _thing and its forced." She said coyly as the screen was bombarded with photos of Tommy and I. There were a few from a week ago, one from the lake, and others from the red carpet. The picture cut to a self-proclaimed body language expert.

"Here we can see Tommy's genuine smile as he leans in towards Jude, closing off any space. Her stance is similar but their hands are the aspect to notice in this picture. If you look partially behind her back you can see their fingers interlaced. It shows they at least have romantic feelings but because they are obstructed from plain view it shows they are hiding them. From themselves or from the public, no one can really know."

What a bitch. She doesn't know anything. I looked over Tommy against my better judgment and found his eyes boring into mine. I gulped and realized I was really in _Over my Head_.

Tommy brought his head closer to Jude's inhaling her nervousness, feeling it wash away as he grasped the back of her head. He knew his self-control would have no shot in hell if they remained laying down, so he gently guided her so that she sat up on her feet and legs. He grasped her mouth, pressing his chest against hers and slipping his tongue past her soft lips.

His hands untangled themselves from her hair and slowly flicked across her outer ear. His mouth dipped away from her lips, feeling cold at the loss of contact, as he exhaled deeply across her skin. He watched his breath pant across the newly exposed skin of her shoulder as the shadows of his exhale spanned along her tender neck. He heard her gasp lightly at the hot air that shot along her skin as he smiled her, bearing his teeth and wanting eyes.

"Do you think we're hiding it?" He asked her, remembering the woman's earlier words. Tommy heard her chuckle, followed by a soft movement that hovered along his body and sent chills down his spine to his curling toes.

"Not anymore." She told him and moved back in front his eyes and took his lips hungrily. He felt her smile quickly fade against his lips as his hand snuck past the flooding hem of her t-shirt. He inched his fingers along her stomach and smoothed them along her rib cage in sweeping motions. He trailed his fingers along the outer contour of her breast and quickly snuck above it, dancing at her collarbone. She suddenly broke away with a sweaty huff that masked the cold air that had been circulating, immediately blazing against Tommy's lips.

Her knee slid along the comforter and pounded against the remote, switching channels. They broke apart at the distraction, each panting, as Tommy saw a weird guy in an elf costume. He heard the Santa cheering and clapping.

_"I knew you'd find it Mr. Elf!"_ The jolly holiday mascot applauded from the TV.

Jude had taken his diversion to her advantage and pushed her fingers underneath his shirt and ran her short nails along his abdomen. She giggled lightly as her head followed her hands and she traced light kisses along his chest and stomach. Tommy felt her against his skin and felt his blood rush and circulate and pound hotly within his veins.

He felt the rest of her drive through his shirt as her head peeked up, both sharing the neck of the flimsy fabric. Jude's torso was encumbered inside the shirt, their heaving chests meeting at every inhale within the confining space. The deliciously confining space. He watched her smile as the minimal distance lessened when she wrapped her arms along his back within the t-shirt and her lips find his again.

It became a tricky game of maneuvers, each brushing against the other, making Tommy growl wantonly and Jude gasp delightedly. Jude finally lost balance and fell against the bed, taking Tommy along with her and on top of her. She gulped audibly from within the restrictions of his shirt as he slowly unraveled himself from the mess of fabric, taking her t-shirt along the ride too.

Tommy watched her lay in front of him, exposed north of the elastic waistband of her pajama pants. He looked down at her quizzically…

Ok seriously, what was he waiting for? I was lying there in front of him with no shirt.

Hello, mission not quite accomplished.

I wrapped my hands around his neck and brought him towards me, as we fell perfectly into a clicking position. I felt him from within his jeans and I laughed lightly to myself.

"I knew you'd find it Mr. Elf."

I reached down at teased the hem of his waistband as he muttered lightly against the skin of my neck. I got a little distracted as his tongue flicked across my neck and his hands swept across my stomach, and mounted upwards.

I moaned elatedly as his hands kneaded the sensitive skin as his mouth traveled to join his hands, making a delicious _Bonnie and Clyde _partnership. They alternated across my skin, teasing and tantalizing until I couldn't think straight. His lips abandoned my chest as his hands slid along my stomach again and dipped lower to play with the waistband of my pants.

I hooked my thumbs inside his belt loops and tugged lightly, feeling that the pants wouldn't move. I quickly unzipped his fly as my fingers pranced along his heating region from within his boxers. I dipped a finger past the opening and gripped him lightly. I felt him groan with mounting volumeagainst my lips as his lips traveled south again.

I felt his tongue brush inside my belly button as I giggled with hooded eyes. From the TV I heard Santa frantically shouting to Buddy as the Central Park Rangers chased them.

_"__I put them on the naughty list and they never forgave me!" _If he only knew now.

Oh my God. He does know!

_He sees you when you're sleeping. _

_He knows when you're awake. _

_He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness. _

_Santa Clause is coming to town_.

Oh hell, I hope he's not right now. But that's not really the best thing to be thinking about right now…

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All right, moment of truth... love it or hate it? Please tell me, I'm literally dying to know 


	12. Put Your Records On

You guys literally knock my socks off! I love you too much! I really want to thank **Latisha C **((What would a band be for other than putting skanks in their rightful places? lol, Liam is a creep. I can see him having random sex with dirty prostitutes and Tommy pre-Boz... I see him as a whore lol. I hope that your innocent spirits can rebound for my mind that happens to be in the gutter lol! I'm so glad you liked the chapter!))

**Duddley111 **((I'm so glad you liked it:o) )) that's ugly lol, here's your smilie all on it's own:o)

**tommys21 **((I think Elf was one of the best/weirdest movies and I thought it would be funny if it were in the background lol! I hope you like this chapter too!))

**Alexzgirl1 **((Yes, speaking Frend is turning out to be quite helpful in the second season. lol, briefing means summarize and it's always better to wait! But let me tell you, the second season is incredible! I think Tommy has had too many girls to count lol! And Shay is quite an idiot lol.))

**CMJM **((Oh Lord! You're Ruby in Consequences! Ah what an epiphany! lol, I love that! lol, anyway I am so glad you liked the chapter! There's a little more Lite Smut in the beginning of this chapter so I hope you like it just as much! And _Crazy _really exists, she assualted a group of my friends and I one night after the movies. She asked me for a light and almost started to cry cause she grabbed my arm really hard and I was afraid... Ah repressed memories lol! I hope you had fun at the Art Musem, whenever I go, I sneak off to the kid's part and play in the ball pit. Our Musem is kinda a joke lol))

**iamthatplace **((I kept going! lol, I'm so glad you liked it! And while I can see Tommy being all _I don't want to rush her _but that's not as fun as sexy/horny Tommy. I don't know if we've ever _really _seen him horny, but he was totally frisky in _When I Come Around _in Darius' office lol. Can I just say that you brought up my favorite episode of House ever! I loved the one with the fat girl and the whole time Chase kept going about her massive girth. And at the end Foreman was like "Yea, we get it. You don't like fat people." or something like that and I laughed for hours! lol! lol, I am so glad you liked it!))

**VilandraofAntar **((Hmmm, every other weekend sound fair to me. Any preference on holidays? My friends are obsessed with the O.C. and they had a finale party, it was like hell on Earth even though I used to _love _The O.C. but that was back when Ryan was hot, and when she died it got totally silent and I burst out laughing. And my friends banished me from the room while cried... actually _cried_. But I shouldn't scoff, I cired when the put Doc down and when Denny died in the _Grey's _finale. It was too sad for me! lol, if you wanta teacher perv, you **must **meet my religion teacher. He actually asked me if I was a _bad girl_. I almost died in my seat. It was painful lol))

**pixiestix16 **((I think the naughty are getting progressively naughtier! lol, I totall agree if I were on Instant Star wardorbe I would just have Tommy shirtless all the time. Even in the winter. And if anyone asked me why I would punch them or something and just make them look at his chest, which I'm guessing has to be pretty impressive lol! I laughed for hours at the _Sadie joining the fun_ comment! Seriously can you see that because I can and I'm scarred forever! Much ty-kwan-_do_ since she's atheltic, ok ew that was gross, I'm insane. But I seriously considered Kwest, I can sorta see him reacting all _alright T-Man! _or whatever guys do lol! Too much rambling? What is too much? lol, I'm so glad you liked it!))

**singingspz **((I know the feeling! I saw these promos for _Pure _this movie with Tim Rozon and there was this clip with his shirt off and I literally died. I freaked out so much! Oh my God, just thinking about it makes me insane lol! So here's the update, I hope your motor functions come back soon! lol))

**Beauty in the Breakdown **((I think there is only one other person slutier than Tommy and that is Paris. It's like a fact of life like Angerlina and Colin Ferrel, even though they make me sick. There is a special portion dedicated just for you this chapter, I think you'll know when lol! and you make me giglgle too lol))

**star08 **((I'm so glad you liked it! I hope you love this chapter too!))

**Tommy4eva **((How can one not love any Jomminess. Even little scraps make me happy! I'm in serious Tommy mode right now though. I need some Instant Star NOW! Ah, I'm withdrawing!))

If I had socks on they would totally be knocked off! This chapter picks up right where the other one left off and the beginng starts out with some more smut, so _read at your own risk_ and I think Jude finally cracks and swears like sailor, so the language is a little more elavated lol! And I just have to tell everyone the title of this chapter is a song by Corinne Bailey Rae, and she is so fantastic and I totally recommend her EP,I love it! This is the last chaper I think I can post until the end of the week, I have a math, history and english exam until Friday and they're all going to kick my ass. But good news, I have some of the next update written so expect it this weekend:o) Ok that's all and now _on with the chapter_!

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing, seriously.

* * *

Chapter 12: _Put Your Records On_

Tommy crept past my vision as I arched my whole body, needing to relieve the growing tension. I whimpered helplessly and as he chuckled against my skin I thought the top of my head was going to blow off. Bad choice of words...

"Tommy…" I called. Damn I was going to say something to him… He looked up from between my legs and I saw his hungry eyes responding to my shout. I beckoned for him with my arms and I felt him crawl along my torso as his lips met mine again. I moaned as he lips pressed to mine with more force and his fingers replaced where his tongue and lips had excavated.

It was like those _Rain Bran _commercials… wait, no it wasn't.

But I when Tommy lifted his lips from mine I was desperately trying to think coherently.

"We should-" He lips cut me off pleasantly as our tongues danced the _Forbidden Dance_. His fingers dipped from between my legs, across the sheets and cradled my face. "

We should what?" He asked me finally, his voice ragged. Damn it! What was I going to say?

"We…" Ok, I_ need_ to think. Seriously.

But my mind went blank as I shook my head and I felt my fingers creeping towards the button of his jeans. With the fly already open he eased them off quickly and I gripped him tightly. I felt him involuntarily shift against my palm as he grunted against my collarbone.

His hands found their way to my chest again as he seemed to use me for his own amusement. I really didn't mind. In the heat of his tantalizing touch, I released my grasped and clutched at the sheets while his mouth worked my chest and his fingers had pushed down my pajamas and comfortably found their way between my legs and inside my panties. I shouted his name again, lost to any reason.

Seriously if someone came over here, pulled me off of Quincy and demanded that we have an intelligent conversation, I'd be like "_etiwetisdklsdklaiownf" _and bash my head against the ground while spit pooled out of my mouth.

He dipped down below the sheets again as I faintly heard the crinkle of foil and slowly peeled off the last remaining garment when he came back to the bed. He threw a devilish grin as the sheet tented around us and positioned himself at my entrance; I felt him looking up at me, like a one last chance to back out, a all I could manage was a nod and lick my lips. Jeez, I'm a harlot.

We started a rocking friction that would make Pasty proud. In a twisted reality I hoped she was in the room opposite us because there were many times that I had to listen to that chair in Studio B for _one person_ hold _two screaming bags of hormones_.

The headboard slammed against the wall with reckless abandon above us, the springs sprung vigorously beneath us, while cries overtook the dialogue on TV. _"And then I went across the Lincoln tunnel…" _

We slumped together in a physically spent heap. I purred lightly and turned my head to look at him lolling off to sleep.

"How was that for a signal?" I asked quietly, without the hint of shyness I had been expecting. He turned towards me, wiping away a small bead of reminiscent sweat and encircled his fingers in my matted locks. He his throat let out a low satisfied hum as he kissed my deeply.

"Would you believe if I said it could be clearer?" He asked coyly as he slipped his fingers up my legs. I moved his hand lightly as my own crept down his abdomen, relishing over its well definition. Ever seen Marky Mark? He's got nothing on Tommy.

I would have never suspected it either; his polos are a little girlie. I thought he had to be a skinny little weirdo underneath his fashionable exterior. I had a bet running a year ago with Kwest that he had a potbelly. We devised a super secret plan that we had to drug Tommy, get him to fall asleep and strip him.

Well I wanted to strip all of him but Kwest said we could just lift up his shirt and see if he had a fat stomach. He also said we didn't need to slip him a roofie either.

**"Well that's no fun." **

**"But it's not illegal." **

**"I could look at some hard time for this bet." **

**"Then you're insane and obsessed." **

**"Or I just have a level of commitment that astounds you." **

**"Or you're in love with Little Tommy Q." **

**"Shut up." **

**"I can see you blushing, Red." **

**"Shut up." **

**"Embarrassed much?" **

**"Like pain much?" **

**"Not particularly." **

**"Well you're cruising for a bruising my friend." **

**"Quite defensive, covering something up." **

**"You're going to have a hell of a time covering up the bruise I'm going to give you." **

**"Covering up something about Little Tommy Q." **

**"A nice big one." **

**"Covering up that you _loooove _him?" **

**"Right on your eye." **

**"That you want to _hoooold _him." **

**"I could break your nose for good measure." **

**"That you want to _kiiissssss _him?" **

**"Ok STOP!" **

**"Stop what? Telling the truth?" **

**"No stop feeding your twisted reality where you're always right. And stop quoting _Miss Congeniality. _It's making me what to jump out of my skin." **

That was the end of our endeavor. But Kwest owes me twenty bucks now. Kwest bet that his Boyz Attack! days caught up with his body and that he had a belly full of beer and vodka. I bet that Tommy wasn't fat. But Kwest can be a dumbass when he tries, so it's nothing to brag about when you trump Kwest in a bet.

I traced circles around Tommy's hipbone as he visibly shuddered.

"Can you hear me now?" I asked.

He gulped loudly and looked down at the sheets with hooded eyes as he shook his head. I rested my palm flat against his shaft.

"Can you hear me now?"

He groaned a long _no_, making me smile. I unwrapped my fingers and climbed on top of him, pushing him farther into the bed. I laid myself over him, filling both of us as I felt him grow hotter.

"Can you hear me now?" I asked as we simultaneously started a languid rhythm.

He called a long growling _yes _as I pressed myself against his chest.

"Good." I murmured as the clock on the nightstand clicked to 10:28. Well that kinda sucks. _Cinderella _gets midnight and I get 10:28. I couldn't even get 11:11. I mean that would be even better than midnight cause of the wish I made and I wished for all of Tommy, and I was kinda _doing _him. God those Disney girls get everything.

But I'm just going to pretend that the clock said 11:11 because I'll be damned if Hilary Duff has a more romantic first time than me! So let's rephrase my thoughts, shall we?

_"Good." I murmured as the clock on the nightstand clicked to 11:11. I must have been the inspiration for that All American Rejects song. Woaw, I wonder if Tyson Ritter is a clairvoyant! That would be cool! _

_The Next Morning..._

"JUDE! Get. Your. Ass. Out. Here. Now."

"Shut up! I'm peeing!"

"You've been peeing for half an hour."

"No for the past 20 minutes I've been in the shower. I'm peeing right _now_. You can either leave or sing because I can't go if you just stand out there waiting for me."

I heard E.J. huff and stomp her foot against the ground in frustration. Maybe _she's _the one that taught Little Tommy Q to throw a tantrum. Well he's not really that _little_.

Ok, he's not little at all. I think they should call him Big Tommy Q or_… Large_ Tommy Q. Well I guess his band mates wouldn't really like that, so fooling the entire population that Tommy was little probably stopped a few riots of teenage girls who are desperate to see just how _big _he is.

"SING!" I demanded when I felt her listening. She sighed again, _Free Willy _much, and I heard a small hum.

"_Louder Now_!" I shouted at her again.

Hey, this is fun! "_On the good ship lollypop" _She started.

Oh dear me! I thought she was hurting someone. Or leaking her brains out of her ear and paper clipping them to her nose.

"Ok! I'm good!" I called and forced myself to pee. I flushed and washed my hands like a good little girl and hopped out of the bathroom.

"Rough night?" She asked me coyly, looking between the mussed bed and me.

What?

What?

What?

**Panic mode**.

Would E.J. tell on us?

Would she testify against Tommy in court about my rumpled sheets?

Is E.J. really the devil?

"What?" I asked smoothly. Yea… cause I'm _so_ smooth. I'm like frickin' butter.

Have I told you to revel in sarcasm lately? Because now would be a really good time to do that.

"Nevermind. Get your ass in gear we have to go to sound check." Phew. Sorta. She kinda had this knowing look, but I don't think she can _actually _know for sure.

Unless I tell.

Or Tommy tells.

Or if she had a special little spy camera/robot and snuck in through the crack in my door and video taped the whole thing with the little robot thing.

Wait… have they invented that yet? I skipped down the elevator to see Tommy, Spied and Mason all waiting. And yes I really skipped, much to everyone's amusement when I snagged my foot on the rug and fell on my ass. I dusted myself off before Tommy reached me but grasped his hand all the same, both of us feeling the shock that passed through the light grasp.

Like that one episode of _My Cousin Skeeter _with that hot guy, that was eventually in a _CSI: Miami _and got sent to prison for something and then actually got raped and then he made this knife out of a chicken bone and then stabbed the other inmate that got on top of him, and that one girl that turned into a whore, and that puppet!

And the puppet kissed this one dork girl on July 4th once and she thought she saw fireworks because of the kiss. And she came and found Skeeter but she was all hot and he was _hey baby _and they kissed at the end but she realized it was because someone had set off fireworks right before they kissed the first time. And she left. It was kinda sad.

"Morning." I said quietly to Tommy and turned to Spied.

"Have they invented a little camera that has a brain, and it's almost like a robot but with a camera in it? You know to like… spy on people?" I asked him with chipper. He groaned at me and swatted my face away like he was one of those elephants at the zoo that always has bugs all over him.

It was quite funny. I laughed. I laughed loudly. But that made him even more irritated so I scooted over towards Mason.

"Get lucky last night?"

What the hell?

I heard Tommy choke on his spit as I turned a flush shade of red. No, we're not obvious _at all_.

"Should I be asking you that?" I replied with a grin.

"I'm not sayin' no." OH!

"Dish! Dish!"

"You know Ashlee's cousin?"

"The closet that everyone has opened?"

"Well I've _really _opened him." He said sneakily with a grin.

A _foxy _grin I might say. Oh, bad pun. Even Mercutio is cringing in his Romeo induced grave. _"I was hurt under your arm. A plague on both your houses!" _See I can be smart sometimes. But I think that was misquoted so it doesn't count. Whatever.

E.J. chatted away on her cell, Tommy and Spied had a staring contest and Mason giggled and gushed over his night. I just laughed taking everything in as I felt a hand on my arm.

"Jude, can you come help me… with the _thing_. That I left. In my room." What?

"Um, yea. Sure." I said a little flustered, I leaned in closely to Mason.

"I'll be right back." I told him quietly as I say Tommy shake his head to the contrary. I laughed out loud as E.J. glared at me. Well _sorry_.

"Hey girl." He said with a husk in his voice.

"Hey there Quin-" I started but his lips cut me off. I fervently pushed my own against his as our tongues battled it out again. I felt him wrap an arm around my waist.

"Miss me?" He asked as he busied himself with the clasp of my bra.

"In the four hours that we last saw each other?" I asked facetiously. He looked up at me; radiating wanting waves and making my knees go weak.

"Yea. I did." I told him in a whisper.

"Good." He said and hungrily retook my lips. A loud pound from the door scared the shit outta both of us and I quickly untangled his hands from my shirt and scampered into the bathroom.

"Hey, T!" I heard from the door.

Oh shit. That's Darius. That's a mad Darius.

I KNEW THEY INVENTED THOSE DAMN CAMERAS!

I was just mistaken in _who _had access to them. Duh, it's the insane music industry tycoon and **not** the demanding yet not-so-physically-imposing PR reps. I should have known.

"Yea D?" Tommy asked slightly high pitched after he let Darius in the room. If I were Tommy I would just shut the hell up right now.

"Why's ya face so red?" I cracked the door open and I was pleasantly surprised to have perfect view of Darius' back. I saw Tommy immediately put his hands to his face.

"Oh because I was just… uh, I was…" "Hey man. Say no more. We all gotta, _kindle our own fire_ sometimes." Darius said suggestively and made a crude gesture to his groin region.

I DO NOT NEED TO BE SEEING THIS! I should be on my way to sound check. Screw you Tommy Q! Well, _I'll_ screw him. Again. And again. Ok I need to stop this.

"Oh yea… _fire _and, and… _kindling_." He stuttered along as his gaze met mine. Ok, _Dreamdaddy, _I'll give you something to stuttered about. I opened the door a little more and stepped out a little bit, feeling bold. I saw Tommy shake his head violently at me, which made Darius question his mental health.

"You ok T?" I saw Tommy whip his head at Darius with a double take and he nodded his head lightly.

"Oh yea. I'm… _peachy_." He said, his voice squeaking at _peachy_. Who the hell says _peachy? _Hmmm, I wonder if it was because I may have slipped my bra out from my shirt and dangled it like a flag from the door.

Darius must have caught on that there was something behind him because he turned his head immediately, looking at the bathroom. But with my sneaky ways all he could see what a white, slightly scuffed door, ajar. It's like a twisted game of Peek-A-Boo, and Darius was _so _not invited.

As soon as he turned his head again I let my fingers dandle outside the crack as I waved to Tommy. I peeked my head out again to see him gulp deeply and looked back at Darius distractedly.

"Did you, uh, need somethin D?"

"Oh yea, I was looking for Jude. E.J. said she came to help…you…" He said realization dawned.

OH SHIT!

And just to add to my utter insanity I let out a huge a hiccup. Like a bullfrog hiccup.

OH SHIT! Take 2.

I flew back into the bathroom as I heard him pace towards the door.

OH SHIT! Take 3.

I heard his hand on the doorknob and threw my bra into the shower and ran to the toilet. I watched his head sneak through the slight gap he had made between the door and it's hinges.

I screamed perfectly in time with his mouth open, poised to yell. "GET OUT!" I bawled dramatically.

"Sorry, Jude! I'm really sorry." He said and I could hear him blushing. Ha ha. Loser. I took a moment to revel in my victory over evil. Even if it were only a small step, Keanu would be proud that I'm riding my _Matrix_ of bad…ness. I quickly snapped my bra back on and adjusted my shirt before joining the two.

I saw Darius stare down at me intently. It was creeping me out.

"Are you going to where that?" What the hell? Is he a girl? Is he E.J.? Is he Sadie? He continued to look at me, obviously waiting a response. Oh _Get Behind Me Satan; _I'm about to smack him silly.

"Yea I am." I told him simply as he shrugged and walked out the door, leaving Tommy and I in his wake.

"You're crazy." Tommy whispered to me as his hand found it's way to the small of my back. Oh that's nice.

The soccer chick from_ The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants_ gets to be 'single-minded to the point of recklessness' and I get _crazy_?

"Hey, thanks Mr. I-Don't-Know-How-To-Continue-A-Coversation-If-A-Girl-Is-Undressing."

"Girl, come on. It's only when you're undressing that I can't focus." He told me after he had leaned down to my ear. He let out a small breath and it fanned across my skin teasingly. I bit my bottom lips to keep from jumping on him.

_Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang_.

We finally filed into the elevator, accompanied by a few tourists that I really felt bad for. They just walked into the most uncomfortable space, charged with sexual tension.

And yes… I do mean Darius and Tommy. It's becoming hard to deny. He he, I make myself giggle.

The first floor pinged and I watched the family run outta there with their obnoxiously orange noodles and sun block plastered faces. Seriously, they were like a walking _Banana Boat _commercial. I looked over at an assembled group of various G-Major-ers. That what I've named us.

I used to say _Subjects of The Dark Prince_ but then I started to scare myself at night so I stopped. We are now G-Majorers. I squished myself within the tightly knit group and…

Well _hello _Sexy Sadie!

I found myself face-to-face with a part of Sadie's anatomy that I did not particularly want to be all up in. Some things should just be left to the imagination.

Not that I would picture my sister…

ok I think I'm becoming redundant but EW!

Fo rizzle. Ok I'm breaking out in Snoop-Speak. Or _Pimp-Speak _or whatever the hell they call it now. It makes me want to rip my teeth out of my head.

Was this display for Kwest? Because I really got the impression that she was giving him a personal peep show last night when we got in.

Was this for Liam? Like a whole look-at-what-you're-missing-asshole? Cause it's really working.

He keeps staring and I'm guessing that whole finding cheap sex adventure didn't go so well. Whatever, I am walking away before those things strangle _me_.

"Let's go." Wally called from the door.

I'm guessing he insisted on waiting for the valet outside the lobby earlier. I'm like 95 percent sure. He always waited for Tour Bus Betty to round the corner after checked out of hotels. And he always made Brandon the Bus Driver honk the horn when he pulled up. I started to feel bad for Brandon by the end of the tour but I was too wrapped in my own psychodrama.

I piled into the car first with Pasty following then Sadie and Kwest, Mason, Wally, Tommy, Spied, E.J., Darius, Kyle, Craig, Shay, Jamie and Liam. It was kinda awkward because I realized the O.C. inspired hook-ups that had taken place and I think everyone else caught on too.

Let's count, shall we?

Let's start with Tommy the whore. Tommy has been with (biblically speaking)

Sadie,

(there was the rumor about he and E.J. and I'm gonna go with it and run) E.J., and

Portia and

as of last night me.

I think I'm the next relationship whore after this. (we are going into virginal territory. I repeat I am not a slut) I've _dated_

Jamie,

Spiederman,

Shay

and let's throw in Tommy just for the hell of it.

But it got me thinking. And I sound like that creepy girl who doesn't get it after a one-night-stand, but what's gonna come out of last night?

Was it was one time deal?

Am I his booty call?

Is he my booty call?

Could we ever date?

Oh my God…

OH HELL!

I could be pregnant. OH MY GOD!

I could have an STD.

He dated the whore that all the little whores bow down to: Paris I'm-Open-For-Bussiness-24/7 Hilton! Ok there is no way that I don't have something like herpes now! Oh Lord my dad is going to kill me. And my pediatrician will look at me funny since he's the same doctor that had to deliver me on emergency 17 years ago.

OH MY! I AM A DIRTY WHORE! Panicked tears immediately welled in my eyes.

Oh wait… I just had my period a week ago. So I'm pretty sure I can't be pregnant right now thanks to Health Freshman year. Remember the coach who taught Health in _Mean Girls_? He had **nothing **on Mr. Weezner, my health teacher and the school's hockey coach.

Well I'm pretty sure Mr. Weezner never slept with any of the students but I can't really know. So now I just have to check with Tommy about his… situation downstairs. I looked around in a tizzy and I realized I couldn't wait to know.

"STOP!" I screamed really loudly. Everyone looked at me like I had just peed on the floor and now I was lapping it up like a dog. Seriously, it's a wonder why I don't quit already. We all felt the car come to a screeching halt and the tires squealed underneath us.

"Miss Harrison, is there something the matter?" Liam asked me. YES! You're nasty face.

"I need coffee." I shot a look at Tommy who took the clue.

"I'll pay!" He volunteered and I ran from the car as he took mandatory orders from the rest of them. Coffee hoes. Tommy walked out looking ragged. Did they attack him? And besides he should be used to it after those world tours. _I had a different girl in every city_. Ok now, I'm convinced I've contracted something.

"Am I infected?" I blurted out as we conveniently waltzed into a Starbucks. He looked down and chuckled as he cradled my face lightly. I slapped his hand away, does he not realize that I cannot function when he touches me. Or is near me. Or when I think about him. Seriously my neurons stop firing and my brain goes numb.

"This is serious. I have failed all those protection commercials on MTV. That's it for me." I told him. He looked at me seriously for a moment, almost like he couldn't believe what I was saying.

"But Jude… we, you know. We were protected."

"I don't think so Q! Ya just jumped right inside a me!"

Oops. I guess I shouted that last part. Now everyone is looking at me funny. I slumped my shoulders forwards as Tommy pulled me close, looking down at me even more seriously.

"Jude… I never meant to force." Ok he's pulling out the puppy face. I have no resistance against the puppy face!

"No, Tom. You didn't. I was just overreacting." I said shaking my head softly and looking down at the ground. I felt tears welling in my eyes and I didn't really know why. I didn't regret last night. I loved Tommy. I _love_ Tommy. He chuckled softly, and then picked my chin up tenderly with his finger.

"Jude, I don't think what happened last night was right."

"Tommy!" He shook his head softly.

"I wanted it, _so much _Jude. I don't think you know how much I need you. And you… thought you wanted. I don't think I could do that to you anymore."

Ok please excuse my potty mouth but, _WHAT THE FUCK_? Why is he being such a girl?

I've told him so many times!

I've done so many things to prove it.

This is not fair. _I _am the one who supposed to be the girl here! I have the parts! He doesn't! He turned away from me sadly with a small shake of his head.

Let's just peek into the twisted land of let's-make-Jude-as-insane-as-possible-and-see-how-long-before-she-cracks, popularly known as _Tommy's Mind_.

I can bet you he's thinking that he's a pedophile.

That he's a flagrantlaw breaker.

I bet he would even go as far to call himself a rapist.

Technically he's a _statutory rapist_ but he's not going to see it that way.

In all honesty I don't need a law to tell me what I can feel and what I can't. And if I can make a conscious decision or not, they don't know me. Well… they vaguely know me. But they think I'm _Jude Andrews _so whatever.

I kept staring at him dazedly, was he really just ending us like that? Before we even had a chance to be _something_? Well, not if I have any say in it. And I proved yesterday that I sure do! Our turn came as I ogled at the cookies, I swear they were calling me, but I was too afraid to ask Tommy to get anything besides the coffee.

I saw Tommy stand still for a moment with a lost look, what a dumbass. These people have been ordering the same coffee for years _and _they just told him like two minutes ago. I stepped in with a huff and came face to face with a _very _handsome coffee-man. Caffeine and good looks? Take me now Mr. Barista! Lord knows Tommy would care.

"Good morning." He said nicely, I flashed him a smile, languidly draping my hands on the counter.

"Good morning to you too." I told him.

"Thank you. What could I get you?" I looked at him for a moment as my eyes flashed to his nametag.

"Well, Peter, could I have one Skinny _Carmel Macchiato_, one _Espresso con Panna, _two _Café Mocha_s –one light on the foam- one skinny _Gingerbread Latte_, and three _Cinnamon Spice_ Lattes…"

I paused going through everyone on the list. Skinny Macchiato for Sadie, Panna for E.J., Mochas for Spied and Shay, Gingerbread for Darius (it shocked the hell outta me when he told me once. I always thought he was the Grinch) Cinnamon Spice for Liam, Kyle and Jamie.

"One hot chocolate, two of your strong morning blends, one Chocolate Milk and hmmm… what would you recommend?" I asked, knowing what I wanted but I felt like talking to him some more.

"Well, something new or something you've had before with a twist." I looked back at Tommy who was watching intently. He was pissing me off.

"Something new." I said with fake resolve. I heard Tommy whip his head towards me. He is so stupid; I will always be hung up on him. I just like to see him squirm.

"Well if you like it with a kick, I recommend our _Dopio Espresso Holiday Cider Latte_." He told me with a sexy Italian accent. Tommy snorted indignantly from behind and majorly pissed me off.

"That's sounds… exciting." I purred and turned back to Tommy apathetically.

"And whatever he wants since he's paying." I said off handedly before flashing Peter one last smile and joining the line for drinks. I heard Peter neutrally tell Tommy the price as Tommy threw a bill on the counter meanly. That's not going to cover it dumbass. But when I looked closer I realized it was a hundred dollar bill.

What a tool. Seriously. I want to knock him out right now. A few stumbles later, Tommy and I were making our way out of the shop. I flashed one last smile as Peter returned it with a little wave. I stopped to wave back but Tommy pushed me forwards meanly. Douche bag. I whipped my head around and stuck my tongue out at him.

"Real mature Jude."

"Shut up asshole." I told him. I may be in love with him but he pisses me off. He inhaled sharply behind me; I hope he stubbed his toe. But when I turned around he was sorta shocked at what I had just said. Loser. I want to hit him. I shook him off and rasped against the window for someone to open the door.

"Thanks." I said sweet-like-sugar as Spied opened the door and I handed him his drink.

"Thank you." He told me nicely and flashed me a wink.

Ok what game is he playing? I was just being nice, not flirty. Tommy and I settled in as I handed Wally his Chocolate milk, Craig and Liam their strong brews and began to contentedly sip my concoction.

It tasted like bitter dirt but I wasn't going to admit that. And besides it's coffee, it can only get better with the caffeine buzz. I looked around and basked in the awkwardness of the silence that persisted, and feeling better as I remembered that Tommy _had _actually… covered himself and how I hummed the Trojan Man jingle when I saw the wrappers in the trash this morning.

Wait a minute… Tommy _knew _he was gonna get lucky!

I reached over and slapped his arm even though I sorta didn't care. I think deep down I knew we were just a matter of time before we either imploded or… did it. He shot me a _what-the-hell?_ look. I shot him a look back and decided I needed some tunes. I vocalized this and Kwest acknowledged me first.

"_Girl put your records on_." Kwest told me with a smile. I was going to come back with the next line of the song but I heard Tommy snort like a bull next to me.

"It's a song Ryan Atwood." I told him.

"How right. What song might that be? My-name-is-Jude-and-I-know-how-to-push-people's-buttons?" Is he stupid? What kind of producer is he? He should know about this stuff.

"_Put Your Records On_." Pasty cut in from her Chocolate Milk, that no one missed her not-so-discreetly emptying the contents of her special flask into a few minutes ago.

Everyone leaned over to look at her. I always thought she liked Satan music or something. Like the _Chants of Beelzebub_ or whatever. I flashed her a smile as Kwest turned the radio on for me and Tommy continued to pout. It was really sexy, but I would never admit that to him. As I watched him pout I realized he didn't _want _to leave me high and dry but he didn't want to take advantage of me. I suddenly knew exactly what I was going to do to show him. And if it pissed Darius off… well that was just an added bonus.

* * *

Alrighty! Next chapter is bascially Jude and the gang at the SNL set. But I really hoped you guys liked this chapter:o) 


	13. Bang Theory

Oh I just love you guys! I can't get over it, and I don't want to! I really really want to thank

**tommys21 **((I think I first heard the word during an episode of 7th Heaven, lol. It was the one where Matt takes the school 'harlot' and yea... it was weird lol. I don't think anyone is _really _a slut, except Eden and Marissa's sister on The O.C., they are sluts lol. But _harlot _is much more tame than skank and I've found some people don't know what it means, so it's also quite useful lol))

**Duddley111 **((I'm so glad! You know what... I love you! lol))

**iamthatplace **((I definitely thought about changing the rating but the craziness with Tommy and Jude stops pretty much lol. And I am a totally dork I meant the _Raisin Bran _commericals with Johnson and that guy that intially fired him like 6 months ago when the commercial first aired. I love those things, the plot line is actually riveting. I always love to see what happens for commercial to commercial lol! Ah, I love the _Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants!_ I love America, the girl who plays Carmen, but I always picture Carmen _way _different lol. I loved the books and the movie wasn't too bad, just not as good. But Kostos was _uber_ hot!))

**Tommy4eva **((I often find myself screaming _Stupid Tommy! _whenever I watch the episodes, but I have to watche reruns now and that makes me eternally sad. But still, stupid Tommy is sexy Tommy. Tommy is always sexy, no matter what lol))

**NotAContrivance **((Romeo and Juilet... too long ago to really care anymore lol. But I totally remember my teacher made us watch this BBC special of it and Snape played Tybault! And I basically saw Snape's butt and when the fifth movie comes out I'll have to hide my eyes when Alan Rickman comes on because I will just remember his butt in bright yellow tites and he won't be scary anymore. I always thought the Verizon guy wasn't that hot, he was just there and then I saw this thing on Vh1 and he was in normal clothes and he was totally sexy, and it gave me that idea lol. I always pictured Tommy bringing a whole new meaning to _inappropriate behavior in the office envirnoment, _and they never even hinted at a potential love connection with E.J. so I figured she had some unsettled history with Tommy, that or she's a man-eater and no one wants to date her lol. I would totally buy Tommy a clue, I would buy Tommy anything. I would basically do anything for Tommy if it meant I could interact with him because he's like my whole life and a half lol. I'm so glad you liked the chapter! And I love the long reviews they make me happy and I don't have to study when I have something to distract me lol!))

**Alexzgirl1 **((Aw! It's nice to know you would physcially defend my fic! I think I would have to cry if Jude were just a notch in his bedpost because I pretty much believe they are totally meant to be and I get so girly when they're together. It's faintly insane lol! Pasty's pretty insane but I play it up a lot because she makes me laugh all the time, sometimes I wish I were her and then I don't because she's insane. For real lol! Season 2 is pretty awesome, Jude turns 16 and I won't spoil it but Spied and the guys are in it a lot of the time. I've found an obsession with Wally, the bassist. He's like my whole life besides Tommy. French is quite a pain in my _derriere _lol, but Tommy issexy when he speaks it. But he says his little line really fast, it's in theepisode when she turns 17, and I had tolisten really closely, but the sexiness is there lol! And I totally appreciate the wish of luck for my finals. They make my head spin lol!))

**mZtOmMyQ5319**((I think Tommy is one of the most picky characters on TV. But I think the whole age thing freaks him out to a point of insanity and spinlessness lol. I'm so glad you liked the chapter!))

**singingspaz **((All projects are stupid. I decided and the end of the year is total crunch time and it just sucks. A lot. lol, I'm so glad my chapter made you feel better! You're review made me muy happy lol! I really see no difference between today/tomorrow when it gets to be so early. And if I think about it too much and try to explain it to myself I just get way frustrated lol. Yay me! lol, I love that so much! Yay! That's my new catch phrase!))

**VilandraofAntar **((hmmm, what do I get him for Christmas... lip stick? I totally got the Trojan man from Gilmore Girls. It was the episode where Paris is basically in love with Jamie, or whatever or Princeton Man's name is, and she doesn't want to tell Madelin and Louise because they 'would go around singing _Trojan Man_' and I laughed for days. Sometimes I scare myself with my knack for turning the most simple and clean things dirty and sullied. It's a blessing and a curse. But mostly a curse because I let it slip around teachers and they get freaked out because it's usually about sex and they all want to think that Catholic School girls just go to church, pray and repress all non-God thoughts lol. Yesterday I told my friend that she was going to get Herpes sores in her butt and my math teacher turned around and smacked me with a stack of papers. I kinda hurt and my math teacher is a creep. He has this freaky-ass goatee and wears sweater-vests. I am not even kidding.))

**Latisha C **((Oh my God, I _love _the long reviews! They completely make me day! If Tommy had never been called an asshole, I would have to laugh. I think Sadie should have called him one at the yacht thing in the beginning of the season but she didn't and I was sad lol. Starbucks is an addiction, literally. I knew most of those coffee's right of the top of my head, but I had to look some of them up lol.I really hope the term paper went well, and the children's book! This one time I had to make up my own editorial cartoon but yea... it wasn't as bad as a book lol. I'm so glad you like my story enough to take so much time!))

**Beauty in the Breakdown **((The question is _why am I **not **pming at5 in the morning_? But I think we have a time zone difference becase I would totally get caught if I were laughing and gasping about the Tim twin at 5 am. If you don't date him, it'll be that thing that haunts you forever. And if you marry him, then you are _very _wise lol! I go through fads at Starbucks, right now I'm in love with Macchiato's but not the Vinalla, it takes like vomity foam lol. I think you definitely spoil us with 2 chapters because you're fic is like Starbucks, the more I have the more I need for survival. I take things overboard. I don't think I ever won't lol))

I abosoutely love you guys! I named this chapter _Bang Theory _for an array of reasons.

1) I love the song, it makes me laugh and I don't really know why. It's not a funny song but my play count is obscene lol.

And 2) I hate to say this but I just finished the last chapter of this fic! I almost cried when I hit save but then I realized _hello, the beauty of sequels_. I have a few ideas rolling through my head and I'm pretty sure it'll be around the holiday season and Jude finshing her album and all that good stuff.

Please tell me if you guys would want a sequels and if there's something in particular you would love to see! So this is the second to last chapter and I'm thinking the final one to come out tomorrow night or earlier Saturday. I promise to leave a teaser at the end of this chapter because I love you all so much but on with this chapter! As always it picks up where the other left off.

**Disclaimer** (these bother me, so this is like a blanket one for all my stories for ever and ever) I don't own anything and I never will. Unless it turns out I have a fortune left in my name or something like that because then I won't hesistate in buying Instant Star and a hundred cars or something. Oh and I would buy Tommy ;o)

* * *

Chapter 13:_Bang Theory _

The rest of the ride came and went without much to diddle about because I didn't pay attention to anyone else because I was devising my plan. Before he walked out I surveyed Darius' forehead and saw the vein that was always slightly protruding. I wonder if he's always mad or it just sticks out like that. I made a mental note to _never _ask because it might be a sore spot with him.

Because maybe all the kids made fun of him when he was little and he cries himself to sleep at night after he stares at in the mirror for hours on end. And he became an angry P. Diddy-Man to show everyone that he could use the ugly vein to his advantage and be more successful than his mockers.

Or he's faintly mad all the time.

Then I wondered if it would explode and his head would bleed all over me after the performance tonight. I thought he was going to tear my limbs with his teeth at that stupid boat party. I was sorta afraid for my life; I kept wondering _'how to confuse an alligator when it runs at you'. _I remembered that you run in a zigzag so that it blurs its vision or whatever but I knew I wouldn't be able to outrun anything in my dress (I think Taking Back Sunday was at the whole thing because the lyrics for _MakeDamnSure _the stuff about _violent red _pretty much describe that blindingly red dress I wore.) and especially not in my weapon/heels.

I knew he wouldn't release me from my contract even if he had threatened before because I think he's actually a scardey cat when it comes down it. Or he's an ogre and instead of firing me, he'll rip my head off my neck. Oh well. Tommy's fault if that happens. I have to remember to tell someone that so they can announce that to everyone in my eulogy and then Tommy will be shunned from society.

I filed out after Pasty and saw a plastic butter knife hanging out of her pocket; I hesitated and faltered slightly before plucking it out of her pocket. I stared at it, mesmerized by the mysterious stains that adorned the jagged teeth. EW! I dropped it to the sidewalk like a hot potato and walked on.

We walked into a grandiose stage hall, and I saw a few actors I sorta recognized, rehearsing a skit for that tonight.

"_I'm Carol_!"

Someone shouted loudly and I realized it was Horatio because I am in love with him. I started debating whether I should ask for his autograph and if I should ask if he'd sign it with the lipstick he wears when he's in drag. But I was snapped from my daydream as Spied let the door snap shut like the closing mouth of a fiery inferno. Nice imagery, huh? I bet Edgar Allen Poe is spinning in his grave right now. I saw someone look at us as Spied let the door slam and he clapped his hands in preparation.

"Alright, Jude's here. Let's run that skit. Then sound check, ok?"

His thundering footsteps pounded closer to the group as he approached us with a nearly exasperated expression. He was wearing a too tight black tee shirt, à la Simon Cowell, and a blinged out

(Yes, I said _bling_. I'm just waiting for The Game to pop out and slay me with his pimp stick)

belt with _Daddy _spelled out in what I bet are real diamonds. He smelled old and musty, like he had been rolling around in moss all day. "I'm Silver."

He stated and stood up on his tiptoes and (I was like the Jolly Green Giant compared to him. Little men beware!) got all up in my face, looking at me intently. Well, _Hello Stranger_.

"Are _you _Jude?" I don't think I'm going to like this man.

"No I'm her evil stand in. I like to eat people." I told him as I snapped my teeth closed with a loud chatter, channeling Pasty for a moment.

"Tell me when she gets back."

"I'll do that." I told him as he slapped a script in my hands. Well thanks. It's totally not breaking my wrists right now. No, I'm _fine_.

_Silver _sashayed towards the stage again, reminding me of Miss Jay. Except I love Miss Jay and I already kinda hate this guy. He snapped his fingers twice and the lights dimmed.

I wonder what would happen if I shouted _Beatlejuice, Beatlejuice, Beatlejuice _right now. I looked around sneakily and saw everyone's attention wrapped around the beginnings of the skit. I huffed and I sadly let go of my Winonna Rider dream. I watched some weird guy come out with hair identical to Spied's and as he turned around he revealed a very pregnant belly.

Oh hell. I didn't know people were still talking about that.

He looked down at the script and when his face emerged again he had plastered a doofusy expression across his features.

"Dudes. I love Jude. Woaw man! That rhymes. _Dudes, Jude…_no wait. _Dudes… Judes! _"

He said with his jaw hanging along the floor and he rocked an air guitar at _5 to 12_ and nodded his head enthusiastically, kinda like what Spied does when he gets totally jamming and totally carried away. Once, and I swear this to God, he played a guitar solo and simultaneously ripped his underwear out of his shorts. It was like Zoolander. Only less fantastic when I found out he had been planning it and that the pair he pulled had been sitting in the front of his pants, not… _holding _anything in.

He had also gone around before and protruded his artificially endowed crotch at groupies. He had bite marks for a week.

"But I let Jamie boink me dude! I'm pregnant, dudes! And I'm a dude, dudes!"

He continued as Adrienne, winner of _America's Next Top Model cycle 1 _and star of _My Fair Brady, We're Getting Married_ (I am so addicted to TV), sobbed against her curly blonde wig.

"Oh my God! I'm Jude Harrison!" She wailed. "I'm the smoke from your fire!"

"But _I'm_ that guy you can't trust." A deadly whisper broke from across the stage as Andy Samberg, with severely gelled hair, sucked in cheeks and a massive scowl walked/booty shook his way across the stage. It was really funny. Until Adrienne yowled some more.

"AH! It's _that **lie** you can't trust_! No one even loves me enough to know the lyrics to my song by heart! I hate my life!"

"Oh baby! Don't you cry! Go marry Tommy Q! It makes everything better!" A falsetto called as Keenan Thompson came out in full drag.

"Hey y'all! I'm Portia .Quincy. Mills!" He shouted and gave a flourishing wave.

It was like a frickin' circus when the guy who plays Bill Clinton and Donald Trump all the time shouted with an impressive Irish accent. He grabbed his crotch obviously and grunted loudly.

"I'm Liam Fenway! I may be behind the scenes but the whole world knows me from the time I hit Russell Crowe in the face with a V-Track in the 80's!

UGH, I knew I knew Liam from somewhere!

Adrienne began to shout with well-feigned tears that "_Shay is under my skin! Give me booty to get rid of him" _(those are not the lyrics. That song wasn't about Shay and if I has said _give me some booty to get rid of him _when the _him _was my dad, well that would be weird) while the rest of the actors looked down at me. What the hell was I supposed to do? I looked down at the script. I have lines!

_"No I'm Jude Harrison." Argue with fake Jude. "I can prove it." Move to other stage. Begin performance_.

And they wonder why it seems like musicians can't act on this show? People are stupid. I climbed over the stage with difficulty and Spied rushed over to help and groped my ass while he shoved my up the stage. On my stomach like a fool or a floundering fish, I turned around and gave him a dirty look before picking my dignity and myself up.

"No. I'm Jude Harrison." I said completely deadpanned. I waited for Silver to yell at me and when it didn't come Adrienne cried some more, insisting that she was me.

"I can prove it." I told retorted as Silver finally yelled cut. A more normal looking guy came up and led me to the second stage with the _Grand Central _station motif, where we would just stay after the first song.

"Ok, let's run _24 Hours _first?" He asked.

I was about to nod when Darius stepped in front of me and nodded. Um, what was the point of that? I can move my head up and down just fine. Maybe he didn't want my head to fall off… I wonder the same thing about him. There must be some serious neck complications with an ego the size of his. I can help but wonder what he's like during sex.

Oh wait, I _can _help it!

Shoving my thoughts aside, I looked away from Darius' butt. NOT THINKING BAD THOUGHTS, and back at Spied, Kyle and Wally who were all adjusting to the instruments.

"Psst!" I called while Darius talked about lighting one whatever with the normal guy.

"Can you guys meet me in the dressing room after check?"

"Decide you like it kinky Harrison?" Spied asked and wiggled his eyebrows.

I snorted and retorted: "It won't be with you, stupid." We both laughed lightly while Kyle and Wally all nodded.

"Spread the word to Jamie too."

I hissed as the normal guy gave us the cue. Kyle clashed his sticks against the cymbals while Spied and Wally began the pulsation riff. Wally played the low series of notes before my cue as I inhaled away from the microphone.

"_I've been sittin' in the dirt_."

"_24 Hours_." Spied said with his lips pressing against the mic. I think he thinks that he's Mick Jagger. He needs bigger lips, girl legs, girl pants and a booty that shakes like there's no tomorrow. Otherwise, I see no difference.

The notes faded out and I looked down at Tommy who was bobbing his head to the music. I knew he was thinking of that time at the pier because I was too. We finished it without a hitch, _cough cough Assica_, and Spied started the riff of _My Sweet Time_ and we played through, with minimal instance from Spied about backup vocals. I think he was still afraid I smash his face into a brick wall about the grabbing my ass thing. Tsk, tsk I would merely get someone else to beat his brains in. Because I'm a lady.

_After rehearsal…_

I sat in the little room with the butterflies fluttering viciously. I needed Sponge Bob's jellyfish net to get rid of them.

But alas, Sponge Bob Squarepants is fictional and so is Patrick, but if they were real I would marry them both. Not at the same time, I think I would marry Bob first and safe the best for last. I looked blankly at the TV screen, and I think my world is crashing but… I was bored outta my skull.

Actually I was so nervous I was nearly jumping out of my skin at every disruption to the calm. I stared down at the remote for a few seconds and picked it up to change the channel. I was in serious need to see some pathetic chump on MTV become a new person with new hair and ditch their old friends for the popular whores.

I don't see why people want to be like the popular crowd in their school. I've lived with one and there is a lot of hairspray and early mornings to curl eyelashes and whatnot. It's not that great and they listen to Nick Carter and stuff. It's really sad if you think about it. You don't even have think long and hard about it, just a quick glance at the whole theory of cool kids and you can see it's sad. _Bang Theory_ anyone?

I pressed down on the up button for twenty minutes and the screen refused to budge. No I take that back it kept playing this weird sitcom _Are You Being Served?_ or something.

"NO! I don't want to watch this!" I grunted as I pressed even harder.

Just as the door open the remote flew against the wall, almost smacking Spied in the face. I think would have had to laugh if it hit him. But I would have felt bad because he bleeds really easily and he would be all bloody on stage and stuff. I think his groupie rate would take a nosedive. I saw him breathe a sigh of relief making me laugh and want to hit him _All At Once_. It came out like a strangled burst of spitty laughter. It was kinda gross.

I watched Spied walk over to me and suddenly prance his fingers through my scalp. I shot my eyes as far up as they could go and I could see his tongue sticking out in concentration.

"May I help you?"

"Dude, what are you doing?" Wally asked, even more freaked out than me. And hello, the dude was delousing me!

"Duh, he looking for bugs to eat." Kyle said. The two high-fived each other stupidly with laughter.

"Yea! Like those monkeys!" Wally exclaimed. Wally has an inexplicable obsession with monkeys. One time on tour this bouncer called Wally ugly and I was about to haul off and hit him (I really do love me some Wally!) but when the ugly fat man wasn't looking Wally downed his beer.

**"Hey! Kid! What did you just do?" The bouncer asked him with a scary expression of hunger for human flesh. **

**I hid myself slightly behind Spied, who smiled winningly and patted the top of my head. Normally it would have bothered me but it gave me some sense of comfort because the Brawny Man was scaring me shitless. We watched the alcohol pass through Wally's system instantly as he walked around, slightly off balance. **

**"I just made you… _kiss my monkey butt_!" He shouted and showed off both his middle fingers. I yelped, as the bouncer pounded forwards at Wally, and ran from behind Spied, grabbed Wally and the four of us ran like hell. It was only late evening and Wally demanded that we go to the zoo. **

**_7:14_**

"**Hello Mr. Monkey!" Wally cooed drunkenly. **

**_7:38_**

"**Do you wanna banana Mr. Monkey?" Wally asked stupidly and made an otherwise dirty gesture for a banana. **

**_8:26_ **

"**Mr. Monkey, you are my best friend. NO! My only friend in this… big cruel world. I love you Mr. Monkey." He screamed passionately. Spied smiled evilly. "I think that's a Mrs. Monkey. Or a… Miss Monkey." He said on whisper with a suggestive wink. **

**_8:27_**

"**Marry me Miss Monkey! I love you Miss Monkey!"**

**_9:09_**

"**Young man, I'm going to have to ask you and your friends to leave the park." A tough guy in a uniform said lightly to Wally with a hand on his shoulder, trying to pull him off the bars between the monkey cave thing and Wally. The fences went from being bars of thick metal to not enough to restrain a determined Wally. **

**"NO! I will not leave! And I will not…" He shouted before trailing off and throwing up all over the park ranger. "Sorry. We were just leaving." I said apologetically and helped Wally to his feet and rubbed his curls, trying to comfort him. "But I loved her." He sobbed. **

**"Yes, I know you loved Miss Monkey." I told while I tried to hold back the laughter. Kirby would be so pissed off. But Spied couldn't control his giggles and got served some Instant Karma as the beer ran out of Wally system again and all over the front of Spied's mechanic jacket. **

We all fell silent and Spied's fingers stopped looking through my hair, each remembering the incident at the zoo. Even Wally who was sorta plastered remembered whatever we hadn't filled him in on. I cleared my throat loudly.

"Could some one tell me what Spied is doing. Or at least change the channel?" I asked as I continued to look up at Spied questioningly. Kyle bent down, picked up the remote and changed it to MTV knowingly but without any difficulty. What the hell?

"I'm just looking to see if there's any red left up here." Butt hole.

"There isn't, so stop looking." I told him and lightly slapped his hand away.

I sighed loudly, feeling particularly exhausted. _Is it Any Wonder_? I mean really, I am just generally a tiring person to other people so it's crazy hard being me.

"Are we in here to listen to you breathe or…" Kyle started but quieted himself quickly at my sharp glance. Smart kid that Kyle. Spied or Wally would have kept talking and I would have had to inflict physical pain. Kyle forgoes the pain and shuts up.

I should probably take after his example too but whatever, I'm too old to change my ways. Because I'm actually a 90 years old woman in a 17 year old's body. The physical advantages are astounding, given last night, but no wonder Tommy keeps confusing me for someone older.

Hello! I'm 90.

I have actually been alive for close to a century. I saw Sharon Stone's downward spiral and laugh at those that scratch their heads like puzzled fools demanding 'what happened?'.

I was there when the rumors about Elvis dying on the toilet first circulated and then watched his groupies revolt and torch stuff. Ok maybe there weren't conflagrations but they were pissed off.

And by the way have I told you that in fact didn't get Hemp C from Tommy but the pathological inability to tell myself the truth? Well yes, it's there and I'm really dealing with it quite well.

See that?

Right there, rearing its ugly head when I'm trying to focus!

Oh my God.

I am insane.

I am not normal.

I am carrying on conversations with myself and berating my mental illness, which I clearly misdiagnosed. I'm just plain insane. Hey that rhymes. I'm exactly what Foreman said. I'm a crazy person I _'think badly'_ or whatever he said to Chase about that lady who said she was crazy but was really just loosing her eyesight or something. I just remember she said her soul hurts when they give her psych meds and then she spit in Foreman's face.

"We have to wait for Jamie or he'll…"

"And here he is the man of the hour!" Spied interrupted me with an exclamation.

"Hey thanks Spied. I don't think everyone in the entire world heard that. Could you speak a little louder?" I asked him meanly. Jamie looked at for a minute in surprise.

"Simmer down now. You're like a mini ninja."

What the hell?

"What does that mean?" I asked him contemptibly. He came over and sat right next to me, opening his arms for me lay against him. I looked at him like he was leper, even though it looked really inviting, for a minute. But my resolve broke when he gave his goofy grin and I leaned against him comfortably; he wrapped his arms around me loosely and looked down.

"Care to share why we're here now?" I sighed again, partly contented but it hitch in my throat and sputtered out nervous. Spied looked down at me worriedly, recognizing the sigh from the first show on tour.

**I sighed and shook hands and arms to loosen myself up. It wasn't working. It was actually have the opposite effect. It made my stomach cramp even more painfully and I sighed again. Spied looked over at me and immediately searched for something like a crazy man. **

**"Spied what are you doing? We have to go on!" **

**I called as he rounded a corner towards the dressing room only to come back a moment later with a trashcan. Or a _poubelle_ as they say in French. Doesn't it sound much more eloquent. **

**It's like that one guy in the behind the scenes commentary on the Princess Diaries commentary and he was talking about how Julie Andrew's accent makes everything sound nicer. **

**"She could say anything. _Mud. That's mud_. See it sounds better." He said adding a British accent when he said mud. **

**But it didn't really sound nicer, it sounded… stupider. But he was really bad, so that may have had something to do with it. **

**"What's that for?" I asked him hesitantly, wondering if he wanted to start a bonfire on stage or something. I don't think the managers of the club would be too happy about pyrotechnics. **

**"For you." **

**"What why?" I asked as I heard the crowd suddenly erupt as Wally and Kyle walked to the stage right on cue. I felt the nervous pangs resurface. **

**"This." He said and pushed the garbage towards me as I emptied the contents of my stomach. He stayed with me until I could walk on my own and ridded my mouth of the vomity taste. **

"Don't worry. I'm fine. I'll be fine." I said lightly as I began to unfold my plan.

"Well I was thinking. Tonight, instead of _My Sweet Time_ why don't we try something new?" I asked tentatively and showed them a worn page of my tour notebook. They read lyrics while I explained the melody. SME all shook their heads while they listened.

"And then I can finish it with acoustic." I looked around apprehensively. They all seemed to like the idea, even Jamie, who's still deathly afraid of Darius. I don't blame him; Darius could eat Jamie in two seconds flat. Probably less if he didn't chew.

_Before the show..._

"Portia, are you sure? I might rip it." I whined, not wanting to wear a gown.

"You are wearing it Jude." E.J. told me and I watched the two agree for the first time. Oh my God, it must be the Apocalypse!

"Fine." I huffed and slipped into the dressing room.

"Can someone zip me?" I called as E.J. joined me quickly. When she finished she instructed me to turn around and show her.

"This will make him sorry." She whispered with a small hitch in her voice. I left the dumb-blonde act at the door as I smiled and nodded my head appreciatively and hugged her tightly. She hugged me back with as much love and told me to "kick ass out there." I felt a wave of reassurance flood over me as she broke away.

"And oh yea, everyone is kinda out there right now." She said before rushing for the other room.

"WHAT?" I demanded. I huffed and pushed down on the handle and I exited a small hush fell over everyone. It was weird and I felt like Hilary Diff in _A Cinderella Story_ when she comes in at the Halloween Ball… wait a minute. _I felt like Hilary Duff_, there must be something wrong.

It's those damn trend setting Disney girls! I remember whenever _Freaky Friday_ came out I went out and bought a saddle bag and clipped ugly pins and buttons to it.

The sad thing is that I made my Uncle Ringo

(no, I am not kidding. I think the Beatles things ran rampant through my dad's family. Or grandpa threatened to disown my dad if he didn't carry on the tradition…)

get that personal button maker for Christmas too. And when it broke I threw a fit and blamed Sadie because I found her hair tie in the crank thing and I smashed it against her bedroom door. The scuffmarks are still there, I swear.

I fingered the skirt of my dress nervously as I felt Tommy's eyes boring into me. In retrospect it would have been creepy, but I'm pretty much in love with him so I let the weirdo-factor slide as I grew even more nervous.

_Tommy…_

He felt his breath hitch in his throat while he stared at Jude. He didn't feel himself blink or swallow until Kwest nudged him from behind. He felt himself lick his lips almost hungrily but snaked his tongue back in his mouth, realizing how creepy he must have looked to her; especially added to the fact he couldn't tear his eyes away.

The deep blue dress flounced around her knees and sashayed upwards every time she shifted slightly. His eyes drank her in as his gaze traveled up to the ribbons that tied the waist of the dress behind her back.

As she rotated at E.J.'s sharp command he saw an intricate lacing of loops and soft fabric as his eyes landed on a small, barely visible zipper. His fingers tingled hotly as he felt himself imagining his arms around her, enveloping her skin and the soft fabric against him. He shook his head, _pedophile_ screaming at him. He felt disgusted with himself but couldn't help but continue to ogle. She would never only be 17 to him, no matter how many times he insited to others.

The thick straps hoisted the bust of the dress on her curves that seemed to be screaming at him. He watched enviously as Portia draped a flashing necklace along the bare, porcelain skin along her neck and chest. As he took in a breath of air it came through his throat and passed raggedly to his lungs. He felt a knee prod against his lower spin and he spun around to see a smug looking Kwest.

"Stop drooling man."

"Stop grabbing Sadie's ass."

Tommy retorted and watched his friend flush embarrassedly and throw him a dirty look. Tommy chuckled to himself though when he saw Kwest's hand slip back to his side discreetly. He turned back to Jude who's mouth was open and poised to say something.

_Jude…_

Ok, say something smart. Don't be stupid. Don't be stupid.

"I have to pee." I announced and rushed out of the room only to smack myself right into Shay who whistled at me with raised eyebrows. I hit him lightly on the arm as Jamie came up behind me.

"Ready?"

"No."

"Good. You're on in like two minutes."

"Oh hell." I said, jogging my memories for my lines. Oh right: _No I'm Jude_. _I can prove it_. I inhaled deeply, crossing my fingers and begging Fate to safe me from the unease that flashed through my stomach and bubbled meanly in the throat.

"Would I freak you out if I cried?"

"Yes." Shay stated simple. I looked at him seriously and he smiled back and wrapped me in a hug. I heard Jamie inhale harshly and a second later I felt his arms around Shay and I. This was probably weird, but it only made me feel better. I exhaled with resolve and looked between the two.

"Ok. I'm gonna go fight with Mrs. Peter Brady. I'll see you later." I said and followed an intern that told me I had to be on stage in a few moments. I turned around as I saw SME jog to the other stage, giving a shaky thumbs up to Jamie who returned with a reassuring smile. I giggled lightly. God I am such a girl.

* * *

I so hope you guys liked it! And here's a little teaser as promised!

_"You're just a Crocodile Dundee wanna be in my book. So shut the hell up!"_

_I went out on a limb and it was in this moment that I was either gonna fall on my ass or find myself in Tommy's arms._

_"I don't want to." He told me. Wow, that was really bad. _

Don't worry, I promise a happy ending:o)


	14. Le Loup Retourne Toujours Au Bois

I think I'm about to cry! This is the last chapter... No I really think I might cry. I want to thank everyone that went on this completely insane ride with me, I hope you guys had as much fun as I did! I didn't title this chapter with a song title because it focuses on the end of this little adventure with Tommy and Jude and Jude and the label and Jude and everyone else, so why not quote Tommy? He's quite intelligent lol. I have an enormous thank you at the end but I want to thank

**Tommy4eva **((lol, I once has a dream that he poped out and hit me with his pimp stick because I was singing the wrong words to one of his songs. It was really weird lol. I think everyone must need to know just how sexy Tommy is, otherwise they are just missing out. Or maybe us Instant Star fangirls need to stay together to keep him to ourselves... what a predicament!))

**Duddley111 **((I totally PMS'ed. lol, I think that I win the award for biggest weirdo of the century.))

**iamthatplace **((hahahahaha! Your story about the guitarist from _21 Jump Street _made me laugh for at least an hour. Wasn't Johnny Depp on that show? Maybe he's the freaky guitar player that you can never hae sex with because he'll make an O with his mouth with really wide eyes. Ew that_ would _be really creepy lol! I loved _Real Women Have Curves _except I missed the end and my friend was like 'all the fat ladies dropped their pants' and he disregarded the whole point of the movie with that face he made afterwards! _Eek_ there's a mouse in the house! lol, don't worry all ends well. I promise))

**Alexzgirl1 **((lol, I think I watched _UnSweet Sixteen _at least 20 times lol. I know most of the dialouge lol. I love Spiederman, there was a sad time in my life when I was a Juderman shipper. But then my faith was restored in Jommy and all is well in Instant Star land lol! Only 5 weeks? The 2nd season is so awesome, that is so exciting! Sounding like Sadie is bad. Just plain bad. Except she gets way better in the second season. She's less of a mean-spirited bitch and more of an older sister. And she has the day dream in the middle of the first episode of the second season and it is so funny! I'm laughing just thinking about it lol! There is definitely a sequel, never fear! lol))

**VilandraofAntar **((Oh my God, now I am going to have the most irrational fear of billbaords! AND LAMP POSTS! lol, I feel like a kid who caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Even though I hate that saying with a passion, I want to hit people who say that. I won't hit me but I'm mentally berating myself for saying it lol. I seriously can't let go of this fic but I had to have it end sometime, so I sort of ended it. A sequel is coming and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna pick up right where this chapter leaves off. ps. I'm glad you liked it!))

**Beauty in the Breakdown **((I always knew I had a twin! YAY! English and I weren't speaking for a while but I totally Aced my final so we're best friends again. Our airports are dismal for the most part because we basically only have Delta flying anywhere and Delta planes always smell like death to me. I just caffed up like 5 minutes ago and it's starting to kick in. I think I may have portioned beans to water incorrectly because my fingers are clattering up and down on the keyboard. This could be bad...))

I really hope everyone likes this chapter, I think it's right way to end it because of how the rest of Jude's week went. It has flashbacks of her memories throughout the week and I didn't include the performance but it's in a flashback. Her plan was basically changing the second song she was going to perform and it left a few people a little more than upset. Ok I feel evil, but read on, read on my friends:o)

* * *

Chapter 14: _Le Loup Retourne Toujours au Bois_

When you make a choice, in the end you're left with the choice that you didn't… _not choose_.

Ok I don't make sense but that's because I don't process well under duress. Liam is yelling at me with the force of Dick Cheney. He's such a butt hole. He needs to get laid… hard. Stupid pillow biter, I hate him. I want him to meet some large _Sing-Sing _inmate who'll show him around.

There has to be _something _illegally about the way he lives. Morally, he's as bankrupt as Michael Jackson, or Delta Airlines. I just have to get him on something federal… I had been having trouble taking his mad face seriously after catching him doing the dirty deed on an airplane, but my laughing only enraged him even more.

**"I just saw Liam racking up some serious _Preferred Member Points_." "What?" He asked when realization donned on him as the disgust settled in. "Liam?" "Yes." "In the bathroom." "No." "What?" "In front of the peanuts."**

But thinking about it only made me squirm in my seat like my butt was on fire. I looked back up at him but closed my eyes immediately, flash backs haunting me like a poltergeist. I didn't really see why he was so mad.

I mean I know I pulled a _Red-Party _or whatever they called that party on a boat, even though the boat didn't move the whole time we were there, but I rocked that effing stage tonight. And so did my band.

So what if I didn't perform the song we planned on?

So what if it wasn't one they heard before?

So what if it was kinda a jab at his ego because I open defied him again?

I was AWESOME! Andy Samberg told me so. Right after he hit on me. It was weird but whatever. It wasn't as weird as that freaky director who wanted to shoot my video from earlier in the week.

**I shook my head vehemently at E.J. and becoming very uncomfortable under Herman's stare. God, I wanted to hit him. E.J. looked over at him apologetically while he tipped his beret and solemnly walked out of Darius' office. But not before adding _"Adieu mes belles." _**

That guy may have scarred me for life. I think his face will be the last thing I see before I die. And the last thing I hear before I die will be E.J. singing _On the Good Ship Lollypop. _

**"_On the good ship lollypop" _She started. Oh dear me! I thought she was hurting someone. Or leaking her brains out of her ear and paper clipping them to her nose. "Ok! I'm good!" **

I sat in an isolated chair in an empty auditorium at almost 2 in the morning while Liam yelled at me so force fully his lips turned a nice shade of _azul _while all these memories bombarded me. I suddenly began reviewing the fresh memories of the performance.

"**Once again ladies and gentlemen, _Jude Harrison_!" Adrienne announced with her endearing New York twang. At least I think its New York, I don't really know. I just know _aboot_ us Canadians eh. I saw Darius looking up at me but I couldn't bring myself to look to Tommy yet. Spied and Wally started a ground shattering riff as I hummed along to the backbeats.**

**'_There's me looking down at my shoes_**

_**The one smiling like the sun, that you**_

_**What were you thinking?**_

_**What was the song inside your head?**_

_**There's us going on about a band**_

_**Working out how we'd play your hands**_

_**I lay there dreaming later all alone in my head**_

_**If I was stupid maybe careless'**_

_**So were you'**_

**I half shouted and half sang in the name of rock and in the name of love! We pushed through the second verse and through the second repeat of the chorus then Kyle clashed the cymbals harshly as the low notes of Wally's bass faded off until they were inaudible. The end of the song approached and only Spied was left jamming. I looked at him once and we shared a moment where it was only us, but soon the pounding force of his guitar died away as I strummed my acoustic. **

'_**Not everything is supposed to come true**_

_**Some words are best unsaid**_

_**Some love is not really love at all**_

_**I'll keep everything I shared with you**_

_**And that's enough**_

_**There's us'**_

**I hummed the _s _until the purr of the last chord died away. I looked down and I felt Tommy looking up at me. I really wished I had super-powers. Because I would be able to fly and I would know what Tommy was thinking. Or I wish I were the Flash because he's so awesome. **

I saw Darius come over and I was about to burst into tears. I wouldn't win anything with those two against me! They're like the two twin girls from _The Shining. _

(Which _was _a scary book! The one time I decided to read something, it scares the few wits I have, right outta me! No wonder Joey put his copy in the freezer in that one episode.

…I guess I could always blame my lapse in judgment on reading. The little common sense I had bust into flames along with that book, after I threw it in the fireplace. It _did _cause a mini-fire. And dad was _really _pissed off. He asked me if I was nuts and I told him _maybe _and then his eyelid started twitching and I ran away because… well I don't know why. But I didn't want to stick around.)

"Liam. Back off." Darius said authoritatively. He turned to me as I flinched.

Oh shit.

"Jude," he started seriously, making me grow more afraid as the excruciating seconds ticked by, "you were phenomenal." He told me as his serious face melted into a proud and P.Diddy smile.

It was a beautiful thing. He wasn't pissed off. It must be that karate stuff he does. It must help him find his center. Or his _chi_. YAY for Darius! He found his happy place. Or maybe he's dealing with his boiling anger

**("Jude!" A shout shook the entire building to its knees. Uh-oh. I looked over to Kwest worriedly, that was definitely Darius' mad voice.) **

and turning it positive. Liam and I stared at him, each of us completely dumbfounded, for a silent moment, and then Liam recovered. Quite angrily. Maybe Darius' coping strategies were only a positive for _me_.

"What are you _talking _about? She went completely off what we planned, she disregarded _your _authority, _my _authority, she put the studio on the line, almost shot our credibility out the window."

"First of all _Liam, _you have **no **authority over me. You're just a _Crocodile Dundee_ wanna be in my book. I suggest you get a hat. And I _almost _did, but I didn't. So shut the hell up." I said furiously.

Did I just say that out loud?

Yea, I think I did. Uh oh, Liam is going to kill me in my sleep. No _actually_… judging by his look he might just do it in daylight, be damned the consequences. I whimpered in my seat silently praying to God.

But suddenly, like my knight in shining armor, Tommy strode over. The dark lighting hid his face and I felt my stomach tighten again. I really did not want to throw up now. That would ruin whatever chances I had left.

"Mind if I take her?" I nodded furiously, not wanting to see why Liam was wringing his hands to viciously. And that was a scarier aspect than meeting Pasty in a dark alley.

**Pasty is _way_ more dangerous. I don't care that Angelina collected knives when she was younger, Pasty is like the devil on Earth.**

And the only thing more frightening than Pasty flying solo, is Pasty and Jamie.

**Pasty called him from Studio 2. "Hey Jimmy! Come unblock my system. I need to let my juices flow." She growled, setting images in my mind that I _did not _need. Ever. Yuck. _Jastie_ sex. Ew. Jamie scampered off and as soon as she grabbed a hold of him and slammed the door with a leather-_Caveman Days_-inspired club. I knew I would not be seeing Jamie for a _long, long _time. **

And even though I already had a notion of why Liam was wringing his hands like Charles Mason, confirming my suspicions would call for me to put me at his mercy.

No strike that, he has no mercy. Because he has no soul.

"Sadie _totally_ skated on you." I muttered as I walked past him.

He turned his head immediately, giving _me _whiplash and bore his teeth like a hungry dog. Ok that just scares me. So much. I lost my footing slightly and Tommy grasped my hand led me on. We looked down various hallways and he jiggled a doorknob it swung upon the reveal an empty room.

What it was doing there was beyond me. Maybe it's like that _Room of Requirement _in Harry Potter, the one that Dumbledore found one night when he really had to pee. I thought that was funny but when I mentioned it to Spied he scoffed in my face. He actually _scoffed_.

This is why I couldn't date him. Who wants someone _scoffing _at them all the time? Like Jeffery in _The Fresh Prince of Bellaire. _But I loved Jeffery so much; I told Sadie I was going to marry him. Then _she _scoffed and said something about _typical _and then told me she would marry Carlton because he's richer than Will even though he's uglier. Poor Kwest.

"There's us." He said but posed it like he was asking me. I heard the lock switch on the door and I knew we were secured inside. I closed the distance between us as he approached me.

"_Le loup retourne toujours au bois_." I told him. I'm so resourceful.

I totally looked it up after my birthday and figured out it means _the wolf always returns to the woods_. Just like I would always go back to Tommy. I'm the wolf. He's the woods. Pretty sexy, eh?

Please note my tongue-and-cheek demeanor trying to cover up how nervous I am. Hell… _revel _in it. Bathe in it! Ok don't do that but I encourage that you bask in its glow.

He chuckled softly against my skin as his breath tickled my lips. I felt myself flash back to the first time I met Craig.

**"Well lying _is _the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off." He said on a laugh. I moved my head to within his line of vision. I smiled and unknowingly licked my lips. But when I felt myself shiver again after his breath hit them, I realized my lips _were_ wet. He inhaled to say something while I leaned in closer to hear. **

And then Tommy had walked in and went Clint Eastwood on my ass.

"Do you want this Tommy? Are you sure _I'm_ the one running?Are you sure _you're _not the one who's a little screwy?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood, but really needing to know.

I went out on a limb and it was in this moment that I was gonna fall on my ass or find myself in Tommy's arms. I watched his face visibly darken and clench.

Slipping...

I felt one hand release mine.

Falling…

And just as I thought I was gonna smash my face against the ground, I felt him ease with a smile as the hand went to cradle my face.

"_If this is crazy, there's nothing I'd rather be_." He whispered on a light laugh. I felt myself think back to Shay.

**"See I was inspiration before you even met me." "What?" Is he high? On _life_? "_I'm tryin' to shake you from my skin_." He recited in my face. What a loser, who knows the words to my songs like that. **

And right after that I had thought back to my infamous birthday. Back to infamous Tommy.

A giggle passed through my rib cage and escaped slightly from my lips. He watched my face grow serious again; I could feel him watching me. "Jude" he started.

He always started with that, and I always interrupted him. I wasn't going to this time.

"I can't know _why_ weare so magnetic. But I can't fight this _force _anymore. I don't want to." He told me. Wow, that was really bad. But it was worse that I felt my knees go weak and a smile playing on my lips.

"Then _we_ won't." I told him.

Ileaned my forehead against his as I felt his hand trace circles along my back soothingly. He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine for a fluttering moment. I smiled against his lips as he pulled me closer.

We didn't loose ourselves this time.

No one interrupted us this time.

We didn't jump apart in surprise this time.

But I couldn't help but think back to all the times that Sadie has walked in. **I let the recycled air caress me, pulling my inch-by-inch closer to him. He helped me closed the distance and our lips met softly. I pressed the rest of my body against him as he welcomed it, grasping me tighter and closer. The light suddenly flicked off and I jumped back in horrified surprise. I looked to the doorway to see a very irate looking Sadie, standing with a hand sarcastically on hip and tapping her foot.**

I slowly pulled away as he grasped my hand and we made our way outside into the cold air. The group was no where to be found so we pushed our way to the limo as I sat in his lap to watch the new snow patter against the tinted windows and his fingers traced the outline of the tattoo on my exposed ankle. It made me think back to Spied.

**"Still think Sadie would hula with me?" He asked with a watery laugh. I laughed with him, letting few tears fall as I slapped him lightly on the arm. "Did I ever tell you I got a tattoo?" I started. He stopped laughing and looked at me in sheer surprise. **

After that we had resolved to get matching tattoos of _'Dude' _and _'Sweet' _from _Dude Where's my Car._ I made a mental note of never bringing that up to him or else I would probably get _dude _plastered on my ass for eternity.

I turned around and took Tommy's lips again while his arms encircled my waist and his hands traveled up my back and his fingers danced along my zipper. It all reminded me of that _Yellow Card _song… damn it! What was that called… oh duh _Ocean Avenue_. And the lyrics are something like _we were both 16 and it felt so right_, except Tommy and I aren't both sixteen. Actually, neither of us is. But the other part is pretty much dead on.

Cue that sexy voice from the MasterCard commercials here:

_A Week full of Drama: _**A few years off my life**

_Custom Designed Dress for SNL: _**More than Portia was willing to tell me**

_Making out with Tommy:…_ I'm pretty sure you guys can guess.

Can I just one thing? The only thing that sucks harder than Wilmer Valderrama and math on a Friday, combined, is people ruining my endings. Seriously. My little MasterCard thing would have been perfect and adorable and Fairytale wonderful ending to such a hellish and eventful week. But please guess who ruined it for me…

The door pulled open quietly as a voice filled the air. "Jude, why are you on top of Tommy?" E.J. asked, her eyes wide with shock.

Oh shit!

"Tommy why are you unzipping Jude's dress?" Portia asked in disgust a slight astonishment.

Oh shit! _Take 2_

"Jude, why are you giving me the finger?" Jamie asked me amusedly. "Tommy, why are you still groping Jude?" Spied asked him pompously.

Oh shit! _Take 3_

"You've been caught." Liam said with a voice that made me think the stick he shoved up his ass so long ago was strangling him now. With a vengeance.

Oh shit! _Take 4_

"Where's my knife?" Pasty roared and almost lunged at Jamie with fury.

Oh shit! _Take 5_

I don't think Jamie was the one who took it. I would have told her but she was ripping Jamie's hair out so hard the follicles were coming out too.

Oh _Gimme Fiction_, and tell me this isn't happening.

Jamie's gonna have a bald spot because of me! "Dad is gonna be _so _mad at you." Sadie taunted lightly. What? Is _everyone _putting two cents in? I'm not a church; I was not passing the collection basket around!

"JUDE! Get off of Tommy." Darius demanded.

Oh hell…

_Fade to Black_

But one more thing: Is it weird that I really want some Goldfish right now? I mean I realize the seriousness of the situation but I really want some.

* * *

The End! How sad is that? I really want to thank everyone that's been reading and reviewing especially:

**Catch1star **

**tommys21 **

**Duddley111 **

**Chrisy16 **

**Funkyicecube **

**singingspz **

**thatgirlyoucanttrust **

**angel422 **

**VilandraofAntar **

**Tommy4eva **

**Alexzgirl1 **

**lolo87 **

**mirage09 **

**aubibi **

**Latisha C **

**NotAContrivance **

**CJMJM **

**smileon **

**Beauty in the Breakdown **

**iamthatplace **

**pixiestix16 **

**star08 **

**mZtOmMyQ5319 **

I live and breathe for you guys and I hope you'll follow me along the sequel! Speaking of which, I plan to have that up within theweek-end or the week.I'm gonna stay alongthe _WorldLeader Pretend_route, and title it after one of their songs again. I'm debating between _Tit for Tat, Dreamdaddy _or _Punches _(which was also the title of their newest album that I am in love with). I've written a little bit and I'll give you guys a few lines from the first chapter:

_"No, come on Tom! Be stupid with me!" I can't handle being the braindead one of the group. That's not fair!_

"Spied I wouldn't count on Jamie puckering up any time soon. Unless you wear the cherry lip gloss that I happen to know he loves" Can anyone say **Very Cherry**?

It's all happening at Christmastime so that's an intregal role to that plot but other than that I have no idea lol. I want to say thank you again because I just love you all so much and I'm so glad you liked it!

Rachel :o)


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